Fic: Vampires, and Werewolves, and Wormholes, Oh My! (3/3)
Previously: Vampires, and Werewolves, and Wormholes, Oh My! (1/3), Vampires, and Werewolves, and Wormholes, Oh My! (2/3)
Jack was still awake when it was just past midnight, even though he'd eaten two slices of pie and had stretched out on his bed and counted backwards sheep. What Daniel and Sam had told him had been echoing in his head all day, like a pair of unruly toddlers banging pots and pans in the kitchen, and Jack still couldn't make any sense of it. Vampires. Aliens. Kissing vampires. How was this his life?
Various thoughts and images kept interrupting his sleep-sheep parade. He could be crazy, completely crazy, and wandering around in an abandoned military base somewhere only thinking that he was going to distant planets through a wormhole with his alien and vampire teammates. That seemed almost likely. He could have been shot or been hit on the head and the whole vampire thing, and kissing thing, was just a dream while he was in a coma in the infirmary. That seemed like a reasonable assumption as well.
His mind tried other ways to interpret the information, eventually landing on x is equal to negative b, plus or minus the square root of b squared minus four a c, all over two a, but he thought that equation was for something else entirely. No, this was more like: aliens plus four vampires plus or minus one alien/vampire all over space travel through wormholes equals crazy. He called it "O'Neill's Theorem" and was in the midst of cleaning it up for public consumption when he realized that its practical applications were limited and finding somewhere he could publish it - other than the base message board - was unlikely.
Jack rolled out of bed, found his uniform pants where he'd left them on the strange potted ficus near the door of his quarters, and started walking through the base. One of the nice things about the base he'd recently discovered was that it was staffed by insomniacs. There was always someone else up in the middle of the night and they were usually willing to spar or run around on the basketball court in hopes of tiring themselves out enough to sleep. Jack thought briefly about seeking out Cam and Vala, but instead he found himself wandering deep through the levels down to where Daniel's office was tucked away. Or, he supposed he should say Daniel's lair, because vampires had lairs, right? Maybe that was werewolves or witches or something. In any case, lair sounded about right, though mad scientist-professor-librarian laboratory also fit the bill.
Daniel was sitting at the main table, his eyes darting back and forth as he examined a large text that was propped in front of him. "I know you're there, Jack," he said as he turned a page.
"I wasn't trying to be stealthy," Jack said, though he was disappointed that he hadn't had the opportunity to observe Daniel without Daniel being aware. There was something fascinating about Daniel, even without the vampire archeologist stuff, and Jack couldn't figure out what it was.
Daniel looked up and watched Jack move around the office. "I already told you that you shouldn't be down here. Does anyone even know where you are?"
"Nope, I don't need a babysitter," Jack said. He picked up a clay pot and turned it over in his hands before gently setting it back on the shelf of artifacts. "Don't you sleep? Ever?"
"Vampire," Daniel said, using his left hand to point to himself.
"Well, in that case, you and Sam are on permanent night watch duties when we're off-world. Let the humans sleep," Jack said. He sat down across from Daniel and started fiddling with a pen from the table.
Daniel raised his eyebrows briefly but settled back down in front of his book. "Probably for the best. We can see better than humans, hear better."
"Smell better?" Jack asked, sniffing the air suspiciously. Daniel did kind of smell like a flower or something, or maybe a fruit pie.
"Vampires do have better olfactory senses, yes," Daniel said, his tone indicating that he knew exactly what Jack had meant when he asked that question.
Jack frowned and started doodling on a scrap of paper. After a long silence, as Daniel read, Jack realized that he still had questions even after their earlier Q&A. "How did you become a vampire?"
"How do you think?" Daniel asked, giving Jack his full attention for the first time since he entered the room.
"I think you were alone, on some cobblestoned street that was sparsely lit by oil lamps, and you were lured into a den of debauchery," Jack said, imagining ruffled shirts and tight pants.
Daniel blinked. "Have you been watching Interview With A Vampire?"
"Maybe," Jack hedged.
"Right," Daniel said, drawing out the word. "I was on an archeological dig in Egypt, about one hundred years ago, and a set of unstable ruins collapsed on me. A field doctor, one Janet Fraiser, just happened to be at the camp for a few days. They pulled me out, more than half dead, and she came to my cot that night and turned me into what I am now."
Jack frowned. It was much less exciting than he'd envisioned, though in his mind's eye Daniel was now dressed in very much like Indiana Jones. The pants were still rather tight.
"She just picked some random dying guy to turn into a vampire?" he asked, trying to envision it in his mind. If Jack was a vampire he thought he'd at least get to know a person before he bit them on the neck and sucked on their blood. Well, maybe. He could see how Daniel, in his imagined tight Indiana Jones pants, could potentially catch a vampire's attention. Daniel had certainly caught Jack's attention.
Daniel tipped his head to the side and idly ran his finger down the edge of the page he was reading. "Most vampires choose to take a mate and turn them, but Janet was never fond of that practice. She found the necessary deceit too cloying. But she was lonely and she'd heard of me in her travels, and I was dying and would soon be gone if she did nothing. Believe it or not, at the time I had actually published about archeological evidence that proved the existence of vampires."
Jack couldn't help but laugh. "So, first it was vampires in Egyptian dig sites and a hundred years later it's the pyramids are evidence of aliens on Earth? What's next?"
"I would like to point out that I was right both times, even if very few people will ever have the opportunity to acknowledge it," Daniel said. "Back to your question; Janet came to my cot and told me I wouldn't survive the night, but if I wanted to join her in eternal life she would take me on that journey. I agreed and we were traveling companions for many years."
"Okay, what about Sam?" Jack asked, curious now.
Daniel smiled, the memory obviously fond. "Sam was supposed to be for me. Janet found her in an airplane crash in the mountains and pulled her from the wreckage. This was in the early 40's and Sam was a member of the Ninety-Nines, which is an organization that promotes the education, training, and advancement of female pilots. Sam was loathe to leave behind her life as a pilot, she loves to fly, but it was years before she was able to join the Air Force after she'd been turned."
Jack only really caught one part of that: "Sam was supposed to be for you?"
"Janet thought I longed for more than her friendship, vampires are rather lonely creatures by necessity. But Sam and I bickered rather viciously for a few years before we realized that we were far more similar than different. While we become very fond of each other there was no romantic attachment, then nor now," Daniel explained, still amused.
"Okay, what about the other vampires around here?" Jack asked, figuring he might as well find out now instead of being surprised by it later.
"Jonas was found on one of our very early missions, we and three other teams had been dispatched to lend aid to Langara. By the time we arrived the planet had been virtually destroyed, Jonas was the only survivor we found and he would not have survived the trip to the Stargate in order to receive treatment here. He helped Sam turn off a device that was spilling radiation that would have killed the rest of the human teams that had come with us on the mission. Sam was quite taken with him and managed to turn him and ease him through the first stages so he could be brought back with us," Daniel said. He turned the page in his book and began to scan the lines of foreign text.
"And Janet?" Jack asked, quite curious about the woman who had turned both Daniel and Sam.
Daniel looked up, a smile flickering over his features so quickly it might not have been there at all. "If you want that story, you're going to have to ask her. She doesn't like to tell it, but I think she's taken a liking to you and just might. If you're willing to ask."
Jack had always considered himself a fairly brave man. He went racing into firefights, he didn't back down when people were threatening his life, he had snide comments prepared for just about any situation. However, when it came to a woman who could kill him just by looking at him - probably - Jack wasn't going to mess around. After all, she was his primary care physician. "I think I'll pass for now," he said, ignoring Daniel's quiet laughter. "Okay, so what about me. Are you going to turn me into a vampire?"
This caught Daniel's complete attention and he stared at Jack like any sane person might stare at a huge venomous snake that was coiled around a mouthwatering cherry pie. "Do you want me to?" he asked, his tone giving nothing away.
"You did kiss me," Jack pointed out.
"I did," Daniel agreed. "You kissed me back. Do you want to be my vampire mate?"
Jack thought about it. He would be extremely strong, never have to sleep, and possibly even have superpowers. "Nah," he said finally.
"Nah?" Daniel repeated, his eyebrows shooting up into his long hair.
"If I had superpowers then I'd actually feel compelled to try and save the world or something. I think I'll just stick to pie and movies," Jack explained, barely able to keep from smiling.
"Uh huh," Daniel said.
"But, if you'd like, we can still kiss. And stuff," Jack offered.
"And stuff?" Daniel repeated blankly as Jack got up and walked around the table so that he was in Daniel's personal space bubble.
Jack leaned in so that his eyelashes were nearly touching the lenses of Daniel's glasses. "If you'd like."
Daniel took a slow breath, the cool air rushing against Jack's lips. "I'd like that very much."
They kissed and Jack's eyes fell shut. It almost felt wrong not to look at Daniel while they were kissing, but Jack decided he was overwhelmed by enough things without gazing deep into Daniel's eyes.
When they broke away, Daniel's hands wrapped around Jack's upper arms and forcing them a step apart, Daniel sighed and looked at Jack with sad eyes. "This is probably the most reckless thing I've done in a century."
Jack shrugged, feeling Daniel's hands move up and down with the motion of his arms. "My middle name is reckless," he said and wiggled his eyebrows.
Daniel laughed and gently pushed Jack away. "You're terrible. Go away and sleep so I can get some work done."
Jack found that he actually did feel like he might be able to sleep now and started in the direction of the door. "So, an evening with a vampire ends with a kiss and an insult?" he asked as he left.
"You started this," Daniel called back.
Jack waited until he was back in his own quarters and leaning against his door with a strangely content smile. "And I will finish it too," he said to himself. Somewhere, in the back of his mind he was almost positive he heard Daniel reply "you wish."
*****
It was two weeks later when Jack couldn't sleep again and he found himself waylaid on his way to Daniel's office by Cam and Vala of the Special Flight Squadron. They were already dressed in gym gear, Cam's shirt loose but showing his strong shoulders and arms and Vala's outfit way too tight for what could possibly be considered appropriate, despite the fact that it was just past two in the morning. Jack agreed to a game of basketball, eager for some physical activity to release his growing tension and taper off the sugar high that came from eating four slices of chocolate creme pie in the space of two hours.
"She shoots," Vala cried out as she arched up to throw the basketball in a move that had Jack and Cam's complete attention. "And she scores!"
Cam and Jack moaned desultorily as Vala ran a victory lap around the small court space. Somehow, despite Jack's absolutely best efforts, Vala was kicking his trash and Cam's as well.
"She's unbearable when she wins," Cam said, catching the ball that Vala bounced in his direction from across the court.
"I thought she was unbearable when she lost?" Jack asked, thinking back to a conversation he'd had with Cam in the mess hall after a particularly exhausting race around the base.
Cam grinned. "That too," he said and took off across the court while dribbling the ball.
Jack laughed and held up his hand for a high five when Vala came racing towards him. She stopped short, her upheld hand falling to her side and the ball was left to roll across the court from where Cam had shot it to the hoop and then fell still before retrieving it.
"Is there a Goa'uld behind me?" Jack asked, feeling unaccountably nervous.
"Vampire," Cam growled. He walked slowly across the court until he was standing even with Vala.
Jack turned back and found Sam in the doorway with her arms folded and her gaze fixed on Cam and Vala. "Oh, hey Sam," he said, and then what Cam had just said caught up with him. "You know?" Jack asked, turning back to Cam and Vala.
"We know. We're not blind," Vala said shortly.
Since this made no sense to Jack he turned back to Sam to see her response.
She glared, her arms still folded, but she made no attempt to come closer. "Well, you'd have to be completely without a sense of smell to not realize that this place was crawling with dogs. Sir, you shouldn't be hanging out with them."
Jack blinked. He'd never seen Sam behave this hostilely towards someone, even when he'd first arrived and she would barely look at him. "Why?" he asked, feeling like this was a very good question.
Cam growled and edged forward restlessly. "Because your precious vampire friends don't want you rolling around with a bunch of werewolves. They don't want to smell us on you," he said, his voice uncharacteristically bitter.
Jack blinked again and shook his head to make sure he hadn't been knocked down during the game and was suffering from some kind of auditory hallucinations. "Werewolves?" he asked, though it kind of made sense. If there was going to be vampires, there might as well be werewolves too.
"That's us," Vala said, her smile a little sharper than it could have been.
"You're werewolf fighter pilots?" Jack asked, just to make sure.
"Our whole squadron is," Vala said, regaining some of her previous self-possession. "It's pretty awesome."
Jack turned back to Sam. "And why was it again that I shouldn't hang out with them?"
Sam stared at Jack like he'd just asked why pies are round. "Because they're werewolves."
"That's it?" Jack asked.
Sam nodded. "Pretty much."
Jack considered this information and then walked over to retrieve the forgotten basketball. "That's not going to work for me. If you guys want to avoid each other, that's fine, but if I'm going to accept vampires and aliens then I've got to accept the werewolves too."
"Daniel is not going to be happy," Sam pointed out as Jack dribbled the ball and then threw it to Vala.
"Daniel can get over it," Jack said. "Now, are you going to join us? We could go two-on-two, guys verses gals, or werewolves verses vampire and human. What do you say?"
Sam shook her head, but smiled a little bit. "I've got an experiment to check up on. Maybe another time when we're more evenly matched."
"I'm sure Jonas would play once he's taught the rules of basketball," Jack suggested.
Sam grinned. "I meant that the advantage was in my favor. They'd need at least three more werewolves to even make me put on my game face."
Jack stared as Sam left and then turned to stare at Cam and Vala. "Werewolves."
"Whatever, are we finishing this game or not?" Cam asked, stealing the ball from Vala and racing across the court with both Jack and Vala in hot pursuit.
*****
"So," Daniel said as they walked through a very green and very damp forest that was slowly dripping alien rainwater down on their hats.
Jack stepped over a fallen log and pondered the fact that if the government didn't officially know about vampires and werewolves, what else were they missing?
"So," Daniel said again, clearly waiting for Jack to respond. When Jack didn't, he continued on. "So, Sam says you're playing basketball with the werewolf pack."
"Well, that's not entirely accurate," Jack said, turning back so that he could look at Daniel as they walked. "I also spar with the werewolves, and go running with them, and I think we're working our way up to badminton."
Daniel's mouth opened and then shut with an audible click. "Right. Can I just say right now that I think that's a bad idea?"
"Because they're werewolves?" Jack asked.
"Yes," Daniel said slowly.
"You know, I don't really get this whole vampires verses werewolves thing," Jack said, turning forward just in time to keep from running into a low hanging branch. "Wouldn't it make sense for supernatural creatures to bond and form an alliance so that you aren't alone in a world full of humans? What, is there some type of ancient and unforgivable grudge between your species?"
"That pretty much covers it," Daniel agreed blandly.
Jack came to a full stop and stared at Daniel. "Seriously? That's the kind of crap that got Romeo and Juliet killed."
Daniel stopped too and stared back. "I don't even want to know who your mind is casting as Romeo and Juliet in this little scenario."
Jack thought about it for a moment and then nodded. "That's probably for the best. But either way, I think your feud is stupid and I'm not going to stop playing basketball with werewolves just to appease you."
"Alright," Daniel agreed and started walking again.
"Aright?" Jack asked, surprised that it was that easy.
Daniel bobbed his head, sending rainwater spraying from his hat. "Yep. I figure at this point that your chances of being mauled by a werewolf or bitten by a vampire are pretty much even. I know which I'd prefer, and I'd much rather you spent time with me than the damn wolves, but I'll take what I can get."
"Oh," Jack said. He actually hadn't thought much about getting mauled or getting bitten. All of the vampires and werewolves he'd met seemed pretty civilized, not like they were going around hurting people or eating babies or anything. "Wait, werewolves don't eat babies, do they?"
"Although my first instinct is to say that it wouldn't surprise me, no. Werewolves don't eat babies. Being a werewolf is genetic, though most won't shift unless they're part of a pack. You'll commonly find werewolf packs in military teams and police units, and other very close and isolated groups of people who are under intense stress," Daniel explained. "You can't become a werewolf by being bitten or scratched by one, but if you survive a werewolf attack the results certainly aren't pretty."
"Good to know," Jack said, and it was. Cam had given him a pretty good scratch during a sparring match a few weeks back and it hadn't even crossed Jack's mind until this point that it might have been something to worry about.
Daniel nodded sagely. "This stuff isn't something you should be messing around with. Have you considered transferring to another base?"
"So, Sam and Teal'c are taking the other path around the forest. Are we going to make out in a tree or something?" Jack asked in response, not evening dignifying Daniel's question with an actual answer. Of course he wasn't going anywhere. This base was weird and crazy and all kinds of bizarre, but it had great pie. And the 'people' weren't so bad either.
Before Daniel could respond an arrow hit the trunk of the tree Jack was leaning against. Another arrow followed and Jack hit the ground. He stared in shock as an arrow went directly through Daniel's chest.
"Daniel," he gasped as Daniel fell forward. Before he could say anything more Daniel was dragging him into the dense bushes that were nearby and the world around them became nothing more than tightly packed leaves and branches with raindrops rustling around them.
Jack watched, mostly in horror but partially in fascination as Daniel managed to gain leverage on the arrow that was piercing his chest and then pulled it all the way through in one smooth motion. It wasn't even bloody.
"Can you even die?" Jack asked, both incredulously but with a great deal of relief as well. If Daniel had been human he would have been dead right now. It was a thought that was somehow deeply frightening to Jack, even though he knew better by now than to become so strongly attached to people he was regularly with in combat situations.. He should have known better, but somehow it seemed that he didn't at all.
"Under the right circumstances," Daniel said as he set the arrow aside. "For the most part it's very difficult and usually requires an all consuming fire or another vampire. A very powerful vampire."
Jack nodded and sighed with relief. All consuming fires and very powerful vampires seemed like things they should be able to avoid pretty readily. "When whoever was shooting at us has moved on we should go find Sam and Teal'c."
"Sam's fine and she knows Teal'c is too," Daniel said, tapping his forehead when Jack just looked confused.
"Oh, right," Jack said. "Psychic vampire powers do have their uses."
Daniel smiled and reached over to wipe the raindrops from Jack's face. "That they do."
*****
Jack rolled over in his bed, caught halfway between deep slumber and the confused wakefulness that only happens in the very early morning hours. He'd taken a long hot shower when they'd returned from the mission, washing away the freezing alien rainwater that had left him shivering after the long trek they'd taken around the villagers they'd unknowingly trespassed upon. A late meal in the mess hall was the last thing he really remembered, a thick roast potato and a pork chop, all soaked in gravy and with coffee and jello for dessert. He felt his stomach rumble at the memory and pressed his face back down into the pillow, fully prepared to reenter a dessert based dreamland where he could soak in a deep tub of hot chocolate and eat cherries directly from the tree that overhung the quiet outcropping.
There were no sounds, just a light wind tussling Jack's hair as he leaned back and wiggled his toes in the hot chocolate and the fall of boots near the doorway. Jack's eyes popped back open as he realized what he was hearing. In the near dark he could make out a form near his doorway; the two dark pillars of someone's ankles blocking the sliver of light at the bottom of the door were the biggest clue. He thought quickly about assassins from Iraq, aliens that had followed them back through the 'gate, Goa'uld that had occupied a member of another team and was now seeking out those who had destroyed its fellow Goa'uld. It never did cross his mind to worry about the vampires and werewolves that lived on the base - he was pretty friendly with all of them. Just as he was getting ready to make some kind of ninja strike that involved grabbing the table lamp and swinging wildly at the intruder, the figure spoke.
"Go back to sleep, Jack," Daniel's voice said, both irritated and soothing in the same tone.
"What are you doing here?" Jack asked, staring as Daniel walked away from the door and towards Jack's desk chair.
Daniel sat, the chair making a soft thump on the thinly carpeted floor as it was resettled. "Keeping watch," he said.
"On base?" Jack asked. He was all for keeping watch when they were off-world. To be honest they hadn't really met all that many friend aliens and being attacked in the middle of the night was a fairly common occurrence. Even though Sam and Daniel took all of the night shifts, leaving Jack to sleep and Teal'c to Kelno'reem, Jack spent many hours awake on alien planets listening for the first sign of someone sneaking up on their campsite.
Daniel sighed and drummed his fingers on the edge of Jack's desk, a short staccato that cut off after less than a minute. "You have no idea how fragile you are," he said.
"I'm not immortal," Jack agreed. "But I can take care of myself. Big, macho, scary military guy, remember?"
"If I hadn't moved in front of that arrow it would have killed you. Sam warned me of their approach just in time," Daniel said.
Jack considered that for a moment. "It's a good thing that she did then. But no one is going to come into my quarters and start shooting arrows at me." He hoped that was true, but he figured it seemed pretty unlikely.
"Jack," Daniel said, sounding exasperated. "I don't do this. I don't fall in love with humans, not anymore."
"Not anymore?" Jack asked, trying to ignore the way his heart beat faster at the thought that Daniel might love him.
"Sha're, a woman on Abydos where I spent the last year before all the Goa'uld stuff started happening again," Daniel said quietly. "I killed her. She'd been taken by a Goa'uld, and I knew that she wouldn't want to live like that, not even for a minute. So, when your predecessor, O'Neil with one "L", and Teal'c rescued us all, I broke away and I tore her head from her body."
Jack stared, caught between 'love' and 'tore her head from her body'. "Wow," he finally said.
Daniel sighed again. "Maybe I should have tried to capture her so we could attempt to remove the Goa'uld, or maybe I should have let her go. I probably should have turned her into a vampire when we had the chance, but she didn't want that. To her, eternal life in the body of the dead was an abomination. Seeing what has become of the Goa'uld, it's hard to disagree."
"I don't think you're an abomination," Jack said quickly, feeling heartsick at the idea of Daniel thinking of himself in that way.
"Give it time," Daniel said. "Even now, I want you, I can smell the blood racing through your veins and it's intoxicating."
Jack swung his feet out from under the covers and shrugged. "Makes sense to me. If you were a walking-talking-cherry pie, I'd have a hard time keeping my teeth out of you." He could feel Daniel's answering stare even in the darkness.
"You are much more to me than cherry pie," Daniel said. "Even though I tried not to let it happen, here I am."
Jack stood and blindly made his way the short distance to Daniel, feeling the chill of his skin through the fabric of Daniel's shirt as he rested his hands on Daniel's shoulders. "Here I am," he echoed. He leaned in, pressing his lips to Daniel's forehead and slowly moving down to his mouth.
When they broke apart, at Daniel's insistence, Daniel sighed again. "You thrive off testing my self control, don't you?"
"Like a warm cherry pie right out of the oven," Jack replied with a grin.
Daniel shook his head, the sound of his hair shifting filling the air for a brief moment. "Go back to sleep, Jack."
Jack got back in bed and settled under the blankets. "This is kind of creepy. You know that, right?"
"Sleep," Daniel directed.
Jack chuckled and rolled onto his side. A few minutes later as he drifted back to sleep he thought that there was something strangely comforting about a vampire who had just confessed to wanting his blood watching over him as he slept. Oh well, life was full of contradictions, what was one more?
*****
An explosion rocked the Goa'uld mothership and Jack fell to the floor and slid several yards before coming to an abrupt stop against a doorway. He lay still for a moment, assessing his various bumps and bruises, listening for the signs of an incoming attack, and mostly thinking how he'd arrived at the point where he was lost by himself in the middle of a hostile alien spaceship.
It was actually pretty simple. They'd gone on a reconnaissance mission, been ambushed and captured - though Sam had managed to call the other team on the planet for help before her radio had been taken and destroyed. When Jack had awoken he'd been alone in a cell on the ship and had managed to wiggle his way out through an air vent. Evidently the Goa'uld had never seen any of the dozens of movies and tv shows that showed people escaping through air vents in their prison cells, but Jack wasn't about to complain. When passing by a window he'd discovered that they were somewhere in space, which was probably a bad sign but at the same time was pretty awesome, and since that point he'd been wandering by himself. Hopefully the explosion meant the rest of his team was out on the ship causing havoc and mayhem. And trying to find him, of course.
Jack got to his feet and started off in the direction of the explosion. It was probably not the most tactical move he could make but he hadn't seen anyone in hours and if he was going to find his team or the enemy an explosion seemed as good a place as any.
"Wait a minute," Jack said to himself as he walked. "If Sam can tell the future, shouldn't she have seen us getting ambushed and warned us?"
"Probably," Daniel said. "Our powers aren't exactly perfect."
Jack came to a stop and swung around. Daniel was nowhere to be seen. "Daniel?"
"I'm talking to you in your head," Daniel replied.
"Can you do that?" Jack asked, peering up at the ceiling to make sure Daniel wasn't just messing with him.
There was a long silence. "Apparently. I guess it comes with the reading minds thing, but I can't really tell what you're thinking most of the time," Daniel said, sounding just about as confused as Jack.
"Great," Jack said, deciding it was probably a good thing that Daniel couldn't read his mind most of the time. "So. Where are you guys?"
"A few levels away from you. The explosion was Sam and Jonas rigging something, Teal'c is standing guard," Daniel said. "Look, try to make your way down to the flight deck. The wolves you're so fond of are on board and are working to secure all of us a path off this ship. I hope you feel up to piloting us off this thing."
"How did Jonas and Cam and Vala get here?" Jack asked, turning to assess where he was.
"They came through for backup, just before the mothership left the planet," Daniel explained. "We've got more work to do here, I'll see you soon. Stay away from the upper levels. There's something not right about this place."
"Apart from it being an alien death trap, I can't imagine what you'd have against it. The interior decorating needs a little work," Jack said as he made his way toward the end of the hallway. "Daniel? Daniel?"
There was no response.
"Great. Make my way to the flight deck to meet up with the werewolves. That should be simple enough," Jack grumbled to himself as he walked by dozens of doorways. "Oh wait, I don't have superpowers and I can't read Goa'uld! Doh!"
Deciding that his best way to make his way to another floor was to reach a dead end, because that's where the ladders or transporters or whatever should be, Jack kept walking and kept his eyes out for anything that looked like a sign for an elevator or a stairway. Goa'uld motherships weren't exactly user friendly, but given the Goa'uld themselves, that wasn't exactly a surprise.
After what felt like a long time of walking he reached a place where the hallway emptied out into a large room with what he recognized as a ring transporter set into the middle of it. Jack walked around it, looking for some type of control panel or a down button or anything, but finally gave up and stepped inside. Maybe it was voice activated like on Star Trek.
"Down," Jack told the ring transporter firmly as if speaking to a particularly excitable dog. "Go down to the flight deck. Hello?"
He stepped away from the edge instinctively as the rings rose up out of the floor and a moment later he was somewhere else entirely. Jack looked around the small room he was in, the walls leaning in until they reached a point at the top. This was not where he wanted to be. "I said down," Jack hissed at the now unmoving ring transporter and felt helplessly at the empty holster at his thigh. His weapons had been taken from him when he'd been captured.
"How quaint," a deep and kind of echoey voice said from behind Jack.
Jack spun around and stared at the Goa'uld he recognized as Apophis. "Oh, this is not good," he said to himself.
"A human," Apophis continued to speak as he walked around Jack. "I was told we captured some who were similar to myself, but you are not."
Jack smiled, wondering whether Apophis was just going to send him back to his cell or kill him outright. "That's right, just a human. Nothing to see here."
Apophis returned Jack's smile. "Quite the contrary. You look delicious indeed. Very appetizing is your scent. I don't know how the ones you travel with stand it."
"Thank you?" Jack asked, feeling more than a little disturbed at being called 'delicious'. He'd never heard that the Goa'uld ate humans before, but somehow he wouldn't find that entirely surprising.
Apophis laughed. "I may have to keep you for a while. Playing with your food is vastly underrated."
Jack stared, catching a glimpse of fangs that were only really visible if you knew what you were looking for. "You're a Goa'uld and a vampire?" he asked, hoping that it was just some kind of fluke.
"My host was a newly born vampire when I took his body. The full effects had not yet taken hold so I was able to slip deep inside and create a space for myself there. I am now immortal many times over; there are none who can stand against me," Apophis said. "However, there are none who know of my condition, of my unquenchable thirst for the blood of humans. It would be seen as a weakness even though it is the greatest source of my power."
"Great," Jack said dryly. "Just great."
"Sit, over there. I have many things to do before I can indulge myself with likes of you," Apophis said as he pointed to the side of the room. "My suggestion is to stay put and not cause trouble, not unless you enjoy suffering greatly before you perish."
"Just great," Jack repeated and went over to the side of the room to sit and think about what he was going to do.
*****
"Jack, where are you?" Daniel asked.
"About time you noticed," Jack said quietly. "I'm with Apophis, who by the way is a vampire and a Goa'uld and probably an entomologist for all I know."
"I'm not even going to ask," Daniel replied. "Where on the ship are you?"
"At the top," Jack snapped. "And Apophis seems to think of me as an after-invasion snack, so a little help before that happens would be appreciated."
There was a long period of quiet, with only Apophis clattering about in the background, and Jack nearly called for Daniel again when there was a response. Alright, just stay there. I'm coming to get you.
"What? By yourself?" Jack asked, gritting his teeth. "No, look. Get yourself and the rest of the team out of here if you don't have a feasible rescue plan."
"Stay there," Daniel repeated and then went quiet.
Jack felt sick at the idea of Daniel coming by himself to the rescue. Daniel had said that only a more powerful vampire could kill a vampire, that and consuming fire, but Apophis would definitely be the more powerful vampire in this equation. The only solution, to save Daniel and the others, was to escape by himself. Before Daniel tried to face off with a thousands of years old vampire that was also inhabited by a megalomaniacal snake alien.
Jack glanced around the room again, taking stock of his options, and his eye caught on an artifact that he'd seen in Daniel's office a few weeks earlier. It was probably a phenomenally stupid plan, but Jack had noticed during his years with the military that the stupider a plan sounded in theory, the better it seemed to work in practice. If that held true then Jack had the best plan ever.
He got to his feet and made it a few yards without attracting any attention, enough space to pick up the artifact and enclose it in one hand.
"Do you mean to attempt escape?" Apophis asked from the control panel.
Jack shook his head and walked closer. "To be honest this is a little bit dull. You'd think that there would be more going on up here. Maybe you should just have your snack and get on with it."
Apophis laughed and turned. He caught Jack's left wrist in one smooth motion and forced the artifact to drop broken in pieces to the floor. "Did you truly think it would be that simple? I have told you, I am unbeatable, I am all powerful, I am the only god who matters."
"You might want to check your ego at the door before you pop your spaceship here," Jack pointed out, purposefully keep his captured limb loose and limp.
"You're right, I am bored. Time for a snack," Apophis said and walked back to the throne chair, dragging Jack with him.
It was incredibly awkward to be pulled onto Apophis's lap, like alien Santa Claus mets a really weird military space porno or something, but Jack settled himself and watched carefully. Sure enough Apophis's eyes flickered closed as he brought his mouth to Jack's neck. There was just enough time for Jack to pull out the power source he'd taken from the artifact, snap it in his fist and then shove the burning element into Apophis's face.
The artifact Jack had taken was one with which he'd nearly lit Daniel's office on fire a few weeks ago. Daniel had removed the power source to show Jack how it was already damaged, and therefore it had to be handled carefully and that Jack shouldn't be messing with his delicate artifacts at all because some of them were dangerous. At the time Jack had ignored the message in favor of kissing Daniel senseless, but at least he actually remembered what the damned thing looked like.
Jack was screaming because the burning in his hand felt absolutely terrible, but it was nothing compared to the sound of Apophis's scream as he leapt to his feet and clawed at his face. It wasn't an all consuming fire, but it was close enough considering he'd shoved it directly into the vampire-Goa'uld's eyes.
Trying to ignore the burning throb in his hand Jack raced to the ring transporter only to have it activate just before he arrived. He nearly collapsed to the floor, certain that it would be Jaffa reinforcements here to kill him, but blinked when he saw uniforms from the Stargate Program instead.
Daniel and Cam reached out with one motion and pulled him into the ring transporter and Teal'c activated it to return them to the original room Jack had been transported from.
"Are you insane?" Daniel asked as they hurried through the ship. "I tell you to go to the flight deck and instead you go directly to Apophis."
"It's not like you supplied a map," Jack pointed out, cradling his burnt hand to his chest as he jogged and did his best not to black out or collapse.
"I'm with him," Cam said as he jogged along beside Vala.
"I thought you were very brave," Vala said as she leaned forward to wink at Jack.
Jack shook his head. "Whatever. Next time when you say 'go to the flight deck' you could at least tell me what I should be avoiding."
"I could explain the layout of the Goa'uld Ha'tak to you," Jonas said quickly. "I found some very interesting blueprints in a terminal Sam and I managed to get working long enough to download most of the database."
"Great, whatever," Jack said, focusing his sights on coffee and jello and three types of pie and a movie marathon when he returned to the base. If anything could keep him going it was the motivation of three types of pie.
"We're very glad you're alright," Sam said as they approached a doorway.
"Indeed," Teal'c added. "I was unaware that Apophis had such power. This is very troubling."
Jack sighed as they went through some kind of transporter and wound up on what was very obviously a flight deck, with several werewolves from Cam and Vala's squadron waiting for them at a grouping of Death Gliders. "Yeah, troubling isn't quite a strong enough word in this case."
"Let's get back to the base before we worry about that," Daniel said, stopping next to one of the gliders. "I can't fly one of these, and neither can you in your condition. I'll see you on the planet."
Jack leaned in for a quick kiss and then climbed in the back of the Death Glider, smiling when Vala climbed in the front seat. "Try not to kill Cam," he instructed Daniel as he watched the rest of the group start loading up in the gliders.
"Do my best," Daniel said as he climbed in the back of the glider that Cam was piloting.
Jack settled himself in the backseat and looked around. He almost wished that he was the one piloting this thing, because it looked really fantastic, but exhaustion and pain were pulling at him. The last thing he saw before he fell into a light doze was the star field enclosing the glider as they turned towards a nearby planet.
*****
"And a slice of pumpkin pie, that's my new favorite," Jonas said as he placed another plate on the tray in front of Jack. "And a book so you're not bored."
Jack rested his heavily bandaged hand on the book and smiled. He now had a bowl of blue jello, a plate of chocolate chip cookies, and a slice of pumpkin pie. The book was just an extra surface to hold food on at this point as far as he was concerned. "Thank you, Jonas."
"Sam says that it's traditional on Earth to bring sweet foods to people who are in the hospital, and she will be here in about thirty seconds to bring you a laptop that she is saying you have to hide so that Janet doesn't take it away from you," Jonas said, tipping his head to the side as he listened to whatever Sam was saying in the hallway. "She also says that Teal'c will come watch Die Hard again with you later and that Cam and Vala will come visit when they're done rolling around with each other like dogs."
Jack smiled, knowing that Jonas was using his power to bolster his mood and he didn't mind a bit. "I appreciate that."
Sam appeared exactly when Jonas said that she would with a smile and a laptop that was rather cleverly disguised in a field report binder.
"You realize that I should only be in here overnight, right?" Jack asked as he made room for the laptop on his infirmary bed.
"I locked the computer so that dvds won't play until after you've finished your backlogged reports," Sam said with a sly grin. "You're welcome.
Jack gaped as Sam and Jonas walked hand in hand out of the infirmary. He was pretty much at a loss for words.
"She's doing it for your own good, you know," Daniel said as he emerged from the folded curtains bunched at one side of Jack's bed.
"You could not stalk me, you know," Jack pointed out, even though he didn't mind too much. Mostly.
Daniel shrugged, took a seat next to Jack and handed over a fork. "I'm useful."
"That you are," Jack said as he immediately dug into the slice of pumpkin pie. "Are you done being an overprotective jerk now?"
"Not really," Daniel admitted.
Jack nodded, not really expecting to hear otherwise. "Glad we've got that cleared up," he said around a mouthful of pie.
Daniel handed him a napkin and looked away. "Apophis already took Sha're from me. I won't let him have you too."
"That's acceptable, but until Apophis shows up here on base would you mind letting me shower in privacy?" Jack asked plaintively.
"I thought you liked it when I showered with you?" Daniel asked quietly, raising his eyebrows when a nurse was sufficiently far enough away that she couldn't hear them.
"Watching me shower, in case I slip and fall, and showering with me are two different things entirely. Just like watching me sleep and sleeping with me," Jack pointed out.
"Less of the former and more of the latter?" Daniel guessed.
Jack smiled. "I can live with that arrangement."
They couldn't kiss because they were in the middle of the infirmary on a very busy day, but Daniel stayed at Jack's bedside and read the book that Jonas had brought while Jack ate his pie and decided that this very strange base wasn't so bad after all.
The End
Jack was still awake when it was just past midnight, even though he'd eaten two slices of pie and had stretched out on his bed and counted backwards sheep. What Daniel and Sam had told him had been echoing in his head all day, like a pair of unruly toddlers banging pots and pans in the kitchen, and Jack still couldn't make any sense of it. Vampires. Aliens. Kissing vampires. How was this his life?
Various thoughts and images kept interrupting his sleep-sheep parade. He could be crazy, completely crazy, and wandering around in an abandoned military base somewhere only thinking that he was going to distant planets through a wormhole with his alien and vampire teammates. That seemed almost likely. He could have been shot or been hit on the head and the whole vampire thing, and kissing thing, was just a dream while he was in a coma in the infirmary. That seemed like a reasonable assumption as well.
His mind tried other ways to interpret the information, eventually landing on x is equal to negative b, plus or minus the square root of b squared minus four a c, all over two a, but he thought that equation was for something else entirely. No, this was more like: aliens plus four vampires plus or minus one alien/vampire all over space travel through wormholes equals crazy. He called it "O'Neill's Theorem" and was in the midst of cleaning it up for public consumption when he realized that its practical applications were limited and finding somewhere he could publish it - other than the base message board - was unlikely.
Jack rolled out of bed, found his uniform pants where he'd left them on the strange potted ficus near the door of his quarters, and started walking through the base. One of the nice things about the base he'd recently discovered was that it was staffed by insomniacs. There was always someone else up in the middle of the night and they were usually willing to spar or run around on the basketball court in hopes of tiring themselves out enough to sleep. Jack thought briefly about seeking out Cam and Vala, but instead he found himself wandering deep through the levels down to where Daniel's office was tucked away. Or, he supposed he should say Daniel's lair, because vampires had lairs, right? Maybe that was werewolves or witches or something. In any case, lair sounded about right, though mad scientist-professor-librarian laboratory also fit the bill.
Daniel was sitting at the main table, his eyes darting back and forth as he examined a large text that was propped in front of him. "I know you're there, Jack," he said as he turned a page.
"I wasn't trying to be stealthy," Jack said, though he was disappointed that he hadn't had the opportunity to observe Daniel without Daniel being aware. There was something fascinating about Daniel, even without the vampire archeologist stuff, and Jack couldn't figure out what it was.
Daniel looked up and watched Jack move around the office. "I already told you that you shouldn't be down here. Does anyone even know where you are?"
"Nope, I don't need a babysitter," Jack said. He picked up a clay pot and turned it over in his hands before gently setting it back on the shelf of artifacts. "Don't you sleep? Ever?"
"Vampire," Daniel said, using his left hand to point to himself.
"Well, in that case, you and Sam are on permanent night watch duties when we're off-world. Let the humans sleep," Jack said. He sat down across from Daniel and started fiddling with a pen from the table.
Daniel raised his eyebrows briefly but settled back down in front of his book. "Probably for the best. We can see better than humans, hear better."
"Smell better?" Jack asked, sniffing the air suspiciously. Daniel did kind of smell like a flower or something, or maybe a fruit pie.
"Vampires do have better olfactory senses, yes," Daniel said, his tone indicating that he knew exactly what Jack had meant when he asked that question.
Jack frowned and started doodling on a scrap of paper. After a long silence, as Daniel read, Jack realized that he still had questions even after their earlier Q&A. "How did you become a vampire?"
"How do you think?" Daniel asked, giving Jack his full attention for the first time since he entered the room.
"I think you were alone, on some cobblestoned street that was sparsely lit by oil lamps, and you were lured into a den of debauchery," Jack said, imagining ruffled shirts and tight pants.
Daniel blinked. "Have you been watching Interview With A Vampire?"
"Maybe," Jack hedged.
"Right," Daniel said, drawing out the word. "I was on an archeological dig in Egypt, about one hundred years ago, and a set of unstable ruins collapsed on me. A field doctor, one Janet Fraiser, just happened to be at the camp for a few days. They pulled me out, more than half dead, and she came to my cot that night and turned me into what I am now."
Jack frowned. It was much less exciting than he'd envisioned, though in his mind's eye Daniel was now dressed in very much like Indiana Jones. The pants were still rather tight.
"She just picked some random dying guy to turn into a vampire?" he asked, trying to envision it in his mind. If Jack was a vampire he thought he'd at least get to know a person before he bit them on the neck and sucked on their blood. Well, maybe. He could see how Daniel, in his imagined tight Indiana Jones pants, could potentially catch a vampire's attention. Daniel had certainly caught Jack's attention.
Daniel tipped his head to the side and idly ran his finger down the edge of the page he was reading. "Most vampires choose to take a mate and turn them, but Janet was never fond of that practice. She found the necessary deceit too cloying. But she was lonely and she'd heard of me in her travels, and I was dying and would soon be gone if she did nothing. Believe it or not, at the time I had actually published about archeological evidence that proved the existence of vampires."
Jack couldn't help but laugh. "So, first it was vampires in Egyptian dig sites and a hundred years later it's the pyramids are evidence of aliens on Earth? What's next?"
"I would like to point out that I was right both times, even if very few people will ever have the opportunity to acknowledge it," Daniel said. "Back to your question; Janet came to my cot and told me I wouldn't survive the night, but if I wanted to join her in eternal life she would take me on that journey. I agreed and we were traveling companions for many years."
"Okay, what about Sam?" Jack asked, curious now.
Daniel smiled, the memory obviously fond. "Sam was supposed to be for me. Janet found her in an airplane crash in the mountains and pulled her from the wreckage. This was in the early 40's and Sam was a member of the Ninety-Nines, which is an organization that promotes the education, training, and advancement of female pilots. Sam was loathe to leave behind her life as a pilot, she loves to fly, but it was years before she was able to join the Air Force after she'd been turned."
Jack only really caught one part of that: "Sam was supposed to be for you?"
"Janet thought I longed for more than her friendship, vampires are rather lonely creatures by necessity. But Sam and I bickered rather viciously for a few years before we realized that we were far more similar than different. While we become very fond of each other there was no romantic attachment, then nor now," Daniel explained, still amused.
"Okay, what about the other vampires around here?" Jack asked, figuring he might as well find out now instead of being surprised by it later.
"Jonas was found on one of our very early missions, we and three other teams had been dispatched to lend aid to Langara. By the time we arrived the planet had been virtually destroyed, Jonas was the only survivor we found and he would not have survived the trip to the Stargate in order to receive treatment here. He helped Sam turn off a device that was spilling radiation that would have killed the rest of the human teams that had come with us on the mission. Sam was quite taken with him and managed to turn him and ease him through the first stages so he could be brought back with us," Daniel said. He turned the page in his book and began to scan the lines of foreign text.
"And Janet?" Jack asked, quite curious about the woman who had turned both Daniel and Sam.
Daniel looked up, a smile flickering over his features so quickly it might not have been there at all. "If you want that story, you're going to have to ask her. She doesn't like to tell it, but I think she's taken a liking to you and just might. If you're willing to ask."
Jack had always considered himself a fairly brave man. He went racing into firefights, he didn't back down when people were threatening his life, he had snide comments prepared for just about any situation. However, when it came to a woman who could kill him just by looking at him - probably - Jack wasn't going to mess around. After all, she was his primary care physician. "I think I'll pass for now," he said, ignoring Daniel's quiet laughter. "Okay, so what about me. Are you going to turn me into a vampire?"
This caught Daniel's complete attention and he stared at Jack like any sane person might stare at a huge venomous snake that was coiled around a mouthwatering cherry pie. "Do you want me to?" he asked, his tone giving nothing away.
"You did kiss me," Jack pointed out.
"I did," Daniel agreed. "You kissed me back. Do you want to be my vampire mate?"
Jack thought about it. He would be extremely strong, never have to sleep, and possibly even have superpowers. "Nah," he said finally.
"Nah?" Daniel repeated, his eyebrows shooting up into his long hair.
"If I had superpowers then I'd actually feel compelled to try and save the world or something. I think I'll just stick to pie and movies," Jack explained, barely able to keep from smiling.
"Uh huh," Daniel said.
"But, if you'd like, we can still kiss. And stuff," Jack offered.
"And stuff?" Daniel repeated blankly as Jack got up and walked around the table so that he was in Daniel's personal space bubble.
Jack leaned in so that his eyelashes were nearly touching the lenses of Daniel's glasses. "If you'd like."
Daniel took a slow breath, the cool air rushing against Jack's lips. "I'd like that very much."
They kissed and Jack's eyes fell shut. It almost felt wrong not to look at Daniel while they were kissing, but Jack decided he was overwhelmed by enough things without gazing deep into Daniel's eyes.
When they broke away, Daniel's hands wrapped around Jack's upper arms and forcing them a step apart, Daniel sighed and looked at Jack with sad eyes. "This is probably the most reckless thing I've done in a century."
Jack shrugged, feeling Daniel's hands move up and down with the motion of his arms. "My middle name is reckless," he said and wiggled his eyebrows.
Daniel laughed and gently pushed Jack away. "You're terrible. Go away and sleep so I can get some work done."
Jack found that he actually did feel like he might be able to sleep now and started in the direction of the door. "So, an evening with a vampire ends with a kiss and an insult?" he asked as he left.
"You started this," Daniel called back.
Jack waited until he was back in his own quarters and leaning against his door with a strangely content smile. "And I will finish it too," he said to himself. Somewhere, in the back of his mind he was almost positive he heard Daniel reply "you wish."
*****
It was two weeks later when Jack couldn't sleep again and he found himself waylaid on his way to Daniel's office by Cam and Vala of the Special Flight Squadron. They were already dressed in gym gear, Cam's shirt loose but showing his strong shoulders and arms and Vala's outfit way too tight for what could possibly be considered appropriate, despite the fact that it was just past two in the morning. Jack agreed to a game of basketball, eager for some physical activity to release his growing tension and taper off the sugar high that came from eating four slices of chocolate creme pie in the space of two hours.
"She shoots," Vala cried out as she arched up to throw the basketball in a move that had Jack and Cam's complete attention. "And she scores!"
Cam and Jack moaned desultorily as Vala ran a victory lap around the small court space. Somehow, despite Jack's absolutely best efforts, Vala was kicking his trash and Cam's as well.
"She's unbearable when she wins," Cam said, catching the ball that Vala bounced in his direction from across the court.
"I thought she was unbearable when she lost?" Jack asked, thinking back to a conversation he'd had with Cam in the mess hall after a particularly exhausting race around the base.
Cam grinned. "That too," he said and took off across the court while dribbling the ball.
Jack laughed and held up his hand for a high five when Vala came racing towards him. She stopped short, her upheld hand falling to her side and the ball was left to roll across the court from where Cam had shot it to the hoop and then fell still before retrieving it.
"Is there a Goa'uld behind me?" Jack asked, feeling unaccountably nervous.
"Vampire," Cam growled. He walked slowly across the court until he was standing even with Vala.
Jack turned back and found Sam in the doorway with her arms folded and her gaze fixed on Cam and Vala. "Oh, hey Sam," he said, and then what Cam had just said caught up with him. "You know?" Jack asked, turning back to Cam and Vala.
"We know. We're not blind," Vala said shortly.
Since this made no sense to Jack he turned back to Sam to see her response.
She glared, her arms still folded, but she made no attempt to come closer. "Well, you'd have to be completely without a sense of smell to not realize that this place was crawling with dogs. Sir, you shouldn't be hanging out with them."
Jack blinked. He'd never seen Sam behave this hostilely towards someone, even when he'd first arrived and she would barely look at him. "Why?" he asked, feeling like this was a very good question.
Cam growled and edged forward restlessly. "Because your precious vampire friends don't want you rolling around with a bunch of werewolves. They don't want to smell us on you," he said, his voice uncharacteristically bitter.
Jack blinked again and shook his head to make sure he hadn't been knocked down during the game and was suffering from some kind of auditory hallucinations. "Werewolves?" he asked, though it kind of made sense. If there was going to be vampires, there might as well be werewolves too.
"That's us," Vala said, her smile a little sharper than it could have been.
"You're werewolf fighter pilots?" Jack asked, just to make sure.
"Our whole squadron is," Vala said, regaining some of her previous self-possession. "It's pretty awesome."
Jack turned back to Sam. "And why was it again that I shouldn't hang out with them?"
Sam stared at Jack like he'd just asked why pies are round. "Because they're werewolves."
"That's it?" Jack asked.
Sam nodded. "Pretty much."
Jack considered this information and then walked over to retrieve the forgotten basketball. "That's not going to work for me. If you guys want to avoid each other, that's fine, but if I'm going to accept vampires and aliens then I've got to accept the werewolves too."
"Daniel is not going to be happy," Sam pointed out as Jack dribbled the ball and then threw it to Vala.
"Daniel can get over it," Jack said. "Now, are you going to join us? We could go two-on-two, guys verses gals, or werewolves verses vampire and human. What do you say?"
Sam shook her head, but smiled a little bit. "I've got an experiment to check up on. Maybe another time when we're more evenly matched."
"I'm sure Jonas would play once he's taught the rules of basketball," Jack suggested.
Sam grinned. "I meant that the advantage was in my favor. They'd need at least three more werewolves to even make me put on my game face."
Jack stared as Sam left and then turned to stare at Cam and Vala. "Werewolves."
"Whatever, are we finishing this game or not?" Cam asked, stealing the ball from Vala and racing across the court with both Jack and Vala in hot pursuit.
*****
"So," Daniel said as they walked through a very green and very damp forest that was slowly dripping alien rainwater down on their hats.
Jack stepped over a fallen log and pondered the fact that if the government didn't officially know about vampires and werewolves, what else were they missing?
"So," Daniel said again, clearly waiting for Jack to respond. When Jack didn't, he continued on. "So, Sam says you're playing basketball with the werewolf pack."
"Well, that's not entirely accurate," Jack said, turning back so that he could look at Daniel as they walked. "I also spar with the werewolves, and go running with them, and I think we're working our way up to badminton."
Daniel's mouth opened and then shut with an audible click. "Right. Can I just say right now that I think that's a bad idea?"
"Because they're werewolves?" Jack asked.
"Yes," Daniel said slowly.
"You know, I don't really get this whole vampires verses werewolves thing," Jack said, turning forward just in time to keep from running into a low hanging branch. "Wouldn't it make sense for supernatural creatures to bond and form an alliance so that you aren't alone in a world full of humans? What, is there some type of ancient and unforgivable grudge between your species?"
"That pretty much covers it," Daniel agreed blandly.
Jack came to a full stop and stared at Daniel. "Seriously? That's the kind of crap that got Romeo and Juliet killed."
Daniel stopped too and stared back. "I don't even want to know who your mind is casting as Romeo and Juliet in this little scenario."
Jack thought about it for a moment and then nodded. "That's probably for the best. But either way, I think your feud is stupid and I'm not going to stop playing basketball with werewolves just to appease you."
"Alright," Daniel agreed and started walking again.
"Aright?" Jack asked, surprised that it was that easy.
Daniel bobbed his head, sending rainwater spraying from his hat. "Yep. I figure at this point that your chances of being mauled by a werewolf or bitten by a vampire are pretty much even. I know which I'd prefer, and I'd much rather you spent time with me than the damn wolves, but I'll take what I can get."
"Oh," Jack said. He actually hadn't thought much about getting mauled or getting bitten. All of the vampires and werewolves he'd met seemed pretty civilized, not like they were going around hurting people or eating babies or anything. "Wait, werewolves don't eat babies, do they?"
"Although my first instinct is to say that it wouldn't surprise me, no. Werewolves don't eat babies. Being a werewolf is genetic, though most won't shift unless they're part of a pack. You'll commonly find werewolf packs in military teams and police units, and other very close and isolated groups of people who are under intense stress," Daniel explained. "You can't become a werewolf by being bitten or scratched by one, but if you survive a werewolf attack the results certainly aren't pretty."
"Good to know," Jack said, and it was. Cam had given him a pretty good scratch during a sparring match a few weeks back and it hadn't even crossed Jack's mind until this point that it might have been something to worry about.
Daniel nodded sagely. "This stuff isn't something you should be messing around with. Have you considered transferring to another base?"
"So, Sam and Teal'c are taking the other path around the forest. Are we going to make out in a tree or something?" Jack asked in response, not evening dignifying Daniel's question with an actual answer. Of course he wasn't going anywhere. This base was weird and crazy and all kinds of bizarre, but it had great pie. And the 'people' weren't so bad either.
Before Daniel could respond an arrow hit the trunk of the tree Jack was leaning against. Another arrow followed and Jack hit the ground. He stared in shock as an arrow went directly through Daniel's chest.
"Daniel," he gasped as Daniel fell forward. Before he could say anything more Daniel was dragging him into the dense bushes that were nearby and the world around them became nothing more than tightly packed leaves and branches with raindrops rustling around them.
Jack watched, mostly in horror but partially in fascination as Daniel managed to gain leverage on the arrow that was piercing his chest and then pulled it all the way through in one smooth motion. It wasn't even bloody.
"Can you even die?" Jack asked, both incredulously but with a great deal of relief as well. If Daniel had been human he would have been dead right now. It was a thought that was somehow deeply frightening to Jack, even though he knew better by now than to become so strongly attached to people he was regularly with in combat situations.. He should have known better, but somehow it seemed that he didn't at all.
"Under the right circumstances," Daniel said as he set the arrow aside. "For the most part it's very difficult and usually requires an all consuming fire or another vampire. A very powerful vampire."
Jack nodded and sighed with relief. All consuming fires and very powerful vampires seemed like things they should be able to avoid pretty readily. "When whoever was shooting at us has moved on we should go find Sam and Teal'c."
"Sam's fine and she knows Teal'c is too," Daniel said, tapping his forehead when Jack just looked confused.
"Oh, right," Jack said. "Psychic vampire powers do have their uses."
Daniel smiled and reached over to wipe the raindrops from Jack's face. "That they do."
*****
Jack rolled over in his bed, caught halfway between deep slumber and the confused wakefulness that only happens in the very early morning hours. He'd taken a long hot shower when they'd returned from the mission, washing away the freezing alien rainwater that had left him shivering after the long trek they'd taken around the villagers they'd unknowingly trespassed upon. A late meal in the mess hall was the last thing he really remembered, a thick roast potato and a pork chop, all soaked in gravy and with coffee and jello for dessert. He felt his stomach rumble at the memory and pressed his face back down into the pillow, fully prepared to reenter a dessert based dreamland where he could soak in a deep tub of hot chocolate and eat cherries directly from the tree that overhung the quiet outcropping.
There were no sounds, just a light wind tussling Jack's hair as he leaned back and wiggled his toes in the hot chocolate and the fall of boots near the doorway. Jack's eyes popped back open as he realized what he was hearing. In the near dark he could make out a form near his doorway; the two dark pillars of someone's ankles blocking the sliver of light at the bottom of the door were the biggest clue. He thought quickly about assassins from Iraq, aliens that had followed them back through the 'gate, Goa'uld that had occupied a member of another team and was now seeking out those who had destroyed its fellow Goa'uld. It never did cross his mind to worry about the vampires and werewolves that lived on the base - he was pretty friendly with all of them. Just as he was getting ready to make some kind of ninja strike that involved grabbing the table lamp and swinging wildly at the intruder, the figure spoke.
"Go back to sleep, Jack," Daniel's voice said, both irritated and soothing in the same tone.
"What are you doing here?" Jack asked, staring as Daniel walked away from the door and towards Jack's desk chair.
Daniel sat, the chair making a soft thump on the thinly carpeted floor as it was resettled. "Keeping watch," he said.
"On base?" Jack asked. He was all for keeping watch when they were off-world. To be honest they hadn't really met all that many friend aliens and being attacked in the middle of the night was a fairly common occurrence. Even though Sam and Daniel took all of the night shifts, leaving Jack to sleep and Teal'c to Kelno'reem, Jack spent many hours awake on alien planets listening for the first sign of someone sneaking up on their campsite.
Daniel sighed and drummed his fingers on the edge of Jack's desk, a short staccato that cut off after less than a minute. "You have no idea how fragile you are," he said.
"I'm not immortal," Jack agreed. "But I can take care of myself. Big, macho, scary military guy, remember?"
"If I hadn't moved in front of that arrow it would have killed you. Sam warned me of their approach just in time," Daniel said.
Jack considered that for a moment. "It's a good thing that she did then. But no one is going to come into my quarters and start shooting arrows at me." He hoped that was true, but he figured it seemed pretty unlikely.
"Jack," Daniel said, sounding exasperated. "I don't do this. I don't fall in love with humans, not anymore."
"Not anymore?" Jack asked, trying to ignore the way his heart beat faster at the thought that Daniel might love him.
"Sha're, a woman on Abydos where I spent the last year before all the Goa'uld stuff started happening again," Daniel said quietly. "I killed her. She'd been taken by a Goa'uld, and I knew that she wouldn't want to live like that, not even for a minute. So, when your predecessor, O'Neil with one "L", and Teal'c rescued us all, I broke away and I tore her head from her body."
Jack stared, caught between 'love' and 'tore her head from her body'. "Wow," he finally said.
Daniel sighed again. "Maybe I should have tried to capture her so we could attempt to remove the Goa'uld, or maybe I should have let her go. I probably should have turned her into a vampire when we had the chance, but she didn't want that. To her, eternal life in the body of the dead was an abomination. Seeing what has become of the Goa'uld, it's hard to disagree."
"I don't think you're an abomination," Jack said quickly, feeling heartsick at the idea of Daniel thinking of himself in that way.
"Give it time," Daniel said. "Even now, I want you, I can smell the blood racing through your veins and it's intoxicating."
Jack swung his feet out from under the covers and shrugged. "Makes sense to me. If you were a walking-talking-cherry pie, I'd have a hard time keeping my teeth out of you." He could feel Daniel's answering stare even in the darkness.
"You are much more to me than cherry pie," Daniel said. "Even though I tried not to let it happen, here I am."
Jack stood and blindly made his way the short distance to Daniel, feeling the chill of his skin through the fabric of Daniel's shirt as he rested his hands on Daniel's shoulders. "Here I am," he echoed. He leaned in, pressing his lips to Daniel's forehead and slowly moving down to his mouth.
When they broke apart, at Daniel's insistence, Daniel sighed again. "You thrive off testing my self control, don't you?"
"Like a warm cherry pie right out of the oven," Jack replied with a grin.
Daniel shook his head, the sound of his hair shifting filling the air for a brief moment. "Go back to sleep, Jack."
Jack got back in bed and settled under the blankets. "This is kind of creepy. You know that, right?"
"Sleep," Daniel directed.
Jack chuckled and rolled onto his side. A few minutes later as he drifted back to sleep he thought that there was something strangely comforting about a vampire who had just confessed to wanting his blood watching over him as he slept. Oh well, life was full of contradictions, what was one more?
*****
An explosion rocked the Goa'uld mothership and Jack fell to the floor and slid several yards before coming to an abrupt stop against a doorway. He lay still for a moment, assessing his various bumps and bruises, listening for the signs of an incoming attack, and mostly thinking how he'd arrived at the point where he was lost by himself in the middle of a hostile alien spaceship.
It was actually pretty simple. They'd gone on a reconnaissance mission, been ambushed and captured - though Sam had managed to call the other team on the planet for help before her radio had been taken and destroyed. When Jack had awoken he'd been alone in a cell on the ship and had managed to wiggle his way out through an air vent. Evidently the Goa'uld had never seen any of the dozens of movies and tv shows that showed people escaping through air vents in their prison cells, but Jack wasn't about to complain. When passing by a window he'd discovered that they were somewhere in space, which was probably a bad sign but at the same time was pretty awesome, and since that point he'd been wandering by himself. Hopefully the explosion meant the rest of his team was out on the ship causing havoc and mayhem. And trying to find him, of course.
Jack got to his feet and started off in the direction of the explosion. It was probably not the most tactical move he could make but he hadn't seen anyone in hours and if he was going to find his team or the enemy an explosion seemed as good a place as any.
"Wait a minute," Jack said to himself as he walked. "If Sam can tell the future, shouldn't she have seen us getting ambushed and warned us?"
"Probably," Daniel said. "Our powers aren't exactly perfect."
Jack came to a stop and swung around. Daniel was nowhere to be seen. "Daniel?"
"I'm talking to you in your head," Daniel replied.
"Can you do that?" Jack asked, peering up at the ceiling to make sure Daniel wasn't just messing with him.
There was a long silence. "Apparently. I guess it comes with the reading minds thing, but I can't really tell what you're thinking most of the time," Daniel said, sounding just about as confused as Jack.
"Great," Jack said, deciding it was probably a good thing that Daniel couldn't read his mind most of the time. "So. Where are you guys?"
"A few levels away from you. The explosion was Sam and Jonas rigging something, Teal'c is standing guard," Daniel said. "Look, try to make your way down to the flight deck. The wolves you're so fond of are on board and are working to secure all of us a path off this ship. I hope you feel up to piloting us off this thing."
"How did Jonas and Cam and Vala get here?" Jack asked, turning to assess where he was.
"They came through for backup, just before the mothership left the planet," Daniel explained. "We've got more work to do here, I'll see you soon. Stay away from the upper levels. There's something not right about this place."
"Apart from it being an alien death trap, I can't imagine what you'd have against it. The interior decorating needs a little work," Jack said as he made his way toward the end of the hallway. "Daniel? Daniel?"
There was no response.
"Great. Make my way to the flight deck to meet up with the werewolves. That should be simple enough," Jack grumbled to himself as he walked by dozens of doorways. "Oh wait, I don't have superpowers and I can't read Goa'uld! Doh!"
Deciding that his best way to make his way to another floor was to reach a dead end, because that's where the ladders or transporters or whatever should be, Jack kept walking and kept his eyes out for anything that looked like a sign for an elevator or a stairway. Goa'uld motherships weren't exactly user friendly, but given the Goa'uld themselves, that wasn't exactly a surprise.
After what felt like a long time of walking he reached a place where the hallway emptied out into a large room with what he recognized as a ring transporter set into the middle of it. Jack walked around it, looking for some type of control panel or a down button or anything, but finally gave up and stepped inside. Maybe it was voice activated like on Star Trek.
"Down," Jack told the ring transporter firmly as if speaking to a particularly excitable dog. "Go down to the flight deck. Hello?"
He stepped away from the edge instinctively as the rings rose up out of the floor and a moment later he was somewhere else entirely. Jack looked around the small room he was in, the walls leaning in until they reached a point at the top. This was not where he wanted to be. "I said down," Jack hissed at the now unmoving ring transporter and felt helplessly at the empty holster at his thigh. His weapons had been taken from him when he'd been captured.
"How quaint," a deep and kind of echoey voice said from behind Jack.
Jack spun around and stared at the Goa'uld he recognized as Apophis. "Oh, this is not good," he said to himself.
"A human," Apophis continued to speak as he walked around Jack. "I was told we captured some who were similar to myself, but you are not."
Jack smiled, wondering whether Apophis was just going to send him back to his cell or kill him outright. "That's right, just a human. Nothing to see here."
Apophis returned Jack's smile. "Quite the contrary. You look delicious indeed. Very appetizing is your scent. I don't know how the ones you travel with stand it."
"Thank you?" Jack asked, feeling more than a little disturbed at being called 'delicious'. He'd never heard that the Goa'uld ate humans before, but somehow he wouldn't find that entirely surprising.
Apophis laughed. "I may have to keep you for a while. Playing with your food is vastly underrated."
Jack stared, catching a glimpse of fangs that were only really visible if you knew what you were looking for. "You're a Goa'uld and a vampire?" he asked, hoping that it was just some kind of fluke.
"My host was a newly born vampire when I took his body. The full effects had not yet taken hold so I was able to slip deep inside and create a space for myself there. I am now immortal many times over; there are none who can stand against me," Apophis said. "However, there are none who know of my condition, of my unquenchable thirst for the blood of humans. It would be seen as a weakness even though it is the greatest source of my power."
"Great," Jack said dryly. "Just great."
"Sit, over there. I have many things to do before I can indulge myself with likes of you," Apophis said as he pointed to the side of the room. "My suggestion is to stay put and not cause trouble, not unless you enjoy suffering greatly before you perish."
"Just great," Jack repeated and went over to the side of the room to sit and think about what he was going to do.
*****
"Jack, where are you?" Daniel asked.
"About time you noticed," Jack said quietly. "I'm with Apophis, who by the way is a vampire and a Goa'uld and probably an entomologist for all I know."
"I'm not even going to ask," Daniel replied. "Where on the ship are you?"
"At the top," Jack snapped. "And Apophis seems to think of me as an after-invasion snack, so a little help before that happens would be appreciated."
There was a long period of quiet, with only Apophis clattering about in the background, and Jack nearly called for Daniel again when there was a response. Alright, just stay there. I'm coming to get you.
"What? By yourself?" Jack asked, gritting his teeth. "No, look. Get yourself and the rest of the team out of here if you don't have a feasible rescue plan."
"Stay there," Daniel repeated and then went quiet.
Jack felt sick at the idea of Daniel coming by himself to the rescue. Daniel had said that only a more powerful vampire could kill a vampire, that and consuming fire, but Apophis would definitely be the more powerful vampire in this equation. The only solution, to save Daniel and the others, was to escape by himself. Before Daniel tried to face off with a thousands of years old vampire that was also inhabited by a megalomaniacal snake alien.
Jack glanced around the room again, taking stock of his options, and his eye caught on an artifact that he'd seen in Daniel's office a few weeks earlier. It was probably a phenomenally stupid plan, but Jack had noticed during his years with the military that the stupider a plan sounded in theory, the better it seemed to work in practice. If that held true then Jack had the best plan ever.
He got to his feet and made it a few yards without attracting any attention, enough space to pick up the artifact and enclose it in one hand.
"Do you mean to attempt escape?" Apophis asked from the control panel.
Jack shook his head and walked closer. "To be honest this is a little bit dull. You'd think that there would be more going on up here. Maybe you should just have your snack and get on with it."
Apophis laughed and turned. He caught Jack's left wrist in one smooth motion and forced the artifact to drop broken in pieces to the floor. "Did you truly think it would be that simple? I have told you, I am unbeatable, I am all powerful, I am the only god who matters."
"You might want to check your ego at the door before you pop your spaceship here," Jack pointed out, purposefully keep his captured limb loose and limp.
"You're right, I am bored. Time for a snack," Apophis said and walked back to the throne chair, dragging Jack with him.
It was incredibly awkward to be pulled onto Apophis's lap, like alien Santa Claus mets a really weird military space porno or something, but Jack settled himself and watched carefully. Sure enough Apophis's eyes flickered closed as he brought his mouth to Jack's neck. There was just enough time for Jack to pull out the power source he'd taken from the artifact, snap it in his fist and then shove the burning element into Apophis's face.
The artifact Jack had taken was one with which he'd nearly lit Daniel's office on fire a few weeks ago. Daniel had removed the power source to show Jack how it was already damaged, and therefore it had to be handled carefully and that Jack shouldn't be messing with his delicate artifacts at all because some of them were dangerous. At the time Jack had ignored the message in favor of kissing Daniel senseless, but at least he actually remembered what the damned thing looked like.
Jack was screaming because the burning in his hand felt absolutely terrible, but it was nothing compared to the sound of Apophis's scream as he leapt to his feet and clawed at his face. It wasn't an all consuming fire, but it was close enough considering he'd shoved it directly into the vampire-Goa'uld's eyes.
Trying to ignore the burning throb in his hand Jack raced to the ring transporter only to have it activate just before he arrived. He nearly collapsed to the floor, certain that it would be Jaffa reinforcements here to kill him, but blinked when he saw uniforms from the Stargate Program instead.
Daniel and Cam reached out with one motion and pulled him into the ring transporter and Teal'c activated it to return them to the original room Jack had been transported from.
"Are you insane?" Daniel asked as they hurried through the ship. "I tell you to go to the flight deck and instead you go directly to Apophis."
"It's not like you supplied a map," Jack pointed out, cradling his burnt hand to his chest as he jogged and did his best not to black out or collapse.
"I'm with him," Cam said as he jogged along beside Vala.
"I thought you were very brave," Vala said as she leaned forward to wink at Jack.
Jack shook his head. "Whatever. Next time when you say 'go to the flight deck' you could at least tell me what I should be avoiding."
"I could explain the layout of the Goa'uld Ha'tak to you," Jonas said quickly. "I found some very interesting blueprints in a terminal Sam and I managed to get working long enough to download most of the database."
"Great, whatever," Jack said, focusing his sights on coffee and jello and three types of pie and a movie marathon when he returned to the base. If anything could keep him going it was the motivation of three types of pie.
"We're very glad you're alright," Sam said as they approached a doorway.
"Indeed," Teal'c added. "I was unaware that Apophis had such power. This is very troubling."
Jack sighed as they went through some kind of transporter and wound up on what was very obviously a flight deck, with several werewolves from Cam and Vala's squadron waiting for them at a grouping of Death Gliders. "Yeah, troubling isn't quite a strong enough word in this case."
"Let's get back to the base before we worry about that," Daniel said, stopping next to one of the gliders. "I can't fly one of these, and neither can you in your condition. I'll see you on the planet."
Jack leaned in for a quick kiss and then climbed in the back of the Death Glider, smiling when Vala climbed in the front seat. "Try not to kill Cam," he instructed Daniel as he watched the rest of the group start loading up in the gliders.
"Do my best," Daniel said as he climbed in the back of the glider that Cam was piloting.
Jack settled himself in the backseat and looked around. He almost wished that he was the one piloting this thing, because it looked really fantastic, but exhaustion and pain were pulling at him. The last thing he saw before he fell into a light doze was the star field enclosing the glider as they turned towards a nearby planet.
*****
"And a slice of pumpkin pie, that's my new favorite," Jonas said as he placed another plate on the tray in front of Jack. "And a book so you're not bored."
Jack rested his heavily bandaged hand on the book and smiled. He now had a bowl of blue jello, a plate of chocolate chip cookies, and a slice of pumpkin pie. The book was just an extra surface to hold food on at this point as far as he was concerned. "Thank you, Jonas."
"Sam says that it's traditional on Earth to bring sweet foods to people who are in the hospital, and she will be here in about thirty seconds to bring you a laptop that she is saying you have to hide so that Janet doesn't take it away from you," Jonas said, tipping his head to the side as he listened to whatever Sam was saying in the hallway. "She also says that Teal'c will come watch Die Hard again with you later and that Cam and Vala will come visit when they're done rolling around with each other like dogs."
Jack smiled, knowing that Jonas was using his power to bolster his mood and he didn't mind a bit. "I appreciate that."
Sam appeared exactly when Jonas said that she would with a smile and a laptop that was rather cleverly disguised in a field report binder.
"You realize that I should only be in here overnight, right?" Jack asked as he made room for the laptop on his infirmary bed.
"I locked the computer so that dvds won't play until after you've finished your backlogged reports," Sam said with a sly grin. "You're welcome.
Jack gaped as Sam and Jonas walked hand in hand out of the infirmary. He was pretty much at a loss for words.
"She's doing it for your own good, you know," Daniel said as he emerged from the folded curtains bunched at one side of Jack's bed.
"You could not stalk me, you know," Jack pointed out, even though he didn't mind too much. Mostly.
Daniel shrugged, took a seat next to Jack and handed over a fork. "I'm useful."
"That you are," Jack said as he immediately dug into the slice of pumpkin pie. "Are you done being an overprotective jerk now?"
"Not really," Daniel admitted.
Jack nodded, not really expecting to hear otherwise. "Glad we've got that cleared up," he said around a mouthful of pie.
Daniel handed him a napkin and looked away. "Apophis already took Sha're from me. I won't let him have you too."
"That's acceptable, but until Apophis shows up here on base would you mind letting me shower in privacy?" Jack asked plaintively.
"I thought you liked it when I showered with you?" Daniel asked quietly, raising his eyebrows when a nurse was sufficiently far enough away that she couldn't hear them.
"Watching me shower, in case I slip and fall, and showering with me are two different things entirely. Just like watching me sleep and sleeping with me," Jack pointed out.
"Less of the former and more of the latter?" Daniel guessed.
Jack smiled. "I can live with that arrangement."
They couldn't kiss because they were in the middle of the infirmary on a very busy day, but Daniel stayed at Jack's bedside and read the book that Jonas had brought while Jack ate his pie and decided that this very strange base wasn't so bad after all.
The End