True Heartbreak
Dear 2007,
If you don't start getting better here pretty damned quick....I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know who this will effect, I'm not sure if anyone knows the kid im about to talk about. But on Sunday, March 4 of 2007 a good friend of mine, who was Joe's roommate and best friend, took his life. His name was Chris Dana. I won't go into details or anything because thats not my place if you dont know him. If you know him, i'll explain more but im not going to do it on a public journal. To anybody who has tried, thought about, or knows someone who commited suicide. It is the most hurtful, cowardly, selfish thing you could ever do. In the moment it takes to end your own life, you've broken so many others. Joe will never be the same again, same with some of Chris's family, and the rest of his friends. This will be a cloud for the rest of our lives, we'll learn to live with it and accept with time, but it's not something that can go away. I used to believe that people who commited suicide go to hell because of how hurtful and selfish it can be.After Chris did this i feel differently. If you were a good person in life, and you ran into a tough spot and you took the easiest way out, which is a mistake, you were still a good person. Therefor why should you be damned after you're gone? For Chris Dana, i hope God lets him in and cuts him a break. If this was really Chris's time to go. It'd be so much easier if he had died in a car accident...There wouldn't be so many questions that are left unanswered. Theres so many emotions that are going all over the place...for all of us, the family, joe, heidi, me...everybody. Suicide may seem like the easy way out, but no one ever thinks about the wake of destruction it leaves behind. All of the "What ifs..." that are going through our heads...all the regrets. I regret not going to Mexico with them. Not talking to chris more often, we talked a bit but i dont think we really knew each other. I just try to think about what if it was me, if i came home to find becca had killed herself, or tia when we lived together. I couldn't handle it..I always believed that im a strong person but im not..not that strong. Chris was sent to Iraq a few times and he came back a different person. I'm not saying this was the reason why he did it or anything, but im sure its a factor. God already put him through hell by Chris going over there, hopefully Chris is able to be at peace now. He was only 22..going on 23 i believe.maybe 24...im not sure. I dont understand what was so bad that he thought life wasnt going to get any better at the age of 23 or 22...So young...plenty of time for things to look up..i just dont understand..How could you do this to us...to joe..you're parents..i dont understand..i guess i never will either. The last time i saw him was at my birthday party on Feb. 24th....I chatted with him for a bit and said "Chris it was really good to see you. I'm glad you came!" and he said something like "me too" and i gave him a hug and he left with Joe and Harmony...
To Chris Dana....We're angry, we're hurt, we're confused, and we're mourning. I hope that somewhere in your heart you knew that you were loved. If we could go back in time...I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. How dare you do this to all of us, all of the people who love you. I know when you committed this act that you probably weren't thinking of anyone else, but i really wish that you did. Now Joe will be scarred for the rest of his life by the loss of his best friend. Heidi lost a friend that she's been close to for many years. We'll never forget. We'll never understand. We'll never stop loving you Chris, there wont be a day that goes by that someone doesnt miss you...I wish i couldve told you that..I hope you're ok....I hope to see you when its my time to go. Maybe you could watch Ozzie for me till i get there?
We Love You Chris Dana...I'm sorry you're gone.
I hope all of the people who i have left know and understand how much i love them and/or appreciate them for everything...cause i never said it to Chris. That is something I will always regret.
If you don't start getting better here pretty damned quick....I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know who this will effect, I'm not sure if anyone knows the kid im about to talk about. But on Sunday, March 4 of 2007 a good friend of mine, who was Joe's roommate and best friend, took his life. His name was Chris Dana. I won't go into details or anything because thats not my place if you dont know him. If you know him, i'll explain more but im not going to do it on a public journal. To anybody who has tried, thought about, or knows someone who commited suicide. It is the most hurtful, cowardly, selfish thing you could ever do. In the moment it takes to end your own life, you've broken so many others. Joe will never be the same again, same with some of Chris's family, and the rest of his friends. This will be a cloud for the rest of our lives, we'll learn to live with it and accept with time, but it's not something that can go away. I used to believe that people who commited suicide go to hell because of how hurtful and selfish it can be.After Chris did this i feel differently. If you were a good person in life, and you ran into a tough spot and you took the easiest way out, which is a mistake, you were still a good person. Therefor why should you be damned after you're gone? For Chris Dana, i hope God lets him in and cuts him a break. If this was really Chris's time to go. It'd be so much easier if he had died in a car accident...There wouldn't be so many questions that are left unanswered. Theres so many emotions that are going all over the place...for all of us, the family, joe, heidi, me...everybody. Suicide may seem like the easy way out, but no one ever thinks about the wake of destruction it leaves behind. All of the "What ifs..." that are going through our heads...all the regrets. I regret not going to Mexico with them. Not talking to chris more often, we talked a bit but i dont think we really knew each other. I just try to think about what if it was me, if i came home to find becca had killed herself, or tia when we lived together. I couldn't handle it..I always believed that im a strong person but im not..not that strong. Chris was sent to Iraq a few times and he came back a different person. I'm not saying this was the reason why he did it or anything, but im sure its a factor. God already put him through hell by Chris going over there, hopefully Chris is able to be at peace now. He was only 22..going on 23 i believe.maybe 24...im not sure. I dont understand what was so bad that he thought life wasnt going to get any better at the age of 23 or 22...So young...plenty of time for things to look up..i just dont understand..How could you do this to us...to joe..you're parents..i dont understand..i guess i never will either. The last time i saw him was at my birthday party on Feb. 24th....I chatted with him for a bit and said "Chris it was really good to see you. I'm glad you came!" and he said something like "me too" and i gave him a hug and he left with Joe and Harmony...
To Chris Dana....We're angry, we're hurt, we're confused, and we're mourning. I hope that somewhere in your heart you knew that you were loved. If we could go back in time...I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. How dare you do this to all of us, all of the people who love you. I know when you committed this act that you probably weren't thinking of anyone else, but i really wish that you did. Now Joe will be scarred for the rest of his life by the loss of his best friend. Heidi lost a friend that she's been close to for many years. We'll never forget. We'll never understand. We'll never stop loving you Chris, there wont be a day that goes by that someone doesnt miss you...I wish i couldve told you that..I hope you're ok....I hope to see you when its my time to go. Maybe you could watch Ozzie for me till i get there?
We Love You Chris Dana...I'm sorry you're gone.
I hope all of the people who i have left know and understand how much i love them and/or appreciate them for everything...cause i never said it to Chris. That is something I will always regret.