[IC 'Hijacked' Journal - Zain] No Choice
((For Author's Note: For warnings and author's notes, please click here. Warning: For EXTREMELY Coarse language.))
-----------------------
[IC 'Hijacked' Journal - Zain] Written Journal Entry - "No Choice"
PERHAPS HE IS RIGHT. MARRIAGE IS NOT MY THING. BUT HE FORGETS THAT ALL THAT SHIT HE HAS MENTIONED I HAVE CONSIDERED OVER.
BEST FOR ME? ONLY IN HIS OWN HEAD. DID HE EVEN ASK IF I AM HAPPY WITH WHAT IS 'BEST FOR ME' THAT HE HAS CONJURED IN HIS OWN HEAD AND SHOWN 'CONCERN' FOR ME?
NO. HE DID NOT.
I REPEATEDLY TOLD HIM I HATE HIS ADVICE, I HAVE THOUGHT IT OVER CAREFULLY FOR MONTHS AND HE IS GOING TO BE MY NUMBER ONE. I DO NOT CARE IF HE IS A DEATH KNIGHT, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT OUR AGES, I DO NOT CARE WHAT PEOPLE WILL THINK OF US. I NEVER CARED ABOUT THOSE -TRIVIAL- ISSUES IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE. HE IS MY PRESENT AND HE IS NOW WHAT I ONLY THINK OF FOR THE FUTURE AHEAD. I SUPPOSE THOSE WORDS WENT FROM ONE EAR TO ANOTHER. I AM INFURIATED BY HOW MY WORDS ARE NOT TAKEN INTO REGARD ON THE VERY DAY I PROPOSED TO HIM.
I PROPOSED TO HIM. I TOLD HIM I WISH TO CARRY HIS NAME. I TOLD HIM I DON'T CARE IF I AM SECOND TO HIM, WHAT WAS MOST IMPORTANT IS THAT HE IS FIRST TO ME AND THIS MARRIAGE IS VERY SIGNIFICANT TO ME, TO US.
I WAS SO HAPPY HE SAID YES, I WAS READY TO SWEAR MY ENTIRE LIFE TO HIM AND FOLLOW HIM THROUGH THICK AND THIN, FACE ANY FUCKING HARDSHIPS THAT WILL COME IN OUR WAY. I WANTED TO BE WITH HIM FOREVER AND EVER, SHARE HIS SORROWS, SHARE HIS JOYS. I WANTED HIM TO BE THE ONLY MAN TO TOUCH ME, TO EMBRACE ME AND NO ONE ELSE.
I WANT TO BLAME THAT SON OF A BITCH ASSBAG FOR THIS BUT MOST OF THIS CAME OUT FROM HIS VERY MOUTH.
DOESN'T FUCKING HELP THAT I WOKE UP ALONE AND ABANDONED. HE WAS GONE. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
HE LEFT ME NO CHOICE BUT DO THIS ONCE I FIND HIM. ONCE. I. FUCKING. FIND. HIM.
LOVE WAS NEVER LOGICAL, YOU ASSHOLE.