fic: in the closet
I get really bored sometimes. Incredibly crappy, unedited fic is the result.
In the Closet
Colin Morgan was not entirely sure as to how he had come to be in this predicament. He thought Katie might have been behind it, but he couldn't know for certain. The only thing Colin was sure of was that some day, he would be relating this scene to his therapist, and finding it the root of all his dysfunction.
"Colin?"
"Yes, Bradley?"
"I think my belt just got stuck in your collar."
Yes, this would most certainly be told to Colin's therapist.
If he had to choose, Colin would have guessed that it had all started when Bradley had finished memorizing his lines. Bradley had subsequently strode into Colin's room, and bellyflopped on to the bed, his face landing directly in Colin's lap. Bradley picked himself up into a sitting position.
"Done memorizing your lines yet, Colin?"
"No, Bradley."
"I'm done with mine."
"Are you now?"
"Mm-hm. Because I'm smart. And awesome."
"Of course, Bradley."
"Are you done yet, Colin?"
"No, Bradley. Could you leave me to finish this? Thanks." Colin's brow creased appealingly, like it always did when Bradley was bothering him.
"But Colin, I'm boooooored." Bradley stretched and yawned exaggeratedly.
"Bradley, I really need to finish this. The director was really pissed the last time I forgot my lines because you had me drinking all night."
"Fine." Bradley pouted.
"Thanks."
Bradley sighed. He sat still for a minute, but that was the end of his self-control. He heaved a great sigh, and flopped onto Colin, resting his chin on Colin's shoulder. Colin stoically ignored this. Bradley started to hum something that sounded suspiciously like the Doctor Who theme song.
"Bradley?"
Bradley stopped humming. "Yes, Colin?"
"Could you stop that?"
"Stop what, Colin?"
"Humming. And could you please get off of me?"
"Oh. Sure. Didn't know it was bothering you." Bradley responded, slumping back on to the mattress. Bradley sat still for another minute before he poked Colin in the side. When Colin did not react, Bradley poked him again. Harder. Colin had a harder time keeping a straight face this time. However, when Bradley started tickling him, Colin's self control reached its limit. He stood up and stormed off into his closet, shutting the door with a bang heard by the entire cast.
"Oops."
Katie, Angel, and Anthony rushed into Colin's room.
"What happened?" Katie asked.
"Well, uh, Colin kind of just locked himself in his closet."
Colin's voice sounded shrilly, muffled by the door and perhaps a few tears, "Bradley was bothering me. I had to learn my lines but he wouldn't stop just...doing stuff!"
"So you locked yourself in your closet?" Anthony asked, incredulous.
"Yeah. It's private."
"So let me get this straight. You, Colin Morgan, are in the closet and won't come out." Katie chuckled.
"That's right."
"That's brilliant, that is." Katie dissolved in a fit of laughter, Anthony with her.
Angel stepped in. "Colin, you can come out now. Bradley will apologize, just come out. There's no need to stay in there." She said soothingly, grabbing Bradley by the arm and pulling him to stand in front of the closet. "Here, Bradley's going to apologize now."
"But I didn't do anything wrong!" Bradley whined, but was quickly cut off by a murderous glance from Katie. "Fine. I'm sorry Colin. I was a dick."
"Thank you. I know you didn't mean it, you're just an asshole sometimes." Colin sniffled. There was some banging from inside the closet. "Uh, guys? I think this one locks from the outside. Help?"
"Idiot." Anthony stalked off to find a key.
"So Bradley, what were you doing that was so annoying? And why?” Katie asked, after her laughter subsided.
Bradley stuck his hands in his pockets. “I dunno. Just uh, humming. And poking. And tickling him. Just a bit.”
Katie then may or may not have muttered something Bradley heard as “I guess it’s not just Arthur and Merlin who are shagging”, but he would never know for sure.
Anthony returned with a key soon after, and opened the door. However, as soon as Colin stumbled out, Katie gave Bradley a very hard push, knocking him and Colin back into the closet. Anthony shut and locked the door and gave Katie a high five. Angel shook her head.
“Don’t worry, you two. I’m sure they’ll let you out in, um, well, no more than a few hours.” She said hesitantly, then quickly left the room.
“Should we scream for help?” Colin asked.
“No. The maids would find us, then they’d start wondering about what two guys would be doing in a closet.”
“Oh. Right.” Colin resigned to a long night stuck in a very uncomfortable position. The closet had barely been big enough for him to sit in alone. With Bradley in it, and his extremely broad shoulders taking up quite a lot of space, Colin had been forced into sort of crouching on the floor, his head level with Bradley’s stomach.
"Colin?"
"Yes, Bradley?"
"I think my belt just got stuck in your collar."
“Oh.” Colin tried fruitlessly to extricate himself from the death grip of Bradley’s belt. “It won’t come out.”
“What if you undid the buckle with your tongue? That could work.” Bradley proposed.
“Do I have to?” Colin groaned, but managed to flip open the catch anyway. Bradley extricated his belt from his pants, to the rather disappointing surprise that Colin’s shirt collar had wedged itself into Bradley’s pants, just above the zipper. Stupid, horny shirt collar.
“Colin. I think you’ll have to unzip my pants if we actually want to have a chance of getting out of here. There might be a spare key, but I can’t really look around without hurting you.”
“Thanks for being so considerate, Bradley.”
Colin sighed, and grasped Bradley’s zipper between his teeth, pulling down. His shirt collar came free, as did an appendage of Bradley’s.
“Ah! Bradley! Why aren’t you wearing underwear?” Colin shrieked.
“I guess I must have forgotten.” Bradley shrugged.
“How do you forget to put on underwear?” Colin exclaimed. He tried valiantly to stand up, but was unable to. Colin unwillingly came to the realization that he would definitely be stuck sitting directly in front of Bradley James’ cock until Katie felt merciful enough to rescue them.
“Colin, I bet you’re jealous of my awesome manly organ.” Bradley grinned in the dark. Colin exhaled deeply, declining to reply. Bradley really wished Colin wouldn’t do that, considering how good it felt. Colin, much to Bradley’s disappointment, continued to breathe deeply.
“Uh, Bradley?”
“Yes, Colin?”
“I seem to be having progressively less room for my head. That is, your crotch seems to be moving even closer to my face every minute.”
“Um. Yeah. About that. Could you, um, possibly stop breathing so heavily?”
“Why? Oh, wait. Oh. OH.” Colin was fairly mortified.
Bradley blushed. “You know, whenever I imagined you first seeing me naked, these were not the circumstances I anticipated.”
“You imagined WHAT?”
“Uh, shagging you. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I kind of have an ungodly crush on you. I thought you might take the hint, what with how I kind of, I dunno, hit on you. A lot.”
Pieces of information slotted into place in Colin’s mind. “So you’re saying that most of your annoyingness is just because you like me?”
“Yeah. God, you’re so dense, Colin!”
“Oh.” Colin thought about this, for a second. “Well, you are kind of sexy. Like, really, really, just a little sexy.”
“You know, while you’re down there….”
Katie, Angel, and Anthony would probably never forget the moment when they returned to Colin’s hotel room to hear Bradley groaning “Colin, mind the teeth!” And if it was up to Katie, Colin and Bradley would never forget the moment where Anthony unlocked and yanked the closet open, and they fell out in a rather ungainly and horny manner. In fact, Katie had pictures. That she showed to the whole crew at breakfast the next day.