Бен, ай нид хэлп!
Кто помнит текст про Братство кольца в стиле Монти Пайтон? Келеборн, Галадриэль, 30 лодок, "надевает ведро на голову", все такое. Я не могу найти текст на русском!
Если у кого есть - киньте в комменты или дайте ссылку плз.
Frodo: "What are you doing?"
Merry: "Tomatoes, sausages and spam; eggs and spam; eggs, bacon, sausages and spam; spam, spam, spam, eggs and spam..."
Sam&Pippin (singing): "Spam, spam, spam! Lovely spa-a-am..."
Merry: "And of course Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with mushroom pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam."
Frodo: "Put it out you fools! I don't like spam!"
**********************
(Lórien)
Aragorn: "This is the home of Celeborn and Galadriel, two of the wisest beings in Middle-earth. I'm sure they will give us some advice." (He approaches C&G.)
Aragorn: "Hi. We are on a very important quest. Is there any chance that you could help us?"
Galadriel: "Sure. We can give you thirty boats so you can cross the river."
Aragorn: "Umm. I think three boats will suffice, thank you..."
Celeborn (whispering): "Gladys tends to exaggarate. Any number she gives you will be tenfold. Otherwise she's perfectly all right."
Aragorn: "Oh. I see. And could you please tell us how long way is it from here to Mordor?"
Celeborn: "Certainly. Two miles."
Aragorn: "Two...?? It must be longer than that!"
Galadriel (whispering): "Of course you must remember to multiply whatever Celeborn says by three hundred."
Aragorn: "Right."
Galadriel: "Yes. So when he says it's two miles, he actually means six thousand miles."
Aragorn (eyeing C&G suspiciously) : "Hm. Indeed. Er, is it possible that we spend the night here before we set out again on this perilous quest?"
Galadriel (to Celeborn): "Love, could you show these eighty good people here the way to the fountain? They wish to bathe with the virgins."
Aragorn: "No, no! We just want to sleep here for the night!"
Galadriel (whispering): "Yes. But you can't say that to Celeborn. You must ask if you can bathe with the virgins in the fountain. Otherwise he will put a bucket over his head."
Aragorn: "Ah. Right. Very well."
Aragorn (to Celeborn): "Er. I was wondering if we could... ah... bathe with the... virgins? I-in the fountain?"
Celeborn: "By all means do! The fountain is right over there."
Aragorn: "No! What I meant was, could we BATHE? WITH THE VIRGINS, you know, IN THE FOUNTAIN?"
Celeborn (slightly irritated): "I told you, the fountain is that way."
Aragorn: "But, you see, she said..."
Celeborn: "Oh, what did she tell you now?"
Aragorn: "That I should ask to bathe with the virgins in the fountain, when I meant to ask if we could spend the night here..."
Celeborn puts a bucket over his head.
Galadriel: "Oh, great! Now you've done it!"
Celeborn: "I'm not coming out!"
Galadriel: "Now I must take him to the swan-boat and sing."
Aragorn: "Oh. Sorry..."
Galadriel (gives Aragorn an angry look and starts singing): "A Elbereth Gilthoniel..."
Haldir walks over.
Haldir: "Oh dear. Did you ask poor Celeborn about spending the night here?"
Aragorn looks guilty. Haldir joins in with Galadriel: "...silivren penna míriel..."
Celeborn removes the bucket. Everybody sighs of relief.
Galadriel (to Aragorn): "He should be all right for now. But, you know, DON'T do it again! Just DON'T!"
Aragorn: "OK. Swell. So, about bathing with the virgins in the fountain..."
Celeborn: "How many times do I have to tell you?" (Points at the fountain.)
Aragorn: "Yes, yes. No. Look here, these little fellas are really tired. We just want to... uh..."
Celeborn: "What? Sleep?"
Aragorn: "Yes!!"
Celeborn: "Then why didn't you ask?! It's rather confusing when you talk about bathing and such!"
Aragorn: "I know. But you put the bucket on your head the last time I said we want to stay here for the night!"
Celeborn puts the bucket on his head.
Rúmil walks over.
Rúmil: "Oh, by the grace of Aman! Did somebody ask Celeborn about staying overnight?"
Galadriel (points at Aragorn): "Twice!!"
G&R start to sing: "O menel aglar elenath..."
Galadriel: "It's not working, we need more!"
Voices of other elves join in. The entire forest echoes with singing. "Na-chaered palan-díriel..."
Celeborn finally removes te bucket.
Celeborn: "I'm sorry. What can I do for you?"
Pippin: "We just want to sleep here tonight..."
Celeborn puts the bucket back on his head.
Everybody: "Fool of a Took!!"
Pippin: "But it's my only line that isn't silly!
Если у кого есть - киньте в комменты или дайте ссылку плз.
Frodo: "What are you doing?"
Merry: "Tomatoes, sausages and spam; eggs and spam; eggs, bacon, sausages and spam; spam, spam, spam, eggs and spam..."
Sam&Pippin (singing): "Spam, spam, spam! Lovely spa-a-am..."
Merry: "And of course Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with mushroom pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam."
Frodo: "Put it out you fools! I don't like spam!"
**********************
(Lórien)
Aragorn: "This is the home of Celeborn and Galadriel, two of the wisest beings in Middle-earth. I'm sure they will give us some advice." (He approaches C&G.)
Aragorn: "Hi. We are on a very important quest. Is there any chance that you could help us?"
Galadriel: "Sure. We can give you thirty boats so you can cross the river."
Aragorn: "Umm. I think three boats will suffice, thank you..."
Celeborn (whispering): "Gladys tends to exaggarate. Any number she gives you will be tenfold. Otherwise she's perfectly all right."
Aragorn: "Oh. I see. And could you please tell us how long way is it from here to Mordor?"
Celeborn: "Certainly. Two miles."
Aragorn: "Two...?? It must be longer than that!"
Galadriel (whispering): "Of course you must remember to multiply whatever Celeborn says by three hundred."
Aragorn: "Right."
Galadriel: "Yes. So when he says it's two miles, he actually means six thousand miles."
Aragorn (eyeing C&G suspiciously) : "Hm. Indeed. Er, is it possible that we spend the night here before we set out again on this perilous quest?"
Galadriel (to Celeborn): "Love, could you show these eighty good people here the way to the fountain? They wish to bathe with the virgins."
Aragorn: "No, no! We just want to sleep here for the night!"
Galadriel (whispering): "Yes. But you can't say that to Celeborn. You must ask if you can bathe with the virgins in the fountain. Otherwise he will put a bucket over his head."
Aragorn: "Ah. Right. Very well."
Aragorn (to Celeborn): "Er. I was wondering if we could... ah... bathe with the... virgins? I-in the fountain?"
Celeborn: "By all means do! The fountain is right over there."
Aragorn: "No! What I meant was, could we BATHE? WITH THE VIRGINS, you know, IN THE FOUNTAIN?"
Celeborn (slightly irritated): "I told you, the fountain is that way."
Aragorn: "But, you see, she said..."
Celeborn: "Oh, what did she tell you now?"
Aragorn: "That I should ask to bathe with the virgins in the fountain, when I meant to ask if we could spend the night here..."
Celeborn puts a bucket over his head.
Galadriel: "Oh, great! Now you've done it!"
Celeborn: "I'm not coming out!"
Galadriel: "Now I must take him to the swan-boat and sing."
Aragorn: "Oh. Sorry..."
Galadriel (gives Aragorn an angry look and starts singing): "A Elbereth Gilthoniel..."
Haldir walks over.
Haldir: "Oh dear. Did you ask poor Celeborn about spending the night here?"
Aragorn looks guilty. Haldir joins in with Galadriel: "...silivren penna míriel..."
Celeborn removes the bucket. Everybody sighs of relief.
Galadriel (to Aragorn): "He should be all right for now. But, you know, DON'T do it again! Just DON'T!"
Aragorn: "OK. Swell. So, about bathing with the virgins in the fountain..."
Celeborn: "How many times do I have to tell you?" (Points at the fountain.)
Aragorn: "Yes, yes. No. Look here, these little fellas are really tired. We just want to... uh..."
Celeborn: "What? Sleep?"
Aragorn: "Yes!!"
Celeborn: "Then why didn't you ask?! It's rather confusing when you talk about bathing and such!"
Aragorn: "I know. But you put the bucket on your head the last time I said we want to stay here for the night!"
Celeborn puts the bucket on his head.
Rúmil walks over.
Rúmil: "Oh, by the grace of Aman! Did somebody ask Celeborn about staying overnight?"
Galadriel (points at Aragorn): "Twice!!"
G&R start to sing: "O menel aglar elenath..."
Galadriel: "It's not working, we need more!"
Voices of other elves join in. The entire forest echoes with singing. "Na-chaered palan-díriel..."
Celeborn finally removes te bucket.
Celeborn: "I'm sorry. What can I do for you?"
Pippin: "We just want to sleep here tonight..."
Celeborn puts the bucket back on his head.
Everybody: "Fool of a Took!!"
Pippin: "But it's my only line that isn't silly!