Introduction
This isn't my first online journal. I have an abandoned one from nearly six years ago, when my first girlfriend convinced me that all the cool kids were doin' it. I miss that old high school community in the days before myspace took over; you had a forum to share your thoughts and experiences, organize events, and a source of conversation in your little corner of the room during Stratton's AP art history.
As my friend's list grew, my journal became less and less 'mine', as I started writing for an audience. I didn't write about the concerns and opinions that were really on my mind, since that didn't earn interest or comments. Eventually it was just a dumping ground for convoluted exposes, humorous scraps, pleas for attention, and syrupy love notes.
I made this journal so I could have a private place, outside the eye of my social life, to put the passing ideas and worries inside my head down in words and earn some personal sense of comfort and peace by pinning those elusive butterflies to the board and identifying them. The reason I keep adding new friends, in most cases those I've never met and have never heard of me before, for two reasons. First of all, I'd like to use this as an opportunity to explore different perspectives from all walks of life; I'd love to follow the experiences of other people I relate to or find interesting. Secondly, I doubt I'd have the drive to write regularly if I didn't at least have the illusion of an audience. Its nice to imagine someone out there might someday read one of my entries and relate to it or leave somehow affected by its content.
Even if no one lands on this lonely little island in a sea of internets, I still feel oddly fulfilled each time I write. Its some absurd sense of achievement. For a long time I tried to adapt to the myspace community which consumes so much of my friend's time, but its come to a point where I just can't bear the egotism and pettiness that the site encourages. As if the train wreck of a layout isn't bad enough, the bulletin board is just a medium for attention whoring - littered with dull personal surveys, chain letters, inside jokes no one understands; I'm so damn tired of obnoxious profile music, seizure-inducing glitter effects, comments begging for comments, people in tears because someone's lowered them a rung on their ''friend rankings". Since when did the concept of companionship devolve to the shallowness of ranking one's friends? Any such hierarchy is bound to result in bitter and resentful feelings.
Welcome to my humble little home.
As my friend's list grew, my journal became less and less 'mine', as I started writing for an audience. I didn't write about the concerns and opinions that were really on my mind, since that didn't earn interest or comments. Eventually it was just a dumping ground for convoluted exposes, humorous scraps, pleas for attention, and syrupy love notes.
I made this journal so I could have a private place, outside the eye of my social life, to put the passing ideas and worries inside my head down in words and earn some personal sense of comfort and peace by pinning those elusive butterflies to the board and identifying them. The reason I keep adding new friends, in most cases those I've never met and have never heard of me before, for two reasons. First of all, I'd like to use this as an opportunity to explore different perspectives from all walks of life; I'd love to follow the experiences of other people I relate to or find interesting. Secondly, I doubt I'd have the drive to write regularly if I didn't at least have the illusion of an audience. Its nice to imagine someone out there might someday read one of my entries and relate to it or leave somehow affected by its content.
Even if no one lands on this lonely little island in a sea of internets, I still feel oddly fulfilled each time I write. Its some absurd sense of achievement. For a long time I tried to adapt to the myspace community which consumes so much of my friend's time, but its come to a point where I just can't bear the egotism and pettiness that the site encourages. As if the train wreck of a layout isn't bad enough, the bulletin board is just a medium for attention whoring - littered with dull personal surveys, chain letters, inside jokes no one understands; I'm so damn tired of obnoxious profile music, seizure-inducing glitter effects, comments begging for comments, people in tears because someone's lowered them a rung on their ''friend rankings". Since when did the concept of companionship devolve to the shallowness of ranking one's friends? Any such hierarchy is bound to result in bitter and resentful feelings.
Welcome to my humble little home.