(no subject)
Warning: Really long, possibly pointless post. I just felt like getting it all down somewhere.
Okay, so when I was talking to Jess last night (and also from many other conversations over the past couple weeks) I started thinking about this a lot more. And here, I think (it might change even over the course of this entry) is what I've decided: people expect too much out of love. I think that people expect love to just sort of happen and come in and fix everything. And I just don't think that's it. I see so many people that I know who are absolutely amazing people rip themselves up one way and down the other waiting for someone to come in, and tell them they're beautiful and make everything better. And honestly, it's a plan that really is doomed to failure. How can you expect someone else to like you if you don't? I mean, if you spend all your time obsessing over all the things that you think are wrong with you, how can you expect any of the other stuff to come through? People stifle their own beauty and then feel like they've somehow been proven right when noone can see it.
And I'm not saying that someone else can't help the process. Obviously being with Jess has changed me. I am not at all the same person that I was three years ago. Not even close. I don't see myself the same way, and I don't expect others to either. And I think that that's helped me realize that other people can only see of me what I give them. Wanting other people to recognize the changes in you really makes you notice how people see you. But at the same time, it's not just that Jess thinks I'm pretty that's enough. It can't be, because then what would I do when she's not here? I think that there's a balance between thinking that you're hot and everyone should want you, and realizing that there are aspects of yourself that someone would find attractive, even if it's just one person. I obviously don't expect everyone else to think of me the way Jess does. (Haha, although it would be pretty damn funny). And I don't even think of myself the way that she does. But I don't think of myself the same way that I used to. And I think that a big part of it is that instead of wondering what's wrong with me, I'm aware of some of the stuff that's not. And that makes a huge difference.
Also, I just don't know how much you can love someone if you don't like yourself on your own. Besides just the fact that how you see yourself comes off to other people. Even if someone could see through all that, and still find all the stuff in you that they think is beautiful, how much could you love them? I mean, if you love someone, you want to be a part of their lives, and have them be a part of yours. If you don't even like your own life, how can you say that you would want to bring someone else into it, especially someone that you love. I think that loving someone is about sharing yourself with them, and for that to be a real sentiment, you have to at least believe in what you're sharing.
Another thing I was thinking about is what Didy and I were talking about in Blanchard. We were talking about how lots of people we know seem to be afraid of monogamy. And honestly, when people ask how long Jess and I have been together, they almost always ask "Doesn't it get boring?" And I just don't think that the two are comparable. When I was talking to Didy, we were talking about how so many people seem to just makeout with whoever's available at the time because it makes them feel "wanted". And I said that I don't think they understand the difference between being "wanted" and being "convenient". I mean, if you get naked and a guy gets turned on, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're special. Odds are, it just means that you're naked. If it was someone else? He'd probably still be turned on. There's a big difference between that and having someone know every part of you, and having them see you at your best and your worst and still not be able to keep their hands off you. And that means that you have to let someone know you that well, and also understand what parts of you it is that they find irresistible. And that you have to do on your own. If you're not willing to find the parts of you that you like, how can you hope for more than just the fleeting excitement of someone making out with you? It doesn't seem to make sense to me.
I'm not really sure what the point of all that was... But maybe soon I'll have an epiphany. ;) Here's hoping.
Other Warning: This is all just stuff made up by me, so I can't advise putting too much stock in it. We all know some of the brilliant ideas I've come up with in my life.
Okay, so when I was talking to Jess last night (and also from many other conversations over the past couple weeks) I started thinking about this a lot more. And here, I think (it might change even over the course of this entry) is what I've decided: people expect too much out of love. I think that people expect love to just sort of happen and come in and fix everything. And I just don't think that's it. I see so many people that I know who are absolutely amazing people rip themselves up one way and down the other waiting for someone to come in, and tell them they're beautiful and make everything better. And honestly, it's a plan that really is doomed to failure. How can you expect someone else to like you if you don't? I mean, if you spend all your time obsessing over all the things that you think are wrong with you, how can you expect any of the other stuff to come through? People stifle their own beauty and then feel like they've somehow been proven right when noone can see it.
And I'm not saying that someone else can't help the process. Obviously being with Jess has changed me. I am not at all the same person that I was three years ago. Not even close. I don't see myself the same way, and I don't expect others to either. And I think that that's helped me realize that other people can only see of me what I give them. Wanting other people to recognize the changes in you really makes you notice how people see you. But at the same time, it's not just that Jess thinks I'm pretty that's enough. It can't be, because then what would I do when she's not here? I think that there's a balance between thinking that you're hot and everyone should want you, and realizing that there are aspects of yourself that someone would find attractive, even if it's just one person. I obviously don't expect everyone else to think of me the way Jess does. (Haha, although it would be pretty damn funny). And I don't even think of myself the way that she does. But I don't think of myself the same way that I used to. And I think that a big part of it is that instead of wondering what's wrong with me, I'm aware of some of the stuff that's not. And that makes a huge difference.
Also, I just don't know how much you can love someone if you don't like yourself on your own. Besides just the fact that how you see yourself comes off to other people. Even if someone could see through all that, and still find all the stuff in you that they think is beautiful, how much could you love them? I mean, if you love someone, you want to be a part of their lives, and have them be a part of yours. If you don't even like your own life, how can you say that you would want to bring someone else into it, especially someone that you love. I think that loving someone is about sharing yourself with them, and for that to be a real sentiment, you have to at least believe in what you're sharing.
Another thing I was thinking about is what Didy and I were talking about in Blanchard. We were talking about how lots of people we know seem to be afraid of monogamy. And honestly, when people ask how long Jess and I have been together, they almost always ask "Doesn't it get boring?" And I just don't think that the two are comparable. When I was talking to Didy, we were talking about how so many people seem to just makeout with whoever's available at the time because it makes them feel "wanted". And I said that I don't think they understand the difference between being "wanted" and being "convenient". I mean, if you get naked and a guy gets turned on, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're special. Odds are, it just means that you're naked. If it was someone else? He'd probably still be turned on. There's a big difference between that and having someone know every part of you, and having them see you at your best and your worst and still not be able to keep their hands off you. And that means that you have to let someone know you that well, and also understand what parts of you it is that they find irresistible. And that you have to do on your own. If you're not willing to find the parts of you that you like, how can you hope for more than just the fleeting excitement of someone making out with you? It doesn't seem to make sense to me.
I'm not really sure what the point of all that was... But maybe soon I'll have an epiphany. ;) Here's hoping.
Other Warning: This is all just stuff made up by me, so I can't advise putting too much stock in it. We all know some of the brilliant ideas I've come up with in my life.