I think i'd feel better if i did these more often
I'm bored and doing laundry...wheeee! Heath Ledger died today...that makes me sad :( i liked him a lot. hmn...i dont even know what to talk about. i'm awfully lame now a days.
Things are so weird. I feel like everythings out of order and im stuck in a rut. I'm not a fan of rut-ville. I would like it to go away. Cause i look at all the good things i have and I really have no right to be bummed about anything.
Things that are coming up way too fast: wisdom teeth, braces, moving home, my birthday, and trying to ditch my car. I hate my car with a passion and i cant even put my finger on why. I'm broke, and some of these things coming up are only going to make it worse, but thats why i'm moving home with my tail between my legs. I think it was Josh or Dad that said I'd be back in a year, damn them, they were right. At least im lucky enough to have a place to go home to when things get to hard and i can't afford anything anymore.
I dont like my job anymore, in fact i down right hate it. I like to work itself, i enjoy being a teller, but i dont want to do it forever, but for now it'll do. But my boss is a monster, she had the whole teller line on a rampage today, all because shes a stupid fucking bitch. GAH! i don't hide my anger very well. shes extremely disrespectful to all of us, and i was standing up for myself today, over something very simple and i got my ass ripped in three different languages and i bet it went in my shit file. It sucks waking up in the morning not wanting to face the day, hating going to work, and then you feel like you just wasted 8+ hours of your life. But, im hopeing for the best, that things will settle down at work and i'll be fine.
Something that's been on my mind lately is how boring i have truely become. Maybe i've always been this way and its just now starting to dawn on me. I feel like i cant have an original thought to save my life, i'm a pushover at my job in fear of getting fired, and i don't have a whole lot to do any more, or a whole lot of people to do nothing with. Tia moved away and has her own life to live, and i miss her a bunch. Becca and Dan are trying to start their life and they have their own stuff to worry about and they're thinking about moving, and half the time becca and i dont have much to talk about until we're actually in person. Lela is in Missoula and most of the time i dont get the chance to talk to her. I dont really talk to Amanda anymore and thats mostly by my choice, doesnt mean i cant miss her though. Lindsay's in spokane, ryans in seatlle. I dont even get to talk to Jeremy or Morgan very much anymore, it ends up being a huge game of phone tag that i eventually quit playing. My closest group of friends lately is Joe, Josh, Amanda, Becca B, Heidi(when shes home), and Harmony. and people at work, but i have to be with them, good thing i like the majority of them. Go through my phone calls and i bet most of them will be my parents, or other family members, or a business of some sort. Helena is just really hard to make friends in, and being 20 i cant really go anywhere or do anything, i feel like im grounded all of the time. Thank God my birthday is coming up soon!
Speaking of which, i'm so excited for my birthday i could burst! My plan is to start at The Edge and work our way into town, anyone who wants to join is MORE then welcome. Depends on how the roads are too, if they suck we're going to stick to an area and go from there. It's nice because i dont have to do a lot of planning for this one, walk around, freeze, drink, and dance. I think that sounds like a good time indeed. Especially since i will get my braces on about 4 days before that and im going to feel like Ugly Emma for a while. Like right now, i have an eye infection so i have to wear my glasses, which just makes me want to hide in a dark corner.
I want to go on a trip so bad its killing me! Three places i want to go this year, Vegas, Florida, and Seattle. But i dont know if any of them are going to happen, considering im moving home for a reason$$$. but damn that'd be fun. I've also learned that my mom was right (isnt she always??) i'm not good at living by myself. I can do it if i have too, but when its too quiet i think too much and that never ends well. I wish i could be the girl who had lots of motivation to make herself better, and become the girl she's always wanted to be. Easy going, brush the problems away, lose lots of weight, go to school and find the job i enjoy. But i'm not. I am idea girl, i have lots of plans but i dont know what to do with them, maybe im scared to do anything with them? I'm scared im going to be the kind of person who just job hops to make it through life, and i dont like that idea. but non of my other ideas work very well. Braces will be the only thing i've followed through on, that is if the money works out, which is should. I get jealous of the people my age who have made a family, or gone to school and are about to graduate already or have a degree of some sort and they're doing something they love and get paid pretty well for it. I'm not saying i would want to start a family right now. Hello, can't afford myself let alone anyone else x_x.
Well, i would love to continue to babble but im sure people stopped reading these about 800 sentaces ago, and i can't blame you. For me saying i didnt have a lot to say, i think i lied. Anywhoo, i hope all of you are having a great week, drive safe and stay warm!
Things are so weird. I feel like everythings out of order and im stuck in a rut. I'm not a fan of rut-ville. I would like it to go away. Cause i look at all the good things i have and I really have no right to be bummed about anything.
Things that are coming up way too fast: wisdom teeth, braces, moving home, my birthday, and trying to ditch my car. I hate my car with a passion and i cant even put my finger on why. I'm broke, and some of these things coming up are only going to make it worse, but thats why i'm moving home with my tail between my legs. I think it was Josh or Dad that said I'd be back in a year, damn them, they were right. At least im lucky enough to have a place to go home to when things get to hard and i can't afford anything anymore.
I dont like my job anymore, in fact i down right hate it. I like to work itself, i enjoy being a teller, but i dont want to do it forever, but for now it'll do. But my boss is a monster, she had the whole teller line on a rampage today, all because shes a stupid fucking bitch. GAH! i don't hide my anger very well. shes extremely disrespectful to all of us, and i was standing up for myself today, over something very simple and i got my ass ripped in three different languages and i bet it went in my shit file. It sucks waking up in the morning not wanting to face the day, hating going to work, and then you feel like you just wasted 8+ hours of your life. But, im hopeing for the best, that things will settle down at work and i'll be fine.
Something that's been on my mind lately is how boring i have truely become. Maybe i've always been this way and its just now starting to dawn on me. I feel like i cant have an original thought to save my life, i'm a pushover at my job in fear of getting fired, and i don't have a whole lot to do any more, or a whole lot of people to do nothing with. Tia moved away and has her own life to live, and i miss her a bunch. Becca and Dan are trying to start their life and they have their own stuff to worry about and they're thinking about moving, and half the time becca and i dont have much to talk about until we're actually in person. Lela is in Missoula and most of the time i dont get the chance to talk to her. I dont really talk to Amanda anymore and thats mostly by my choice, doesnt mean i cant miss her though. Lindsay's in spokane, ryans in seatlle. I dont even get to talk to Jeremy or Morgan very much anymore, it ends up being a huge game of phone tag that i eventually quit playing. My closest group of friends lately is Joe, Josh, Amanda, Becca B, Heidi(when shes home), and Harmony. and people at work, but i have to be with them, good thing i like the majority of them. Go through my phone calls and i bet most of them will be my parents, or other family members, or a business of some sort. Helena is just really hard to make friends in, and being 20 i cant really go anywhere or do anything, i feel like im grounded all of the time. Thank God my birthday is coming up soon!
Speaking of which, i'm so excited for my birthday i could burst! My plan is to start at The Edge and work our way into town, anyone who wants to join is MORE then welcome. Depends on how the roads are too, if they suck we're going to stick to an area and go from there. It's nice because i dont have to do a lot of planning for this one, walk around, freeze, drink, and dance. I think that sounds like a good time indeed. Especially since i will get my braces on about 4 days before that and im going to feel like Ugly Emma for a while. Like right now, i have an eye infection so i have to wear my glasses, which just makes me want to hide in a dark corner.
I want to go on a trip so bad its killing me! Three places i want to go this year, Vegas, Florida, and Seattle. But i dont know if any of them are going to happen, considering im moving home for a reason$$$. but damn that'd be fun. I've also learned that my mom was right (isnt she always??) i'm not good at living by myself. I can do it if i have too, but when its too quiet i think too much and that never ends well. I wish i could be the girl who had lots of motivation to make herself better, and become the girl she's always wanted to be. Easy going, brush the problems away, lose lots of weight, go to school and find the job i enjoy. But i'm not. I am idea girl, i have lots of plans but i dont know what to do with them, maybe im scared to do anything with them? I'm scared im going to be the kind of person who just job hops to make it through life, and i dont like that idea. but non of my other ideas work very well. Braces will be the only thing i've followed through on, that is if the money works out, which is should. I get jealous of the people my age who have made a family, or gone to school and are about to graduate already or have a degree of some sort and they're doing something they love and get paid pretty well for it. I'm not saying i would want to start a family right now. Hello, can't afford myself let alone anyone else x_x.
Well, i would love to continue to babble but im sure people stopped reading these about 800 sentaces ago, and i can't blame you. For me saying i didnt have a lot to say, i think i lied. Anywhoo, i hope all of you are having a great week, drive safe and stay warm!