Truth and Legend (1/6)
This has been a long time coming. It ended up much longer than intended, and took many an edit to get to even this state. And I'm still not quite satisfied. but that's what you get for writing 44k! Anyway, I'd like you to meet Elaine. She's important.
Title: Truth and Legend
Author:
weepingwillow9
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, or this is what would happen
Characters: Arthur, Merlin, Lance, Gwaine, Gwen, Morgana, Elaine (OC), Linet (OC), Gareth (OC), Galahad (OC), Mordred, Gaius
Pairings: Arthur/Merlin/Lance/Gwaine, Morgana/Elaine, Lance/Elaine
Warnings: Sex, battles, attempted suicide, character death
Spoilers: This starts off sometime after Arthur's Coronation (Series Four Episode Three) but minus the events of Series Four Episodes One and Two - so Lancelot is still around. I like to think that the Cailleach became the sacrifice, anyway...
Rating: NC-17
Length: 44198
Summary: When the Lady Elaine arrives at Camelot, she sets off a chain of events that will change the Kingdom forever
Arthur was woken by the sound of hooves on the cobblestones. Rolling over, he cursed whoever had decided that his rooms should overlook the courtyard, and whoever had decided to pave it. His eyes squeezed shut, then opened again as they processed what he’d just seen.
“Arthur, you need to wake up.”
“Nnnnggghhh, later.”
“Arthur!”
So Arthur blinked his eyes open, because denying Merlin early in the morning when Arthur’s resolve was severely lacking was impossible.
oOo
“I seek an audience with the King?”
“I’m so sorry, my Lady, but I don’t know where he is right now.”
“That’s alright,” she told the voice, “Just point me in the right direction and I’ll find him myself.”
And because the Lady in question had a sword belted around her waist, but mainly because she was disarmingly blindfolded, Gwen showed her into the corridor that led to the Armoury, where Arthur would probably be briefing the morning patrol. She smiled in thanks, hooking her almost auburn, almost brown hair over her shoulder. The woman disappeared into the castle, cloak and burgundy silk billowing about her, alone and unchaperoned. Gwen was just left staring after her, worrying a little.
There was a maidservant with her, who smiled at Gwen, holding both horses’ reins in one hand and offering Gwen the other.
“Sorry about her, it’s just… She’s been through a lot to get here.”
“Oh, alright.” Gwen was a little confused, but she supposed the blindfold explained that particular comment. She took the girl’s hand and shook it. She was shorter than average, hair golden blonde and pulled into long plait, pretty brown eyes amused by her mistress. Gwen thought she might find herself liking this new servant.
“I’m Linet, by the way, and that’s the Lady Elaine of Astolat.”
“Oh!” Gwen smiled. “Astolat’s a long way to come from. And, oh, I’m Gwen.”
“She’s a woman on a mission, I’m afraid.” Linet smiled, fondly, in the direction her mistress had left. “I hope she finds what she’s looking for, for everyone’s sakes.”
oOo
Elaine walked through the castle, fingers trailing over cold stone. And she couldn’t help thinking that this was it. Everything that the past months had been leading up to. Camelot. It sounded all it was promised to be. Momentous, busy, exciting. The stones felt cold, but almost welcoming, like a homecoming. She was going to enjoy it here.
The lack of sight left her other senses hyperaware, so the sounds of metal on metal did not go unnoticed by Elaine. She sped up, following the sounds, trying to convince herself that they were only Armoury sorts of sounds, or knights mock fighting sort of sounds. She couldn’t quite believe that though, they were too harsh, and there was no human sound to accompany it, no laughter.
And then she turned a corner, and she was sure.
“Merlin, get back! Run!”
“Not leaving you, Arthur.”
“Merlin!”
The first voice was regal, loud, commanding. The King, going on the name. This all seemed lost on the second voice, weak but determined. His footfalls were heavy and uneven, like he couldn’t quite balance, so he must have been injured. The other steps were steady, and the sound of iron on iron calculated and exact, parry after parry. Arthur was defending, too preoccupied with Merlin, who was only restricting him.
It didn’t matter how many adversaries there were, Elaine measured the corridor with her hands and it was only wide enough to face one man at a time. She didn’t care who they were, or how they got in, only that she was now in Camelot and as such had a duty to its King.
She drew her sword, moving forwards.
“My Lord, I will hold them off. Get him to safety and send some Guards.”
“I really-”
“I can’t support him, I’m not strong enough. But I can fight.”
Arthur wasn’t sure what it was that made him step back out of the woman’s way. Perhaps it was the way she held her sword, so assuredly, despite the blindfold. Perhaps it was the shock of being commanded by a complete stranger. Perhaps it was the fact that she was a woman. More likely he was just thankful for the relief, so he could devote his entire attention to Merlin. Whatever made him do it, he let her past, and then she was matching each of the mercenary’s blows. The look of surprise on his face was almost worth staying around to watch. But Merlin was losing a lot of blood, so he picked him up despite the very loud objections, carrying him away as fast as he could.
She was there, soon after, in Arthur’s rooms. He didn’t know how she’d found them, didn’t really care either, because he found himself trusting this unnamed stranger. Her sword was bloodied, which was always a good sign for someone he’d last seen fighting his enemies, and there was a Guard with her proving she hadn’t turned against them. But truthfully, logic was not involved in this trust. There was something about her that exuded I’m good, I’ll look after you, and Arthur relented to it.
“The Guards managed to arrest two of the men, they’re in the dungeons apparently.”
“Thank you for your assistance, my Lady, though I must-”
Arthur was interrupted by a groan from Merlin, just realising his situation lying in Arthur’s bed. An exceedingly bad idea. He’d do something stupid, like try to smell the sheets, and Arthur would see, and he’d be done for.
Elaine started towards the bed with a gasp.
“Where is the physician?”
“He’s been sent for.” Arthur caught her, because she was sure to trip. Not because she was getting far too close to Merlin for his sanity.
“Gaius is away,” the weak voice on the bed began, and Arthur spun, panicked.
“But he has to be here - you’re hurt!”
Elaine smiled, resting a hand on Arthur’s arm, and there it was again, Arthur trusting her without even knowing her name.
“It’s alright, I can treat the wound if you allow it. I would always treat the knights after one of my father’s tournaments.”
Which reminded Arthur of the other pressing concern.
“Yes, your father. Who exactly is he?”
“King Pelleas. Sorry, I never got a chance to introduce myself. I am Lady Elaine of Astolat.” She curtseyed low, inclining her head towards Arthur, and adding a “My Lord,” before standing again.
There was nothing wrong with that, at all. It was late, but she had addressed him correctly, shown the proper respect. Then all deference left her face, and she smiled.
“So, are you going to show me his arm?”
“How did you know?”
“Educated guess. Arm?”
“Yeah.”
Arthur led her over to the bed, and she perched herself on the side, next to Merlin’s hip, running her fingers over the blood slick skin of Merlin’s arm, feeling out the edges of the cut with as light a touch as she could manage. Still, he winced, and behind her so did Arthur.
“It’s alright, I can wait for Gaius, I’m fine, it’s not even that deep…”
Elaine turned her head towards Merlin’s, so he felt like her eyes were boring into him even through the embroidered silk scarf she had obstructing them.
“If you don’t trust me, trust Lancelot. I treated him when he was near to death on the field.”
“You did? Lance never mentioned anything about Astolat.”
Elaine sighed, running her fingers over the wound again. It was a clean cut but, despite Merlin’s insistence, deep and he was losing a lot of blood.
“No, I suppose he wouldn’t.” There was a long pause, as her shoulders fell, until Arthur cleared his throat, and she gave them both her attention again.
“I need warm water, and plenty of cloths. A needle, thread, and a candle. And the strongest wine you can find, please, sire.”
Arthur’s nod was tense and curt, and he left the room. His voice lingered, muffled by the door but intruding still, incoherent shouts to different servants.
Merlin just dropped his head back against the pillows, sighing.
“This is not happening.”
Elaine laughed a little, softly.
“It is, sorry. Merlin, is it?”
“Yes, my Lady.”
“Elaine.”
Merlin nodded.
“I’ve heard a lot about you, Merlin. I hear Lance has a lot to thank you for. He said you were very special.”
She heard Merlin’s breathing getting faster, panicked.
“It’s alright, I’ve always thought he left something out of his stories. I don’t know anything that wasn’t his to tell.”
Merlin nodded, not sure if he was appeased or not. She definitely knew more than she should.
“Fine! A secret for a secret, you need to trust me if I’m going to be sewing up your arm. I’m in Camelot looking for Lancelot. I won’t leave without him.”
Merlin let his eyes slip shut and ignored her. She didn’t matter, not really. If she was going to tell Arthur about his magic she would have done so by now. The real problem was that he was in Arthur’s bed, and Arthur was being kind, which was always irresistible. Soon Merlin wouldn’t exactly be sober, and he was sure that this time he was going to say something completely stupid and give everything away, magic, love and all.
He turned to Elaine, because she seemed nice enough, and might not question him.
“Can you keep Arthur away? Please?”
Something in his voice told her that this was very important, so she smiled and nodded. After all, if Lance owed him, so did she.
“Of course.”
Arthur chose that moment to walk in, herding servants towards the bed with buckets of water and piles of clean cloths. He himself was carrying a candle, which he placed next to the bed, using the excuse to lean in and check Merlin. He was pale, grey even, and Arthur didn’t know how to make it go away. That made everything worse; he couldn’t fix Merlin himself, so he would pace and shout until someone did.
“Well?” he asked, shoulders tensing tight.
“I need you all to leave, I need quiet to concentrate.”
Arthur narrowed his eyes; he had had this one played on him before. He immediately let Elaine slip in his estimation by comparison with Edwin, and almost growled when he said “No.”
She sighed deeply, feeling Merlin shiver a little. He was weak, he didn’t need this.
“Alright, but sit across the room. And be very quiet.”
She forced Merlin to drink the wine, which he really didn’t want to, but when she pointedly gestured towards Arthur with the intent of getting his help he swallowed. Then she cleaned the wound, passed the needle through the flame and threaded it. She gave Merlin a wad of cloth to bite down on, but his gasps and aborted cries still brought Arthur to his feet when Elaine pulled the needle through his skin. She was fast, Merlin would give her that, and the stitching seemed neat though she had done it with her eyes closed.
She smiled, running her thumb over to check, washed it again, and bandaged the arm. Then she sat back and turned to Arthur.
“Alright. Important physician-patient conversation time, out with you.”
“But, I- You can’t just-”
“Watch me,” she told him, with a smile, “Now, out.”
“Elaine,” he whined, but she shooed him and he left. Then she turned on Merlin with a knowing smile.
“So. How about you tell me what’s going on, sweetie.”
And, because his head wasn’t working properly through the pain and the alcohol buzz, he answered.
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing’s going on, and that’s the problem.”
His body went completely limp, and Elaine smiled.
“Ah, but there could be.”
“No, there couldn’t! He doesn’t care, I’m just his servant!”
Elaine’s smile widened, and at that Merlin realised that she hadn’t known just how much he was in love with Arthur, not being psychic. She’d had an inkling so she’d asked. And he’d let everything slip, when he had been so good about it, when no one knew at all. He groaned.
“Merlin. He saved you from the mercenaries. He carried you away, leaving the protection of the castle to a complete stranger. He couldn’t stand you hurting, and he refused to leave your side until I’d stitched you up. Doesn’t that tell you anything?”
Merlin just sighed again.
“It’s Arthur. This is what Arthur’s like.”
Elaine patted his thigh, standing up and crossing to the door.
“If that’s what you really believe, sweetie. Your loss.”
She was plotting something, Merlin could tell. All he could do was groan and lie back, because he was too weak to do anything else, and there would be no stopping her. She’d go and ruin everything.
Elaine let Arthur back in again, finding a chair and her discarded sword and somehow retaining her elegance in the process. She sat and began to clean the sword, tending to it with almost the degree of loving care that Arthur showed towards his weapons. There was something about the way she sat that made Merlin completely sure she was observing, though he couldn’t quite work out why.
“Merlin, are you…?” Arthur just gestured over him.
“Yes, it hurts but I’ll live.” Arthur’s frown failed to make him look any less attractive than usual, and Merlin forced himself to breathe properly and look away, because it wouldn’t do to stare.
“If they had killed you…” Arthur was fuming now, beginning to pace, and a movement out of the corner of his eye made Merlin pick up on the ‘you’ part of that sentence.
“I’m nothing important, Arthur,” he said, only to find himself rounded on.
“Don’t be stupid, Merlin, of course you’re important!” And then Arthur calmed a little, and continued. “All citizens of Camelot are important to me; my people have to be my highest priority.”
All the hope that had been coiled in his chest at Elaine’s words died then, and he curled in on himself a little. Arthur narrowed his eyes, watching the movement.
“Stop being such a girl. You’ve been patched up, get on with it.”
“Hey, I wouldn’t be in this mess if you weren’t such a prat!”
Arthur looked affronted, the real emotion magnified ten times by the way he raised his eyebrows and pulled his mouth into a wide ‘o’. Merlin almost laughed.
“How is it my fault that you get in the way?”
“If you didn’t insist on dragging me round everywhere with you, I wouldn’t have been there.”
“If you were a better servant I wouldn’t have to keep an eye on you.”
“Prat.”
“Idiot.”
“Clotpole.”
“Merlin, that isn’t a word. You can’t use made up insults. They don’t count.”
Merlin sighed. Though he loved their teasing, he’d come to accept that it wasn’t going anywhere and it just pulled on his heartstrings pointlessly. That was not what he needed while he was supposed to be recovering.
“Don’t you have mercenaries to be interrogating?”
Arthur looked at Merlin, looked at how tired he seemed, and decided that leaving him to rest was the best idea. Merlin had suggested the only useful thing he could really do, and the interrogation would make him feel better about how Merlin sagged, how Merlin had cried out in pain when the sword had hit him, and how Arthur could never let that happen again. And all that that meant. He nodded, turned, and left.
“You sent him away?” Elaine seemed incredulous, and she sheathed her sword, somehow in a manner more threatening than drawing it.
“Yes?” He cowered a little, and she shook her head, walking over to the bed and sitting next to it.
“Idiot. ‘Don’t be stupid Merlin, of course you’re important.’”
“I’m one of his ‘people’”
“Oh, sweetie, he didn’t mean that. He’s just as oblivious as you are.”
“Elaine, he does not give a shit whether I live or die.”
“I beg to differ.”
oOo
She was still there when Arthur got back, feeling a headache coming on and wanting nothing more than to forget the day’s events. He’d found out who had paid the mercenaries, a minor lord whose allegiance Arthur had doubted for some time. It wouldn’t be difficult to deal with him, but that wasn’t the problem. Arthur was just so weary of it all, all alone.
Merlin was sitting upright in Arthur’s bed, and he and Elaine were talking animatedly, words that died as Arthur walked in, depositing himself in one of the chairs. Elaine just sat still, until he heaved a sigh. She turned to him and inclined her head, a muttered greeting of “My Lord.”
Arthur turned to her, looked at her properly for the first time.
“Elaine, why are you here? Camelot has been at peace with Astolat for many years, and I have heard no word of trouble there. It can’t be that you’re looking for a new home because you have no reason to flee Astolat.”
“None at all.” She smiled almost bitterly, sitting up a little straighter and playing with the grain of the wood of the table. “I only wanted to experience Camelot for myself, I heard so many tales.”
“From Lancelot?”
“From Lancelot. Amongst others. I’ve heard you have a great kingdom.”
Merlin heard both the truth to her words and the absence of something else, of the admission she had made earlier. All Arthur heard was the flattery. He liked Elaine, even though he barely knew the first thing about her. And she was of noble blood, trusted noble blood. Which made it strange that Lady Elaine had never visited Camelot before. There was a reason why she couldn’t, he was sure, but it had been a long day and he couldn’t remember. So he smiled at Elaine, though she couldn’t see it.
“And what impression have you formed?”
She laughed.
“I’ve barely been in Camelot a day. I must say, I like the King, and what I have experienced of the city, but I haven’t really had time enough.”
Merlin watched as Arthur’s smile widened a little. This girl could play him well. He’d keep a close eye on her, he didn’t want Arthur betrayed again. Although he couldn’t sense anything wrong with her. Perhaps that in itself was suspicious.
“Well, you must stay in Camelot longer. I’ll have a guest chamber made up for you.”
“Thank you, my Lord.”
While Arthur led Elaine away, Merlin took the opportunity to sneak out of Arthur’s chambers. He just wanted to be home again, away from the constant awareness of Arthur everywhere, and away from Elaine, who could see through him despite the lack of actual sight.
oOo
“She’s done well.” The admiration was clear in Gaius’ voice, mixed in with surprise. Not because she was a woman, Merlin knew, but because she was blindfolded.
Gaius bandaged the cut up again, happy with Elaine’s handiwork, then pulled back and looked at Merlin.
“You shouldn’t have moved, though. You’ve only made yourself weaker.”
Merlin tried to look suitably contrite, but couldn’t quite manage it.
“I should like to meet this Lady Elaine,” Gaius muttered, and Merlin smiled at the memory of their conversation together.
“I’m sure you will. She wants to see you too, apparently you’re in Lance’s stories.”
“Lancelot?” Gaius asked, spinning to face Merlin in between stacking jars and bottles back in their places on shelves.
“Apparently he went to one of King Pelleas’ tournaments and they met there.”
“So, unless Lancelot says otherwise, she is the true Elaine of Astolat. An impostor could not give that information.”
Merlin nodded, standing to help pass Gaius the rest of his draughts and tinctures.
“Arthur trusts her already. I’ll keep an eye on her, but I can’t see anything wrong yet.”
“See that you do.” Merlin made to go to his room, but Gaius held out a hand. “Merlin, there were rumours about a curse surrounding the Lady Elaine. Be sure to keep a careful watch on her.”
Merlin nodded. He didn’t need to be told twice where Arthur’s safety was concerned.
oOo
Lady Elaine was leaning on the wooden rail of the training grounds, just listening to the sounds of the men sparring. Watching her, Merlin was sure he heard her sigh wistfully. Her hand played with the hilt of her own sword. But Arthur hadn’t asked her to train with them, and so she couldn’t. Merlin wondered for a moment if he could do something about it, put a word in with Arthur, but then he remembered that he wasn’t meant to trust Elaine quite yet and that an accident while training would be perfect for an assassination attempt. He walked over to her anyway, because it was nice to have company while waiting for Arthur.
The fact that the company couldn’t see how he was ogling Arthur was just another advantage.
“Good morning, Elaine.”
“Good morning, Merlin.”
She smiled, and he found it a little unnerving that she remembered his voice, but not really surprising when he thought about it.
“They are great warriors, I can hear it with every blow.”
“They are.”
“I wish-” she began, but seemed to think better of it. “No, that would never do.”
“You wish you could train with them?”
“Yes, but I’m a woman. Women don’t fight.”
“That’s true,” Merlin said, a hint of doubt in his voice at the memory of Morgana and Morgause.
At that moment, Lancelot stepped out into the training grounds. Arthur turned to him, and there was a conversation, with gestures towards where Elaine stood. Lance’s face alternated between shock, guilt, a brief flash of annoyance, and a smile that turned towards Arthur. Then he walked off, towards Elaine.
“Don’t look now, but Lance is coming.”
“Oh, very funny, Merlin.”
He blushed, her blindfold forgotten momentarily, but couldn’t think of the words to apologise. Instead, he let his fingers brush hers quickly, and then he left her to Lance.
Their conversation looked strained, the railing separating them perhaps aiding more than it should. There were pleasantries, Merlin could tell, and then quiet. Elaine smiled, a hopeful, vulnerable look about her that he could place perfectly but didn’t envy her for at all. From Lance’s silence, he could tell that her chances with him were infinitesimally small. After a while, Lance made his excuses, and went to train. Elaine just walked away, towards the castle.
Merlin almost followed, but there was Arthur to tend to.
oOo
“I don’t think we have anything to fear from Elaine, Gaius.”
“Oh?” Gaius looked up from whatever he was writing as Merlin walked in, a little perturbed.
“Yeah. I saw her with Lance. It’s him she’s after.”
“Still. People can act. Watch her.”
oOo
Merlin ran into Linet the next day. She was flustered, the sheets she was carrying crumpled a little, like they’d been dropped.
“Oh!” She stopped him with a hand to his arm, smiling to him. “Merlin, isn’t it? I was wondering if I could ask a huge favour.”
Merlin just looked at her, confused.
“I’m sorry, I don’t-”
“Sorry, I forgot, I’m Linet, Lady Elaine’s servant?”
“Of course,” Merlin said with a smile. Gwen had talked of the girl, said she was nice.
“Well, you see, I need to go back to Astolat to take a message from my Lady, and I was wondering if you could find someone to look after her while I’m gone? She doesn’t need much, just washing, clearing up, that sort of thing.”
“I can find someone,” Gwen, probably. She’d been at a loose end for a while, never quite busy enough without Morgana. She’d welcome the work. “But it’s a long ride just on your own.”
“Oh, I won’t be alone. Gareth, sorry, Sir Gareth, he came with us, he’ll keep me safe.”
She blushed a little, and smiled.
“There’s one more thing, Merlin. It’s quite sensitive, but Elaine trusts you.”
He nodded, and smiled. It was nice to be trusted by someone, even if that someone wasn’t Arthur.
“Could you change her blindfold for her while I’m gone? It’s terribly important.”
It was such a small task that Merlin almost laughed, but there was such a concerned and earnest look on Linet’s face that he had to take her seriously.
“I can. I’ll see to it.”
“Oh, thank you! She’d keep the same one on all the time I’m away if not!”
And then she hugged Merlin, squeezing him tightly, and Merlin was shocked, left staring after her as she walked away.
oOo
Early next morning, Elaine sought Merlin out.
“Merlin,” she said with a smile, “I have something to show you.”
She made him lead her down to the stables, and hid behind the door.
“Watch,” she whispered.
A tall knight struggled with a saddle, his short dark hair mussed with frustrated movements of his hand through it. He stared at the buckles, dark eyes intense, as if he was willing it to do itself up. Trying to quiet another horse, he struggled with the first’s girth, and gritted his teeth.
As they watched, Linet walked into the stables, carrying a couple of saddlebags towards the horses. Then she stopped in her tracks, looked the man up and down, and sighed deeply and theatrically.
“Honestly, Gareth, are you such an imbecile that you can’t do up a girth properly?”
She batted him out of the way, working at the straps herself, and he moved to let her.
“How you’ve managed to survive so far I will never know.”
“Maybe I get by on luck alone?”
“God, someone as thick as you, you’d need it.”
But there was no venom to her voice, nothing but affection, and she turned and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck and letting him pull her close by the waist.
“I’m not thick,” he protested, but Linet just laughed.
“You took long enough to work this out, idiot.”
“You can talk!”
Gareth kissed her again, until Linet broke away to tie on the saddle bags.
Elaine took Merlin by the arm, leaning in close to him and whispering.
“Remind you of anyone?”
Merlin shook his head, dejectedly.
“It doesn’t prove anything, Elaine.”
“But it’s evidence, don’t you think? I might be right?”
She laughed, and pulled him away, back towards the castle.
“Come on. I have a whole morning to while away.”
oOo
Lancelot dragged his eyes away from Gwaine’s chest as he pulled his shirt off in the armoury after training. It was really quite a nice chest, eye-catching, but now was not the time for staring. Now was the time for trying to work things out.
Elaine.
By all rights, she should never have come to Camelot. It was too dangerous for her. He supposed he had himself to blame for that, all his tales of how great Camelot was, how fair and just and honourable the man who ruled over them all. She’d always wanted to go, and it was all his fault.
And worse than that, he didn’t know what she wanted of him. This couldn’t just be an adventure to her; it was something more. After all that had gone between them, night after night curled up together, promises unspoken but understood however mistakenly, she must have wanted something from him. She must have expected it. But what? He’d never been able to second guess Elaine, she wasn’t comfortable in that easy to predict way like Gwen. She’d been fun. And he’d barely known her.
There was the sound of metal on stone, loud, and it broke Lance’s reverie. Gwaine was gone, it was Merlin in front of him. Merlin, who crossed over to him and kissed him, just quickly.
“Are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“In many ways I have.”
Merlin looked Lance up and down, then seemed to make a decision.
“I’m free for a few hours, if you want to we could talk?”
Lance managed to summon up a grin.
“Talking would be great.”
He didn’t need to lead Merlin to his rooms. He knew the way by now. When Lance shut the door, Merlin took his face between his hands and kissed him, Lance’s own hands slipping under Merlin’s shirt. There were tongues, then shirts lifted over heads. Tongues over chests, kisses pressed to naked skin.
It was only what was to be expected when there was so much trust between the two of them. Lance had saved Merlin’s life, and the favour had been returned. There were no secrets between them. It had been this way since the first day with the griffin. A vocabulary of debts and repayments that just boiled down, when they stopped counting, to its component parts; mouths and tongues and hands. Then, when Lance had gone away, it had been torn out of both of them. But Lance had returned, and so had this, only transmuted just a little, heightened. They clung to each other tighter now. Like they were afraid to lose each other all over again.
It was complicated, but it smoothed things over. Merlin undid the laces of Lance’s breeches, and Lance was quick to follow suit. Then they were on the bed, and Merlin spoke a quick summoning spell, bringing them the oil so he could slick himself and Lance up, and he slid inside, mirroring Lance’s moans with his own. Lance’s legs wrapped around Merlin, and he pulled him closer, until Merlin’s hand wrapped around Lance’s cock and he couldn’t think of anything else except fuck, this is good. And it was, until they both came, and Merlin rolled off him and took his hand, and asked.
“What happened?”
Lance sighed, snuggled in a little closer to Merlin, and thought back. To Elaine, to Astolat, to a darker time when he couldn’t quite allow himself to be the good person he knew was inside, because that was far too dangerous, and involved less food than a harsher Lancelot.
“It was when I was fighting for money. King Pelleas hosted tournaments all the time, with monetary prizes, so I went in for them. He never asked for a seal of nobility or anything, just liked to watch people fight. And then, in the final, my opponent cheated and I was injured. They took me to his daughter, Elaine, to heal me. I’ve heard of it happening before, but I fell for her, and I fell hard, Merlin. She was lovely, and she was there, and she was nursing me. She got as excited about Camelot as I did, and she was brave and smart and I thought I loved her. So I stayed, after I recovered, and we had fun.”
He trailed off, went quiet, shutting in. So Merlin ran a finger along his chest, to let him know he was still there, still listening. Lance shivered at the touch, but kept going.
“And then I realised that she expected something from me, more than I was willing to give, more than I thought she’d wanted. So I left.”
Merlin rolled over to look at him, and stayed like that for a while.
“But, why? If you loved her.”
“I loved her because she healed me, and that wasn’t enough for us. I couldn’t stay trapped in Astolat with a wife I didn’t truly love and nothing to distract me from her. And I didn’t tell her because I didn’t know how to, and I cared for her enough not to want to hurt her. And now she’s here and I don’t understand why.”
Merlin leaned in to him and kissed him, slowly, pulling him close.
“Just wait, Lance, it’ll be fine.”
oOo
Merlin had a promise to keep, so he went to the chambers where Elaine was staying, a few hours before dinner. He knocked, like he never knocked for Arthur, and slipped in when she called for him to do so.
“Elaine, Linet made me promise to change your blindfold.”
Elaine smiled, kneeling on the floor.
“I thought she might have done, she wasn’t fussing too much before she left. The scarves are in the cupboard on the left.”
“Which one do you want?” he called.
“The red,” she replied, so that’s what he picked up.
It was a little disconcerting to have a noble kneeling in front of him, so trusting. She was perfectly still and he could do anything to her. They barely knew each other, she had no guarantee that he wouldn’t. But still she allowed herself to be so vulnerable before him. It made Merlin wonder what the alternative was, what she feared so much that she would put herself at a relative stranger’s mercy.
“Quickly, please, I want my eyes uncovered for as little time as possible.”
Merlin folded the new scarf ready to be put on, then untied the one Elaine was wearing. Underneath, her eyes were screwed firmly shut, and he worked quickly to tie the scarf securely around her head, knot resting above where the top layers of her hair were tucked back in a loose plait. Then Elaine’s hands came up behind her head, testing the knot. She shook her head a few times and stood, seemingly satisfied.
“Thank you, Merlin, I can’t tell you how important this is to me.”
He looked at her for a moment, bringing up the courage to ask.
“What happened?”
“Oh, I can still see. That’s not the problem. I’ve just been cursed to never set eyes on Camelot. And I needed to follow Lance here so, hello blindfold!”
She sounded remarkably cheery for someone cursed, and therefore in terrible danger. It must be a particularly subtle curse; he had never heard of one with conditions, and she didn’t exactly feel cursed. At least now he had something to report to Gaius; this was the curse that was rumoured.
“I’m sorry,” Merlin said, and Elaine turned to him, reaching out a hand to his arm.
“Nothing for you to be sorry for, sweetie. How’re you doing with Arthur?”
Merlin turned away from her, looking steadfastly at the floor.
“Nothing’s changed.”
“It won’t if you don’t change it, Merlin.”
He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he never would, because he knew for a fact that Arthur didn’t care.
oOo
Elaine dined with Arthur that night. Just the two of them, up one end of one of the long tables, Arthur at the head, Elaine to his right. There were plates of food, and Arthur guided her to sit in her chair, tucking her in. She sat politely still while Arthur settled, then spoke.
“My Lord, I apologise, but I cannot serve myself. And I fear I will be very impolite as I eat.”
She gestured to the blindfold and Arthur cursed himself for lack of foresight. A guest of his could hardly refuse an invitation to dine with him, and yet it would be embarrassing and humiliating for her.
“You must accept my apologies, Elaine. I didn’t think before I invited you. I just wanted to talk with you; we didn’t have to do that while eating.”
And then Elaine shot him a brilliant smile, which caught him completely off guard.
“Not at all, Arthur. If a servant could fill my plate, I will be able to manage quite adequately. I won’t be particularly ladylike, though.”
Taking Elaine’s lead, Arthur relaxed a little.
“I spend much of my time with knights. I doubt a small lapse in manners will kill me. And I will serve you myself, to make up for this.”
Elaine blushed at his choice of words, and then so did Arthur. No one was listening, thankfully, or that would be taken in entirely the wrong way by far too many people. Rumour would spread like wildfire, and before she knew it speculation would be rife about her.
The conversation filled with choices of meat, of vegetables and pies, as Arthur stacked more food on Elaine’s plate than she could possibly want. When she finally had the chance to start on the food, she did so with grace, using resistance on the knife and spoon to gauge the size of the food. She looked pleasantly surprised every time she tasted something new, which Arthur found himself smiling to himself about.
“I never got a chance to thank you for the other day,” he began, but Elaine waved it away.
“Please, Arthur. I’m glad to have helped.”
“I heard from the Guards that you were quite the fighter.”
Arthur watched her blush and smile at the same time.
“I’ve been watching tournaments since I was a little girl. There were always knights around, who I needed to defend myself from or who would teach me to do so. I’m alright.”
“And you’re blindfolded.”
“I rely on my hearing. If trained correctly, it can be more reliable than sight, and it’s easier to focus on.”
Arthur nodded, then looked at her and vocalised it with a hum.
“I’ve sent some of the knights out to arrest the Lord who paid for the mercenaries. He’ll be executed for treason.”
Elaine nodded, cutting up some chicken.
“I’m glad you found the source.”
Arthur watched her in silence for a while longer, before deciding to put aside his qualms and try to get an advantage out of this visit.
“I wondered if you might train with me and the knights in the morning. You have some unique skills, use of a sense we don’t think of as much as we should. I’d like to make use of that, if I may.”
Elaine reached out, somehow knowing exactly where Arthur’s hand lay on the table.
“Of course I will, Arthur.”
Then she withdrew, and he was left to watch her and wonder what exactly that touch had meant.
oOo
Gwen was waiting for Elaine in her guest rooms, a little smile on her face as she revelled in her position as a maidservant again.
“Did you need anything, my Lady?”
Elaine stilled, coming to a halt in the middle of the floor, almost surprised that it wasn’t Linet’s voice she heard.
“No, that’s fine Gwen, you didn’t have to wait for me.”
Gwen just smiled and inclined her head.
“It’s alright, I wanted to make sure you’re alright.”
“Thank you, Gwen. That’s lovely of you.”
“How was Arthur?”
There was a slight hint of concern to Gwen’s voice. Did she like Arthur? Probably. But why the concern? Gwen was a servant; she’d never be able to marry Arthur, even if he reciprocated her feelings, and Elaine was sure it was not Gwen that Arthur loved. Elaine was no threat to her position, existent or not, in Arthur’s heart.
“He asked me to train with him and the knights tomorrow. I know it’s annoying, but could you wake me early in the morning?”
“Of course!” An audible exhalation of breath there, and Elaine couldn’t help but smile to herself. She had no designs on Arthur whatsoever, but Gwen didn’t know that, and there was no way of saying so without making Gwen feel exposed and hurt. She’d just have to show Gwen, and the rest of Camelot, by being only a friend to Arthur. Lancelot, however, was a different case.
oOo
The next morning, as requested, Elaine was woken by Gwen just after dawn. She chose her least restrictive dress, and had Gwen help her into her breastplate, a beautifully engraved object that she suspected was more ornamental than practical, but had thankfully not needed to put to the test so far. Gwen helped her to belt on her sword, and tested the knot of her blindfold before she felt herself ready to attend Arthur on the training ground.
“Elaine’s blindfold means that she must rely on her other senses. I have asked her here today to teach us to use our hearing more effectively. I will be learning alongside you all.”
Then Arthur stepped back to allow Elaine to take centre stage.
“Without sight, the world is disorientating. You cannot judge distances, directions, without some sort of prompt.”
Elaine held her sword in her hand, and she paused, waiting for a sound. When it came she whirled, the tip of her sword mere inches from the knight’s neck.
“When you hear a sound, you must take in three things. What it is, what direction it comes from, and how far away it is. This helps to give you a picture of what’s around you.”
She drew back, smiling a little to herself.
“You build up a picture of what’s around you. A mental map made up of sounds and echoes. I want you all to close your eyes, and just listen.”
She waited for a while, letting them all adjust to the darkness, while she called Merlin over. He was watching Arthur, vigilant like his namesake the bird. She asked him to watch the knights for her, to tell her if any of them were cheating and had opened their eyes.
“Now, I want you to start to walk around. Don’t bump into each other!”
Elaine stood by the railing, listening to the sound of the knights hitting each other every now and then, telling them to move faster, until all the knights were jogging. It took less time than she expected for them to learn to locate each other, and there were none of the expected protests. Arthur had his men trained well, loyal and just trusting enough. Nothing like her father’s men, who served purely for their wages.
She called Arthur over then, asked if they should be dismissed. Merlin trusted her more with every deference to Arthur.
“You’ve worked well,” she told them with a smile, “You can open your eyes now.” There was a sigh of relief and Elaine’s smile widened.
“The skills you’ve learnt today will be useful to keep you aware of each other’s and your enemy’s presence. It will help you to be coordinated and more spatially aware.”
Arthur called for the knights to leave the training ground, and she walked over towards Merlin, to find from the voices that she wasn’t the only one.
“Oh, Merlin, don’t say that!” The voice was mock offended, but it stopped at her approach. She smiled anyway, leaning on the railing.
“Sir Gwaine, isn’t it?”
“Just Gwaine.” She could almost hear the grimace in his voice.
“Gwaine. I was impressed by your spatial awareness. You put a lot of effort into it.”
Gwaine was surprised she had noticed, since she couldn’t see, but he flicked back his hair, pride making him stand a little taller. Merlin noticed, hiding his grin by looking down at the floor.
“You know, Arthur asks, I jump. But thank you, Lady.”
“Elaine. Don’t you dare call me Lady.” She poked him in the chest, hard, and he laughed.
“Alright, fine, I surrender Elaine.”
She giggled, and it was new to both Merlin and Gwaine’s ears. It made her sound so much more than she seemed. More human, more vulnerable. They looked at each other, and thought.
“I was wondering, Elaine,” Gwaine asked, as if on a cue from Merlin, “How long it took you to learn to cope with the blindfold.”
“Oh, months.” The flick of her wrist was dismissive, but it disguised the fall of her face. “It’s worth it. Definitely.” She sounded so unsure that Merlin wanted to reach out for her. But he was only a servant, and though Elaine tried to arrange his love life, he didn’t know her that well at all.
oOo
The next day she trained with the knights. And the next. Elaine never instructed for more than half the session, to allow Arthur his authority. Sometimes she stayed through Arthur’s teaching, but it was hard when he showed the knights moves that she could not follow with her eyes. She’d need hands guiding her, and she didn’t want to hold any of the knights back by asking that of them, even though there were those willing.
Lancelot never offered.
She sparred with Leon, Gwaine, Percival and Elyan. Even Arthur. But never Lancelot.
oOo
Gwaine had to admit, Merlin was pretty damn brilliant. He watched Merlin, who was walking across the tavern to him, a tankard in each hand, nearly cross eyed with concentration, trying desperately not to spill anything. He didn’t, until he reached the table, when he promptly tipped one of the tankards over.
“Shit, sorry, tha’s my one now,” he slurred, and Gwaine just laughed.
“I think you’ve had enough. We’ll share.”
They didn’t get remotely close to finishing even one of the tankards. Merlin guided the rim up to Gwaine’s lips to drink, watching his lips as he swallowed. Gwaine’s lips were wet where some ale had escaped, and Merlin’s alcohol fuzzed mind decided that he wanted to taste, so he kissed Gwaine. And that was it, really, for their night in the tavern.
“Bed?” Gwaine asked, confident that Merlin would say yes, because yes was what they said to each other. It had been, ever since Gwaine had woken up injured in Merlin’s room in the small hours of the morning and had drawn entirely the wrong conclusion about how he’d got there. Merlin didn’t actually need to answer, because they both knew what would happen. So he just stood up, shakily, weaving his way towards the door. Gwaine placed a steadying hand on the small of his back, and Merlin leaned into it.
He sobered up significantly when the night air hit him, which Gwaine thought was just as well because Merlin drunk was just not as good as Merlin sober. Gwaine wasn’t one to complain, though, because this was Merlin; wonderful, pretty, brave, smart Merlin, and if Gwaine was being honest with himself he’d admit that he was a little in love with him.
They stripped, quickly, helping each other with their shirts then undoing their own breeches. Well, Gwaine at least, Merlin’s hands fumbled at the laces until Gwaine laughed and took pity on him, undoing the breeches and pushing them down. He leant forward until his hair tickled Merlin’s chest, then laughed when Merlin shivered.
Gwaine went very still when Merlin’s hands came up around him, cupping his arse, and he kissed the top of Gwaine’s head, just briefly.
Gwaine pulled upright, took Merlin’s mouth, sliding his tongue inside slowly, swirling around Merlin’s mouth. He fell back to the bed, Merlin grinding against him, fingers playing with his hair. Gwaine’s hands travelled over his back, his chest, relearning the thin paleness that was all Merlin.
“Fuck me,” he pleaded, handing Merlin a bottle of oil, and where he’d hidden that Merlin doesn’t know. He did slick his fingers, just listening to Gwaine’s moans as he stretched him open, so loud the whole castle should have known what they were doing. It was a litany of yes, Merlin, more when Merlin finally pushed inside, and they came hard and almost together.
Afterwards, Gwaine pulled him in tight to his chest, whispering.
“So good, you’re so good.”
Merlin smiled to himself, because he already knew that. The same as Gwaine knew how Merlin felt about sex with him. Merlin wondered vaguely whether one of them would ever find the courage to work out if what they had could be anything more. But right then it didn’t matter, because they were warm and curled up together, and everything felt right.
oOo
The hangover the next morning was horrific. Merlin snuck out of Gwaine’s rooms at dawn, after a few lethargic kisses, to sneak back to Gaius’ rooms for a quick sip of the foul tasting potion that seemed to help, before going to wait on Arthur.
The hangover was still there, a thudding pressure, when he dressed Arthur and served his breakfast. His mind was cruel, though; not content with physical pain, it had to break his heart. Because, even though he’d spent the night before with Gwaine, as he dressed Arthur he couldn’t stop thinking about Elaine’s words and how apparently Arthur liked him. And how beautiful Arthur was, sleep-tousled, golden hair catching the light and holding it, the firm press of muscle under his skin that Merlin could just about feel when he brushed over it, pulling Arthur’s shirt over his head.
But it could never be. If he thought anything else, however briefly, he was just projecting his feelings onto Arthur. Arthur liked girls, and Arthur definitely did not want to bed him.
Except Arthur did. He chased Merlin’s touch, trying but failing not to lean into it when Merlin dressed him. He needed so much more, so much that he was never going to get. Because Merlin was a bloody servant, and didn’t want him, and Arthur would never force him. Maybe once he would have done, but Merlin had removed the uncaring side that would allow such actions from Arthur, the part that was determined to get what he wanted no matter the cost. And since nothing could ever happen between them, Arthur would remain latched onto his manservant of all people. He knew he would never be able to feel this way for another, obsessed as he was with Merlin. All his attention was taken, there’d be no time for falling for someone else had his heart wanted to.
It was ridiculous. The King of Camelot in love with a male servant who didn’t reciprocate. He must have a particularly masochistic heart.
When he sent Merlin from the room with a random task, removing temptation from his sight, Arthur let his head fall to the table with a groan.
Worst manservant ever. But not for the reasons usually discussed.
On the other side of the door, Merlin only just stopped himself sinking to the floor. He’d been thinking about Elaine’s words, so the next logical step in distraction from Arthur was to turn his thoughts from Arthur to Elaine. Her rooms were on the way to the armoury, which was where Arthur had sent him, with about the vaguest instructions in the history of vague instructions and prat masters and perfectly good manservants.
He knocked on her door, to hear a female voice that definitely was not Elaine or Gwen, but he vaguely recognised, calling out.
“Who is it?”
“It’s Merlin.”
There was a sob from behind the door, clearly audible, in the pause. Merlin needed to be inside that room, and quickly.
“Elaine? Elaine, let me in.”
“Yeah, come in.”
Her voice was shaky and quiet, and Merlin let himself in quickly before she could change her mind. Her servant passed him as he hurried over to where she sat on her bed, still in only her nightgown and soaked blindfold. Linet was the servant’s name and she’d returned late the evening before, he remembered. He gave her a quick, uncertain smile as she rushed out, acknowledged only by a slight wave.
Elaine’s hands were balled up around something, her head bowed, crying louder now. Merlin sat next to her on the bed, and she felt the movement, shaking her out of her little world enough to open her hands, pass Merlin a single sheet of parchment.
He read quickly and carefully, letting his hand drift to Elaine’s arm halfway through.
“Oh, Elaine…”
It was from her mother, and it detailed how her son (and since when did she have a son? But, shit, it made sense of things) was growing, how he had come so close to taking his first steps. Her mother told her that they all missed her, reminded her how beautiful her child was, and tacked onto the end her hopes that Elaine was settling well in Camelot.
“Galahad…” Elaine moaned, reaching out and grasping for something. Merlin only had to watch her for a few more moments before making a decision and pulling her into a hug. She sobbed against his shoulder, grip just a little too tight in her desperation, and it really wasn’t difficult to work out what had happened. The timings were right, after all; Galahad must be around a year old, and with the time for the pregnancy added that made about two years.
“Lance got you pregnant, and now you’re here to convince him to marry you.”
Elaine had gone beyond the point where she could still speak, so just nodded.
“He doesn’t know about his son, does he?”
Elaine shook her head, and Merlin started to rub circles into her back, slightly hesitant.
“Well, I’m sure if you talk to him-”
She shot upright, pulling out of his grip.
“No!”
“No?”
“If he’s marrying me out of- out of charity or obligation, it’ll never work. He’ll hate me for imprisoning him. I need to make him love me again!”
Merlin decided that now was not a good idea to mention that her plan was severely flawed. Though, on second thoughts, he would add a seed of doubt. He could build on it later, gently, and maybe alongside it some other possibilities would grow.
“What about someone else?” he asked, “I’m sure one of the other knights would be open to falling for you.”
“I can’t do that to them, Merlin,” she said, resigned, “I can’t ask someone to take responsibility for a child that’s not theirs. Besides, no one would want me now. I’m damaged goods, and it’s my own fucking fault, and now I just have to deal with it.”
He was about to object to this ridiculous self-depreciation, when the reality of it hit him. She was a noble. To marry someone of her own status, she would have had to at least appear a virgin. With the obvious proof of the falsity of that, in the form of a small son, she was screwed.
“If I have to, I’ll tell Lance, ask him to help if he will not love me. He can teach Galahad to become the knight I know he has within him.”
“Alright,” Merlin said, though he was far from convinced. She sounded too like Arthur, and even Lance at times; self-sacrificing, denying herself happiness for the good of someone else.
And then the tears started up again, and Merlin pulled her close.
“You know, you don’t have to abandon Galahad for this.”
“What- do you mean?” she asked between gasps, breathing becoming erratic, shaking with her tears.
“You could bring him here. Arthur likes you, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind a baby around the place.”
“But Lance can’t see him!” she cried. Merlin had to spend a while calming her down, telling her to breathe, before he could carry on.
“You can hide him. You’ve got Linet, and Sir Gareth, and you’ve made enough friends here to help you. I would, and I’m sure Arthur would. Why don’t we go to talk to him when he gets back from training?”
Linet choose that moment to come in, with warm water and towels, so Merlin extricated himself from Elaine with a promise that she’d get cleaned up and go with him when he returned after seeing to Arthur’s tasks.
Part Two
Title: Truth and Legend
Author:
weepingwillow9
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, or this is what would happen
Characters: Arthur, Merlin, Lance, Gwaine, Gwen, Morgana, Elaine (OC), Linet (OC), Gareth (OC), Galahad (OC), Mordred, Gaius
Pairings: Arthur/Merlin/Lance/Gwaine, Morgana/Elaine, Lance/Elaine
Warnings: Sex, battles, attempted suicide, character death
Spoilers: This starts off sometime after Arthur's Coronation (Series Four Episode Three) but minus the events of Series Four Episodes One and Two - so Lancelot is still around. I like to think that the Cailleach became the sacrifice, anyway...
Rating: NC-17
Length: 44198
Summary: When the Lady Elaine arrives at Camelot, she sets off a chain of events that will change the Kingdom forever
Arthur was woken by the sound of hooves on the cobblestones. Rolling over, he cursed whoever had decided that his rooms should overlook the courtyard, and whoever had decided to pave it. His eyes squeezed shut, then opened again as they processed what he’d just seen.
“Arthur, you need to wake up.”
“Nnnnggghhh, later.”
“Arthur!”
So Arthur blinked his eyes open, because denying Merlin early in the morning when Arthur’s resolve was severely lacking was impossible.
oOo
“I seek an audience with the King?”
“I’m so sorry, my Lady, but I don’t know where he is right now.”
“That’s alright,” she told the voice, “Just point me in the right direction and I’ll find him myself.”
And because the Lady in question had a sword belted around her waist, but mainly because she was disarmingly blindfolded, Gwen showed her into the corridor that led to the Armoury, where Arthur would probably be briefing the morning patrol. She smiled in thanks, hooking her almost auburn, almost brown hair over her shoulder. The woman disappeared into the castle, cloak and burgundy silk billowing about her, alone and unchaperoned. Gwen was just left staring after her, worrying a little.
There was a maidservant with her, who smiled at Gwen, holding both horses’ reins in one hand and offering Gwen the other.
“Sorry about her, it’s just… She’s been through a lot to get here.”
“Oh, alright.” Gwen was a little confused, but she supposed the blindfold explained that particular comment. She took the girl’s hand and shook it. She was shorter than average, hair golden blonde and pulled into long plait, pretty brown eyes amused by her mistress. Gwen thought she might find herself liking this new servant.
“I’m Linet, by the way, and that’s the Lady Elaine of Astolat.”
“Oh!” Gwen smiled. “Astolat’s a long way to come from. And, oh, I’m Gwen.”
“She’s a woman on a mission, I’m afraid.” Linet smiled, fondly, in the direction her mistress had left. “I hope she finds what she’s looking for, for everyone’s sakes.”
oOo
Elaine walked through the castle, fingers trailing over cold stone. And she couldn’t help thinking that this was it. Everything that the past months had been leading up to. Camelot. It sounded all it was promised to be. Momentous, busy, exciting. The stones felt cold, but almost welcoming, like a homecoming. She was going to enjoy it here.
The lack of sight left her other senses hyperaware, so the sounds of metal on metal did not go unnoticed by Elaine. She sped up, following the sounds, trying to convince herself that they were only Armoury sorts of sounds, or knights mock fighting sort of sounds. She couldn’t quite believe that though, they were too harsh, and there was no human sound to accompany it, no laughter.
And then she turned a corner, and she was sure.
“Merlin, get back! Run!”
“Not leaving you, Arthur.”
“Merlin!”
The first voice was regal, loud, commanding. The King, going on the name. This all seemed lost on the second voice, weak but determined. His footfalls were heavy and uneven, like he couldn’t quite balance, so he must have been injured. The other steps were steady, and the sound of iron on iron calculated and exact, parry after parry. Arthur was defending, too preoccupied with Merlin, who was only restricting him.
It didn’t matter how many adversaries there were, Elaine measured the corridor with her hands and it was only wide enough to face one man at a time. She didn’t care who they were, or how they got in, only that she was now in Camelot and as such had a duty to its King.
She drew her sword, moving forwards.
“My Lord, I will hold them off. Get him to safety and send some Guards.”
“I really-”
“I can’t support him, I’m not strong enough. But I can fight.”
Arthur wasn’t sure what it was that made him step back out of the woman’s way. Perhaps it was the way she held her sword, so assuredly, despite the blindfold. Perhaps it was the shock of being commanded by a complete stranger. Perhaps it was the fact that she was a woman. More likely he was just thankful for the relief, so he could devote his entire attention to Merlin. Whatever made him do it, he let her past, and then she was matching each of the mercenary’s blows. The look of surprise on his face was almost worth staying around to watch. But Merlin was losing a lot of blood, so he picked him up despite the very loud objections, carrying him away as fast as he could.
She was there, soon after, in Arthur’s rooms. He didn’t know how she’d found them, didn’t really care either, because he found himself trusting this unnamed stranger. Her sword was bloodied, which was always a good sign for someone he’d last seen fighting his enemies, and there was a Guard with her proving she hadn’t turned against them. But truthfully, logic was not involved in this trust. There was something about her that exuded I’m good, I’ll look after you, and Arthur relented to it.
“The Guards managed to arrest two of the men, they’re in the dungeons apparently.”
“Thank you for your assistance, my Lady, though I must-”
Arthur was interrupted by a groan from Merlin, just realising his situation lying in Arthur’s bed. An exceedingly bad idea. He’d do something stupid, like try to smell the sheets, and Arthur would see, and he’d be done for.
Elaine started towards the bed with a gasp.
“Where is the physician?”
“He’s been sent for.” Arthur caught her, because she was sure to trip. Not because she was getting far too close to Merlin for his sanity.
“Gaius is away,” the weak voice on the bed began, and Arthur spun, panicked.
“But he has to be here - you’re hurt!”
Elaine smiled, resting a hand on Arthur’s arm, and there it was again, Arthur trusting her without even knowing her name.
“It’s alright, I can treat the wound if you allow it. I would always treat the knights after one of my father’s tournaments.”
Which reminded Arthur of the other pressing concern.
“Yes, your father. Who exactly is he?”
“King Pelleas. Sorry, I never got a chance to introduce myself. I am Lady Elaine of Astolat.” She curtseyed low, inclining her head towards Arthur, and adding a “My Lord,” before standing again.
There was nothing wrong with that, at all. It was late, but she had addressed him correctly, shown the proper respect. Then all deference left her face, and she smiled.
“So, are you going to show me his arm?”
“How did you know?”
“Educated guess. Arm?”
“Yeah.”
Arthur led her over to the bed, and she perched herself on the side, next to Merlin’s hip, running her fingers over the blood slick skin of Merlin’s arm, feeling out the edges of the cut with as light a touch as she could manage. Still, he winced, and behind her so did Arthur.
“It’s alright, I can wait for Gaius, I’m fine, it’s not even that deep…”
Elaine turned her head towards Merlin’s, so he felt like her eyes were boring into him even through the embroidered silk scarf she had obstructing them.
“If you don’t trust me, trust Lancelot. I treated him when he was near to death on the field.”
“You did? Lance never mentioned anything about Astolat.”
Elaine sighed, running her fingers over the wound again. It was a clean cut but, despite Merlin’s insistence, deep and he was losing a lot of blood.
“No, I suppose he wouldn’t.” There was a long pause, as her shoulders fell, until Arthur cleared his throat, and she gave them both her attention again.
“I need warm water, and plenty of cloths. A needle, thread, and a candle. And the strongest wine you can find, please, sire.”
Arthur’s nod was tense and curt, and he left the room. His voice lingered, muffled by the door but intruding still, incoherent shouts to different servants.
Merlin just dropped his head back against the pillows, sighing.
“This is not happening.”
Elaine laughed a little, softly.
“It is, sorry. Merlin, is it?”
“Yes, my Lady.”
“Elaine.”
Merlin nodded.
“I’ve heard a lot about you, Merlin. I hear Lance has a lot to thank you for. He said you were very special.”
She heard Merlin’s breathing getting faster, panicked.
“It’s alright, I’ve always thought he left something out of his stories. I don’t know anything that wasn’t his to tell.”
Merlin nodded, not sure if he was appeased or not. She definitely knew more than she should.
“Fine! A secret for a secret, you need to trust me if I’m going to be sewing up your arm. I’m in Camelot looking for Lancelot. I won’t leave without him.”
Merlin let his eyes slip shut and ignored her. She didn’t matter, not really. If she was going to tell Arthur about his magic she would have done so by now. The real problem was that he was in Arthur’s bed, and Arthur was being kind, which was always irresistible. Soon Merlin wouldn’t exactly be sober, and he was sure that this time he was going to say something completely stupid and give everything away, magic, love and all.
He turned to Elaine, because she seemed nice enough, and might not question him.
“Can you keep Arthur away? Please?”
Something in his voice told her that this was very important, so she smiled and nodded. After all, if Lance owed him, so did she.
“Of course.”
Arthur chose that moment to walk in, herding servants towards the bed with buckets of water and piles of clean cloths. He himself was carrying a candle, which he placed next to the bed, using the excuse to lean in and check Merlin. He was pale, grey even, and Arthur didn’t know how to make it go away. That made everything worse; he couldn’t fix Merlin himself, so he would pace and shout until someone did.
“Well?” he asked, shoulders tensing tight.
“I need you all to leave, I need quiet to concentrate.”
Arthur narrowed his eyes; he had had this one played on him before. He immediately let Elaine slip in his estimation by comparison with Edwin, and almost growled when he said “No.”
She sighed deeply, feeling Merlin shiver a little. He was weak, he didn’t need this.
“Alright, but sit across the room. And be very quiet.”
She forced Merlin to drink the wine, which he really didn’t want to, but when she pointedly gestured towards Arthur with the intent of getting his help he swallowed. Then she cleaned the wound, passed the needle through the flame and threaded it. She gave Merlin a wad of cloth to bite down on, but his gasps and aborted cries still brought Arthur to his feet when Elaine pulled the needle through his skin. She was fast, Merlin would give her that, and the stitching seemed neat though she had done it with her eyes closed.
She smiled, running her thumb over to check, washed it again, and bandaged the arm. Then she sat back and turned to Arthur.
“Alright. Important physician-patient conversation time, out with you.”
“But, I- You can’t just-”
“Watch me,” she told him, with a smile, “Now, out.”
“Elaine,” he whined, but she shooed him and he left. Then she turned on Merlin with a knowing smile.
“So. How about you tell me what’s going on, sweetie.”
And, because his head wasn’t working properly through the pain and the alcohol buzz, he answered.
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing’s going on, and that’s the problem.”
His body went completely limp, and Elaine smiled.
“Ah, but there could be.”
“No, there couldn’t! He doesn’t care, I’m just his servant!”
Elaine’s smile widened, and at that Merlin realised that she hadn’t known just how much he was in love with Arthur, not being psychic. She’d had an inkling so she’d asked. And he’d let everything slip, when he had been so good about it, when no one knew at all. He groaned.
“Merlin. He saved you from the mercenaries. He carried you away, leaving the protection of the castle to a complete stranger. He couldn’t stand you hurting, and he refused to leave your side until I’d stitched you up. Doesn’t that tell you anything?”
Merlin just sighed again.
“It’s Arthur. This is what Arthur’s like.”
Elaine patted his thigh, standing up and crossing to the door.
“If that’s what you really believe, sweetie. Your loss.”
She was plotting something, Merlin could tell. All he could do was groan and lie back, because he was too weak to do anything else, and there would be no stopping her. She’d go and ruin everything.
Elaine let Arthur back in again, finding a chair and her discarded sword and somehow retaining her elegance in the process. She sat and began to clean the sword, tending to it with almost the degree of loving care that Arthur showed towards his weapons. There was something about the way she sat that made Merlin completely sure she was observing, though he couldn’t quite work out why.
“Merlin, are you…?” Arthur just gestured over him.
“Yes, it hurts but I’ll live.” Arthur’s frown failed to make him look any less attractive than usual, and Merlin forced himself to breathe properly and look away, because it wouldn’t do to stare.
“If they had killed you…” Arthur was fuming now, beginning to pace, and a movement out of the corner of his eye made Merlin pick up on the ‘you’ part of that sentence.
“I’m nothing important, Arthur,” he said, only to find himself rounded on.
“Don’t be stupid, Merlin, of course you’re important!” And then Arthur calmed a little, and continued. “All citizens of Camelot are important to me; my people have to be my highest priority.”
All the hope that had been coiled in his chest at Elaine’s words died then, and he curled in on himself a little. Arthur narrowed his eyes, watching the movement.
“Stop being such a girl. You’ve been patched up, get on with it.”
“Hey, I wouldn’t be in this mess if you weren’t such a prat!”
Arthur looked affronted, the real emotion magnified ten times by the way he raised his eyebrows and pulled his mouth into a wide ‘o’. Merlin almost laughed.
“How is it my fault that you get in the way?”
“If you didn’t insist on dragging me round everywhere with you, I wouldn’t have been there.”
“If you were a better servant I wouldn’t have to keep an eye on you.”
“Prat.”
“Idiot.”
“Clotpole.”
“Merlin, that isn’t a word. You can’t use made up insults. They don’t count.”
Merlin sighed. Though he loved their teasing, he’d come to accept that it wasn’t going anywhere and it just pulled on his heartstrings pointlessly. That was not what he needed while he was supposed to be recovering.
“Don’t you have mercenaries to be interrogating?”
Arthur looked at Merlin, looked at how tired he seemed, and decided that leaving him to rest was the best idea. Merlin had suggested the only useful thing he could really do, and the interrogation would make him feel better about how Merlin sagged, how Merlin had cried out in pain when the sword had hit him, and how Arthur could never let that happen again. And all that that meant. He nodded, turned, and left.
“You sent him away?” Elaine seemed incredulous, and she sheathed her sword, somehow in a manner more threatening than drawing it.
“Yes?” He cowered a little, and she shook her head, walking over to the bed and sitting next to it.
“Idiot. ‘Don’t be stupid Merlin, of course you’re important.’”
“I’m one of his ‘people’”
“Oh, sweetie, he didn’t mean that. He’s just as oblivious as you are.”
“Elaine, he does not give a shit whether I live or die.”
“I beg to differ.”
oOo
She was still there when Arthur got back, feeling a headache coming on and wanting nothing more than to forget the day’s events. He’d found out who had paid the mercenaries, a minor lord whose allegiance Arthur had doubted for some time. It wouldn’t be difficult to deal with him, but that wasn’t the problem. Arthur was just so weary of it all, all alone.
Merlin was sitting upright in Arthur’s bed, and he and Elaine were talking animatedly, words that died as Arthur walked in, depositing himself in one of the chairs. Elaine just sat still, until he heaved a sigh. She turned to him and inclined her head, a muttered greeting of “My Lord.”
Arthur turned to her, looked at her properly for the first time.
“Elaine, why are you here? Camelot has been at peace with Astolat for many years, and I have heard no word of trouble there. It can’t be that you’re looking for a new home because you have no reason to flee Astolat.”
“None at all.” She smiled almost bitterly, sitting up a little straighter and playing with the grain of the wood of the table. “I only wanted to experience Camelot for myself, I heard so many tales.”
“From Lancelot?”
“From Lancelot. Amongst others. I’ve heard you have a great kingdom.”
Merlin heard both the truth to her words and the absence of something else, of the admission she had made earlier. All Arthur heard was the flattery. He liked Elaine, even though he barely knew the first thing about her. And she was of noble blood, trusted noble blood. Which made it strange that Lady Elaine had never visited Camelot before. There was a reason why she couldn’t, he was sure, but it had been a long day and he couldn’t remember. So he smiled at Elaine, though she couldn’t see it.
“And what impression have you formed?”
She laughed.
“I’ve barely been in Camelot a day. I must say, I like the King, and what I have experienced of the city, but I haven’t really had time enough.”
Merlin watched as Arthur’s smile widened a little. This girl could play him well. He’d keep a close eye on her, he didn’t want Arthur betrayed again. Although he couldn’t sense anything wrong with her. Perhaps that in itself was suspicious.
“Well, you must stay in Camelot longer. I’ll have a guest chamber made up for you.”
“Thank you, my Lord.”
While Arthur led Elaine away, Merlin took the opportunity to sneak out of Arthur’s chambers. He just wanted to be home again, away from the constant awareness of Arthur everywhere, and away from Elaine, who could see through him despite the lack of actual sight.
oOo
“She’s done well.” The admiration was clear in Gaius’ voice, mixed in with surprise. Not because she was a woman, Merlin knew, but because she was blindfolded.
Gaius bandaged the cut up again, happy with Elaine’s handiwork, then pulled back and looked at Merlin.
“You shouldn’t have moved, though. You’ve only made yourself weaker.”
Merlin tried to look suitably contrite, but couldn’t quite manage it.
“I should like to meet this Lady Elaine,” Gaius muttered, and Merlin smiled at the memory of their conversation together.
“I’m sure you will. She wants to see you too, apparently you’re in Lance’s stories.”
“Lancelot?” Gaius asked, spinning to face Merlin in between stacking jars and bottles back in their places on shelves.
“Apparently he went to one of King Pelleas’ tournaments and they met there.”
“So, unless Lancelot says otherwise, she is the true Elaine of Astolat. An impostor could not give that information.”
Merlin nodded, standing to help pass Gaius the rest of his draughts and tinctures.
“Arthur trusts her already. I’ll keep an eye on her, but I can’t see anything wrong yet.”
“See that you do.” Merlin made to go to his room, but Gaius held out a hand. “Merlin, there were rumours about a curse surrounding the Lady Elaine. Be sure to keep a careful watch on her.”
Merlin nodded. He didn’t need to be told twice where Arthur’s safety was concerned.
oOo
Lady Elaine was leaning on the wooden rail of the training grounds, just listening to the sounds of the men sparring. Watching her, Merlin was sure he heard her sigh wistfully. Her hand played with the hilt of her own sword. But Arthur hadn’t asked her to train with them, and so she couldn’t. Merlin wondered for a moment if he could do something about it, put a word in with Arthur, but then he remembered that he wasn’t meant to trust Elaine quite yet and that an accident while training would be perfect for an assassination attempt. He walked over to her anyway, because it was nice to have company while waiting for Arthur.
The fact that the company couldn’t see how he was ogling Arthur was just another advantage.
“Good morning, Elaine.”
“Good morning, Merlin.”
She smiled, and he found it a little unnerving that she remembered his voice, but not really surprising when he thought about it.
“They are great warriors, I can hear it with every blow.”
“They are.”
“I wish-” she began, but seemed to think better of it. “No, that would never do.”
“You wish you could train with them?”
“Yes, but I’m a woman. Women don’t fight.”
“That’s true,” Merlin said, a hint of doubt in his voice at the memory of Morgana and Morgause.
At that moment, Lancelot stepped out into the training grounds. Arthur turned to him, and there was a conversation, with gestures towards where Elaine stood. Lance’s face alternated between shock, guilt, a brief flash of annoyance, and a smile that turned towards Arthur. Then he walked off, towards Elaine.
“Don’t look now, but Lance is coming.”
“Oh, very funny, Merlin.”
He blushed, her blindfold forgotten momentarily, but couldn’t think of the words to apologise. Instead, he let his fingers brush hers quickly, and then he left her to Lance.
Their conversation looked strained, the railing separating them perhaps aiding more than it should. There were pleasantries, Merlin could tell, and then quiet. Elaine smiled, a hopeful, vulnerable look about her that he could place perfectly but didn’t envy her for at all. From Lance’s silence, he could tell that her chances with him were infinitesimally small. After a while, Lance made his excuses, and went to train. Elaine just walked away, towards the castle.
Merlin almost followed, but there was Arthur to tend to.
oOo
“I don’t think we have anything to fear from Elaine, Gaius.”
“Oh?” Gaius looked up from whatever he was writing as Merlin walked in, a little perturbed.
“Yeah. I saw her with Lance. It’s him she’s after.”
“Still. People can act. Watch her.”
oOo
Merlin ran into Linet the next day. She was flustered, the sheets she was carrying crumpled a little, like they’d been dropped.
“Oh!” She stopped him with a hand to his arm, smiling to him. “Merlin, isn’t it? I was wondering if I could ask a huge favour.”
Merlin just looked at her, confused.
“I’m sorry, I don’t-”
“Sorry, I forgot, I’m Linet, Lady Elaine’s servant?”
“Of course,” Merlin said with a smile. Gwen had talked of the girl, said she was nice.
“Well, you see, I need to go back to Astolat to take a message from my Lady, and I was wondering if you could find someone to look after her while I’m gone? She doesn’t need much, just washing, clearing up, that sort of thing.”
“I can find someone,” Gwen, probably. She’d been at a loose end for a while, never quite busy enough without Morgana. She’d welcome the work. “But it’s a long ride just on your own.”
“Oh, I won’t be alone. Gareth, sorry, Sir Gareth, he came with us, he’ll keep me safe.”
She blushed a little, and smiled.
“There’s one more thing, Merlin. It’s quite sensitive, but Elaine trusts you.”
He nodded, and smiled. It was nice to be trusted by someone, even if that someone wasn’t Arthur.
“Could you change her blindfold for her while I’m gone? It’s terribly important.”
It was such a small task that Merlin almost laughed, but there was such a concerned and earnest look on Linet’s face that he had to take her seriously.
“I can. I’ll see to it.”
“Oh, thank you! She’d keep the same one on all the time I’m away if not!”
And then she hugged Merlin, squeezing him tightly, and Merlin was shocked, left staring after her as she walked away.
oOo
Early next morning, Elaine sought Merlin out.
“Merlin,” she said with a smile, “I have something to show you.”
She made him lead her down to the stables, and hid behind the door.
“Watch,” she whispered.
A tall knight struggled with a saddle, his short dark hair mussed with frustrated movements of his hand through it. He stared at the buckles, dark eyes intense, as if he was willing it to do itself up. Trying to quiet another horse, he struggled with the first’s girth, and gritted his teeth.
As they watched, Linet walked into the stables, carrying a couple of saddlebags towards the horses. Then she stopped in her tracks, looked the man up and down, and sighed deeply and theatrically.
“Honestly, Gareth, are you such an imbecile that you can’t do up a girth properly?”
She batted him out of the way, working at the straps herself, and he moved to let her.
“How you’ve managed to survive so far I will never know.”
“Maybe I get by on luck alone?”
“God, someone as thick as you, you’d need it.”
But there was no venom to her voice, nothing but affection, and she turned and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck and letting him pull her close by the waist.
“I’m not thick,” he protested, but Linet just laughed.
“You took long enough to work this out, idiot.”
“You can talk!”
Gareth kissed her again, until Linet broke away to tie on the saddle bags.
Elaine took Merlin by the arm, leaning in close to him and whispering.
“Remind you of anyone?”
Merlin shook his head, dejectedly.
“It doesn’t prove anything, Elaine.”
“But it’s evidence, don’t you think? I might be right?”
She laughed, and pulled him away, back towards the castle.
“Come on. I have a whole morning to while away.”
oOo
Lancelot dragged his eyes away from Gwaine’s chest as he pulled his shirt off in the armoury after training. It was really quite a nice chest, eye-catching, but now was not the time for staring. Now was the time for trying to work things out.
Elaine.
By all rights, she should never have come to Camelot. It was too dangerous for her. He supposed he had himself to blame for that, all his tales of how great Camelot was, how fair and just and honourable the man who ruled over them all. She’d always wanted to go, and it was all his fault.
And worse than that, he didn’t know what she wanted of him. This couldn’t just be an adventure to her; it was something more. After all that had gone between them, night after night curled up together, promises unspoken but understood however mistakenly, she must have wanted something from him. She must have expected it. But what? He’d never been able to second guess Elaine, she wasn’t comfortable in that easy to predict way like Gwen. She’d been fun. And he’d barely known her.
There was the sound of metal on stone, loud, and it broke Lance’s reverie. Gwaine was gone, it was Merlin in front of him. Merlin, who crossed over to him and kissed him, just quickly.
“Are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“In many ways I have.”
Merlin looked Lance up and down, then seemed to make a decision.
“I’m free for a few hours, if you want to we could talk?”
Lance managed to summon up a grin.
“Talking would be great.”
He didn’t need to lead Merlin to his rooms. He knew the way by now. When Lance shut the door, Merlin took his face between his hands and kissed him, Lance’s own hands slipping under Merlin’s shirt. There were tongues, then shirts lifted over heads. Tongues over chests, kisses pressed to naked skin.
It was only what was to be expected when there was so much trust between the two of them. Lance had saved Merlin’s life, and the favour had been returned. There were no secrets between them. It had been this way since the first day with the griffin. A vocabulary of debts and repayments that just boiled down, when they stopped counting, to its component parts; mouths and tongues and hands. Then, when Lance had gone away, it had been torn out of both of them. But Lance had returned, and so had this, only transmuted just a little, heightened. They clung to each other tighter now. Like they were afraid to lose each other all over again.
It was complicated, but it smoothed things over. Merlin undid the laces of Lance’s breeches, and Lance was quick to follow suit. Then they were on the bed, and Merlin spoke a quick summoning spell, bringing them the oil so he could slick himself and Lance up, and he slid inside, mirroring Lance’s moans with his own. Lance’s legs wrapped around Merlin, and he pulled him closer, until Merlin’s hand wrapped around Lance’s cock and he couldn’t think of anything else except fuck, this is good. And it was, until they both came, and Merlin rolled off him and took his hand, and asked.
“What happened?”
Lance sighed, snuggled in a little closer to Merlin, and thought back. To Elaine, to Astolat, to a darker time when he couldn’t quite allow himself to be the good person he knew was inside, because that was far too dangerous, and involved less food than a harsher Lancelot.
“It was when I was fighting for money. King Pelleas hosted tournaments all the time, with monetary prizes, so I went in for them. He never asked for a seal of nobility or anything, just liked to watch people fight. And then, in the final, my opponent cheated and I was injured. They took me to his daughter, Elaine, to heal me. I’ve heard of it happening before, but I fell for her, and I fell hard, Merlin. She was lovely, and she was there, and she was nursing me. She got as excited about Camelot as I did, and she was brave and smart and I thought I loved her. So I stayed, after I recovered, and we had fun.”
He trailed off, went quiet, shutting in. So Merlin ran a finger along his chest, to let him know he was still there, still listening. Lance shivered at the touch, but kept going.
“And then I realised that she expected something from me, more than I was willing to give, more than I thought she’d wanted. So I left.”
Merlin rolled over to look at him, and stayed like that for a while.
“But, why? If you loved her.”
“I loved her because she healed me, and that wasn’t enough for us. I couldn’t stay trapped in Astolat with a wife I didn’t truly love and nothing to distract me from her. And I didn’t tell her because I didn’t know how to, and I cared for her enough not to want to hurt her. And now she’s here and I don’t understand why.”
Merlin leaned in to him and kissed him, slowly, pulling him close.
“Just wait, Lance, it’ll be fine.”
oOo
Merlin had a promise to keep, so he went to the chambers where Elaine was staying, a few hours before dinner. He knocked, like he never knocked for Arthur, and slipped in when she called for him to do so.
“Elaine, Linet made me promise to change your blindfold.”
Elaine smiled, kneeling on the floor.
“I thought she might have done, she wasn’t fussing too much before she left. The scarves are in the cupboard on the left.”
“Which one do you want?” he called.
“The red,” she replied, so that’s what he picked up.
It was a little disconcerting to have a noble kneeling in front of him, so trusting. She was perfectly still and he could do anything to her. They barely knew each other, she had no guarantee that he wouldn’t. But still she allowed herself to be so vulnerable before him. It made Merlin wonder what the alternative was, what she feared so much that she would put herself at a relative stranger’s mercy.
“Quickly, please, I want my eyes uncovered for as little time as possible.”
Merlin folded the new scarf ready to be put on, then untied the one Elaine was wearing. Underneath, her eyes were screwed firmly shut, and he worked quickly to tie the scarf securely around her head, knot resting above where the top layers of her hair were tucked back in a loose plait. Then Elaine’s hands came up behind her head, testing the knot. She shook her head a few times and stood, seemingly satisfied.
“Thank you, Merlin, I can’t tell you how important this is to me.”
He looked at her for a moment, bringing up the courage to ask.
“What happened?”
“Oh, I can still see. That’s not the problem. I’ve just been cursed to never set eyes on Camelot. And I needed to follow Lance here so, hello blindfold!”
She sounded remarkably cheery for someone cursed, and therefore in terrible danger. It must be a particularly subtle curse; he had never heard of one with conditions, and she didn’t exactly feel cursed. At least now he had something to report to Gaius; this was the curse that was rumoured.
“I’m sorry,” Merlin said, and Elaine turned to him, reaching out a hand to his arm.
“Nothing for you to be sorry for, sweetie. How’re you doing with Arthur?”
Merlin turned away from her, looking steadfastly at the floor.
“Nothing’s changed.”
“It won’t if you don’t change it, Merlin.”
He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he never would, because he knew for a fact that Arthur didn’t care.
oOo
Elaine dined with Arthur that night. Just the two of them, up one end of one of the long tables, Arthur at the head, Elaine to his right. There were plates of food, and Arthur guided her to sit in her chair, tucking her in. She sat politely still while Arthur settled, then spoke.
“My Lord, I apologise, but I cannot serve myself. And I fear I will be very impolite as I eat.”
She gestured to the blindfold and Arthur cursed himself for lack of foresight. A guest of his could hardly refuse an invitation to dine with him, and yet it would be embarrassing and humiliating for her.
“You must accept my apologies, Elaine. I didn’t think before I invited you. I just wanted to talk with you; we didn’t have to do that while eating.”
And then Elaine shot him a brilliant smile, which caught him completely off guard.
“Not at all, Arthur. If a servant could fill my plate, I will be able to manage quite adequately. I won’t be particularly ladylike, though.”
Taking Elaine’s lead, Arthur relaxed a little.
“I spend much of my time with knights. I doubt a small lapse in manners will kill me. And I will serve you myself, to make up for this.”
Elaine blushed at his choice of words, and then so did Arthur. No one was listening, thankfully, or that would be taken in entirely the wrong way by far too many people. Rumour would spread like wildfire, and before she knew it speculation would be rife about her.
The conversation filled with choices of meat, of vegetables and pies, as Arthur stacked more food on Elaine’s plate than she could possibly want. When she finally had the chance to start on the food, she did so with grace, using resistance on the knife and spoon to gauge the size of the food. She looked pleasantly surprised every time she tasted something new, which Arthur found himself smiling to himself about.
“I never got a chance to thank you for the other day,” he began, but Elaine waved it away.
“Please, Arthur. I’m glad to have helped.”
“I heard from the Guards that you were quite the fighter.”
Arthur watched her blush and smile at the same time.
“I’ve been watching tournaments since I was a little girl. There were always knights around, who I needed to defend myself from or who would teach me to do so. I’m alright.”
“And you’re blindfolded.”
“I rely on my hearing. If trained correctly, it can be more reliable than sight, and it’s easier to focus on.”
Arthur nodded, then looked at her and vocalised it with a hum.
“I’ve sent some of the knights out to arrest the Lord who paid for the mercenaries. He’ll be executed for treason.”
Elaine nodded, cutting up some chicken.
“I’m glad you found the source.”
Arthur watched her in silence for a while longer, before deciding to put aside his qualms and try to get an advantage out of this visit.
“I wondered if you might train with me and the knights in the morning. You have some unique skills, use of a sense we don’t think of as much as we should. I’d like to make use of that, if I may.”
Elaine reached out, somehow knowing exactly where Arthur’s hand lay on the table.
“Of course I will, Arthur.”
Then she withdrew, and he was left to watch her and wonder what exactly that touch had meant.
oOo
Gwen was waiting for Elaine in her guest rooms, a little smile on her face as she revelled in her position as a maidservant again.
“Did you need anything, my Lady?”
Elaine stilled, coming to a halt in the middle of the floor, almost surprised that it wasn’t Linet’s voice she heard.
“No, that’s fine Gwen, you didn’t have to wait for me.”
Gwen just smiled and inclined her head.
“It’s alright, I wanted to make sure you’re alright.”
“Thank you, Gwen. That’s lovely of you.”
“How was Arthur?”
There was a slight hint of concern to Gwen’s voice. Did she like Arthur? Probably. But why the concern? Gwen was a servant; she’d never be able to marry Arthur, even if he reciprocated her feelings, and Elaine was sure it was not Gwen that Arthur loved. Elaine was no threat to her position, existent or not, in Arthur’s heart.
“He asked me to train with him and the knights tomorrow. I know it’s annoying, but could you wake me early in the morning?”
“Of course!” An audible exhalation of breath there, and Elaine couldn’t help but smile to herself. She had no designs on Arthur whatsoever, but Gwen didn’t know that, and there was no way of saying so without making Gwen feel exposed and hurt. She’d just have to show Gwen, and the rest of Camelot, by being only a friend to Arthur. Lancelot, however, was a different case.
oOo
The next morning, as requested, Elaine was woken by Gwen just after dawn. She chose her least restrictive dress, and had Gwen help her into her breastplate, a beautifully engraved object that she suspected was more ornamental than practical, but had thankfully not needed to put to the test so far. Gwen helped her to belt on her sword, and tested the knot of her blindfold before she felt herself ready to attend Arthur on the training ground.
“Elaine’s blindfold means that she must rely on her other senses. I have asked her here today to teach us to use our hearing more effectively. I will be learning alongside you all.”
Then Arthur stepped back to allow Elaine to take centre stage.
“Without sight, the world is disorientating. You cannot judge distances, directions, without some sort of prompt.”
Elaine held her sword in her hand, and she paused, waiting for a sound. When it came she whirled, the tip of her sword mere inches from the knight’s neck.
“When you hear a sound, you must take in three things. What it is, what direction it comes from, and how far away it is. This helps to give you a picture of what’s around you.”
She drew back, smiling a little to herself.
“You build up a picture of what’s around you. A mental map made up of sounds and echoes. I want you all to close your eyes, and just listen.”
She waited for a while, letting them all adjust to the darkness, while she called Merlin over. He was watching Arthur, vigilant like his namesake the bird. She asked him to watch the knights for her, to tell her if any of them were cheating and had opened their eyes.
“Now, I want you to start to walk around. Don’t bump into each other!”
Elaine stood by the railing, listening to the sound of the knights hitting each other every now and then, telling them to move faster, until all the knights were jogging. It took less time than she expected for them to learn to locate each other, and there were none of the expected protests. Arthur had his men trained well, loyal and just trusting enough. Nothing like her father’s men, who served purely for their wages.
She called Arthur over then, asked if they should be dismissed. Merlin trusted her more with every deference to Arthur.
“You’ve worked well,” she told them with a smile, “You can open your eyes now.” There was a sigh of relief and Elaine’s smile widened.
“The skills you’ve learnt today will be useful to keep you aware of each other’s and your enemy’s presence. It will help you to be coordinated and more spatially aware.”
Arthur called for the knights to leave the training ground, and she walked over towards Merlin, to find from the voices that she wasn’t the only one.
“Oh, Merlin, don’t say that!” The voice was mock offended, but it stopped at her approach. She smiled anyway, leaning on the railing.
“Sir Gwaine, isn’t it?”
“Just Gwaine.” She could almost hear the grimace in his voice.
“Gwaine. I was impressed by your spatial awareness. You put a lot of effort into it.”
Gwaine was surprised she had noticed, since she couldn’t see, but he flicked back his hair, pride making him stand a little taller. Merlin noticed, hiding his grin by looking down at the floor.
“You know, Arthur asks, I jump. But thank you, Lady.”
“Elaine. Don’t you dare call me Lady.” She poked him in the chest, hard, and he laughed.
“Alright, fine, I surrender Elaine.”
She giggled, and it was new to both Merlin and Gwaine’s ears. It made her sound so much more than she seemed. More human, more vulnerable. They looked at each other, and thought.
“I was wondering, Elaine,” Gwaine asked, as if on a cue from Merlin, “How long it took you to learn to cope with the blindfold.”
“Oh, months.” The flick of her wrist was dismissive, but it disguised the fall of her face. “It’s worth it. Definitely.” She sounded so unsure that Merlin wanted to reach out for her. But he was only a servant, and though Elaine tried to arrange his love life, he didn’t know her that well at all.
oOo
The next day she trained with the knights. And the next. Elaine never instructed for more than half the session, to allow Arthur his authority. Sometimes she stayed through Arthur’s teaching, but it was hard when he showed the knights moves that she could not follow with her eyes. She’d need hands guiding her, and she didn’t want to hold any of the knights back by asking that of them, even though there were those willing.
Lancelot never offered.
She sparred with Leon, Gwaine, Percival and Elyan. Even Arthur. But never Lancelot.
oOo
Gwaine had to admit, Merlin was pretty damn brilliant. He watched Merlin, who was walking across the tavern to him, a tankard in each hand, nearly cross eyed with concentration, trying desperately not to spill anything. He didn’t, until he reached the table, when he promptly tipped one of the tankards over.
“Shit, sorry, tha’s my one now,” he slurred, and Gwaine just laughed.
“I think you’ve had enough. We’ll share.”
They didn’t get remotely close to finishing even one of the tankards. Merlin guided the rim up to Gwaine’s lips to drink, watching his lips as he swallowed. Gwaine’s lips were wet where some ale had escaped, and Merlin’s alcohol fuzzed mind decided that he wanted to taste, so he kissed Gwaine. And that was it, really, for their night in the tavern.
“Bed?” Gwaine asked, confident that Merlin would say yes, because yes was what they said to each other. It had been, ever since Gwaine had woken up injured in Merlin’s room in the small hours of the morning and had drawn entirely the wrong conclusion about how he’d got there. Merlin didn’t actually need to answer, because they both knew what would happen. So he just stood up, shakily, weaving his way towards the door. Gwaine placed a steadying hand on the small of his back, and Merlin leaned into it.
He sobered up significantly when the night air hit him, which Gwaine thought was just as well because Merlin drunk was just not as good as Merlin sober. Gwaine wasn’t one to complain, though, because this was Merlin; wonderful, pretty, brave, smart Merlin, and if Gwaine was being honest with himself he’d admit that he was a little in love with him.
They stripped, quickly, helping each other with their shirts then undoing their own breeches. Well, Gwaine at least, Merlin’s hands fumbled at the laces until Gwaine laughed and took pity on him, undoing the breeches and pushing them down. He leant forward until his hair tickled Merlin’s chest, then laughed when Merlin shivered.
Gwaine went very still when Merlin’s hands came up around him, cupping his arse, and he kissed the top of Gwaine’s head, just briefly.
Gwaine pulled upright, took Merlin’s mouth, sliding his tongue inside slowly, swirling around Merlin’s mouth. He fell back to the bed, Merlin grinding against him, fingers playing with his hair. Gwaine’s hands travelled over his back, his chest, relearning the thin paleness that was all Merlin.
“Fuck me,” he pleaded, handing Merlin a bottle of oil, and where he’d hidden that Merlin doesn’t know. He did slick his fingers, just listening to Gwaine’s moans as he stretched him open, so loud the whole castle should have known what they were doing. It was a litany of yes, Merlin, more when Merlin finally pushed inside, and they came hard and almost together.
Afterwards, Gwaine pulled him in tight to his chest, whispering.
“So good, you’re so good.”
Merlin smiled to himself, because he already knew that. The same as Gwaine knew how Merlin felt about sex with him. Merlin wondered vaguely whether one of them would ever find the courage to work out if what they had could be anything more. But right then it didn’t matter, because they were warm and curled up together, and everything felt right.
oOo
The hangover the next morning was horrific. Merlin snuck out of Gwaine’s rooms at dawn, after a few lethargic kisses, to sneak back to Gaius’ rooms for a quick sip of the foul tasting potion that seemed to help, before going to wait on Arthur.
The hangover was still there, a thudding pressure, when he dressed Arthur and served his breakfast. His mind was cruel, though; not content with physical pain, it had to break his heart. Because, even though he’d spent the night before with Gwaine, as he dressed Arthur he couldn’t stop thinking about Elaine’s words and how apparently Arthur liked him. And how beautiful Arthur was, sleep-tousled, golden hair catching the light and holding it, the firm press of muscle under his skin that Merlin could just about feel when he brushed over it, pulling Arthur’s shirt over his head.
But it could never be. If he thought anything else, however briefly, he was just projecting his feelings onto Arthur. Arthur liked girls, and Arthur definitely did not want to bed him.
Except Arthur did. He chased Merlin’s touch, trying but failing not to lean into it when Merlin dressed him. He needed so much more, so much that he was never going to get. Because Merlin was a bloody servant, and didn’t want him, and Arthur would never force him. Maybe once he would have done, but Merlin had removed the uncaring side that would allow such actions from Arthur, the part that was determined to get what he wanted no matter the cost. And since nothing could ever happen between them, Arthur would remain latched onto his manservant of all people. He knew he would never be able to feel this way for another, obsessed as he was with Merlin. All his attention was taken, there’d be no time for falling for someone else had his heart wanted to.
It was ridiculous. The King of Camelot in love with a male servant who didn’t reciprocate. He must have a particularly masochistic heart.
When he sent Merlin from the room with a random task, removing temptation from his sight, Arthur let his head fall to the table with a groan.
Worst manservant ever. But not for the reasons usually discussed.
On the other side of the door, Merlin only just stopped himself sinking to the floor. He’d been thinking about Elaine’s words, so the next logical step in distraction from Arthur was to turn his thoughts from Arthur to Elaine. Her rooms were on the way to the armoury, which was where Arthur had sent him, with about the vaguest instructions in the history of vague instructions and prat masters and perfectly good manservants.
He knocked on her door, to hear a female voice that definitely was not Elaine or Gwen, but he vaguely recognised, calling out.
“Who is it?”
“It’s Merlin.”
There was a sob from behind the door, clearly audible, in the pause. Merlin needed to be inside that room, and quickly.
“Elaine? Elaine, let me in.”
“Yeah, come in.”
Her voice was shaky and quiet, and Merlin let himself in quickly before she could change her mind. Her servant passed him as he hurried over to where she sat on her bed, still in only her nightgown and soaked blindfold. Linet was the servant’s name and she’d returned late the evening before, he remembered. He gave her a quick, uncertain smile as she rushed out, acknowledged only by a slight wave.
Elaine’s hands were balled up around something, her head bowed, crying louder now. Merlin sat next to her on the bed, and she felt the movement, shaking her out of her little world enough to open her hands, pass Merlin a single sheet of parchment.
He read quickly and carefully, letting his hand drift to Elaine’s arm halfway through.
“Oh, Elaine…”
It was from her mother, and it detailed how her son (and since when did she have a son? But, shit, it made sense of things) was growing, how he had come so close to taking his first steps. Her mother told her that they all missed her, reminded her how beautiful her child was, and tacked onto the end her hopes that Elaine was settling well in Camelot.
“Galahad…” Elaine moaned, reaching out and grasping for something. Merlin only had to watch her for a few more moments before making a decision and pulling her into a hug. She sobbed against his shoulder, grip just a little too tight in her desperation, and it really wasn’t difficult to work out what had happened. The timings were right, after all; Galahad must be around a year old, and with the time for the pregnancy added that made about two years.
“Lance got you pregnant, and now you’re here to convince him to marry you.”
Elaine had gone beyond the point where she could still speak, so just nodded.
“He doesn’t know about his son, does he?”
Elaine shook her head, and Merlin started to rub circles into her back, slightly hesitant.
“Well, I’m sure if you talk to him-”
She shot upright, pulling out of his grip.
“No!”
“No?”
“If he’s marrying me out of- out of charity or obligation, it’ll never work. He’ll hate me for imprisoning him. I need to make him love me again!”
Merlin decided that now was not a good idea to mention that her plan was severely flawed. Though, on second thoughts, he would add a seed of doubt. He could build on it later, gently, and maybe alongside it some other possibilities would grow.
“What about someone else?” he asked, “I’m sure one of the other knights would be open to falling for you.”
“I can’t do that to them, Merlin,” she said, resigned, “I can’t ask someone to take responsibility for a child that’s not theirs. Besides, no one would want me now. I’m damaged goods, and it’s my own fucking fault, and now I just have to deal with it.”
He was about to object to this ridiculous self-depreciation, when the reality of it hit him. She was a noble. To marry someone of her own status, she would have had to at least appear a virgin. With the obvious proof of the falsity of that, in the form of a small son, she was screwed.
“If I have to, I’ll tell Lance, ask him to help if he will not love me. He can teach Galahad to become the knight I know he has within him.”
“Alright,” Merlin said, though he was far from convinced. She sounded too like Arthur, and even Lance at times; self-sacrificing, denying herself happiness for the good of someone else.
And then the tears started up again, and Merlin pulled her close.
“You know, you don’t have to abandon Galahad for this.”
“What- do you mean?” she asked between gasps, breathing becoming erratic, shaking with her tears.
“You could bring him here. Arthur likes you, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind a baby around the place.”
“But Lance can’t see him!” she cried. Merlin had to spend a while calming her down, telling her to breathe, before he could carry on.
“You can hide him. You’ve got Linet, and Sir Gareth, and you’ve made enough friends here to help you. I would, and I’m sure Arthur would. Why don’t we go to talk to him when he gets back from training?”
Linet choose that moment to come in, with warm water and towels, so Merlin extricated himself from Elaine with a promise that she’d get cleaned up and go with him when he returned after seeing to Arthur’s tasks.
Part Two