That Sick Feeling In The Back Of My Throat...
"I've been trying to get in contact with you for the past few months. I don't know if you are just too busy, or your parents aren't giving you the messages. If the latter one is true, I couldn't blame them. I guess it's a parent's instinct to keep away those who have hurt their child. I have alot to talk to you about and I would like to do it in person, but phone or e-mail will suffice. I will be out in PA in June (9th to 12th) but I might not be able to see you at all. I have a busy schedule to adhere to but I'll be back in October for Jenny Lynn's wedding. I requested that she invite you and she said she would. I woud really like to see you and atleast dance with you once again. In many ways you were my perfect partner, but I screwed up royally. I can't return to what was lost, but if I didn't leave, I wouldn't have my son. I guess I can just write the rest of what I would like to talk to you about in here.
I am sorry that I left you and eventhough you may say you are ok, I know you aren't. I know because of the tone of dissapointment and occasional hatred I get from your parent's voices. I'm not going to say that I regret my decision, that would make me say that I regret my son. I do still love you but with my actions out here, it did not seem so. I was never happy in a relationship, but now that I have Larry, which is VERY close to you, I see that all I was looking for was a (don't take it the way I'm going to wite it, I can't think of another word) replacment for you. Someone who can fulfil that need for your personality.
I would like to talk to you when I get out there but if you would like me to stay away, that's ok too. Hopefully I hear from you soon. I will keep calling until either you or your parents tell me to stop. I'll only try to call every couple weeks, so I don't seem like a stalker or anything.
Ciao."
It's almost inexplicable... the means by which I still despise someone.
I want to tear it apart... I want to break it down into the ways I know I can... and respond to her with that typical spite and righteous anger I have inside. And as much as I attempt to become the "better person"... I find myself more and more willing to be exactly what I've come to be. The bad guy, the villian.