(no subject)
no one really knows this about me, but i'm a pretty emotional person even though i usually keep my feelings inside of me. bcuz of that i'm really not good at expressing how i feel but i can't fall asleep until i get this off my chest so i'm gonna try.
as you probably know in august i moved to san anselmo. although it doesn't seem that far away, all the transitioning has been really hard on me. new school, new house, new friends (or lack of), etc. i've been going to drake and i've have found it to be a good school. the campus is nice, i like most of my teachers, and most of the people are very nice and welcoming. I've become friendly with many people in my classes and i am although a lot of the people i've been coversing with in class like, i haven't been able to get to the next step and actually become friends with anyone to the point where i feel comfortable around them and we can hang out.
there is a girl i've met named Denali who is in my math class, and she seems really cool. she is someone who i really want to get to know better. But everytime i try talking to her about anything, within thirty seconds one of her friends comes up to her and they start talking, and she forgets about me. why? is it because she doesn't like me or is she just distracted, i dunno.
this other kid whose name is bennet, is in my spanish class. He thinks i'm really cool and i've been hanging out with him a couple of times and went to lunch with him once. so at this point you may be saying, ok here is an example of how Zach is starting to make friends. However, there lies the problem. Although he likes me, he is not the kind of person i want to associate myself with. i don't like him! so i either have the choice of loning around, or getting that feeling of being accepted by someone who i don't even want to be with. advice?
before i entered drake, i knew 3 girls that are in my grade from youth court. they are nice to me, and because i no them i've been sitting with them and their friends during lunch. Although they all act really nice to me, i feel like they are just doing it because the feel sorry for me because i have no friends.
my lack of ability to make friends is not what is bothering me the most though...its just adding to my pain.
what is the worst is how much i miss all my friends, now that i've moved. Some people say that "i'm at a private school, so i don't get to see all my old friends all the time either, and i don't didn't know many people when the year started" although this is true, because you didn't move to a different township you still live much closer than i do to all your old friends, and i think that no one goes into a private hs knowing many people, everyone is making new friends and starting out fresh; unlike drake where every one already has their set group of friends from either white hill or ST. Rita's.
throughout all of seventh grade, and the first half of eighth grade, i was unhappy because there were some immature, melodramitic events going on between certain people and i, but mostly i felt i didn't have many friends. However, when the second half of the year started during 8th grade, i finally felt i had lots of friends, was mostly happy, and could fit in with many different groups of people.
As the summer progressed 3 of my really close friends moved away. eliot to atlanta, kevin to san diego, and simon to oh so distant mill valley. And to fit the trend, i up and move as well. And to make things EVEN better, during the summer, the last opportunity for me to spend time with my friends, i have surgery (10 days after school gets out) which keeps me either at home or extremely limited as to what i can do with friends.
So, at this point, summer is over i've started at drake, i've lost what had taken me 3 long years of miller creek to build. Although i get to see you occaisonally (so far its only been gabe, chris, lily, & paulina a few times at the verge) our relationships will never be the same.
One of my friends who is really an awesome person is really envious of me because i go to drake, which makes me feel guilty because all i want to do is be with the people i love, at TL. There were also a couple of people (shams) who i was really looking forward to getting to know better, and could have seen myself becoming friends with. Now I just don't see that happening.
If you've read this far, thank you for listening.
I truly, deeply, sincerely miss you all soo much!
Z
as you probably know in august i moved to san anselmo. although it doesn't seem that far away, all the transitioning has been really hard on me. new school, new house, new friends (or lack of), etc. i've been going to drake and i've have found it to be a good school. the campus is nice, i like most of my teachers, and most of the people are very nice and welcoming. I've become friendly with many people in my classes and i am although a lot of the people i've been coversing with in class like, i haven't been able to get to the next step and actually become friends with anyone to the point where i feel comfortable around them and we can hang out.
there is a girl i've met named Denali who is in my math class, and she seems really cool. she is someone who i really want to get to know better. But everytime i try talking to her about anything, within thirty seconds one of her friends comes up to her and they start talking, and she forgets about me. why? is it because she doesn't like me or is she just distracted, i dunno.
this other kid whose name is bennet, is in my spanish class. He thinks i'm really cool and i've been hanging out with him a couple of times and went to lunch with him once. so at this point you may be saying, ok here is an example of how Zach is starting to make friends. However, there lies the problem. Although he likes me, he is not the kind of person i want to associate myself with. i don't like him! so i either have the choice of loning around, or getting that feeling of being accepted by someone who i don't even want to be with. advice?
before i entered drake, i knew 3 girls that are in my grade from youth court. they are nice to me, and because i no them i've been sitting with them and their friends during lunch. Although they all act really nice to me, i feel like they are just doing it because the feel sorry for me because i have no friends.
my lack of ability to make friends is not what is bothering me the most though...its just adding to my pain.
what is the worst is how much i miss all my friends, now that i've moved. Some people say that "i'm at a private school, so i don't get to see all my old friends all the time either, and i don't didn't know many people when the year started" although this is true, because you didn't move to a different township you still live much closer than i do to all your old friends, and i think that no one goes into a private hs knowing many people, everyone is making new friends and starting out fresh; unlike drake where every one already has their set group of friends from either white hill or ST. Rita's.
throughout all of seventh grade, and the first half of eighth grade, i was unhappy because there were some immature, melodramitic events going on between certain people and i, but mostly i felt i didn't have many friends. However, when the second half of the year started during 8th grade, i finally felt i had lots of friends, was mostly happy, and could fit in with many different groups of people.
As the summer progressed 3 of my really close friends moved away. eliot to atlanta, kevin to san diego, and simon to oh so distant mill valley. And to fit the trend, i up and move as well. And to make things EVEN better, during the summer, the last opportunity for me to spend time with my friends, i have surgery (10 days after school gets out) which keeps me either at home or extremely limited as to what i can do with friends.
So, at this point, summer is over i've started at drake, i've lost what had taken me 3 long years of miller creek to build. Although i get to see you occaisonally (so far its only been gabe, chris, lily, & paulina a few times at the verge) our relationships will never be the same.
One of my friends who is really an awesome person is really envious of me because i go to drake, which makes me feel guilty because all i want to do is be with the people i love, at TL. There were also a couple of people (shams) who i was really looking forward to getting to know better, and could have seen myself becoming friends with. Now I just don't see that happening.
If you've read this far, thank you for listening.
I truly, deeply, sincerely miss you all soo much!
Z