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Jul 18, 2008 16:21

If I had randomly checked my lj in two days, it would have been a year on the dot. Damn it. I thought about checking it in two days so it would be, but...that's cheating. Maybe I should have stuck with lj..I feel like a dumb sheep just following the herd to myspace, then facebook. I wonder what will be next. Blah blahbla omg Ryan Taylor stopped modeling WAAAAAAAAHHHHH NOOOOO!!!!!!! He says he wants to take some acting courses but fuck that! he was just gettind good at eds!! I loved him because he was beautiful and then he starts to get good and quits. Fine Ryan, go finish high school and play football, see if I give a shit. What a fucked up month. Roger Federer lost Wimbledon. thats really fucked. he was gonna break a record. if i was nadal i'd let him win, just so he could do it.

alright lets get some real journaling done. I figure if I get one free hour a summer and remember my password to this thing it might actually do me some good as a journal. Let's see. How I've grooooowwwn. I'm still a freaky eater, I lost 10 pounds in Switzerland and gained it back in three days here. Uhmm but don't think it looks like ten pounds, because nobody ever notices. How come I can tell then? dunno dunno. I definintely like different music...not that I dislike what I used to listen to, I mean I'll listen to rob zombie and a static lullaby, but it's no where near as good as the cure or sonic youth or the wombats. incubus is still good. well the old stuff is. ummm I'm 5'7" and weight between 120 and 130 pounds, maybe more if I've pigged out recently...I try to work out at least everyother day I work about 20 hours a week at CVS, I am a virgin but two of my bff aren't. I'm okay with who I am. I want to live in scotland and adopt three kids, I'm going to be an environmental engineer/architect, college admissions suck, but I got a 4 on AP english and 5 on stats AYYAYAYYYAAAAAAY. I found that out today and screamed sooooo loud.

One of my rabbits died a year or so ago, I don't remember if I mentioned it, but it was the only time i've seen someone/thing I know dead with my own eyes. I've been drunk, smoked pot, been offered some harder stuff but turned it down, I hang out with good kids, we're all going to college and so on. I'm anti-gun anti-war anti-hate. I'm a hippie but I love materialism, fashion rocks. I have no idea why i'm so infatuated with fashion, but its always been something I love. its more then the design, it's the culture and the society involved. the fashion world really is a WORLD. So i'm torn between a simple life in the scottish highlands and an involved, high society life in London, or NY. Not paris, I didn;t enjoy it so much. Basel was nice. Not Italy. Milan might be different, but I feel like Italian people...I dunno I can't take them seriously. Japan isolated westerners and I don't speak german so switzerland and germany are out. russia...i dunno. latin america i'd feel guilty living in because we've screwed them over too many times to count, like Nicaragua, pinochet in chile, and the guerilla stuff in el salvador. fuck that, I'm living in the scottish highlands.

Maybe I'll see how long an entry I can do, like when the computer screen starts flashing "get off your ass emily and do something with your life". I have plenty to do, I just don't wanna do it. I have no motivation. I used to love school because I was good at it, now I just love to learn. Not math, that's a load of shit. We just sit around in classroom trying to understand theoroms that WE MADE UP. I mean, yeah it's freaky that the golden ratio is found from the distance between sunflower seeds to the lines on a nautilus, but how does that affect the human state? How can that help us be satisfied with the world we live in? math brings neither understanding nor happiness. The only subject in school I think has a point is history. Honestly it helps decide the future. If we don't study it we're doomed to repeat the past. I'm sure everyone has heard that before but it's true.

I feel too mature for my age. Read Dr. Zhivago. and some Leo Tolstoy. It really twists your brain around, but in a good way. It makes it impossible to relax. like drugs or something. it changes your POV, but in a completely awesome way. Alaska. That's a great place to go and read. Like russia, but that;s pretty far away. I guess Alaska is too hahaha..being alone in nature is completely different then me sitting on my computer in an empty house, it's really cleansing, to go somewhere you can't hear the cars, or sense anything other than what's supposed to be there. Being alone brings me the most intense feeling of security.

death? life? destiny? evolution? maybe I'll get to that next time. Now I need to focus on Heath Ledger. I'm going to see the Dark Knight!!!! so pumped!!

See, if I wasn't on LJ all these wonderful thoughts would be floating away.
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