Fic - The One Where Steve is Wee and Won't Let You Talk to a Lady That Way
The battle was over, tensions were high and no one knew quite what to do. The Avengers, sans Bruce who was still calming down, were assembled in a suite of medical rooms. Everyone was looking at Steve who was silent, shaken and about a third of the size he was supposed to be.
Tony waved his hands, not for the first time. “Didn’t anybody see what happened?”
“The rest of us were just as busy as you, Stark,” Natasha replied dryly.
“In retrospect it is obvious that the creatures were just a diversion,” Thor added. “Clearly the goal was not to defeat us, but rather to create an opening for this to happen.” He gestured toward Steve who was seated behind him on an exam table, scrawny legs dangling over the edge, bare feet swinging idly while he listened to the conversation swirling around him.
Barton was able to unearth scrubs from a nearby cabinet, but the size of them was laughable compared to the tiny boy. Instead, Steve stayed wrapped up in Thor’s cloak. Steve refused the offer of a blanket; he seemed partial to the yards of bright red fabric he was swimming in.
Tony was unable to stand still any longer. He strode away from the table toward the wall, and then immediately whirled back. “But this…? This is weird. This is too weird. Even for us, right?”
It wasn’t clear why Stark in particular was troubled by Steve’s transformation, but he was irritated by everyone else’s lack of hysteria.
“We can’t even be sure this is Cap, can we? It could be some sort of changeling that was left behind in his Kevlar.” Tony was babbling as he glanced at the boy on the table. Even as he said it, he knew it was ridiculous. There were very few surviving pictures of Steve as a young man before he received the serum, but it was pretty clear that this boy would’ve grown up to be him.
“Didn’t you see anything?” Tony returned his attention to the group of adults, and aimed his question at Natasha. She was unperturbed by his tone of accusation and his volume; she understood that he was processing the situation aloud.
“You’re supposed to be the ‘all knowing, all seeing’ super-spy!” Tony made dramatic air quotes with his fingers as he drifted in and out of Natasha’s personal space. “You don’t know who did this. You don’t know what caused it. And you don’t have anything particularly helpful to say.” Tony’s voice got louder and louder as he continued ranting. “If you can’t even give us an avenue to pursue, what the hell good are you?”
“Hey!” There was a thwack as two bare feet hit the ground. “That’s no way to talk to a lady!”
Blue eyes blazing, Steve stepped around Thor until he stood between Tony and Natasha. Tony was startled into taking a step back.
“Oh, that’s no changeling,” Barton chortled from over by the door. Natasha frowned slightly and shook her head at him. Clint choked back a laugh. Steve didn’t notice the by-play because he was too focused on the offending party.
Tony stood speechless as the tiny, furious boy stared him down. Steve drew himself up to all of his four foot height and insisted, “You owe her an apology!”
“The jaw! Did you see what he just did with his jaw?” Clint nearly doubled over with mirth.
Tony eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline and he finally got his voice back. “Apology? I owe…? Are you kidding…?” Tony shut his eyes hard and shook his head almost like he was trying to do an internal reset. But it didn’t work; when he opened his eyes, Tony was fired up. “Listen kid…”
Tony stepped closer to the miniature version of Steve with a finger out to point or poke. Steve didn’t move, but Thor did. He placed his hand on the back of Steve’s neck and loomed.
“Don’t.”
Steely blue eyes met brown, and even in his current state of mind, Tony knew better than to cross the Asgardian. He held his hands up in surrender and took a step back. “I guess we know who’s first on the babysitting roster.”
“That ain’t an apology,” Steve said doggedly. Clint had to physically turn away, shoulders heaving with silent laughter.
“That ain’t…” Tony echoed. Once again Tony closed his eyes, but this time he pinched the bridge of his nose. When he opened his eyes Tony turned his gaze to Natasha. He made an exaggerated bow. “Miss Romanoff or whatever name you’re using this week, I abjectly and humbly apologize for any insult I may have caused you. It was unseemly for me to raise my voice and I shall endeavor to be more understanding of your delicate sensibilities in the future herewith.”
Steve raised a skeptical eyebrow and looked at Natasha. She gave him a brief nod. He nodded in return; if it was good enough for her, it was good enough for him.
Tony continued his nonsensical babbling as he bowed his way out the door. “Dost someone have the wherewithal to find the tiny changeling some pants? A quest perchance? An undertaking best undertook by a pot of peppers perhaps?”
The look Steve gave Tony as he exited was disapproving and confused. It was that expression that finally sent Barton over the deep end and he had to leave the room. Peals of laughter echoed back to those who remained.
Natasha reached over and gently ruffled Steve’s hair. “Thank you for standing up for me.”
Steve was suddenly bashful. “You’re welcome, ma’am.”
Thor and Natasha exchanged smiles over Steve’s bowed head. “Come my young friend,” Thor said as he scooped Steve up with one arm, “let us find you something less cumbersome to wear.”
“I can walk,” Steve protested.
“Indeed you can,” Thor agreed, “but an overlong cape can be quite disastrous as I learned when I borrowed the All-Father’s formal robes for a game when I was a boy.” Steve’s eyes went wide. Thor swept out of the medical room as he launched into his tale. Natasha went in the other direction looking for Bruce to catch him up on everything that he’d missed.
.
Tony waved his hands, not for the first time. “Didn’t anybody see what happened?”
“The rest of us were just as busy as you, Stark,” Natasha replied dryly.
“In retrospect it is obvious that the creatures were just a diversion,” Thor added. “Clearly the goal was not to defeat us, but rather to create an opening for this to happen.” He gestured toward Steve who was seated behind him on an exam table, scrawny legs dangling over the edge, bare feet swinging idly while he listened to the conversation swirling around him.
Barton was able to unearth scrubs from a nearby cabinet, but the size of them was laughable compared to the tiny boy. Instead, Steve stayed wrapped up in Thor’s cloak. Steve refused the offer of a blanket; he seemed partial to the yards of bright red fabric he was swimming in.
Tony was unable to stand still any longer. He strode away from the table toward the wall, and then immediately whirled back. “But this…? This is weird. This is too weird. Even for us, right?”
It wasn’t clear why Stark in particular was troubled by Steve’s transformation, but he was irritated by everyone else’s lack of hysteria.
“We can’t even be sure this is Cap, can we? It could be some sort of changeling that was left behind in his Kevlar.” Tony was babbling as he glanced at the boy on the table. Even as he said it, he knew it was ridiculous. There were very few surviving pictures of Steve as a young man before he received the serum, but it was pretty clear that this boy would’ve grown up to be him.
“Didn’t you see anything?” Tony returned his attention to the group of adults, and aimed his question at Natasha. She was unperturbed by his tone of accusation and his volume; she understood that he was processing the situation aloud.
“You’re supposed to be the ‘all knowing, all seeing’ super-spy!” Tony made dramatic air quotes with his fingers as he drifted in and out of Natasha’s personal space. “You don’t know who did this. You don’t know what caused it. And you don’t have anything particularly helpful to say.” Tony’s voice got louder and louder as he continued ranting. “If you can’t even give us an avenue to pursue, what the hell good are you?”
“Hey!” There was a thwack as two bare feet hit the ground. “That’s no way to talk to a lady!”
Blue eyes blazing, Steve stepped around Thor until he stood between Tony and Natasha. Tony was startled into taking a step back.
“Oh, that’s no changeling,” Barton chortled from over by the door. Natasha frowned slightly and shook her head at him. Clint choked back a laugh. Steve didn’t notice the by-play because he was too focused on the offending party.
Tony stood speechless as the tiny, furious boy stared him down. Steve drew himself up to all of his four foot height and insisted, “You owe her an apology!”
“The jaw! Did you see what he just did with his jaw?” Clint nearly doubled over with mirth.
Tony eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline and he finally got his voice back. “Apology? I owe…? Are you kidding…?” Tony shut his eyes hard and shook his head almost like he was trying to do an internal reset. But it didn’t work; when he opened his eyes, Tony was fired up. “Listen kid…”
Tony stepped closer to the miniature version of Steve with a finger out to point or poke. Steve didn’t move, but Thor did. He placed his hand on the back of Steve’s neck and loomed.
“Don’t.”
Steely blue eyes met brown, and even in his current state of mind, Tony knew better than to cross the Asgardian. He held his hands up in surrender and took a step back. “I guess we know who’s first on the babysitting roster.”
“That ain’t an apology,” Steve said doggedly. Clint had to physically turn away, shoulders heaving with silent laughter.
“That ain’t…” Tony echoed. Once again Tony closed his eyes, but this time he pinched the bridge of his nose. When he opened his eyes Tony turned his gaze to Natasha. He made an exaggerated bow. “Miss Romanoff or whatever name you’re using this week, I abjectly and humbly apologize for any insult I may have caused you. It was unseemly for me to raise my voice and I shall endeavor to be more understanding of your delicate sensibilities in the future herewith.”
Steve raised a skeptical eyebrow and looked at Natasha. She gave him a brief nod. He nodded in return; if it was good enough for her, it was good enough for him.
Tony continued his nonsensical babbling as he bowed his way out the door. “Dost someone have the wherewithal to find the tiny changeling some pants? A quest perchance? An undertaking best undertook by a pot of peppers perhaps?”
The look Steve gave Tony as he exited was disapproving and confused. It was that expression that finally sent Barton over the deep end and he had to leave the room. Peals of laughter echoed back to those who remained.
Natasha reached over and gently ruffled Steve’s hair. “Thank you for standing up for me.”
Steve was suddenly bashful. “You’re welcome, ma’am.”
Thor and Natasha exchanged smiles over Steve’s bowed head. “Come my young friend,” Thor said as he scooped Steve up with one arm, “let us find you something less cumbersome to wear.”
“I can walk,” Steve protested.
“Indeed you can,” Thor agreed, “but an overlong cape can be quite disastrous as I learned when I borrowed the All-Father’s formal robes for a game when I was a boy.” Steve’s eyes went wide. Thor swept out of the medical room as he launched into his tale. Natasha went in the other direction looking for Bruce to catch him up on everything that he’d missed.
.