FIC: A Drive on the Wild Side (G) for midnitemaraud_r
Author: red_squared
Recipient: midnitemaraud_r
Title: A Walk Drive on the Wild Side
Rating: G
Characters/Pairing(s): None. Unrequited Aya/Yohji if you tilt your head and squint.
Summary: "Did we just accelerate from zero to 100 in four seconds?"
Warnings/Content: Crack.
Word Count: ~650
Author's Notes: For my fantabulous co-mod without whom weiss_kreuzmas WOULD NOT be possible... This didn't start out as crack, but the non-cracky version is up to 15K words and counting and trying to get it done right for a small gifts exchange would be FOLLY (OMG lauand, I am both envious of and horrified by what you've pulled off this year, you crazy, crazy gifter, you!) So here's something short and cracky, because WK and T&B lend themselves to it so beautifully :Db
A Walk Drive on the Wild Side
"All right, so..."
"What now, Aya?"
"I shouldn't have implied that Nathan was only helping us out because you were sleeping with him."
"Because?"
"It was offensive."
"You're damn right it was offensive."
"I'm sorry I offended you, Yohji. It really seemed as though -- "
"Offended me?"
"..."
"Aya, the man is a multi-millionaire, owns just about every second gay club on Sternbild's bronze stage, every third one on the silver, is not unattractive to the eye and could probably have anybody he wanted without having to pay them. If anything, I should be flattered you think I'm such a catch that he would need to -- "
"You're upset that what I implied -- "
"Said."
" -- might offend him?"
"He's a friend -- "
"We've been here for five days."
" -- and he's been really kind when he didn't have to be, and you think he's trying to -- "
"I'm sorry."
"You should be."
"..."
"..."
"I just don't want anybody taking advantage of you."
"..."
"..."
"That's... Really? Okay. Thanks, Aya."
"..."
"..."
"So..."
"Mmm?"
"Now can I drive?"
"No."
"But I -- "
"No."
"Yohji!"
"I said we'd be going for a short ride in a fast machine, I didn't say you could drive it."
"Yohji."
"I can't let you drive his car after what you said about him, you see."
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Shut up, I miss my Seven. You're not ruining this for me."
"Do you even know what's in the parcel?"
"I didn't ask."
"Is it drugs?"
"I just said I didn't -- "
"Whatever it is weighs a tonne."
"So what?"
"Is that why you asked me along? To help you lift it?"
"..."
"How come you get to drive, any way? Why isn't he having the parcel couriered if it's so -- "
"..."
"Yohji..."
"Okay, so... About that."
"I knew it! He is making you -- "
"Nobody is making me do anything! I'm the one who offered to -- "
"Who offered to what?"
"Don't take that tone with me! Fuck you and fuck your apology and -- "
"So tell me. If it's not what you think I'm thinking, then I can chip in too, and it won't be a problem, right?"
"..."
"Well?"
"I offered to fill in for a cage dancer at one of his clubs tonight."
"What was that?"
"I said, I offered to fill in for a cage dancer at one of his clubs tonight."
"Okay, fine."
"What do you mean, 'fine'!"
"I mean I'll do the same, if you let me drive."
"Guess again!"
"..."
"..."
"All right, I suppose if you don't want to share the cage with me, we could always take it in turns."
"What?!"
"What's the problem?"
"Do you even know what it involves?"
"It involves me getting behind the steering wheel. Come on, Yohji. I miss my car, too."
"You expect me to believe you'll actually go through with this? Since when do you get into a cage and -- "
"Since when does it matter what I do? Where the fuck are we, any way? We're no closer to Tokyo than we were five days ago, and... Why are you slowing down? We're miles away from -- "
"Switch places with me."
"I can drive?"
"Just shut up and switch with me before I change my -- hey! At least wait until I'm out of the seat before you move into it."
"You've got the seat too low."
"Whatever."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"In your own sweet time, Aya."
"I meant what I said about chipping in before when I -- "
"Jesus fucking Christ, a little warning would be nice!"
"Did we just accelerate from zero to 100 in four seconds?"
"Don't rub it in, and watch how you take the corners you maniac!"
~~*~~
Being bounced around at high speed all wrapped in brown paper and tied with string is not one of his favourite things, but as he's the only Hero fluent in Japanese, he has the privilege of keeping tabs on Kudoh-san and Fujimiya-san.
There are days when Origami Cyclone really, really hates his job.
Recipient: midnitemaraud_r
Title: A Walk Drive on the Wild Side
Rating: G
Characters/Pairing(s): None. Unrequited Aya/Yohji if you tilt your head and squint.
Summary: "Did we just accelerate from zero to 100 in four seconds?"
Warnings/Content: Crack.
Word Count: ~650
Author's Notes: For my fantabulous co-mod without whom weiss_kreuzmas WOULD NOT be possible... This didn't start out as crack, but the non-cracky version is up to 15K words and counting and trying to get it done right for a small gifts exchange would be FOLLY (OMG lauand, I am both envious of and horrified by what you've pulled off this year, you crazy, crazy gifter, you!) So here's something short and cracky, because WK and T&B lend themselves to it so beautifully :Db
A Walk Drive on the Wild Side
"All right, so..."
"What now, Aya?"
"I shouldn't have implied that Nathan was only helping us out because you were sleeping with him."
"Because?"
"It was offensive."
"You're damn right it was offensive."
"I'm sorry I offended you, Yohji. It really seemed as though -- "
"Offended me?"
"..."
"Aya, the man is a multi-millionaire, owns just about every second gay club on Sternbild's bronze stage, every third one on the silver, is not unattractive to the eye and could probably have anybody he wanted without having to pay them. If anything, I should be flattered you think I'm such a catch that he would need to -- "
"You're upset that what I implied -- "
"Said."
" -- might offend him?"
"He's a friend -- "
"We've been here for five days."
" -- and he's been really kind when he didn't have to be, and you think he's trying to -- "
"I'm sorry."
"You should be."
"..."
"..."
"I just don't want anybody taking advantage of you."
"..."
"..."
"That's... Really? Okay. Thanks, Aya."
"..."
"..."
"So..."
"Mmm?"
"Now can I drive?"
"No."
"But I -- "
"No."
"Yohji!"
"I said we'd be going for a short ride in a fast machine, I didn't say you could drive it."
"Yohji."
"I can't let you drive his car after what you said about him, you see."
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Shut up, I miss my Seven. You're not ruining this for me."
"Do you even know what's in the parcel?"
"I didn't ask."
"Is it drugs?"
"I just said I didn't -- "
"Whatever it is weighs a tonne."
"So what?"
"Is that why you asked me along? To help you lift it?"
"..."
"How come you get to drive, any way? Why isn't he having the parcel couriered if it's so -- "
"..."
"Yohji..."
"Okay, so... About that."
"I knew it! He is making you -- "
"Nobody is making me do anything! I'm the one who offered to -- "
"Who offered to what?"
"Don't take that tone with me! Fuck you and fuck your apology and -- "
"So tell me. If it's not what you think I'm thinking, then I can chip in too, and it won't be a problem, right?"
"..."
"Well?"
"I offered to fill in for a cage dancer at one of his clubs tonight."
"What was that?"
"I said, I offered to fill in for a cage dancer at one of his clubs tonight."
"Okay, fine."
"What do you mean, 'fine'!"
"I mean I'll do the same, if you let me drive."
"Guess again!"
"..."
"..."
"All right, I suppose if you don't want to share the cage with me, we could always take it in turns."
"What?!"
"What's the problem?"
"Do you even know what it involves?"
"It involves me getting behind the steering wheel. Come on, Yohji. I miss my car, too."
"You expect me to believe you'll actually go through with this? Since when do you get into a cage and -- "
"Since when does it matter what I do? Where the fuck are we, any way? We're no closer to Tokyo than we were five days ago, and... Why are you slowing down? We're miles away from -- "
"Switch places with me."
"I can drive?"
"Just shut up and switch with me before I change my -- hey! At least wait until I'm out of the seat before you move into it."
"You've got the seat too low."
"Whatever."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"In your own sweet time, Aya."
"I meant what I said about chipping in before when I -- "
"Jesus fucking Christ, a little warning would be nice!"
"Did we just accelerate from zero to 100 in four seconds?"
"Don't rub it in, and watch how you take the corners you maniac!"
~~*~~
Being bounced around at high speed all wrapped in brown paper and tied with string is not one of his favourite things, but as he's the only Hero fluent in Japanese, he has the privilege of keeping tabs on Kudoh-san and Fujimiya-san.
There are days when Origami Cyclone really, really hates his job.