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Dear Drew,
We matched on Tinder on November 20, 2020. I was very smitten once I got a sense that you were not like the rest of the douchebags on there trying to get laid. You were not exactly my type of man that I go for, but seeing as how I am at the age of 33 I figured it was time to put my big girl panties on and stop trying to date the douchebag with abs. When we met for the first time, which was pretty nerve wracking because we are in a pandemic was pretty awesome. There wasn't anything that I didn't like about you, I thought to myself 'Finally, a man who is looking for the same things I am' Boy is that rare!
It was after the meeting that slowly but surely things started to come up. We got into our disagreements, first thing I noticed was that because you are different, you also have your quirks. You don't like random phone calls, you don't like random Face Timing-- Ok I thought to myself, it's not ideal but this is still something I can live with. It does make it hard because we are going through a pandemic and we can't date like before, but for a guy like this who respects what you want I can make this work.
We have our first disagreement, you don't like being teased, even if it is playfully. Seeing as how I'm 99% playful, this is something that is a problem. Again I think to myself, this is a great guy I can adjust my behavior because it has literally been this long since I've been treated as good as he has. We have another disagreement, this time because I ask too many questions about your mom's condition, which you bring up because you need someone to vent to. I get it, you're stressed, that was probably my mistake. Note to self, 'don't ask a lot of questions' Got it.
Another disagreement, this time because I have got to the point that I don't want to date anyone else, I want us to at least establish that we should be exclusive. It is then that I also ask 'do you even like me?' Because at this point, I don't see a lot of effort on your part. You decide to put a halt on us dating because you don't feel after meeting once that we are exclusive material at that point. To your point, I understand, I get it. I wanted to throw a tantrum right then and there, call you every name in the book. Why? Because as much as I loved that you would text me good morning everyday and did text message me throughout the day, you deciding that I was too much for you was like a slap in the face. Nevertheless, I kept it classy and decided to abide by what you wanted.
We left things civil, I didn't hear from you for a week, you went to Florida to visit your mother and I'm assuming your sister for Christmas. Understandable, still I caved. I texted you, 'hey how are you?' Only to fall to a silence abyss. It was something I was expecting, even though we left things in good terms I know that you had left things clear. I wasn't that crushed to be honest, disappointed maybe. Still I went on about my life, deciding that it was likely I was not going to be hearing from you anymore.
I was corrected when you texted me randomly on New Year's Eve. 3 days after you had come back from Florida. Yup, I paid attention to that, didn't call you out on that, left it as is. Conversation was pleasant, but still I had time to reflect that you Drew, had certain traits that quite frankly alarmed me. I was walking on thin ice, because I knew that another disagreement would fall out. Still, being in a pandemic the dating pool is quite bare and who was I to turn down attention? I think we can all agree we love attention. It staves off the boredom.
We talked over the weekend, I decided again on Sunday night to ask you if you wanted to FaceTime, I knew it was a long shot based on your history of not being a fan of it. But, I figured, it was your day off and it was my last day of vacation and I was freshly showered, it wouldn't be for that long-- so why not? You decided you were too tired from cleaning or whatever it was you were doing and decided instead for Monday after I was done with work. I was disappointed and I made it clear when I said 'I guess'. Monday came and went, work kept me pretty busy, still I made time to reach out to you when I could.
You told me you were playing online games with your friend, cool. Last message I sent you was 'Ah ok.' And so it began, the ghosting of 3 days. Now, looking back, it was probably on purpose. I didn't admit to it at the time, but think about it I went 3 weeks of you disappearing on me. You think 3 days was hard? It wasn't. I was fine, work definitely helped with that, I was also working out in the morning and at night. Independence feels really good right now. So yes, I purposely didn't reach out to you. Looking back on that, I don't regret it.
However, Thursday night I thought of you, I texted you to see how you were doing. Immediately you ask why I ghosted you for 3 days. I play dumb, 'it's been 3 days?' I blame work, you however felt hurt. I get it, however you decide you don't feel like talking about it tonight and will talk to me in the morning. Again, I get it. It's at this point that I see that if I want to keep this person in my life, I need to not be playing these games. However, I couldn't help but think that I was not the only one who stopped messaging. Hm, it takes two my dear.
Friday, I message you Good morning, you seem to be back to normal. I think everything is back to normal. I had a rough day at work and I thought to myself, it would be nice to see you and cuddle. Knowing fully well that there is a pandemic going on, I realized that you might say no. I still chance it, I've noticed I'm rather spontaneous and it has worked well for me in the past with other dates. I asked you if we could hang out, you say no because you're super busy. Disappointed I accepted. Still, you can't be busy all day right? So I persisted, I waited for you to see if you wanted to hang out after you were done for work. I waited and waited, I finally hear from you around 7:30 ish, asking what I had in mind.
I reply back saying I wanted to cuddle and it wasn't really going to go any farther than that. You weren't really feeling it, which I UNDERSTOOD, dammit I did. Ultimately, I did understand that you did not want a tease in your bed who was not going to let you touch her. Still, being the playful person that I am I kept teasing that you were scared of me. This I think was the final straw for you. You, yet again show discontent for my playfulness, getting frustrated at the fact that I was teasing you. You don't like being teased I gathered. I had put it together, but we humans forget these things.
This leads to our final argument, the argument of all arguments. It's in this argument, that you throw in my face how you accommodated me by offering to FaceTime me on Monday instead of Sunday, and how you accommodated me by instead of seeing me tonight you would see me tomorrow and spend the whole day with me. How you made efforts, and they were being unnoticed by me. Basically making me out to be the bad person in this story because I am selfish. I'm shocked that this came from my teasing, I had such a different plan for us.
Drew, why? Why is it that you had to start this fight? I don't get it. It was funny, but before this final fight I was thinking of us being intimate something soon. Despite that you have your uncompromising issues and seem to dislike my personality overall. I still didn't want to give up on you because you were a decent guy, or at least I thought you were. Anyway, this fight was happening around 11 at night. I didn't want to fight Drew, I really didn't.
I wanted a truce, this is not how I wanted the night to go at all. I made it clear, you seemed to agree BUT! I had to apologize to you first for not acknowledging your 2 efforts on top of ghosting you for 3 days. Honestly, I didn't really want to do it, but I knew I didn't want to keep fighting with you. So I did, expecting you to apologize for not reaching out those 3 days as well. Instead, you reply back with 'Thank you. I could have checked in with you as well.' O_O ... OKAY. Where's the sorry? Anyways, here's where I made my final mistake where it lead to you blocking me.
I said my infamous words of, 'Wait, I'm confused, you never cleared up if you wanted to date me.' SO, before you jump down my throat, let me explain to you why I said that.
When you reached out to me on New Years Eve, we did not establish if everything was back to normal. You asked where we stood, I said.. I didn't know. I said there was things that concerned me, and for good reason! But, that was not established. Was I supposed to assume that we were? One of the things we both agreed was that communication was important. Or at least that's what you said... Guess you lied? Anyway, I figured out you blocked me. I guess your attempted effort of making time for me was just a bunch of bullshit.
So, short summary of our short lived romance. It's funny, I guess I should've let this die when I couldn't tease you about your ramen missing egg. In all actually, it was not meant to be taken seriously, what the hell do I know about making ramen? You were always the chef out of the both of us, although I never got to experience your cooking. Your pictures were cool.
Why did I write you this letter? Well, I am determined to show my side of things and give you my perspective. But, given that you are uncompromising (your words, not mine) you will continue to get frustrated with me and feel righteous that you made the right decision by blocking me.
Honestly, I was pretty pissed at you yesterday, Drew. I was reflecting back on what you wrote back in your Tinder profile that you can handle strong personalities. I guess that was wrong too. But, in all honesty I think us not pursuing this anymore is the right decision. You being a Cancer and I an Aries was a bad combo to begin with, I can't be with someone who is more sensitive than I am. I am by all means, selfish and and need someone who can handle my strong personality and playful spontaneous side.
I plan to send this to you in the hopes you'll read it, no need to reply back. I already know I'm the bad guy in your book.
PS. I deleted your number. Please don't come back to me in 4 months asking how I've been, you know it kind of helps that you don't have any real social media so that I can't randomly stalk your profile and see if you met someone new.
On to the next, although honestly. I think I'm probably just going to be by myself for awhile, but you know how that goes. Tell God your plans so they can have a good laugh.
Best,
Monica.