So - how am I doing now?
Thought I should post an update as it's been a while. After I last posted, LadyP and I went home to Aus for my brother's wedding. Which was such a wonderful occasion and much needed holiday and I am very glad we went. However, I ended up with really bad anxiety and panic attacks and there was nothing punching through that sucker. It only heightened what I was already feeling and once I returned to the US, things didn't feel any better. So I am now on Zoloft and am getting some counselling to help with LadyP, but also, to help me figure out my brain and how it works. And it is looking more and more, that I have an undiagosed form of ADD. This explains a hell of a lot and hopefully once I understand myself, I'll be able to put some things in place to deal with what is happening around me more.
I am still having a shit of a time relating to people. I have mostly cut myself off socially to protect both them and myself, but that's not a constructive way of going about things as it only feeds the negativity and it all snowballs from there. I am starting to make some friends away from the parts of my life that have been toxic, I just need to make myself go and be social and for some reason, that's what I'm afraid of most. Those of you who know me real well, will find this pretty unusual as I'm a fairly sociable girl and usually pretty friendly and accomodating. I guess I'm just sick of being hurt and it's hard to trust so easily.
That aside, the Zoloft is really helping. I am sleeping better, the anxiety is pretty much gone and I am not feeling as blue as I was. Holy shit. I have never felt that bad ever. It bothers and surprises me that I have the capacity to go that place. The downside to the Zoloft is no alcohol, which in itself is not a bad thing, but I do enjoy a drop occasionally and most social situations involve it and I am not ready to explain to people why I am not drinking.
I still have my list though and while it is taking me longer than I expected to implement it, I know that these are the things that help, so I'll get to them when I am ready.
I still have a long way to go, but I am already heading in a better direction and time will heal, I just need to be patient and compassionate with myself. Thanks everybody, it's nice to know people are thinking. Just wish you were all so much closer.
I am still having a shit of a time relating to people. I have mostly cut myself off socially to protect both them and myself, but that's not a constructive way of going about things as it only feeds the negativity and it all snowballs from there. I am starting to make some friends away from the parts of my life that have been toxic, I just need to make myself go and be social and for some reason, that's what I'm afraid of most. Those of you who know me real well, will find this pretty unusual as I'm a fairly sociable girl and usually pretty friendly and accomodating. I guess I'm just sick of being hurt and it's hard to trust so easily.
That aside, the Zoloft is really helping. I am sleeping better, the anxiety is pretty much gone and I am not feeling as blue as I was. Holy shit. I have never felt that bad ever. It bothers and surprises me that I have the capacity to go that place. The downside to the Zoloft is no alcohol, which in itself is not a bad thing, but I do enjoy a drop occasionally and most social situations involve it and I am not ready to explain to people why I am not drinking.
I still have my list though and while it is taking me longer than I expected to implement it, I know that these are the things that help, so I'll get to them when I am ready.
I still have a long way to go, but I am already heading in a better direction and time will heal, I just need to be patient and compassionate with myself. Thanks everybody, it's nice to know people are thinking. Just wish you were all so much closer.