new here. and there.
Hello. This is my first day on livejournal. I stumbled across this community and i found this one to be a perfect fit.
A little about me, and I'll make it short to try not to clog your page.
I was a skinny kid, until I hit middle school. I blew up. I put weight on gradually until I hit 170 in 9th grade. I'm 5'1 (then and now). Practically overnight I gained weight and I was that size all of 9th grade and it was very hard to go through school...in 10th grade I dropped to 160 and that summer I completely lost 30 pounds because I went to a christian camp that barely fed anyone and always were on the move...from then I developed a bit of an eating disorder. I didn't realize it then..but I look back and I remember at one moment having to spit out food because it disgusted me so much. by the end of 11th grade i was 108 pounds, my lowest. I went up and down from then, my heaviest being about 138, and currently I'm 126, trying to lose a few now in fact. My battle with weight was and still is unpleasant. The scale controls my day. Whether its going to be a good or bad one. Faded stretch marks cover me, which create more issues emotionally. I feel like I cannot be beautiful if im not 108 pounds or covering the marks that are strewn across me. the things people say about me- voted prettiest, most desired for marriage, best dressed blah bah blahhh and my outward attitude say otherwise, but inside i feel like i'm dieing and no one seems to care.
A little about me, and I'll make it short to try not to clog your page.
I was a skinny kid, until I hit middle school. I blew up. I put weight on gradually until I hit 170 in 9th grade. I'm 5'1 (then and now). Practically overnight I gained weight and I was that size all of 9th grade and it was very hard to go through school...in 10th grade I dropped to 160 and that summer I completely lost 30 pounds because I went to a christian camp that barely fed anyone and always were on the move...from then I developed a bit of an eating disorder. I didn't realize it then..but I look back and I remember at one moment having to spit out food because it disgusted me so much. by the end of 11th grade i was 108 pounds, my lowest. I went up and down from then, my heaviest being about 138, and currently I'm 126, trying to lose a few now in fact. My battle with weight was and still is unpleasant. The scale controls my day. Whether its going to be a good or bad one. Faded stretch marks cover me, which create more issues emotionally. I feel like I cannot be beautiful if im not 108 pounds or covering the marks that are strewn across me. the things people say about me- voted prettiest, most desired for marriage, best dressed blah bah blahhh and my outward attitude say otherwise, but inside i feel like i'm dieing and no one seems to care.