A Bit From A Bit Ago
Firstly, about my work: being comfortable at work makes me feel, uh well, uncomfortable (does that make sense?). Part of me kinda likes coming in, to be made to act a certain way (albeit, often slightly buzzed)...it's like some forced state of being, where I have to weigh the impulse to lash out, fuck all, and walk away, against the need to sustain a income-- home/food/etc. (aren't obligations lame! Then again, this sense of obligation/'comfort' is often mixed with lingering anxiety that someone is going to come in and shoot me, so, it probably all evens out). I guess I've been reading too much about Gypsies...meh...anyway, sometimes, it's nice being a robot; machines do/have it better...humans really have no real design/purpose, that's why they're so fucked up...like we're all incidental**...sad (whatever, we're just all here to propagate the species...and the economy* anyway...oh, how far we've evolved from single cells organisms!? ... Aand no, no need to psychoanalyze this in relation my usual, everyday, non-work, acting like a robot-- so what, I'm a sociopath, I get it).
*"The new world, the communo-bourgeois, sermonizing, tartuffian, automobilistic, alcoholic, gluttonous and cancerous world, has only two anxieties: ass and bank account... the rest is fluff!" ~ L.F. Celine. ... I know, I'm becoming a parody of myself (we all do! But when we like who we are, its called a 'distinctive personality'...read: predictable).
...no no, I know. Why have I been having to explain myself so much!? (after all, I'm so bad at it)...what!...let's see (I'll make this as sporadic and manic as possible): I can't write (for someone that likes pens, typewriters, computers and overpriced pocketbooks so much-- you'd think I'd be more inclined!?). No! Every sentence turns into scribbles, which turns into skeletal anatomy, which is then blotched out completely...so, I'm going though a lot of ink (and now that I try to write about it-- keystrokes too!-- practically having a stroke! Eeh gad!). Erase - Edit - Erase - Edit - Delete! Perhaps I'll quite while I'm ahead. I had been meaning to take a break from LiveUrinal anyway; perhaps use some of that outdated technology gathering dust*** (limit it to local news; awkward, shitty history lessons; media reviews? I don't know)...argh...what else? Oh, i know! Everything is so stupidly the same! Remember, you can cut your hair a thousand times over, and dye it every color of the rainbow-- but your still the same old person, useless you actually do change!...duh!? Though, its not 'the same' in that sorta way, its the same in a different sorta way!? It makes sense to me!?...'and everyone was left scratching their heads...'!). Then again, most of the time we don't even notice (it's all ever so gradual, your left going: 'hey!? where the fuck is my epiphany?!' or 'hey, when did I become such an utter asshole?!' or: 'hey, why can't I talk right!?' or something like that). Why are the same (actually important!) things still on my 'To Do' list that were on there years ago? Its all the getting lost in the mundane detail of day to day existence (i.e. need milk and eggs...forget about finding a life worth living, etc. ... Not forgetting the romantic notion of some peasant lifestyle. But from the looks of it, I don't see too many people sheep farming downtown; at least, not the way it used to be? Oh har har blah). So what are we left to do? Ahh, complaining about the 20th century now?! This was suppose to be more epic, and funny...ahh but alas...no bang, no whimper...just a sigh (of both relief and exhaustion)! Whatever, I heart this complicated, contradicting, confusing mess of a stupid world (but no, really...I want the earth to exploded).
** "We laugh, but our life's been surrendered to accident, abandoned, unavoidably. To the accidental, do you understand? Whatever happens in the world can happen to you and crush you or leave you standing. Just as accidents happen. [...] And we: abandoned to it, thrown out to be devoured. And we laugh. Stand there and laugh. And our life, our love and our precious, personal pain-- they're as uncertain and accidental as the wind and the wave. Arbitrary. Do you understand? Understand?" ~ W. Borchert
*** If you email me your ('real', a.k.a. "snail mail") address, I'll promise (and I usually never make promises) to send you something stupid and random (scraps of paper; snot; a postcard; etc. This is what I do in my free time!?) and won't stalk you too much. Here (this is the easy one to remember): weeteeth [at] gmail [dot] com
*"The new world, the communo-bourgeois, sermonizing, tartuffian, automobilistic, alcoholic, gluttonous and cancerous world, has only two anxieties: ass and bank account... the rest is fluff!" ~ L.F. Celine. ... I know, I'm becoming a parody of myself (we all do! But when we like who we are, its called a 'distinctive personality'...read: predictable).
...no no, I know. Why have I been having to explain myself so much!? (after all, I'm so bad at it)...what!...let's see (I'll make this as sporadic and manic as possible): I can't write (for someone that likes pens, typewriters, computers and overpriced pocketbooks so much-- you'd think I'd be more inclined!?). No! Every sentence turns into scribbles, which turns into skeletal anatomy, which is then blotched out completely...so, I'm going though a lot of ink (and now that I try to write about it-- keystrokes too!-- practically having a stroke! Eeh gad!). Erase - Edit - Erase - Edit - Delete! Perhaps I'll quite while I'm ahead. I had been meaning to take a break from LiveUrinal anyway; perhaps use some of that outdated technology gathering dust*** (limit it to local news; awkward, shitty history lessons; media reviews? I don't know)...argh...what else? Oh, i know! Everything is so stupidly the same! Remember, you can cut your hair a thousand times over, and dye it every color of the rainbow-- but your still the same old person, useless you actually do change!...duh!? Though, its not 'the same' in that sorta way, its the same in a different sorta way!? It makes sense to me!?...'and everyone was left scratching their heads...'!). Then again, most of the time we don't even notice (it's all ever so gradual, your left going: 'hey!? where the fuck is my epiphany?!' or 'hey, when did I become such an utter asshole?!' or: 'hey, why can't I talk right!?' or something like that). Why are the same (actually important!) things still on my 'To Do' list that were on there years ago? Its all the getting lost in the mundane detail of day to day existence (i.e. need milk and eggs...forget about finding a life worth living, etc. ... Not forgetting the romantic notion of some peasant lifestyle. But from the looks of it, I don't see too many people sheep farming downtown; at least, not the way it used to be? Oh har har blah). So what are we left to do? Ahh, complaining about the 20th century now?! This was suppose to be more epic, and funny...ahh but alas...no bang, no whimper...just a sigh (of both relief and exhaustion)! Whatever, I heart this complicated, contradicting, confusing mess of a stupid world (but no, really...I want the earth to exploded).
** "We laugh, but our life's been surrendered to accident, abandoned, unavoidably. To the accidental, do you understand? Whatever happens in the world can happen to you and crush you or leave you standing. Just as accidents happen. [...] And we: abandoned to it, thrown out to be devoured. And we laugh. Stand there and laugh. And our life, our love and our precious, personal pain-- they're as uncertain and accidental as the wind and the wave. Arbitrary. Do you understand? Understand?" ~ W. Borchert
*** If you email me your ('real', a.k.a. "snail mail") address, I'll promise (and I usually never make promises) to send you something stupid and random (scraps of paper; snot; a postcard; etc. This is what I do in my free time!?) and won't stalk you too much. Here (this is the easy one to remember): weeteeth [at] gmail [dot] com