New Years Eve, 2006 (2007)
Please press play before beginning this "experience".
So I have to warn you.
This is going to be very...
Umm...
How do I say it?
"Anthony-centric"
Typically, I try to mix it up.
Give you a little of my life...
Give you a little news that applies to everyone...
Not all about me.
After all, who gives a crap about my life?
You're not reading this to hear what I had for dinner.
(I had shrimp by the way... it was awesome)
It's New Years Eve.
A Holiday known nationally for being a legendary disappointment.
This night in North Iowa is no exception.
I've drank a bottle of wine and played video games thus far.
Oh, and it gets better.
I've got big plans to continue watching Season 1 of How I Met Your Mother
So, in honor of my favorite show---
Let's play a little game.
I like to call it, "How I Wound Up Alone on New Years" .
In fact, you know what---
Consider this the plot for a pilot episode of the show.
"patent pending"
But...
Before we play, there are some ground rules.
FIRST:
I know this is pathetic.
I'm a little embarrassed being home the biggest "party night" of the year and all.
Because of it, I've turned in my fraternity membership card.
But it's not like I don't have friends.
They've even invited me to spend tonight with them.
I chose not to.
I'm not going to do them, or myself any good--- if I'm thrust into a social situation right now.
SECOND:
Careful with the comments on this.
While I usually encourage comments just so I know people are out there...
This time it's different.
And I'll admit, I'm opening up a vein here.
Making myself a little vulnerable to a lot of things.
I don't care if you're sympathetic.
I'm not fishing for those sentiments.
I don't care if I'm wrong to think whatever I think in this entry.
This isn't a cry for pity or even a cry for friends.
This is what I've got going on--- if you care to listen, please read further.
In fact, if you make it to the end, congratulate yourself--- I'll be surprised.
Now.
Let's play the game.
So about four months ago I start seeing this girl.
Things have been rocky since the get-go.
Why sugar-coat it, right?
We fight more than our share.
The good-times are good.
The bad-times are bad.
Early in December we talked about New Years Eve.
Neither of us had plans.
We both wanted to do something.
One week ago...
Neither of us had concrete plans-
We had options.
We decided we'd do something together.
Two days ago.
She decided she'd go up to the Twin Cities without me.
I decided I'd sit home alone.
She said she wanted to see her family.
She left here on a Saturday.
Got drunk, slept at her "cousin's house".
Now, it's Sunday.
She's at a "friend's house".
She said she left because she misses her family.
The only day she'll spend with them is tomorrow.
And somehow I got left out of that loop.
In fairness, after leaving yesterday---
She invited me up today.
I declined.
It's not my place to start catering to her trip after she ditches me.
Besides, meeting her parents wasted after a New Years party didn't seem like a great idea.
Maybe I'm stubborn---
or Maybe I'm right in this case.
She's got a history of sleeping with her friends.
She says it's never happened since we've dated---
But an ex-boyfriend she was with for 5 1/2 years has visited her here in Iowa.
He's spent the night.
It drove me nuts.
But she claims she was in a bedroom--- he was in the living room.
I have no evidence to believe otherwise.
I told her I was uncomfortable with the whole deal.
He came and stayed with her again.
So she came to my place, we talked.
I told her if it happened again, I'd break up with her.
She agreed--- then left my house to go back to her place where he was sleeping that night.
I don't trust her.
It's a character defect of mine.
I don't trust people.
But--- hypothetically---should I have to?
Is there an assumed line of ridiculousness I shouldn't have to worry about?
Where is it drawn--- and where does it become my fault?
Are you starting to sense maybe "How I Wound Up Alone on New Years" is becoming "How I broke Up with My Girlfriend"?
Well that's where you're wrong.
I can't pull the trigger.
I know it.
She knows yet.
Now, you know it.
But for some reason, I can't do it.
Maybe I need to.
Or maybe, if I whine enough--- she'll just do it.
I don't think I have self-esteem issues.
I don't think I'm "un-datable" or anything.
But I'm kind of a little bitch right now.
Come on, can you blame me?
I've never been put in a situation like this.
Typically--- break-ups suck.
But I can pull the trigger if I need to.
For some reason...
I can't do it now.
Is it desperation?
Does this relationship mean more to me than the others I've been in.
Truth is- I don't know. It could be both.
http://www.lovehappens.com/mutualMatch/index.html?al=WB7DRpMqJ_o2myxU&sid=1983&supp=M-WEEKLY_MATCHES-NEWM_A_90&id=133355240#133355240
This is Bernice.
She's 65.
From Northfield, MN.
Divorced--- and not looking for kids.
I'm 24.
From Mason City, IA.
Yet, somehow--- one dating site offered her up as one my best matches.
I've got the email to prove it--- if you want it, I'll forward it to you as evidence.
Yes.
I agree, dating sites are pathetic.
I'd never pay for one--- but considered it when I first moved here.
Upon further review, Bernice may have more luck than I would.
She's looking to date someone between 62 and 67 years old.
She doesn't care if they have kids or not.
Bernice is another one I can't win over.
But would she spend New Years Eve with me?
So what does Bernice have to do with me and my current state of loneliness?
I'm not sure.
Lonely I suppose is a relative term.
I think the fact is---
Maybe I need to learn if I find someone who I can love.
And they'll love me, it's time to hold on.
If it's not love--- then suffer the damn consequences.
And more importantly, move on.
After all---
I can't imagine someone like Bernice is going to wait forever to get with someone like me.
But my current girlfriend and I have had a war of text messages tonight.
We had a war of words on the phone.
Turns out.
As the clock strikes midnight and the next year begins...
I'm alone and not sure what we've got.
Well, actually alone is wrong--- Carson Daly is here.
But I'm still feeling sorry for myself.
A little drunk.
And sure 2007 won't offer up many more answers than 2006.
But just like the good reporter I claim to be...
I'll continue digging for them... hurting nobody but myself along the way.
And tonight, I'm still hopeful she's going to show up on my door-step.
When she doesn't show...
Who's going to be hurt most in the morning?
Now, if you followed the directions up top---
You're nearing the end of Anna Begins.
I said it's the greatest break-up song in the history of songs when I was in college.
In fact, I think it even made an entry in the old man-diary.
It may not be the best break-up song ever...
But somehow, it still brings me to tears when I hear it.
(as I said, I'm a mess right now)
Anna Begins- Counting Crows
And every word is nonsense but I understand and
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing
Her kindness bangs a gong
It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away
It's chasing me away
She disappears...
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing