nothing compares to a quiet evening alone.
every time i turn around there's something there to piss me off.
ray's mom has three heart attacks, got home from the hospital, and there's a whole bunch of things she can't do anymore. she can't lift, go outside in the ice (in case she falls), she can't even get a papercut because her blood can't clot, so she'll bleed to death if anything happens, and every time i think she understands that she can't do these things, there she is trying to do it. and everytime i do stuff for her, she has something to say about the way i'm doing it. if you want something done a certain way, just fucking say so, don't nit pick every little thing i do. and god damnit, i can't be worrying about you doing stupid shit all the fucking time. relax.
on top of that my job is in serious jeopardy. some new lady came in and changed the schedule giving me only 8 hours this week and herself 40. luckily i got one extra day, but still. i can't take care of me, ray, AND his mother on a 12 hour paycheck. and what the fuck is up with the four hour shifts all of the sudden? that woman is dead to me. and i will act as such when i get to work with her tomorrow. hooray.
on top of THAT, my former best friend turned out not to be a friend at all. she's too fucking selfish to even say "i'm sorry" and then when i apologize first (even though i didn't do anything wrong in the first place) she ignores me. what the fuck? did i drop everything when you wanted to talk about how you feel about something you shouldn't have been doing in the first place enough? did i care too much? did i cover for you when you were cheating on your boyfriend too much? where the fuck do you get off acting all high and mighty? you take take take and never give anything back. i'm fucking sick of it.
also, i'm not even allowed to be upset about this shit anymore, cause god forbid ray wake up and i'm not standing there smiling like a fucking idiot ready to do whatever he wants. if i'm the least bit unhappy around him, automatically i ruined the day and i get him saying "can't you ever go more than one day being happy?"
no. i fucking can't. maybe if i had a little help from the people who were supposed to be there and help me when i needed it actually cared, i would be okay.
why does everyone make it so difficult for me to just get through a day? i don't have any time to worry about myself. not to mention any money to spend on myself. no, i have to spend all the money i work for on shit i don't want or need.
where does it end? i feel like i'm fucking 40 years old. i just want everything and everyone to go away.
i don't really expect anyone to read this. i'm just venting. but if you do read this and you have something to say, make sure you think about it before you make yourself look worse.
ray's mom has three heart attacks, got home from the hospital, and there's a whole bunch of things she can't do anymore. she can't lift, go outside in the ice (in case she falls), she can't even get a papercut because her blood can't clot, so she'll bleed to death if anything happens, and every time i think she understands that she can't do these things, there she is trying to do it. and everytime i do stuff for her, she has something to say about the way i'm doing it. if you want something done a certain way, just fucking say so, don't nit pick every little thing i do. and god damnit, i can't be worrying about you doing stupid shit all the fucking time. relax.
on top of that my job is in serious jeopardy. some new lady came in and changed the schedule giving me only 8 hours this week and herself 40. luckily i got one extra day, but still. i can't take care of me, ray, AND his mother on a 12 hour paycheck. and what the fuck is up with the four hour shifts all of the sudden? that woman is dead to me. and i will act as such when i get to work with her tomorrow. hooray.
on top of THAT, my former best friend turned out not to be a friend at all. she's too fucking selfish to even say "i'm sorry" and then when i apologize first (even though i didn't do anything wrong in the first place) she ignores me. what the fuck? did i drop everything when you wanted to talk about how you feel about something you shouldn't have been doing in the first place enough? did i care too much? did i cover for you when you were cheating on your boyfriend too much? where the fuck do you get off acting all high and mighty? you take take take and never give anything back. i'm fucking sick of it.
also, i'm not even allowed to be upset about this shit anymore, cause god forbid ray wake up and i'm not standing there smiling like a fucking idiot ready to do whatever he wants. if i'm the least bit unhappy around him, automatically i ruined the day and i get him saying "can't you ever go more than one day being happy?"
no. i fucking can't. maybe if i had a little help from the people who were supposed to be there and help me when i needed it actually cared, i would be okay.
why does everyone make it so difficult for me to just get through a day? i don't have any time to worry about myself. not to mention any money to spend on myself. no, i have to spend all the money i work for on shit i don't want or need.
where does it end? i feel like i'm fucking 40 years old. i just want everything and everyone to go away.
i don't really expect anyone to read this. i'm just venting. but if you do read this and you have something to say, make sure you think about it before you make yourself look worse.