its the little things that kill
so this has been an interesting week. I was soo depressed this week. I duno what was wrong with me it just stared getting worse. So today in History i wrote down everything i felt and everything i didnt like and it made me realize how i've been acting and everything. I feel so bad for the way i was acting with jesse and my friends. I was always sad or i got mad easily at jesse for small little things and it was stupid and just wrong. He got mad at me for it and i dont blame him one bit. I dont know why i did that cuz i love him so much and i just acted wrong. I would complain all the time to people and Jesse and it just isnt fun. After i wrote everything down i thought about it and thought about how i'll lose Jesse and he'll dump me if i keep it up and i'll loose all my friends and i didnt want that at all. I love Jesse to much to lose him and i'm scared to lose him. I duno what id do without my friends that have been there for me and i'll always love them for that. It wasnt righ what i did to My friends and Jesse and i dont know how to make it up to them. I was such a pain and it was the worst.
I dont know why i got mad easily and sad eaily to Jesse and did that to him. I really love him alot and hes so sweet and funny and everything and i love him more than anything and i dont get it. I dont get why i was doing that to him and myself. He said i got annoying and i dont blame him cuz i annoyed myself. I hope he forgives me because if i didnt have him i dunno what id do. He was always there for me last year and he was the one i always talked to and when we started going out i was the happiest person ever cuz i liked him soooo much you dont understand. We talked all the time and even before we were going out he was the sweetest person and was always there for me. Hes the one person that i feel safe around and when i'm with him nothing could be more perfect. I remember so many good timees we had and how much fun we would have. We spend 13 1/2 hours on the phone and when we hung up hes like i'll miss you and i'll call u in the moarning. Hes so increadably sweet and funny and i almost ruined it all and i would have regreated that soo much. He was always the nicest to me and god i always felt like i had someone who loved me and i loved him. I gess you wouldnt understand what it was like before i was like this but last year and this year hes one of my best friends and it just felt right with him. He was perfect for me. I think about him all the time. I always wanna be with him and talking to him and i couldnt think of anyone else that would be like him because he was the best ever and still is. I started getting mad over stupid things and it was the dumbest thing to do. You wouldnt understand how i feel about him because ur not me but hes been there for me so long and we've had so many good times that i'm scared that i messed everything up and i'm sooo sorry i was like how i was. It wasnt fair to him after everything he had done for me for me to be like that. Hes done soo much for me and i appreciate all of it. I'll stop going on cuz i could sit here all night and tell you how perfect he is and how right it feels but you dont wanna hear about it.
Kaitlyn was mad at me too for being like that but were friends again and i'm wicked glad. Kel, Tara, Amy, Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn, Michaela and everyone was there for me and listened to me and i love them all for it. Sarah helped me out and gave me advice and she listened to everything. I love them all and everyone else that was there for me.
I'm not gonna be like that anymore. I didnt like it when i was like that and i lost people when i was like that and i dont want people hating me. I know how i was and i'm never doing that again for my sake, Jesse's and my friends sake. I dont wanna lose anyone and i dont want people to hate me. I needed to say all of this to get it out there and to get it off my back. I know alot of you didnt wanna hear that but i just needed to say it. Jesse got mad at me and i realized how wrong and horrible i was cuz he never got mad at me like this before and it scared me cuz i loved him so much. And kait was mad too so i decided to change. I'm not doing the hole angry sad thing anymore. I'm gonna be myself and be happy. I dont think i'm fat or ugly or stupid or anything. I think i'm starting to get use to myself and liek myself. I just hope everyone forgives me.
<3 Char
I dont know why i got mad easily and sad eaily to Jesse and did that to him. I really love him alot and hes so sweet and funny and everything and i love him more than anything and i dont get it. I dont get why i was doing that to him and myself. He said i got annoying and i dont blame him cuz i annoyed myself. I hope he forgives me because if i didnt have him i dunno what id do. He was always there for me last year and he was the one i always talked to and when we started going out i was the happiest person ever cuz i liked him soooo much you dont understand. We talked all the time and even before we were going out he was the sweetest person and was always there for me. Hes the one person that i feel safe around and when i'm with him nothing could be more perfect. I remember so many good timees we had and how much fun we would have. We spend 13 1/2 hours on the phone and when we hung up hes like i'll miss you and i'll call u in the moarning. Hes so increadably sweet and funny and i almost ruined it all and i would have regreated that soo much. He was always the nicest to me and god i always felt like i had someone who loved me and i loved him. I gess you wouldnt understand what it was like before i was like this but last year and this year hes one of my best friends and it just felt right with him. He was perfect for me. I think about him all the time. I always wanna be with him and talking to him and i couldnt think of anyone else that would be like him because he was the best ever and still is. I started getting mad over stupid things and it was the dumbest thing to do. You wouldnt understand how i feel about him because ur not me but hes been there for me so long and we've had so many good times that i'm scared that i messed everything up and i'm sooo sorry i was like how i was. It wasnt fair to him after everything he had done for me for me to be like that. Hes done soo much for me and i appreciate all of it. I'll stop going on cuz i could sit here all night and tell you how perfect he is and how right it feels but you dont wanna hear about it.
Kaitlyn was mad at me too for being like that but were friends again and i'm wicked glad. Kel, Tara, Amy, Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn, Michaela and everyone was there for me and listened to me and i love them all for it. Sarah helped me out and gave me advice and she listened to everything. I love them all and everyone else that was there for me.
I'm not gonna be like that anymore. I didnt like it when i was like that and i lost people when i was like that and i dont want people hating me. I know how i was and i'm never doing that again for my sake, Jesse's and my friends sake. I dont wanna lose anyone and i dont want people to hate me. I needed to say all of this to get it out there and to get it off my back. I know alot of you didnt wanna hear that but i just needed to say it. Jesse got mad at me and i realized how wrong and horrible i was cuz he never got mad at me like this before and it scared me cuz i loved him so much. And kait was mad too so i decided to change. I'm not doing the hole angry sad thing anymore. I'm gonna be myself and be happy. I dont think i'm fat or ugly or stupid or anything. I think i'm starting to get use to myself and liek myself. I just hope everyone forgives me.
<3 Char