constant thought in my head...
ya... so i've been asleep... and just woke up...... and i really don't want to be here at depauw right now... it's not that i can't do it.... i just don't want to..... i need to call my parents in the morning (like in a couple of hours...)....... and why does avril lavigne suck so much???...
i just wanna go home.... get a real job... focus on my writing... i have nothing left to learn here at depauw... i wanna do something for me.... and i think that want to just leave and do my own thing.... i know to many people that graduated from here and i don't know if i wanna be part of a group that has a good education and doesn't/can't utilize it in the real world... i need to get a job w/ the kramers, or yes, even michna... do some hardass REAL work in my life that i know when i go home, that i'm worn out and not STRESSED out... i have learned things while here at depauw... some book learning, not much... but more life lessons... i want to get a college education... just not now...
ya... i know things get better... i know it's only moments (even very long and drawn out and extended ones) that we truly feel like "giving up"... but for like a year now... i feel like i've been giving in... into what is expected of me... why can't i just, for once, live my own life??? dammit i need to talk to my parents....... and cara... she can get me medical leave.... i just hate it....... she'll say and dr. werner will say... but why?? you seemed to be doing so well.... the thing is... it's not like i'm just "struggling" this semester... it's not like i'm working to kick ass next semester.... i don't want to be here next semester.... i really don't... and being at home made me realize that..... i don't mind having to completely change my life.... i'll get my loan payments postponed or whatever... i want to start my own life..... and i really, really do feel that's what need.... i hate feeling this way... but i think i just hate being a burden on other people...
i just think that being at depauw this semester and my "progress" hasn't been a lie... but it hasn't been the complete truth - i'm not happy with this school (and some of the people...)... there's only a few people that make me feel worthwhile... i'm just sorry if this seems sudden, but maybe it doesn't... my parents have been worried about it, me calling home and saying 'pick me up'.... i need to talk to cara brumby, see what she can do for me..... (cause i can't just leave and have all those Fs or Incompletes on my transcript).... but other than that... i'm great....... i'm finally being honest w/ and i like that.... i like it so much that i'm not worried about what happens to me.... nor should i be..... i have people here and at home that love me, no matter what, and i love them too..... i just need to love me more right now....
i just need to love me more right now.
i just wanna go home.... get a real job... focus on my writing... i have nothing left to learn here at depauw... i wanna do something for me.... and i think that want to just leave and do my own thing.... i know to many people that graduated from here and i don't know if i wanna be part of a group that has a good education and doesn't/can't utilize it in the real world... i need to get a job w/ the kramers, or yes, even michna... do some hardass REAL work in my life that i know when i go home, that i'm worn out and not STRESSED out... i have learned things while here at depauw... some book learning, not much... but more life lessons... i want to get a college education... just not now...
ya... i know things get better... i know it's only moments (even very long and drawn out and extended ones) that we truly feel like "giving up"... but for like a year now... i feel like i've been giving in... into what is expected of me... why can't i just, for once, live my own life??? dammit i need to talk to my parents....... and cara... she can get me medical leave.... i just hate it....... she'll say and dr. werner will say... but why?? you seemed to be doing so well.... the thing is... it's not like i'm just "struggling" this semester... it's not like i'm working to kick ass next semester.... i don't want to be here next semester.... i really don't... and being at home made me realize that..... i don't mind having to completely change my life.... i'll get my loan payments postponed or whatever... i want to start my own life..... and i really, really do feel that's what need.... i hate feeling this way... but i think i just hate being a burden on other people...
i just think that being at depauw this semester and my "progress" hasn't been a lie... but it hasn't been the complete truth - i'm not happy with this school (and some of the people...)... there's only a few people that make me feel worthwhile... i'm just sorry if this seems sudden, but maybe it doesn't... my parents have been worried about it, me calling home and saying 'pick me up'.... i need to talk to cara brumby, see what she can do for me..... (cause i can't just leave and have all those Fs or Incompletes on my transcript).... but other than that... i'm great....... i'm finally being honest w/ and i like that.... i like it so much that i'm not worried about what happens to me.... nor should i be..... i have people here and at home that love me, no matter what, and i love them too..... i just need to love me more right now....
i just need to love me more right now.