He's not the same anymore
My DH has been very sick for about 2 years, quite possibly more. Its hard to say because he doesn't trust me enough to tell me about his symptoms unless I can actually see them. He has heart disease, uses a CPAP machine and may have MS. He also has IBS
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I'm the cripple in my relationship. I spent today in bed because of pain. That is not, however, an excuse for not at least interacting. I kept my partner filled in on the kitten's antics while my partner was in the living room, and we talked politics and household problems. On my good days, I get things done around the house--picking up, taking care of the cat litterboxes, that sort of thing.
He sounds like he's majorly depressed and needs serious help. He has got to start being honest with his therapist; he has no chance of getting better when he's in this deep otherwise. I don't know how you can communicate that to him, though.
My concern is your mutual lack of trust and your fear of in case he turned violent. Between those and his contentment to live as a lump, you don't have a marriage. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but from what you're describing, you don't. You are being thoroughly used by someone who happens to share your bed. I don't know if therapy for both of you (because you're so stressed, you should probably be in therapy) and proper medication for him would help or not. To be entirely honest, my gut reaction to this was, "Why are you still married to him?" I know there's the guilt and the concern over your family's reaction, but is it worth it? You really need to ask yourself that.
(By the way, he's getting an EMG. They're not bad, depending on where they're done.)
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