things which enclose me/ or which i cannot touch because they are too near
things dont seem to have any order or progression to them anymore
*I bring light to the financial district(where my new office is) in all their stuffy suits and etc. And even on Wall Street people yell out that i look like a "hott chelsea clinton"...very professional people.
*I saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which was plot-wise so-so but still really good cuz the actors and clothing and house and everything was just so gorgeous; reminded me of an Oceans 11 vibe. And i've been at Barnard too long cuz I thought Angelina looked better(almost).
*Larry set off all the alarms in an NYU dorm trying to sneak me in while SUnny and I pretended not to know him..very funny and typical larry moment. We were there in the first place cuz Larry forgot the address of the theater we were supposed to go to and missed the movie..also typical of him. Sunny slept over and it was crazy cuz i hadn't seen her since before high school ended(and we never talked).. and it made me SO SAD because she is going through the exact parts of a relationship i went through and it's killing her and i kind of think she LIKES it. And I've known her since we were nine so even though we've been distant this is like...tugging at me so hard.
I hate how things are such a give and take.. i guess i want to have my cake and eat it too(avoid comments about this Duo). I know it's stupid and dramatic, but i feel SO different, i feel like i even look different since summer started. I feel a lot more confident in myself, the way i look, i feel like it's so much easier for me to relate/talk to people lately...like i'm actually being active in my own skin for the first time. So that's good and crucial and stuff. But then i feel so fucking lonely and miserable...and i wonder why i couldnt have ever felt those good things before with dennis, why i couldn't be myself and his girlfriend at the same time. I know it must be at least half my fault and i'd give anything to understnad it and just be with him. I know i shouldnt think about it.. but i want to be with him and share everything with him so much, have him love who i am and be his and be happy. And if i could ever find someone to love me exactly how i am... well i'll still always regret that I couldnt make that happen with Dennis.. i feel like i failed, cuz HE'S the one i want to love me that way.
WHY do i have to be alone????? I am so awkward at this single thing, everyone i talk to thinks its hysterical but it's scary.
I just got back from work and i have to head back into the city in a lil bit to have an inevitable dinner that i am superSUPER dreading. hmm... okay.
*I bring light to the financial district(where my new office is) in all their stuffy suits and etc. And even on Wall Street people yell out that i look like a "hott chelsea clinton"...very professional people.
*I saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which was plot-wise so-so but still really good cuz the actors and clothing and house and everything was just so gorgeous; reminded me of an Oceans 11 vibe. And i've been at Barnard too long cuz I thought Angelina looked better(almost).
*Larry set off all the alarms in an NYU dorm trying to sneak me in while SUnny and I pretended not to know him..very funny and typical larry moment. We were there in the first place cuz Larry forgot the address of the theater we were supposed to go to and missed the movie..also typical of him. Sunny slept over and it was crazy cuz i hadn't seen her since before high school ended(and we never talked).. and it made me SO SAD because she is going through the exact parts of a relationship i went through and it's killing her and i kind of think she LIKES it. And I've known her since we were nine so even though we've been distant this is like...tugging at me so hard.
I hate how things are such a give and take.. i guess i want to have my cake and eat it too(avoid comments about this Duo). I know it's stupid and dramatic, but i feel SO different, i feel like i even look different since summer started. I feel a lot more confident in myself, the way i look, i feel like it's so much easier for me to relate/talk to people lately...like i'm actually being active in my own skin for the first time. So that's good and crucial and stuff. But then i feel so fucking lonely and miserable...and i wonder why i couldnt have ever felt those good things before with dennis, why i couldn't be myself and his girlfriend at the same time. I know it must be at least half my fault and i'd give anything to understnad it and just be with him. I know i shouldnt think about it.. but i want to be with him and share everything with him so much, have him love who i am and be his and be happy. And if i could ever find someone to love me exactly how i am... well i'll still always regret that I couldnt make that happen with Dennis.. i feel like i failed, cuz HE'S the one i want to love me that way.
WHY do i have to be alone????? I am so awkward at this single thing, everyone i talk to thinks its hysterical but it's scary.
I just got back from work and i have to head back into the city in a lil bit to have an inevitable dinner that i am superSUPER dreading. hmm... okay.