(no subject)
whew.
it's amazing what can change in 24 days and how i probably won't know the exact impact it's going to have on my life for another 24 months. at least. i'm estimating.
but all that really matters to me is the past 3 morning i've woken up in a really good mood. i'm keeping it as posi as i possibly can. staying away from drama. sorting my life out where it needs sorting. i've made some apologies and i'm still waiting on some, which will either come in time or they won't. either way, water off a ducks back. i just can't focus on the negatives. i think about them, sift through them, figure out why and how they happened, and am trying to make sure they don't happen again.
i've begun to realize that philly is the most toxic place in the world for me. even the person who knows me best in the world said he hasn't met anyone here on his visits that seemed anything more than temporary. he was right. but it's not all their fault. no one in philly really knows me. no one sees what the kids in columbus saw. the pure, unadulterated, childlike joy that i had when i woke up every day. sofi saw glimpses for minutes or days, but she bore the brunt of this town. as did the others that were close to me. because i'm used to having that base of friends to hold me up when i get down. but this town was too much for me to even explain to any of them what that means. so i'm standing on my own now. with help, at least in spirit, from those 2 people who have been like family for the past 5-7 years. the people that i allowed myself to take for granted. something i refuse to do again. and thankfully, there are a few sleepers, coming out of the woodwork to be there for me, at a time when i need happy faces and borrowed ears.
i miss sofi sometimes. but i've already come to terms with it. i'm not over it, and i won't delude myself into believing that. but i know it just wasn't meant to be. we weren't right for each other. for better or worse though, i loved her. probably always will. and that is what it is.
i'm moving today. and it won't be my last this year. by the time the ball drops on '09, i'll either be in new york, la, or san francisco. unless life deals me some more curves, throws some more punches, in which case i'll roll with them. because 5 years is all we got.
it's amazing what can change in 24 days and how i probably won't know the exact impact it's going to have on my life for another 24 months. at least. i'm estimating.
but all that really matters to me is the past 3 morning i've woken up in a really good mood. i'm keeping it as posi as i possibly can. staying away from drama. sorting my life out where it needs sorting. i've made some apologies and i'm still waiting on some, which will either come in time or they won't. either way, water off a ducks back. i just can't focus on the negatives. i think about them, sift through them, figure out why and how they happened, and am trying to make sure they don't happen again.
i've begun to realize that philly is the most toxic place in the world for me. even the person who knows me best in the world said he hasn't met anyone here on his visits that seemed anything more than temporary. he was right. but it's not all their fault. no one in philly really knows me. no one sees what the kids in columbus saw. the pure, unadulterated, childlike joy that i had when i woke up every day. sofi saw glimpses for minutes or days, but she bore the brunt of this town. as did the others that were close to me. because i'm used to having that base of friends to hold me up when i get down. but this town was too much for me to even explain to any of them what that means. so i'm standing on my own now. with help, at least in spirit, from those 2 people who have been like family for the past 5-7 years. the people that i allowed myself to take for granted. something i refuse to do again. and thankfully, there are a few sleepers, coming out of the woodwork to be there for me, at a time when i need happy faces and borrowed ears.
i miss sofi sometimes. but i've already come to terms with it. i'm not over it, and i won't delude myself into believing that. but i know it just wasn't meant to be. we weren't right for each other. for better or worse though, i loved her. probably always will. and that is what it is.
i'm moving today. and it won't be my last this year. by the time the ball drops on '09, i'll either be in new york, la, or san francisco. unless life deals me some more curves, throws some more punches, in which case i'll roll with them. because 5 years is all we got.