But do you believe in something beautiful? Then get up and be it.
i feel so....
.........yeah.
i've been such a mix of things. The nicer weather = better feelings better atmosphere cuter clothing. Barnard Spirit Day = Ice Cream and free red bull.
I sit outside to study and there is sunshine and i get persuaded into buying earrings i don't need(okay.. i sought out the earrings).
So i have new earrings and sunshine to reflect off of them. this is about where the good ends.
I probably should have had this freak-out phase when i came to college, but it kind of delayed until the last 3 weeks of school. I'm realizing how long i've been away from my home and the people i always associated that with. I've had a million little memories lately about moments at Dennis' old house or sitting on the windowsill before class started and watching for his bus number to pull up. He doesn't live within a hundred miles of me anymore and the only bus i take is cross-town(which i will no longer do if they actually increased the fares). My dad just sold his apartment, my second home, and is talking about moving to Virginia... sorry to be spoiled but who will drive into the city to bring me oatmeal raisin cookies when i have a test? Me and Dennis are in different worlds, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORLDS, and will be for some time. It honestly doesn't bother me, maybe cuz my life is pretty straightforward right now, as long as he cares any polarity would be fine with me. But with everything going on i know it bothers him, and that makes me..scared..shitless. And, not that i'm perfect right now, but i think it's a situation relatively out of my hands, i feel so uninvolved with my fate.
So ive been going to the barnard gym everyday for three/four weeks.. this is officially my only stress relief and the only thing i've actually been able to do lately(besides skip italian). I am getting soooo buff lol, last week i could open a jar of salsa by myself!!! But i come back so tired and braindead that i can't think or do any work and i just go to sleep by midnight. But i also can't worry when im that tired(except right now..hmm..), and it makes it more okay to be in my own skin... so who knows if this is good or not.
See? thinking sucks. im going to sleep. Someone please tell me the end of the year is making them this useless also?
.........yeah.
i've been such a mix of things. The nicer weather = better feelings better atmosphere cuter clothing. Barnard Spirit Day = Ice Cream and free red bull.
I sit outside to study and there is sunshine and i get persuaded into buying earrings i don't need(okay.. i sought out the earrings).
So i have new earrings and sunshine to reflect off of them. this is about where the good ends.
I probably should have had this freak-out phase when i came to college, but it kind of delayed until the last 3 weeks of school. I'm realizing how long i've been away from my home and the people i always associated that with. I've had a million little memories lately about moments at Dennis' old house or sitting on the windowsill before class started and watching for his bus number to pull up. He doesn't live within a hundred miles of me anymore and the only bus i take is cross-town(which i will no longer do if they actually increased the fares). My dad just sold his apartment, my second home, and is talking about moving to Virginia... sorry to be spoiled but who will drive into the city to bring me oatmeal raisin cookies when i have a test? Me and Dennis are in different worlds, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORLDS, and will be for some time. It honestly doesn't bother me, maybe cuz my life is pretty straightforward right now, as long as he cares any polarity would be fine with me. But with everything going on i know it bothers him, and that makes me..scared..shitless. And, not that i'm perfect right now, but i think it's a situation relatively out of my hands, i feel so uninvolved with my fate.
So ive been going to the barnard gym everyday for three/four weeks.. this is officially my only stress relief and the only thing i've actually been able to do lately(besides skip italian). I am getting soooo buff lol, last week i could open a jar of salsa by myself!!! But i come back so tired and braindead that i can't think or do any work and i just go to sleep by midnight. But i also can't worry when im that tired(except right now..hmm..), and it makes it more okay to be in my own skin... so who knows if this is good or not.
See? thinking sucks. im going to sleep. Someone please tell me the end of the year is making them this useless also?