Everybody's Free to Feel Good
So I got to see my baby sister graduate today. Unfortunately she had recently cut her hair, so when they called her name (and mispronounced it) I didn't recognize her (I was also a good distance away) and thought she was some Asian girl. oops. But I clapped as soon as I realized my mistake!
JT made it and didn't feel like sitting with her family, so she sat with ours and we had a great time talking for the duration of the very long ceremony. Watching it reminded us of our own, what it felt like to be sitting there with your eyes losing focus because you're staring straight ahead and you're so bored.
It was kind of sad though. That was about the last bunch of kids I know. Except for a few teachers, there will no longer be any point to going back to visit. There comes a time when you still visiting becomes creepy instead of cool. I think after one year you should probably stop.
I kind of miss being a high schooler, because I already feel kind of old. At the same time though, it's good to move on with life and make new memories. One day I'll be looking back and wishing I was in college again, calling those the innocent years, so I shouldn't waste the time I've got reminiscing too much. Far too many people do it, and an inability to let go of the past is unhealthy and may lead to much fucked-upedness. I've already made some simple, but great memories with Omar, Julian, Kyle, Victor, Jane, Jeff, the rest of the girls, KT and the Steering Committee, etc. Life and God has always been good to me.
Meanwhile, a friend of ours had a weird falling out with his myspace girlfriend. It turns out that she stole myspace pictures of some hot girl at her school that she isn't friends with, and made an entirely different myspace posing as that girl but with her own name. She didn't even admit it to him, the real girl and her friend had to tell him and she's been avoiding him ever since he found out.
I've seen her real pictures, and she's not unattractive or ugly, but she's not what most people would consider as good-looking if they didn't know her. You know she did it because she isn't satisfied with her looks and wants to be "hot." For that I feel sorry for her, but at the same time I'm creeped out and angry with her for doing that to my friend. Because the thing is, she's a liar and she lied through their entire relationship. I have a thing with liars. How do you ever trust anything that person has ever said or will ever say again, if they lie to you that often and that badly, and never even thought of telling you the truth? You can't be in a relationship with someone you can't trust, someone who isn't honest with you because they're not ok with who they are. I know she probably isn't just psycho (although sometimes it seems she is), but that just created more problems for her, it didn't solve them.
If you don't like your looks you have three options: Change them, use what you have to your advantage, or just accept them. But don't lie to a person about them in order to gain their acceptance and love. It's a lie to them and it's a lie to yourself.
But I still pity her. There was a time when I looked in the mirror and all I could see was what I didn't like. All I could see were flaws or things that could be better. Nowadays I look into a mirror and I see things that I like, and things that just need maintenance (think dry skin). I no longer see myself as ugly or unattractive, I think of myself as kind of pretty. No, I'm not some hot supermodel, actress or cheerleader, I'm not perfect, but how I look is okay. And I know now that it's not egotistical to be okay with the way you look, when before I would hesitate to compliment myself for fear of becoming arrogant.
But then, I'm 19 now and will be 20 in September, and that girl is still 17. Maybe in a few years she'll either do something about her looks or like herself.
Or, maybe she'll be in a mental institution.
Meanwhile I'll just keep reminding myself that online dating/meeting people isn't always as... freaky... as that, and that my friends are smart enough to keep themselves safe.
And if/when I make my own foray into that oh-so-creepy world, I will hopefully be able to keep some common sense about me as a fortress from stalkers, perverts and serial killers.
JT made it and didn't feel like sitting with her family, so she sat with ours and we had a great time talking for the duration of the very long ceremony. Watching it reminded us of our own, what it felt like to be sitting there with your eyes losing focus because you're staring straight ahead and you're so bored.
It was kind of sad though. That was about the last bunch of kids I know. Except for a few teachers, there will no longer be any point to going back to visit. There comes a time when you still visiting becomes creepy instead of cool. I think after one year you should probably stop.
I kind of miss being a high schooler, because I already feel kind of old. At the same time though, it's good to move on with life and make new memories. One day I'll be looking back and wishing I was in college again, calling those the innocent years, so I shouldn't waste the time I've got reminiscing too much. Far too many people do it, and an inability to let go of the past is unhealthy and may lead to much fucked-upedness. I've already made some simple, but great memories with Omar, Julian, Kyle, Victor, Jane, Jeff, the rest of the girls, KT and the Steering Committee, etc. Life and God has always been good to me.
Meanwhile, a friend of ours had a weird falling out with his myspace girlfriend. It turns out that she stole myspace pictures of some hot girl at her school that she isn't friends with, and made an entirely different myspace posing as that girl but with her own name. She didn't even admit it to him, the real girl and her friend had to tell him and she's been avoiding him ever since he found out.
I've seen her real pictures, and she's not unattractive or ugly, but she's not what most people would consider as good-looking if they didn't know her. You know she did it because she isn't satisfied with her looks and wants to be "hot." For that I feel sorry for her, but at the same time I'm creeped out and angry with her for doing that to my friend. Because the thing is, she's a liar and she lied through their entire relationship. I have a thing with liars. How do you ever trust anything that person has ever said or will ever say again, if they lie to you that often and that badly, and never even thought of telling you the truth? You can't be in a relationship with someone you can't trust, someone who isn't honest with you because they're not ok with who they are. I know she probably isn't just psycho (although sometimes it seems she is), but that just created more problems for her, it didn't solve them.
If you don't like your looks you have three options: Change them, use what you have to your advantage, or just accept them. But don't lie to a person about them in order to gain their acceptance and love. It's a lie to them and it's a lie to yourself.
But I still pity her. There was a time when I looked in the mirror and all I could see was what I didn't like. All I could see were flaws or things that could be better. Nowadays I look into a mirror and I see things that I like, and things that just need maintenance (think dry skin). I no longer see myself as ugly or unattractive, I think of myself as kind of pretty. No, I'm not some hot supermodel, actress or cheerleader, I'm not perfect, but how I look is okay. And I know now that it's not egotistical to be okay with the way you look, when before I would hesitate to compliment myself for fear of becoming arrogant.
But then, I'm 19 now and will be 20 in September, and that girl is still 17. Maybe in a few years she'll either do something about her looks or like herself.
Or, maybe she'll be in a mental institution.
Meanwhile I'll just keep reminding myself that online dating/meeting people isn't always as... freaky... as that, and that my friends are smart enough to keep themselves safe.
And if/when I make my own foray into that oh-so-creepy world, I will hopefully be able to keep some common sense about me as a fortress from stalkers, perverts and serial killers.