fic: Everybody's Living Like They're Crazy in Love (PATD/The Cab, Brendon/Cash)
Everybody's Living Like They're Crazy in Love
by welltimedsmiles
Summary: Later, Singer will point out that he's pretty sure that "buying you anything you want ever," probably totally counts as "I do" in some cultures. Or the incredibly faily story of two clueless dudes in love.
Paring: Brendon/Cash [4,100 words, PG]
Disclaimer: Lies, fiction, most false of facts. Further notes after the story
It starts with Cash doing shots in Brendon’s kitchen floor, so drunk his head lolls back and forth, completely out of his control. Brendon takes his face in his hands, fingers fumbling in his hair, around his ears, kissing him; and they fall backward onto air conditioned cool linoleum.
Cash moans when Brendon jerks his pants down and he’s jerking up into Brendon’s mouth as he gives him an embarrassingly quick, sloppy blow job, his mouth sucking in and out and half-swallowing when Cash comes without warning.
Brendon passes out with his head on Cash’s hip; Cash wakes up with hand in Brendon’s hair.
“Dude, you are so gay,” Brendon says pulling himself up so he’s looking down at him.
“Fuck off.”
*
It’s not that they mean for it to, but it keeps going.
It’s just Guitar Hero and Halo and smoking up and eating junk food while Cash’s family is gone to some thing or the other. It’s all cool and for once he’s not feeling like he’s some kid that has to go and hang out at Brendon’s.
But one bowl turns into Cash curling up onto Brendon and then Brendon’s hands in Cash’s pants and their lips. It all dissolves into smoking and groping, jerking off and kissing. Cash doesn't remember when he pulled Brendon's shirt off, but he was craving the fucking feeling of Brendon's skin against his and so he keeps pressing his stomach against Brendon's back and kissing him. When he presses his lips against the small of Brendon's back, he bucks up into his mouth and giggles and moans. So Cash starts there and licks a stripe up his back to his shoulder, the crook of his neck.
"I could do this forever, fucker." Cash moans into Brendon's ear and Brendon laughs again.
"That is an amazing plan of brilliance."
*
It becomes a thing that totally isn’t like a thing. It’s just when they’re drunk or high or bored and together.
A week before tour starts, they’re sitting in Cash’s jeep outside Burger King.
“We’re getting a new van.” Cash steals onion rings from Brendon’s BK Big Kid’s meal and he keeps talking with his mouth full, ketchup staining the corners of his lips. "Ian wants the Mystery Machine 2.0, but Alex is kind of torn up and sentimental. He's making all these rules about proper van care." He rolls his eyes and affects a high voice and Brendon giggles into his Mountain Dew, "There will be no smoking in the van. There will be no sex in the van. There will be no joy in the van."
"I have a bunk." Brendon waggles his eyebrows and Cash nods.
"And Ryan smokes. And I smoke and... I have a bunk. And Spencer has these amazing noise canceling headphone things."
Cash sits for a second staring at his SpongeBob toy before going, "Oh."
"Yeah." Brendon licks the ketchup off the corner of Cash's mouth.
"Ohhh."
*
The second week of tour finds Jon, Ryan, and Spencer all hanging out around The Cab's van. Alex eyes Ryan's cigarettes until Ryan assures him he's faithful to the Sacred Rules of the Van.
Marshall wakes up to Jon and Ian arguing over the last package of Twinkies.
"Is there a reason that you guys, you know, the headliner with their own personal bus that has a lounge and other such wonderful accommodations are... waking me up?" Ryan uses the moment to steal the Twinkies from Ian and Jon. Spencer, who is curled up in the front seat with a blanket over his head groans, "There are some things that no amount of drinking can erase, okay? Jesus fucking Christ, I have to eat off that table."
Ryan says between mouthfuls, "Spencer walked in on Brendon fucking Cash in the kitchen thing. He's kind of traumatized."
"Your band is going to have to pay his therapy bills," Jon nods earnestly.
*
Cash totally doesn't think about it when they come home from tour and he just piles his stuff into Brendon's car and walks into Brendon's place behind him. Brendon doesn't think anything about making sure there is whatever skank brand of beer Cash likes in the fridge and always pulls him into his bedroom with him at night.
They wake up in the late afternoon and order in pizza for breakfast. When Spencer comes over they're laying on the floor watching TV, Brendon with his head in Cash's lap and Cash messing with his hair.
The more observant person would have noticed the slight twitch in Spencer's face from trying to keep from stating the obvious.
*
It confuses Brendon a bit when Shane offers to move out. He tries to protest, but Shane just shrugs off his questions and tells him it's "no problem," and all that stuff. Brendon just shrugs and goes with it even though he keeps asking Ryan and Jon if they think he's like, a totally horrible roommate or something. Ryan just laughs and Jon talks about people and having different phases in their lives and Brendon nods from the other end of the phone; "Yeah, he and his girlfriend have gotten way more serious."
"Yeah, something like that, Bren," Jon answers back and then coughs.
Brendon and Cash turn the spare into a music room that mostly means "another place to get high and fuck around on the piano." Brendon tries to teach Cash to sing, but Cash says that just makes him want Brendon to suck him off, so Brendon tries to teach Cash to sing a lot and maybe wears lip gloss when he does because it makes his lips extra shiny.
Ian asks Cash one day what "you guys, like, need?" his face is sort of twisted up and he doesn’t look at Cash. His focus entirely on the strings on the guitar he’s looking over in his hands.
"Huh?" Cash bounces on his feet a bit.
"Like you know, stuff? Food processors, whatever. You and Brendon."
"Um. Dude, I think... wait let me call and ask Brendon?" Cash flips his phone open and is all, "Hey, Ian wants to know what we "need," like I don't know, Martha Stewart kind of shit. Ha ha no, he can't give us me fucking you, dickweed." Cash closes the phone and says, "Brendon says he wants one of those little sandwich-maker things so he can have warm pb&j."
Ian mutters something about registering at Target that is totally lost on Cash.
*
The next time The Cab tours, Brendon spends a couple of weeks with them. Singer ends up sending frantic texts to Ryan.
thy make noises :((((
DO THEY NOT NO THEYR GAY??!!!!
m. is going to kill them. lend us jon.
i h8 ur band and all u stand 4 >:O
Ryan saves the texts in a growing file on his computer titled "Clueless." Keltie thinks it's kind of mean except for when she visits and they go to Brendon's place where Cash and Brendon serve them hot pb&j's with their new little grill thing Ian gave them and she elbows Ryan and whispers, "Oh God, we should have brought them something!"
"I told you," he smirks. "But, personally, I'm holding out until they get a mortgage together."
*
It's not that the rest of Cash's band doesn't try. It's just they're in a van and maybe even Alex is ready to admit his "Sacred Van Rules That Shall Never Be Broken" are a little strict (though he feels that Johnson's description of him as an "Anti-Fun Fascist" is just unfair). They try, seriously, because they all want to bring friends or girlfriends on the road with them, part of being in a band and all that. It's not even the complete lack of tact or discretion (it's Cash, they know him and love him and haven't killed him yet, so that they can cope with). It's more like...
"Dude, when did fucking gay stoner Bennifer join our band of merriment?" Ian pushes his straw back and forth in his cup as he looks out the Taco Bell window into the parking lot where Cash is on top of Brendon on the pavement shoving a Gordita into his face.
"Bennifer? Dude, it's..." Johnson pulls a face and starts thinking as he chews.
"It's not that bad," Singer shrugs.
"You say that when you wake up to 'Fuck me, Brendon fuck me fuck me fuck me;' they are the worst fucking porn movie ever." Marshall hasn't been sleeping well and is a little on edge. They've stopped letting him near sharp things.
"I still feel Bennifer is unfair," Johnson finally says, "How about Brangelina? Wait, have you guys read about Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer? That's kind of cute."
They all jump as there's a bang against the window as Brendon and Cash are kissing, forgetting the food on the sidewalk next to them.
Singer pulls the plastic forks from out of Marshall's reach.
*
When Panic tours and The Cab are in the studio, Brendon takes Cash's ratty gray hoodie with him. It's not like it's the first time that they've been split up since... well, whatever, but Brendon whines that it's you know, he misses their bed and Cash and the sex. Really, guys, the sex.
Spencer and Ryan just nod.
"I get that. I keep a little stuffed rabbit thing that Cassie gave me. It smells like her." Jon gets a little dreamy look on his face.
"God, you're so whipped." Brendon cracks and leans back in his chair.
"... Guys, I'm going to go see how set-up is going; I've had my daily dose of irony," Spencer announces. Ryan just sits, staring across the table at Jon and Brendon.
"What?" Brendon asks.
"Oh, Brendon," Jon says and hides his face in his hands.
*
It's not that Brendon and Cash are completely dim about it; they know something is different. Cash knows that he'd rather (mostly, usually) hang out with Brendon most of the time than anyone else (this is how he explains moving in like, officially and stuff, with Brendon to his parents).
Cash goes with Brendon to the Decaydance New Year's party at Angels & Kings in Chicago. Some chick with long red hair and a big sparkling smile hits on Cash, offering to buy him drinks and wanting to dance with him, but Cash shrugs her off.
"Dude, she was totally into you." Brendon's kind of wasted, his body loose and heavy leaning against Cash's.
"My milkshake is made of awesome, what can I say?"
"Kiiiisssss heerrrr," Brendon says in a horrible Sebastian the Crab voice before dissolving into giggles, face buried in the curve of Cash's neck. They're giving each other beard burn, but they're used to it.
Cash just shrugs and wraps his arm around Brendon. "Whatever dude, you can buy me drinks anytime I want, right?"
Brendon looks at him for a moment, clarity coming through the alcohol and weed haze, and blinks and grins big before going back to pressing his face into Cash's neck.
"I'll buy you anything you want, forever and ever and always."
Spencer and Ian are sitting across from them at the table. Haley makes a choking noise and gets an elbow from Spencer. Ian says he needs a cigarette.
Later, Singer will point out that he's pretty sure that "buying you anything you want ever," probably totally counts as "I do" in some cultures.
*
Cash, Singer, and Ian are sitting around Brendon and Cash's apartment watching TV and waiting on Marshall and Johnson to do whatever the fuck it is they're doing between rehearsal and recording and hanging out. Ian's left it on some TLC wedding show whatever thing.
"Weddings are weird," Cash announces; he's got his feet propped up against the wall, head hanging off the couch.
"Which is why you totally skipped yours, huh?" Singer knees him gently in the head.
"Oh God," Ian hides his head in his hands.
"What?" Cash pushes himself up and looks at Singer, genuinely confused.
"You! Brendon! The past two fucking years! You guys share a house! You visit each other on tour! You... THE SEX!"
"He did dedicate 'Lying' to you at the last Decaydancefest," Ian says, still with his head in his hands.
"You've got a shirt with his name on it. A black shirt with his name on it in pink."
"The shirt was a joke! And... it's a song about sex and he thought it was funny to say it was..."
"Well, yes, you tend to have a lot of sex with someone you're married to," Singer is stuck between frustration, relief, and laughter.
"Dude, what we're saying is this. When you're on tour, who do you miss the most?"
"Brendon."
"When you jerk off, who do you think about?" Singer asks and Ian pulls a face.
"Brendon."
"When you buy stupid crap on the road, you buy it for your parents and who?"
"Brendon."
"Do you ever plan on moving out of this place, and if Brendon moves are you following him?"
"I'm married to a dude," Cash finally says and falls backward onto the floor at the same time that Marshall and Johnson walk in.
"I'm not throwing your stupid ass a wedding shower, gaymo," Marshall throws a bag of chips at Cash's head.
"Guys, he just realized that he's gay and married to a guy. Cut him some slack!" Singer protests.
"Correction, he's gay married to Brendon," Johnson plops down on the floor next to Cash and pets his head. "Welcome to the world the rest of us have been living in! It's called reality, little dude!"
"I am so disillusioned right now. Disillusioned and horny," Cash says blankly to no one in particular about fifteen minutes later.
When he calls Brendon that night, he tells him that they're getting new tats when Brendon comes back from New York.
"Cool, miss you." Brendon laughs and Cash can feel the smile through the phone.
"Yeah, you too."
Two days later Cash drags him early in the afternoon to the tattoo parlor and they end up with matching tats going down their right upper arms.
"What does that mean?" Brendon asks, looking sketchily at the design.
"Something awesome, okay!" Cash says exasperated. "It's um, it's supposed to be Chinese for 'alwaysinmyheart'" he mumbles out quickly.
"Oh... Oh. Oh, cool!" Brendon grins.
"Yeah."
Later, Singer asks Cash if he's ever going to tell Brendon that they're married and have wedding tattoos. Cash offers to tattoo Singer's face if he doesn't shut up.
*
Brendon shows everyone else his new tattoo and they all tell him it looks really nice and so on and then Jon eyes Cash.
"Aww, you finally figured it out."
"Shut up!" Cash snaps.
"You realize he doesn't have a clue, right?" Ryan joins them, leaning down on Jon's shoulder.
"Yeah, I've noticed." Cash rolls his eyes.
"Are you going to tell him?" Jon finally asks and Cash looks uncomfortable.
"...things are fine right now. I mean..."
"Oh, Cash." Ryan says and pats him on the shoulder.
"He'll figure it out or he'll start wondering why you want to adopt a kid with him when you're like forty. Whatever comes first." Jon nods and pats Cash reassuringly.
*
Spencer feels it's a little ridiculous that Brendon still appears to be clueless or in denial of the obvious when he takes Cash as his date to Spencer's wedding.
"Look, I didn't have time to find a girl, okay? Plus, it's not like I wanted to leave Cash home alone while I was in Chicago for this thing." Brendon waves his hands.
Jon just sort of blinks from the floor where he's playing with his shoelaces. "So, you guys got a hotel room?"
"Yeah." Brendon shrugs, raising an eyebrow.
"Together?" Ryan asks, coughing and reaching in his pocket for a cigarette.
"Yeah. Whatever, you guys are freaks." Brendon rolls his eyes and stomps out to take his place in the procession line.
"Guys, when is someone going to tell him he's been married to a dude for like three years?" Jon finally asks, biting his lip to stop from laughing.
"I'm waiting to see if they'll adopt a kid together, to be honest," Spencer adds.
"Hell, at this point I'm waiting to see which one of them will knock the other up." Ryan puts his cigarette out on his shoe and leads them out of the back room.
*
Spencer's the first one of them to have a kid and everyone freaks. There are presents and toys and Brendon and Cash are wandering around Target at 2 am baked and trying to figure out what would make a "totally amazing baby present." Mostly, they keep playing with the action figures until an employee looks at them funny for making the Care Bears have sex. They end up buying a Sunshine bear and Lucky bear for themselves since, as the elderly security guard accused, they had "tainted" them.
The end up buying a Classic Pooh Bear themed stroller that was on Spencer’s registry, three large boxes of diapers, some formula, and a little extra-soft stuffed Tigger.
They stuff everything into the back of Cash's Jeep and stop at an IHOP for breakfast.
"Did you ever think about, like, having kids?" Brendon asks him between bites of scrambled eggs and strawberry shortcake pancakes.
"Um, not like, a lot. I mean, you know... I don't know." Cash shrugs. "You?"
"When I was younger I assumed I'd have kids. But I also assumed I'd end up a lame-ass lawyer and married to some girl from my church and going on Mission to like, India or something."
Cash just nods, he's learned that navigating conversations with Brendon is an act best accomplished with lots of silence and nodding (sometimes).
"But now... I don't know." Brendon stares out at the back of the Jeep. "I don't think it would work too well for us, you know?"
Cash smiles and the next day he goes out and finds a stray kitten at the shelter. He lets Brendon name him (Mick) and they take pictures of the three of them together that Cash posts under a new album labeled "family" on his MySpace.
When Spencer talks about the new baby coming, Brendon compares whatever is going on with the kitten to that until Spencer snaps that getting a kitten with your... Cash isn't the same as having a baby and Brendon looks wounded until Jon sympathizes with the many worries of co-parenting a kitten.
*
Cash sees a little brick town house for sale one day when he's flipping through the paper.
"We should get a house!" He announces, shoving the paper under Brendon's face, grease from Brendon's mac & cheese smearing the print.
"As opposed to the tent we've been living in for like, five years?" Brendon looks down at the ad.
"Shut up. Look, three bedrooms, two baths. In-ground swimming pool. It's like, five minutes from Spencer and Haley's new place." He's pleading now. "Everyone else is doing it." He sticks his bottom lip out.
"Spencer has kids."
"We can get goldfish!"
"You let the cat eat the last goldfish we got."
"Fuck you, ‘let’! Cats are natural predators to marine life. That's why we need another dog."
"So now we need a dog and a house?"
"Obviously."
"Obviously."
Cash calls the Real Estate agent and they go and look at it. The end up signing the mortgage on it together about it a week later and throw a party where their new dog (a girl beagle puppy that Brendon picks out from the shelter and they name Marley) runs around in the yard fighting with Spencer's two year old and trying to pull Ryan into the pool.
*
When they're out places (the grocery store, clubs, getting 4 am waffles), Brendon holds Cash's hand. He keeps his fingers tucked in the belt loops of his jeans and tickles the small of his back with his fingers.
One day, Brendon comes home with a shoebox full of cassette tapes each neatly labeled with small block handwriting.
"Saw a hippie having a yard sale, look."
Stacked inside are a mass of Grateful Dead bootlegs from the early 80s.
"Sweet." Cash grins, digging through them.
"Not that I want to encourage this stoner rock fixation you've got going," Brendon starts and Cash laughs.
"You're one to talk, man. If I have to listen to Let It Bleed or Who's Next one more..."
"That is so amazingly different." Brendon stops him, getting a Red Bull from the fridge. Cash just laughs, still digging through the shoebox. Brendon grins big and kisses him as he walks past him to sort through the mail.
Ryan had been on the phone with him when he'd found it and had even sighed and reminded him that Brendon had said repeatedly how much the Dead bore him. Brendon had just shrugged with his phone crooked on his shoulder (he'd broken his earpiece thing, again) and reminded him that it was Cash's "thing" right now, like he and Alex are the first people to ever think of a stoned out jam session. Ryan had been silent, almost still across the line for a moment.
"You know what I'm having for dinner tonight?" he asks him finally.
"What?"
"Thai."
"You hate Thai." Brendon digs some crumpled dollars from his pocket and balances the box on his hip as he waits for the guy to make change for him.
"Keltie is in total love with this Thai place down the block from here," Ryan says pointedly.
"Well, that's just... wait." Brendon stops for a second. He's half in his car when Ryan answers back.
"Seriously."
*
It's not that Brendon didn't know. Not in the way he could or should have, maybe? But he knew in a way. He knew in the way he talked to his parents, Cash was always "my friend, roommate." How he sleeps better with Cash's arm around his waist. In all the ways he's made room for Cash's life right next to his.
He maybe knew somewhere in the start of it all, Cash passed out next to him in his bunk, the road moving noisily beneath them. Brendon reached out to turn on his iPod when Cash turns, curling into him. Brendon remembers the way his heart seemed to flutter and the heat that ran from his feet to his ears just from the feeling of Cash's body lined up with his, breath hot against his skin.
So yeah. Brendon knew things. Things that were strange and weird and made him feel tight in his chest.
They're in Germany and he drags the rest of the band with him.
"I just… this is really massively hilarious." Ryan crosses his arms as Brendon stares at the selection of rings.
"Shut up, Ryan." Brendon's trying to choose between gold and silver bands.
"That's kind of nice." Jon points helpfully to a slim silver band at the back of the case. Brendon thanks him, but leaves empty handed.
When he gets home to Vegas it's 3 am and Cash is passed out on the sofa. His shirt is hitched up, exposing the line of jeans and his belly. Marley is curled up next to him and wakes up with a yawn before Cash realizes Brendon's home.
Brendon picks her up and sets her on the floor and ignores the whine she lets out. He kisses Cash's forehead, cheek and finally his lips until he flutters awake beneath him.
"Yo. You're early. Miss me?" He yawns into Brendon's mouth as he pushes up into him.
"Always." Brendon slides in next to him on the couch. It's an easy, familiar position for them, Cash crowding Brendon against the soft red couch cushions that are finally softening after being their first purchase for the townhouse a year ago.
"Dork." Cash laughs and kisses the back of Brendon's neck, nosing the fabric of his shirt and licking a small lazy stripe on his shoulder. Brendon moans softly, tired.
"Shut up."
*
They wake up late and eat pop-tarts and beer for breakfast.
They're both floating in the pool, Marley padding around the edges and sleeping on the diving board. Brendon kept trying to put floater wings on her, but they always ended up in shreds and Cash freaking out because he thought she was going to choke on the plastic she'd chewed up.
"Alex is coming over later. He says he has new merch designs for whatever and we'd planned to cook out." Cash lifts up his big green sunglasses to see Brendon's reaction.
"Cool."
They float along that way for a while until Brendon crawls onto the diving board with Marley and throws himself and the dog into the water. Marley has already jumped back onto the concrete, but Brendon kicks himself to Cash's giant day-glo intertube and tips him over into the water. Cash yelps but falls into the water, tumbling into Brendon.
"Hey." Brendon shakes his head, sending drops of water flying everywhere and he curls his legs around Cash's waist, letting their bodies bob aimlessly in the water. He trails his hands along Cash's stomach, fingers digging into the softness of his stomach and sides, then tracing a line from his navel down into his shorts and Cash leans back, smiling into the sun. Brendon stops for a moment and suddenly Cash shoves them down beneath the water and they both gasp, finding one another with stinging wide-open eyes before popping back up.
Cash keeps them pulled tightly together, hip to hip and heads pressed together.
"This is... Is this..." Cash breaths hard, leaning in and taking Brendon's face with the hand that isn't keeping Brendon pinned against him. When he pulls away with a short gasp of breath Brendon answers, pressing himself harder against him.
"It is. It really is."
(end)
Notes: Thanks to F. for the beta. Title from All Time Low’s “The Beach” because if you’re gonna write about failbots? Yeah.
by welltimedsmiles
Summary: Later, Singer will point out that he's pretty sure that "buying you anything you want ever," probably totally counts as "I do" in some cultures. Or the incredibly faily story of two clueless dudes in love.
Paring: Brendon/Cash [4,100 words, PG]
Disclaimer: Lies, fiction, most false of facts. Further notes after the story
It starts with Cash doing shots in Brendon’s kitchen floor, so drunk his head lolls back and forth, completely out of his control. Brendon takes his face in his hands, fingers fumbling in his hair, around his ears, kissing him; and they fall backward onto air conditioned cool linoleum.
Cash moans when Brendon jerks his pants down and he’s jerking up into Brendon’s mouth as he gives him an embarrassingly quick, sloppy blow job, his mouth sucking in and out and half-swallowing when Cash comes without warning.
Brendon passes out with his head on Cash’s hip; Cash wakes up with hand in Brendon’s hair.
“Dude, you are so gay,” Brendon says pulling himself up so he’s looking down at him.
“Fuck off.”
*
It’s not that they mean for it to, but it keeps going.
It’s just Guitar Hero and Halo and smoking up and eating junk food while Cash’s family is gone to some thing or the other. It’s all cool and for once he’s not feeling like he’s some kid that has to go and hang out at Brendon’s.
But one bowl turns into Cash curling up onto Brendon and then Brendon’s hands in Cash’s pants and their lips. It all dissolves into smoking and groping, jerking off and kissing. Cash doesn't remember when he pulled Brendon's shirt off, but he was craving the fucking feeling of Brendon's skin against his and so he keeps pressing his stomach against Brendon's back and kissing him. When he presses his lips against the small of Brendon's back, he bucks up into his mouth and giggles and moans. So Cash starts there and licks a stripe up his back to his shoulder, the crook of his neck.
"I could do this forever, fucker." Cash moans into Brendon's ear and Brendon laughs again.
"That is an amazing plan of brilliance."
*
It becomes a thing that totally isn’t like a thing. It’s just when they’re drunk or high or bored and together.
A week before tour starts, they’re sitting in Cash’s jeep outside Burger King.
“We’re getting a new van.” Cash steals onion rings from Brendon’s BK Big Kid’s meal and he keeps talking with his mouth full, ketchup staining the corners of his lips. "Ian wants the Mystery Machine 2.0, but Alex is kind of torn up and sentimental. He's making all these rules about proper van care." He rolls his eyes and affects a high voice and Brendon giggles into his Mountain Dew, "There will be no smoking in the van. There will be no sex in the van. There will be no joy in the van."
"I have a bunk." Brendon waggles his eyebrows and Cash nods.
"And Ryan smokes. And I smoke and... I have a bunk. And Spencer has these amazing noise canceling headphone things."
Cash sits for a second staring at his SpongeBob toy before going, "Oh."
"Yeah." Brendon licks the ketchup off the corner of Cash's mouth.
"Ohhh."
*
The second week of tour finds Jon, Ryan, and Spencer all hanging out around The Cab's van. Alex eyes Ryan's cigarettes until Ryan assures him he's faithful to the Sacred Rules of the Van.
Marshall wakes up to Jon and Ian arguing over the last package of Twinkies.
"Is there a reason that you guys, you know, the headliner with their own personal bus that has a lounge and other such wonderful accommodations are... waking me up?" Ryan uses the moment to steal the Twinkies from Ian and Jon. Spencer, who is curled up in the front seat with a blanket over his head groans, "There are some things that no amount of drinking can erase, okay? Jesus fucking Christ, I have to eat off that table."
Ryan says between mouthfuls, "Spencer walked in on Brendon fucking Cash in the kitchen thing. He's kind of traumatized."
"Your band is going to have to pay his therapy bills," Jon nods earnestly.
*
Cash totally doesn't think about it when they come home from tour and he just piles his stuff into Brendon's car and walks into Brendon's place behind him. Brendon doesn't think anything about making sure there is whatever skank brand of beer Cash likes in the fridge and always pulls him into his bedroom with him at night.
They wake up in the late afternoon and order in pizza for breakfast. When Spencer comes over they're laying on the floor watching TV, Brendon with his head in Cash's lap and Cash messing with his hair.
The more observant person would have noticed the slight twitch in Spencer's face from trying to keep from stating the obvious.
*
It confuses Brendon a bit when Shane offers to move out. He tries to protest, but Shane just shrugs off his questions and tells him it's "no problem," and all that stuff. Brendon just shrugs and goes with it even though he keeps asking Ryan and Jon if they think he's like, a totally horrible roommate or something. Ryan just laughs and Jon talks about people and having different phases in their lives and Brendon nods from the other end of the phone; "Yeah, he and his girlfriend have gotten way more serious."
"Yeah, something like that, Bren," Jon answers back and then coughs.
Brendon and Cash turn the spare into a music room that mostly means "another place to get high and fuck around on the piano." Brendon tries to teach Cash to sing, but Cash says that just makes him want Brendon to suck him off, so Brendon tries to teach Cash to sing a lot and maybe wears lip gloss when he does because it makes his lips extra shiny.
Ian asks Cash one day what "you guys, like, need?" his face is sort of twisted up and he doesn’t look at Cash. His focus entirely on the strings on the guitar he’s looking over in his hands.
"Huh?" Cash bounces on his feet a bit.
"Like you know, stuff? Food processors, whatever. You and Brendon."
"Um. Dude, I think... wait let me call and ask Brendon?" Cash flips his phone open and is all, "Hey, Ian wants to know what we "need," like I don't know, Martha Stewart kind of shit. Ha ha no, he can't give us me fucking you, dickweed." Cash closes the phone and says, "Brendon says he wants one of those little sandwich-maker things so he can have warm pb&j."
Ian mutters something about registering at Target that is totally lost on Cash.
*
The next time The Cab tours, Brendon spends a couple of weeks with them. Singer ends up sending frantic texts to Ryan.
thy make noises :((((
DO THEY NOT NO THEYR GAY??!!!!
m. is going to kill them. lend us jon.
i h8 ur band and all u stand 4 >:O
Ryan saves the texts in a growing file on his computer titled "Clueless." Keltie thinks it's kind of mean except for when she visits and they go to Brendon's place where Cash and Brendon serve them hot pb&j's with their new little grill thing Ian gave them and she elbows Ryan and whispers, "Oh God, we should have brought them something!"
"I told you," he smirks. "But, personally, I'm holding out until they get a mortgage together."
*
It's not that the rest of Cash's band doesn't try. It's just they're in a van and maybe even Alex is ready to admit his "Sacred Van Rules That Shall Never Be Broken" are a little strict (though he feels that Johnson's description of him as an "Anti-Fun Fascist" is just unfair). They try, seriously, because they all want to bring friends or girlfriends on the road with them, part of being in a band and all that. It's not even the complete lack of tact or discretion (it's Cash, they know him and love him and haven't killed him yet, so that they can cope with). It's more like...
"Dude, when did fucking gay stoner Bennifer join our band of merriment?" Ian pushes his straw back and forth in his cup as he looks out the Taco Bell window into the parking lot where Cash is on top of Brendon on the pavement shoving a Gordita into his face.
"Bennifer? Dude, it's..." Johnson pulls a face and starts thinking as he chews.
"It's not that bad," Singer shrugs.
"You say that when you wake up to 'Fuck me, Brendon fuck me fuck me fuck me;' they are the worst fucking porn movie ever." Marshall hasn't been sleeping well and is a little on edge. They've stopped letting him near sharp things.
"I still feel Bennifer is unfair," Johnson finally says, "How about Brangelina? Wait, have you guys read about Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer? That's kind of cute."
They all jump as there's a bang against the window as Brendon and Cash are kissing, forgetting the food on the sidewalk next to them.
Singer pulls the plastic forks from out of Marshall's reach.
*
When Panic tours and The Cab are in the studio, Brendon takes Cash's ratty gray hoodie with him. It's not like it's the first time that they've been split up since... well, whatever, but Brendon whines that it's you know, he misses their bed and Cash and the sex. Really, guys, the sex.
Spencer and Ryan just nod.
"I get that. I keep a little stuffed rabbit thing that Cassie gave me. It smells like her." Jon gets a little dreamy look on his face.
"God, you're so whipped." Brendon cracks and leans back in his chair.
"... Guys, I'm going to go see how set-up is going; I've had my daily dose of irony," Spencer announces. Ryan just sits, staring across the table at Jon and Brendon.
"What?" Brendon asks.
"Oh, Brendon," Jon says and hides his face in his hands.
*
It's not that Brendon and Cash are completely dim about it; they know something is different. Cash knows that he'd rather (mostly, usually) hang out with Brendon most of the time than anyone else (this is how he explains moving in like, officially and stuff, with Brendon to his parents).
Cash goes with Brendon to the Decaydance New Year's party at Angels & Kings in Chicago. Some chick with long red hair and a big sparkling smile hits on Cash, offering to buy him drinks and wanting to dance with him, but Cash shrugs her off.
"Dude, she was totally into you." Brendon's kind of wasted, his body loose and heavy leaning against Cash's.
"My milkshake is made of awesome, what can I say?"
"Kiiiisssss heerrrr," Brendon says in a horrible Sebastian the Crab voice before dissolving into giggles, face buried in the curve of Cash's neck. They're giving each other beard burn, but they're used to it.
Cash just shrugs and wraps his arm around Brendon. "Whatever dude, you can buy me drinks anytime I want, right?"
Brendon looks at him for a moment, clarity coming through the alcohol and weed haze, and blinks and grins big before going back to pressing his face into Cash's neck.
"I'll buy you anything you want, forever and ever and always."
Spencer and Ian are sitting across from them at the table. Haley makes a choking noise and gets an elbow from Spencer. Ian says he needs a cigarette.
Later, Singer will point out that he's pretty sure that "buying you anything you want ever," probably totally counts as "I do" in some cultures.
*
Cash, Singer, and Ian are sitting around Brendon and Cash's apartment watching TV and waiting on Marshall and Johnson to do whatever the fuck it is they're doing between rehearsal and recording and hanging out. Ian's left it on some TLC wedding show whatever thing.
"Weddings are weird," Cash announces; he's got his feet propped up against the wall, head hanging off the couch.
"Which is why you totally skipped yours, huh?" Singer knees him gently in the head.
"Oh God," Ian hides his head in his hands.
"What?" Cash pushes himself up and looks at Singer, genuinely confused.
"You! Brendon! The past two fucking years! You guys share a house! You visit each other on tour! You... THE SEX!"
"He did dedicate 'Lying' to you at the last Decaydancefest," Ian says, still with his head in his hands.
"You've got a shirt with his name on it. A black shirt with his name on it in pink."
"The shirt was a joke! And... it's a song about sex and he thought it was funny to say it was..."
"Well, yes, you tend to have a lot of sex with someone you're married to," Singer is stuck between frustration, relief, and laughter.
"Dude, what we're saying is this. When you're on tour, who do you miss the most?"
"Brendon."
"When you jerk off, who do you think about?" Singer asks and Ian pulls a face.
"Brendon."
"When you buy stupid crap on the road, you buy it for your parents and who?"
"Brendon."
"Do you ever plan on moving out of this place, and if Brendon moves are you following him?"
"I'm married to a dude," Cash finally says and falls backward onto the floor at the same time that Marshall and Johnson walk in.
"I'm not throwing your stupid ass a wedding shower, gaymo," Marshall throws a bag of chips at Cash's head.
"Guys, he just realized that he's gay and married to a guy. Cut him some slack!" Singer protests.
"Correction, he's gay married to Brendon," Johnson plops down on the floor next to Cash and pets his head. "Welcome to the world the rest of us have been living in! It's called reality, little dude!"
"I am so disillusioned right now. Disillusioned and horny," Cash says blankly to no one in particular about fifteen minutes later.
When he calls Brendon that night, he tells him that they're getting new tats when Brendon comes back from New York.
"Cool, miss you." Brendon laughs and Cash can feel the smile through the phone.
"Yeah, you too."
Two days later Cash drags him early in the afternoon to the tattoo parlor and they end up with matching tats going down their right upper arms.
"What does that mean?" Brendon asks, looking sketchily at the design.
"Something awesome, okay!" Cash says exasperated. "It's um, it's supposed to be Chinese for 'alwaysinmyheart'" he mumbles out quickly.
"Oh... Oh. Oh, cool!" Brendon grins.
"Yeah."
Later, Singer asks Cash if he's ever going to tell Brendon that they're married and have wedding tattoos. Cash offers to tattoo Singer's face if he doesn't shut up.
*
Brendon shows everyone else his new tattoo and they all tell him it looks really nice and so on and then Jon eyes Cash.
"Aww, you finally figured it out."
"Shut up!" Cash snaps.
"You realize he doesn't have a clue, right?" Ryan joins them, leaning down on Jon's shoulder.
"Yeah, I've noticed." Cash rolls his eyes.
"Are you going to tell him?" Jon finally asks and Cash looks uncomfortable.
"...things are fine right now. I mean..."
"Oh, Cash." Ryan says and pats him on the shoulder.
"He'll figure it out or he'll start wondering why you want to adopt a kid with him when you're like forty. Whatever comes first." Jon nods and pats Cash reassuringly.
*
Spencer feels it's a little ridiculous that Brendon still appears to be clueless or in denial of the obvious when he takes Cash as his date to Spencer's wedding.
"Look, I didn't have time to find a girl, okay? Plus, it's not like I wanted to leave Cash home alone while I was in Chicago for this thing." Brendon waves his hands.
Jon just sort of blinks from the floor where he's playing with his shoelaces. "So, you guys got a hotel room?"
"Yeah." Brendon shrugs, raising an eyebrow.
"Together?" Ryan asks, coughing and reaching in his pocket for a cigarette.
"Yeah. Whatever, you guys are freaks." Brendon rolls his eyes and stomps out to take his place in the procession line.
"Guys, when is someone going to tell him he's been married to a dude for like three years?" Jon finally asks, biting his lip to stop from laughing.
"I'm waiting to see if they'll adopt a kid together, to be honest," Spencer adds.
"Hell, at this point I'm waiting to see which one of them will knock the other up." Ryan puts his cigarette out on his shoe and leads them out of the back room.
*
Spencer's the first one of them to have a kid and everyone freaks. There are presents and toys and Brendon and Cash are wandering around Target at 2 am baked and trying to figure out what would make a "totally amazing baby present." Mostly, they keep playing with the action figures until an employee looks at them funny for making the Care Bears have sex. They end up buying a Sunshine bear and Lucky bear for themselves since, as the elderly security guard accused, they had "tainted" them.
The end up buying a Classic Pooh Bear themed stroller that was on Spencer’s registry, three large boxes of diapers, some formula, and a little extra-soft stuffed Tigger.
They stuff everything into the back of Cash's Jeep and stop at an IHOP for breakfast.
"Did you ever think about, like, having kids?" Brendon asks him between bites of scrambled eggs and strawberry shortcake pancakes.
"Um, not like, a lot. I mean, you know... I don't know." Cash shrugs. "You?"
"When I was younger I assumed I'd have kids. But I also assumed I'd end up a lame-ass lawyer and married to some girl from my church and going on Mission to like, India or something."
Cash just nods, he's learned that navigating conversations with Brendon is an act best accomplished with lots of silence and nodding (sometimes).
"But now... I don't know." Brendon stares out at the back of the Jeep. "I don't think it would work too well for us, you know?"
Cash smiles and the next day he goes out and finds a stray kitten at the shelter. He lets Brendon name him (Mick) and they take pictures of the three of them together that Cash posts under a new album labeled "family" on his MySpace.
When Spencer talks about the new baby coming, Brendon compares whatever is going on with the kitten to that until Spencer snaps that getting a kitten with your... Cash isn't the same as having a baby and Brendon looks wounded until Jon sympathizes with the many worries of co-parenting a kitten.
*
Cash sees a little brick town house for sale one day when he's flipping through the paper.
"We should get a house!" He announces, shoving the paper under Brendon's face, grease from Brendon's mac & cheese smearing the print.
"As opposed to the tent we've been living in for like, five years?" Brendon looks down at the ad.
"Shut up. Look, three bedrooms, two baths. In-ground swimming pool. It's like, five minutes from Spencer and Haley's new place." He's pleading now. "Everyone else is doing it." He sticks his bottom lip out.
"Spencer has kids."
"We can get goldfish!"
"You let the cat eat the last goldfish we got."
"Fuck you, ‘let’! Cats are natural predators to marine life. That's why we need another dog."
"So now we need a dog and a house?"
"Obviously."
"Obviously."
Cash calls the Real Estate agent and they go and look at it. The end up signing the mortgage on it together about it a week later and throw a party where their new dog (a girl beagle puppy that Brendon picks out from the shelter and they name Marley) runs around in the yard fighting with Spencer's two year old and trying to pull Ryan into the pool.
*
When they're out places (the grocery store, clubs, getting 4 am waffles), Brendon holds Cash's hand. He keeps his fingers tucked in the belt loops of his jeans and tickles the small of his back with his fingers.
One day, Brendon comes home with a shoebox full of cassette tapes each neatly labeled with small block handwriting.
"Saw a hippie having a yard sale, look."
Stacked inside are a mass of Grateful Dead bootlegs from the early 80s.
"Sweet." Cash grins, digging through them.
"Not that I want to encourage this stoner rock fixation you've got going," Brendon starts and Cash laughs.
"You're one to talk, man. If I have to listen to Let It Bleed or Who's Next one more..."
"That is so amazingly different." Brendon stops him, getting a Red Bull from the fridge. Cash just laughs, still digging through the shoebox. Brendon grins big and kisses him as he walks past him to sort through the mail.
Ryan had been on the phone with him when he'd found it and had even sighed and reminded him that Brendon had said repeatedly how much the Dead bore him. Brendon had just shrugged with his phone crooked on his shoulder (he'd broken his earpiece thing, again) and reminded him that it was Cash's "thing" right now, like he and Alex are the first people to ever think of a stoned out jam session. Ryan had been silent, almost still across the line for a moment.
"You know what I'm having for dinner tonight?" he asks him finally.
"What?"
"Thai."
"You hate Thai." Brendon digs some crumpled dollars from his pocket and balances the box on his hip as he waits for the guy to make change for him.
"Keltie is in total love with this Thai place down the block from here," Ryan says pointedly.
"Well, that's just... wait." Brendon stops for a second. He's half in his car when Ryan answers back.
"Seriously."
*
It's not that Brendon didn't know. Not in the way he could or should have, maybe? But he knew in a way. He knew in the way he talked to his parents, Cash was always "my friend, roommate." How he sleeps better with Cash's arm around his waist. In all the ways he's made room for Cash's life right next to his.
He maybe knew somewhere in the start of it all, Cash passed out next to him in his bunk, the road moving noisily beneath them. Brendon reached out to turn on his iPod when Cash turns, curling into him. Brendon remembers the way his heart seemed to flutter and the heat that ran from his feet to his ears just from the feeling of Cash's body lined up with his, breath hot against his skin.
So yeah. Brendon knew things. Things that were strange and weird and made him feel tight in his chest.
They're in Germany and he drags the rest of the band with him.
"I just… this is really massively hilarious." Ryan crosses his arms as Brendon stares at the selection of rings.
"Shut up, Ryan." Brendon's trying to choose between gold and silver bands.
"That's kind of nice." Jon points helpfully to a slim silver band at the back of the case. Brendon thanks him, but leaves empty handed.
When he gets home to Vegas it's 3 am and Cash is passed out on the sofa. His shirt is hitched up, exposing the line of jeans and his belly. Marley is curled up next to him and wakes up with a yawn before Cash realizes Brendon's home.
Brendon picks her up and sets her on the floor and ignores the whine she lets out. He kisses Cash's forehead, cheek and finally his lips until he flutters awake beneath him.
"Yo. You're early. Miss me?" He yawns into Brendon's mouth as he pushes up into him.
"Always." Brendon slides in next to him on the couch. It's an easy, familiar position for them, Cash crowding Brendon against the soft red couch cushions that are finally softening after being their first purchase for the townhouse a year ago.
"Dork." Cash laughs and kisses the back of Brendon's neck, nosing the fabric of his shirt and licking a small lazy stripe on his shoulder. Brendon moans softly, tired.
"Shut up."
*
They wake up late and eat pop-tarts and beer for breakfast.
They're both floating in the pool, Marley padding around the edges and sleeping on the diving board. Brendon kept trying to put floater wings on her, but they always ended up in shreds and Cash freaking out because he thought she was going to choke on the plastic she'd chewed up.
"Alex is coming over later. He says he has new merch designs for whatever and we'd planned to cook out." Cash lifts up his big green sunglasses to see Brendon's reaction.
"Cool."
They float along that way for a while until Brendon crawls onto the diving board with Marley and throws himself and the dog into the water. Marley has already jumped back onto the concrete, but Brendon kicks himself to Cash's giant day-glo intertube and tips him over into the water. Cash yelps but falls into the water, tumbling into Brendon.
"Hey." Brendon shakes his head, sending drops of water flying everywhere and he curls his legs around Cash's waist, letting their bodies bob aimlessly in the water. He trails his hands along Cash's stomach, fingers digging into the softness of his stomach and sides, then tracing a line from his navel down into his shorts and Cash leans back, smiling into the sun. Brendon stops for a moment and suddenly Cash shoves them down beneath the water and they both gasp, finding one another with stinging wide-open eyes before popping back up.
Cash keeps them pulled tightly together, hip to hip and heads pressed together.
"This is... Is this..." Cash breaths hard, leaning in and taking Brendon's face with the hand that isn't keeping Brendon pinned against him. When he pulls away with a short gasp of breath Brendon answers, pressing himself harder against him.
"It is. It really is."
(end)
Notes: Thanks to F. for the beta. Title from All Time Low’s “The Beach” because if you’re gonna write about failbots? Yeah.