Signals Curling On An Open Plain
My brain decided to mull over "one line poems" last night. Whether one line can be a poem I'm not about to debate - mainly because I don't have a clue. Specificallly,my brain kept mulling over one particular "poem" and how subtle changes alter how it feels.
I cannot see the sky.
The first change was to:
I can't see the sky.
Which just seems to kill it, removing the rhythm it had with the "can't" causing it to thud. From here my brain shifted to:
For I cannot see the sky.
This seems to be going a little pretentious (yeah, like spending a whole entry on this isn't pretentious!) with that almost archaic "For". Perhaps if we change that first word?
And I cannot see the sky.
This almost suggests a continuing thought, or story, as if it were the last line of something. Is that something that's "good" however? Presumably a one line poem should stand on its own. Still, merely hinting at a bigger story isn't the same as actually having to add that story.
But maybe I'm over thinking this.
{Lyrics: See The Sky About To Rain - Neil Young }
I cannot see the sky.
The first change was to:
I can't see the sky.
Which just seems to kill it, removing the rhythm it had with the "can't" causing it to thud. From here my brain shifted to:
For I cannot see the sky.
This seems to be going a little pretentious (yeah, like spending a whole entry on this isn't pretentious!) with that almost archaic "For". Perhaps if we change that first word?
And I cannot see the sky.
This almost suggests a continuing thought, or story, as if it were the last line of something. Is that something that's "good" however? Presumably a one line poem should stand on its own. Still, merely hinting at a bigger story isn't the same as actually having to add that story.
But maybe I'm over thinking this.
{Lyrics: See The Sky About To Rain - Neil Young }