One Last Bit of Self-Dissage, then Some Actual Journaling
I can't understand why he's so special to me. I mean, obviously he's beautiful and has a nice...well, everything, but I don't know. . .It's just so weird the way I talk to him sometimes, or how when I see him I'm all like "hmm let's pretend that I don't want him in the room". It's especially awkward when he's talking to his "crush"(or however he refers to her at the moment) and I'm like near them. . . I feel so weird and awkward. I mean, I know she doesn't like him back, but still. He's got pleny of love(or whatever he calls it at the moment) for her to last them both a while. You know, part of me feels like she doesn't know what she has and that she should definitely give him a chance. But the other part is happy about her not giving him the time of day...I guess you can't be friends with someone you want them to be miserable like you are.
There are so many things wrong with this quote I don't even know where to begin. "He's obviously beautiful?" what the hell. guys can't be beautiful. they just can't. don't use that word again, ugh. IDIOT. Yeah you know what it is weird how you talk to him sometimes but what's even more weird is that you NEVER TALK TO HIM most of the time. I really can't stand why I can't be myself around you, damnit. Oh and my favorite part of this quote.."I know she doesn't like him back." oh? really? you're sure of it, are ya? well guess what, short one, THEY'RE GOING TO PROM, BITCH!!!! are you sure now? I mean after prom who knows what will happen between them. She's giving him a chance, that's for sure. But, that's what you wanted, wasn't it? HAH of course not you two-faced whore. You want him to be turned down, despite the fact that last winter, when she said no to your beloved bakery treat, you were filled with rage. "doesn't she see how wonderful he is? Ugh damn her." Well guess, what now she sees and you hate it, so what does that make you? A bitter, hypocritical fool. AND NO. i haven't picked out my prom dress, cause i'm not going. thanks for asking.
So yesterday, I started walking with Amanda. It was good. I felt good about it. Finally, I'm doing something about all this fat. I went to guitar lessons and the dude taught me let it be. the website got it screwed up so i helped him fix it with my beatles song savvy...yeah that sounded nerdy but I DO NOT CARE. WOOHOO. So yeah afterwards I got home and I decided "hey, I know! i'll jog a mile! that'll be fun" So yeah I did, and it took me like 15 minutes cause I kept stopping. Yeah, that's pretty pathetic but you know what? I did something good for myself, which is cool.
Today I went walking with Amanda, even though my thighs hurt a little bit from my pathetic jog. We went to the trading post general store in town and got ourselves a 1 Liter bottle of Diet Coke each. It was so funny.
Okay so if you read what I was going to try this week in my sunday entry, then you know what i'm talking about right now. It's going...pretty good I guess. There's still a lot of mixed up emotions and crap, but at least externally i'm surpressing it. Which is a start.
Niggz doesn't think I can do it. She says I shouldn't even try to fight it. She says she's been down that road before, and doesn't want me to end up dissappointed when all the feelings come back full force, but who says that they will for sure? guess I'm just desperate to find a cure to this disease called Unrequited Love. UL. Ullll. AHA. see? Ull has a new meaning now.
Oh yes, this just in: Lately I've been taking 3 hour naps in the middle of the day. It's great, I lay down for what I think is 10 minutes I wake up and I feel like it's the next day.
beep....beep....
PRICE CHECK ON CHARDONNAY.
Mullet Out.
There are so many things wrong with this quote I don't even know where to begin. "He's obviously beautiful?" what the hell. guys can't be beautiful. they just can't. don't use that word again, ugh. IDIOT. Yeah you know what it is weird how you talk to him sometimes but what's even more weird is that you NEVER TALK TO HIM most of the time. I really can't stand why I can't be myself around you, damnit. Oh and my favorite part of this quote.."I know she doesn't like him back." oh? really? you're sure of it, are ya? well guess what, short one, THEY'RE GOING TO PROM, BITCH!!!! are you sure now? I mean after prom who knows what will happen between them. She's giving him a chance, that's for sure. But, that's what you wanted, wasn't it? HAH of course not you two-faced whore. You want him to be turned down, despite the fact that last winter, when she said no to your beloved bakery treat, you were filled with rage. "doesn't she see how wonderful he is? Ugh damn her." Well guess, what now she sees and you hate it, so what does that make you? A bitter, hypocritical fool. AND NO. i haven't picked out my prom dress, cause i'm not going. thanks for asking.
So yesterday, I started walking with Amanda. It was good. I felt good about it. Finally, I'm doing something about all this fat. I went to guitar lessons and the dude taught me let it be. the website got it screwed up so i helped him fix it with my beatles song savvy...yeah that sounded nerdy but I DO NOT CARE. WOOHOO. So yeah afterwards I got home and I decided "hey, I know! i'll jog a mile! that'll be fun" So yeah I did, and it took me like 15 minutes cause I kept stopping. Yeah, that's pretty pathetic but you know what? I did something good for myself, which is cool.
Today I went walking with Amanda, even though my thighs hurt a little bit from my pathetic jog. We went to the trading post general store in town and got ourselves a 1 Liter bottle of Diet Coke each. It was so funny.
Okay so if you read what I was going to try this week in my sunday entry, then you know what i'm talking about right now. It's going...pretty good I guess. There's still a lot of mixed up emotions and crap, but at least externally i'm surpressing it. Which is a start.
Niggz doesn't think I can do it. She says I shouldn't even try to fight it. She says she's been down that road before, and doesn't want me to end up dissappointed when all the feelings come back full force, but who says that they will for sure? guess I'm just desperate to find a cure to this disease called Unrequited Love. UL. Ullll. AHA. see? Ull has a new meaning now.
Oh yes, this just in: Lately I've been taking 3 hour naps in the middle of the day. It's great, I lay down for what I think is 10 minutes I wake up and I feel like it's the next day.
beep....beep....
PRICE CHECK ON CHARDONNAY.
Mullet Out.