(no subject)
Oh LJ, you never seem to get my attention anymore until drama brings itself into my life.
So these days I've been seeing a boy. I use the term "seeing" losely, as we've been together a handful of times in the past month or two. We know eachother by proffessional means, and by this we're not really allowed to be dating. To make matters more interesting, he's been in a polyamorous relationship with someone of a number of years, who sounds really amazing (and I'm uncharacteristically not jealous of) So I'm very clearly a secondary partner and so this seems to be a very detatched and purely fun interaction. It's been quite the surreal experience.
It's been an interesting experience, re-evaluating my sexuality. It doesn't bother me too much, the turn of events. I had been noticing boys more recently (though admittingly the idea of sleeping with them still seemed unnappealing.) And had a particularly intellectual crush on this boy for a while (The guy is brilliant, it's a little intimidating at times.) Being with a boy isn't nearly as scary or gross as I thought it would be, and I actually really do enjoy it. I guess there's a little bit of guilt surrounding "letting down the team", but I've always been in favour of the idea that sexuality is fluid, and doesn't always sway constantly one way or the other. I guess, as well, I've been feeling that I don't really fit into the queer scene here in Peterborough. It's refreshing not to be in a box that I don't fit into (so to speak :b) and exciting to explore a whole new aspect of my sexuality.
So I don't know how this experience will turn out, or really what direction it's going. It started out very detatched, but I find emotional connections are inevidibally creeping in. I know that even if there turns out to be a more solid emotional connection of somekind, there won't be relationship at the end of it, which is a strange and forein idea for me. I can deal with that though, it's a new and exciting experience to have, and I'm glad to have it. It's just strange to put some bit of trust into someone you probably shouldn't ultimately put trust into.
Anyway, I guess thats the bulk of it for now. I'm sure I'll write more of the experience when I'm less sleepy.