Fic: Saying the Words
Title: Saying the Words
Pairing: Wendell/Hodgins.
Rating: PG.
Summary: They hash things out.
Warnings: Not much. Sequel to "Nerves" and "Breaking Heart".
Spoilers: Um. Season 4. If you don't know who Wendell is, you've probably missed a couple of vital points.
Wendell was tempted to ignore Jack's message, to give him a taste of the anxiety that Wendell had felt over the past week. And, if he wanted to be brutally honest, he didn't want to reply to the message in case Jack wanted to break up. Something had been bothering Jack for a couple of weeks, and knowing that Jack had never been with another man before added new and exciting reasons Jack could be upset and brooding.
And Wendell had had conversations that started with that resigned "We have to talk" too many times to want to go through the tension again, especially as they would either have to find a way to continue to work together or Wendell would have to leave the Jeffersonian.
Still...it was unfair to avoid Jack just because Wendell was upset or frightened. And even if he didn't want to see this end, Wendell wanted to see Jack again, even if it would be for the last time.
Wendell left a message when he knew Jack would be too intent on his work to answer his phone, asking for Jack to meet him for dinner. At the very least, they could do this in a public place so that neither of them would make a scene. If their relationship was going to die, it could at least die with a little dignity.
Wendell arrived half an hour early to find Jack already waiting. Jack gave him an embarrassed smile that Wendell couldn't quite return, which sobered Jack as they settled at the bar to wait for their table.
"So, how's it going at work?" Wendell asked. He might have been willing to have the conversation, but he was going to put it off as long as he could.
"Quiet," Jack replied. After a beat, he added, "Metaphorically. Daisy's in the rotation."
Wendell chuckled, but it was strained, and both men fell silent. He held his breath, knowing that there was only one way out of the awkward silence.
"I'm sorry about ignoring your calls," Jack finally said. "I've been going through a lot recently. Thinking."
"You could have told me," Wendell replied, a little sharply. Jack winced, and Wendell felt gratified he'd hit a nerve.
"I didn't know what to say," Jack said softly. He sounded lost, but Wendell was feeling less forgiving at the moment.
"Do you have any idea now, or can I go home and save us both an unproductive evening?"
"Jesus, Wendell. Give a guy a minute to think," Jack replied. "This is hard." Jack took a deep breath. "I know you know this is my first relationship with a man-"
"Of course I know that," Wendell snapped. "Hell, I've been half-expecting this conversation since we slept together."
"This conversation?" Jack asked. "Would you mind telling me how it's going to go? Because I don't have a clue."
Wendell, who had been building up for a good (but discreet) rant, deflated at Jack's obvious confusion. And at the same time, his chest, which had been tightening in anticipation of an unpleasant evening, loosened in cautious optimism.
"Never mind. You go on," Wendell admitted.
Jack nodded once and took another deep breath. "What I was trying to say is that I'm not just new to this whole...guy thing. You're my second serious relationship ever. I've dated before, I mean, but...well, Angela's my only ex worth mentioning. And if I want to be honest, I didn't spend much time caring about anyone before Zack."
And Wendell, who had expected for this dinner to be an expensive good-bye, began to perceive an entirely different picture. He realized with a start that Jack was still speaking, however.
"And then I was alone, not alone, precisely, because I've got the team, but then there was you, and that is not a complaint, by the way. You are...a complete surprise." Jack shook his head, frowning. "This is coming out all wrong."
"Jack, are you trying to break up with me?"
"I don't-" Jack stopped mid-sentence, staring at Wendell, and after a long moment, smiled, the first real smile he'd given Wendell all evening. It was the happiest smile he'd seen from Jack in three weeks, as well. "No," Jack said. "I'm not trying to - I don't want to break up. But I've been an ass. I've been trying to avoid thinking about you as my boyfriend, because I don't want to risk getting my hea - getting hurt again. And you deserve better than that."
Wendell frowned thoughtfully. "Are you sure you aren't trying to break up with me?"
"Yes. I mean, I'm not," Jack snapped. "I want you to know where I'm coming from so that if you want to, you could..." Jack trailed off, dropping his gaze to the bar.
It took Wendell a few moments to realize that Jack was trying to give him an out, and he wanted to laugh. Jack was the sort of person who hid from his feelings, who tried to avoid thinking about them as often as possible. Wendell'd known, after the first month, what he felt about Jack. He didn't voice it, because this conversation was not the time for anything that hinted of emotional manipulation.
But he did reply to Jack's raised eyebrow. "It's going to take more than a few trust issues to make me dump you, Jack Hodgins."
There was a glimmer, the hint of tears and relief in Jack's eyes, but the hostess arrived to tell them their table was ready before Jack could reply. Jack was thoughtful, however, when they sat. He remained mostly silent until after they ordered, and then Jack spoke up.
"It's why Angela left. Why we...broke it off," Jack said. "I don't trust people, and the last people I did trust..."
"I'm not going to kill anybody," Wendell said, in case the point was in contention. "And I don't want to leave. You're - God, Jack, I l - like you. I don't want to hurt you." Jack didn't look convinced. "I went to that meeting half-convinced Zach was going to kill me, you know."
"Wendell-" Jack muttered, obviously annoyed by the reference.
"Look, I know he's not going to," Wendell insisted. "But hell, Jack, all I knew about the guy was that he'd killed somebody and the two of you lived together. So I didn't know whether to expect a jealous homicidal ex-boyfriend or what."
"Then why'd you come?" Jack demanded.
"Because I trusted you to keep anything from happening to me," Wendell said earnestly. "I'm not saying you have to expect me to protect you from my homicidal ex-boyfriends-"
"Do you have any?" Jack asked.
"What?" Wendell stopped mid-sentence, confused by the sudden question.
"Homicidal ex-boyfriends."
"I'd have thought to mention it by this point," Wendell replied. "Look, I don't expect you to have some epiphany overnight, but don't assume I'm going to run at the first sign of a problem. I..." He paused, struggling for words, before flashing Jack a stunning grin. "I got your back, okay?"
Jack was still gnawing uncertainly at his lower lip, but he nodded slowly at Wendell's words. "You're not going anywhere?"
Wendell almost replied that he couldn't see that happening for a long time, but recognized in time that Jack wasn't quite ready to believe that sort of declaration, so he just shook his head. "C'mon, we got at least until my internship's up." He couldn't help the wicked grin that flitted across his lips before he leaned closer to Jack. "How about we skip dinner and make use of some of that time?"
"The last time you suggested skipping dinner, you nearly passed out," Jack accused.
"Then we'll order pizza and have a quickie before it gets to your place," Wendell replied with a shrug. "I haven't seen you in a week, Jack," he added, putting enough emphasis to remind his boyfriend that it had been a week for Jack, too.
Jack's eyes flashed and he swallowed nervously before nodding. "Yeah." He slipped a bill from his pocket and dropped it on the table before grabbing Wendell's hand and tugging the other man to his feet. They nearly made it to the car before Wendell pinned Jack with a desperate kiss, and then it took all of Jack's willpower to keep from letting Wendell do whatever the hell he wanted in the parking lot. In the end, he convinced himself that the wait during the drive would make the eventual payoff better.
It was still a close call, though.
And later that night, when Wendell had finally succumbed to accumulated stress and exhaustion, Jack watched him, only half-wondering if this was too good to last. He hadn't thought Angela and he would ever end, and the whole Zach thing had come out of left field. But Wendell had as good as promised to stick around for a while, and Jack wasn't certain he'd give up an opportunity to share as much as he could with Wendell even if he knew that the other man would leave him. He'd come to feel the same way about his time with Angela; he wouldn't want an opportunity to give up those memories just to spare himself the pain. And that was really the crux of it, wasn't it?
"Love you," Jack whispered. He didn't think he could admit it to Wendell, yet, but saying the words felt like enough right now.
A/N: This has been sitting around 2/3 finished for several months now. Um. I hope y'all like it; some nights it bothered me that there was a depressing duology out there with my name on it. Thanks in advance for any feedback, and happy reading!
Pairing: Wendell/Hodgins.
Rating: PG.
Summary: They hash things out.
Warnings: Not much. Sequel to "Nerves" and "Breaking Heart".
Spoilers: Um. Season 4. If you don't know who Wendell is, you've probably missed a couple of vital points.
Wendell was tempted to ignore Jack's message, to give him a taste of the anxiety that Wendell had felt over the past week. And, if he wanted to be brutally honest, he didn't want to reply to the message in case Jack wanted to break up. Something had been bothering Jack for a couple of weeks, and knowing that Jack had never been with another man before added new and exciting reasons Jack could be upset and brooding.
And Wendell had had conversations that started with that resigned "We have to talk" too many times to want to go through the tension again, especially as they would either have to find a way to continue to work together or Wendell would have to leave the Jeffersonian.
Still...it was unfair to avoid Jack just because Wendell was upset or frightened. And even if he didn't want to see this end, Wendell wanted to see Jack again, even if it would be for the last time.
Wendell left a message when he knew Jack would be too intent on his work to answer his phone, asking for Jack to meet him for dinner. At the very least, they could do this in a public place so that neither of them would make a scene. If their relationship was going to die, it could at least die with a little dignity.
Wendell arrived half an hour early to find Jack already waiting. Jack gave him an embarrassed smile that Wendell couldn't quite return, which sobered Jack as they settled at the bar to wait for their table.
"So, how's it going at work?" Wendell asked. He might have been willing to have the conversation, but he was going to put it off as long as he could.
"Quiet," Jack replied. After a beat, he added, "Metaphorically. Daisy's in the rotation."
Wendell chuckled, but it was strained, and both men fell silent. He held his breath, knowing that there was only one way out of the awkward silence.
"I'm sorry about ignoring your calls," Jack finally said. "I've been going through a lot recently. Thinking."
"You could have told me," Wendell replied, a little sharply. Jack winced, and Wendell felt gratified he'd hit a nerve.
"I didn't know what to say," Jack said softly. He sounded lost, but Wendell was feeling less forgiving at the moment.
"Do you have any idea now, or can I go home and save us both an unproductive evening?"
"Jesus, Wendell. Give a guy a minute to think," Jack replied. "This is hard." Jack took a deep breath. "I know you know this is my first relationship with a man-"
"Of course I know that," Wendell snapped. "Hell, I've been half-expecting this conversation since we slept together."
"This conversation?" Jack asked. "Would you mind telling me how it's going to go? Because I don't have a clue."
Wendell, who had been building up for a good (but discreet) rant, deflated at Jack's obvious confusion. And at the same time, his chest, which had been tightening in anticipation of an unpleasant evening, loosened in cautious optimism.
"Never mind. You go on," Wendell admitted.
Jack nodded once and took another deep breath. "What I was trying to say is that I'm not just new to this whole...guy thing. You're my second serious relationship ever. I've dated before, I mean, but...well, Angela's my only ex worth mentioning. And if I want to be honest, I didn't spend much time caring about anyone before Zack."
And Wendell, who had expected for this dinner to be an expensive good-bye, began to perceive an entirely different picture. He realized with a start that Jack was still speaking, however.
"And then I was alone, not alone, precisely, because I've got the team, but then there was you, and that is not a complaint, by the way. You are...a complete surprise." Jack shook his head, frowning. "This is coming out all wrong."
"Jack, are you trying to break up with me?"
"I don't-" Jack stopped mid-sentence, staring at Wendell, and after a long moment, smiled, the first real smile he'd given Wendell all evening. It was the happiest smile he'd seen from Jack in three weeks, as well. "No," Jack said. "I'm not trying to - I don't want to break up. But I've been an ass. I've been trying to avoid thinking about you as my boyfriend, because I don't want to risk getting my hea - getting hurt again. And you deserve better than that."
Wendell frowned thoughtfully. "Are you sure you aren't trying to break up with me?"
"Yes. I mean, I'm not," Jack snapped. "I want you to know where I'm coming from so that if you want to, you could..." Jack trailed off, dropping his gaze to the bar.
It took Wendell a few moments to realize that Jack was trying to give him an out, and he wanted to laugh. Jack was the sort of person who hid from his feelings, who tried to avoid thinking about them as often as possible. Wendell'd known, after the first month, what he felt about Jack. He didn't voice it, because this conversation was not the time for anything that hinted of emotional manipulation.
But he did reply to Jack's raised eyebrow. "It's going to take more than a few trust issues to make me dump you, Jack Hodgins."
There was a glimmer, the hint of tears and relief in Jack's eyes, but the hostess arrived to tell them their table was ready before Jack could reply. Jack was thoughtful, however, when they sat. He remained mostly silent until after they ordered, and then Jack spoke up.
"It's why Angela left. Why we...broke it off," Jack said. "I don't trust people, and the last people I did trust..."
"I'm not going to kill anybody," Wendell said, in case the point was in contention. "And I don't want to leave. You're - God, Jack, I l - like you. I don't want to hurt you." Jack didn't look convinced. "I went to that meeting half-convinced Zach was going to kill me, you know."
"Wendell-" Jack muttered, obviously annoyed by the reference.
"Look, I know he's not going to," Wendell insisted. "But hell, Jack, all I knew about the guy was that he'd killed somebody and the two of you lived together. So I didn't know whether to expect a jealous homicidal ex-boyfriend or what."
"Then why'd you come?" Jack demanded.
"Because I trusted you to keep anything from happening to me," Wendell said earnestly. "I'm not saying you have to expect me to protect you from my homicidal ex-boyfriends-"
"Do you have any?" Jack asked.
"What?" Wendell stopped mid-sentence, confused by the sudden question.
"Homicidal ex-boyfriends."
"I'd have thought to mention it by this point," Wendell replied. "Look, I don't expect you to have some epiphany overnight, but don't assume I'm going to run at the first sign of a problem. I..." He paused, struggling for words, before flashing Jack a stunning grin. "I got your back, okay?"
Jack was still gnawing uncertainly at his lower lip, but he nodded slowly at Wendell's words. "You're not going anywhere?"
Wendell almost replied that he couldn't see that happening for a long time, but recognized in time that Jack wasn't quite ready to believe that sort of declaration, so he just shook his head. "C'mon, we got at least until my internship's up." He couldn't help the wicked grin that flitted across his lips before he leaned closer to Jack. "How about we skip dinner and make use of some of that time?"
"The last time you suggested skipping dinner, you nearly passed out," Jack accused.
"Then we'll order pizza and have a quickie before it gets to your place," Wendell replied with a shrug. "I haven't seen you in a week, Jack," he added, putting enough emphasis to remind his boyfriend that it had been a week for Jack, too.
Jack's eyes flashed and he swallowed nervously before nodding. "Yeah." He slipped a bill from his pocket and dropped it on the table before grabbing Wendell's hand and tugging the other man to his feet. They nearly made it to the car before Wendell pinned Jack with a desperate kiss, and then it took all of Jack's willpower to keep from letting Wendell do whatever the hell he wanted in the parking lot. In the end, he convinced himself that the wait during the drive would make the eventual payoff better.
It was still a close call, though.
And later that night, when Wendell had finally succumbed to accumulated stress and exhaustion, Jack watched him, only half-wondering if this was too good to last. He hadn't thought Angela and he would ever end, and the whole Zach thing had come out of left field. But Wendell had as good as promised to stick around for a while, and Jack wasn't certain he'd give up an opportunity to share as much as he could with Wendell even if he knew that the other man would leave him. He'd come to feel the same way about his time with Angela; he wouldn't want an opportunity to give up those memories just to spare himself the pain. And that was really the crux of it, wasn't it?
"Love you," Jack whispered. He didn't think he could admit it to Wendell, yet, but saying the words felt like enough right now.
A/N: This has been sitting around 2/3 finished for several months now. Um. I hope y'all like it; some nights it bothered me that there was a depressing duology out there with my name on it. Thanks in advance for any feedback, and happy reading!