(no subject)
im tired of keeping my thoughts and feelings locked up inside of my head.
only a select few, well two or three, people have the key to open me up, but all of those people have been taken away from me. paulie went to court today, and the expected 18 month sentence was completely wrong. they want to give him 48 months. four fucking years. i have never experienced this feeling he gives me with anybody else, nothing has came even relatively close, and now hes gone. i always thought somebody completing someone else was just some corny romance movie bullshit, but its not. this boy is the part of me that has been missing my entire life. i dont know how im supposed to live incomplete again for these four years. you cant describe love, the feeling is more than what my mind can comprehend. whatever it is, its what i have. i wouldnt trade all the money in the world for him. weve been through some really rough times, and done a lot of wrong to some people, and im sorry for that. our stupid fucking addiction got the best of us, and destroyed what was good in us. i hate the person i was, and feel as if him going to prison is what i deserve. i wish we werent in love with money, and drugs, so i could have him in my life. but we fucked up, and theres nothing i can do about it. hes gone, im alone, and more miserable then ever. i have to take it as this is the time for me to finish school and get my life on track, so that when he gets out, we can just begin our life together. i know i can spend the rest of my life with you, and enjoy every second of it. goddamn i love you so fucking much baby and i cant fucking wait to be wrapped up in your arms again.
only a select few, well two or three, people have the key to open me up, but all of those people have been taken away from me. paulie went to court today, and the expected 18 month sentence was completely wrong. they want to give him 48 months. four fucking years. i have never experienced this feeling he gives me with anybody else, nothing has came even relatively close, and now hes gone. i always thought somebody completing someone else was just some corny romance movie bullshit, but its not. this boy is the part of me that has been missing my entire life. i dont know how im supposed to live incomplete again for these four years. you cant describe love, the feeling is more than what my mind can comprehend. whatever it is, its what i have. i wouldnt trade all the money in the world for him. weve been through some really rough times, and done a lot of wrong to some people, and im sorry for that. our stupid fucking addiction got the best of us, and destroyed what was good in us. i hate the person i was, and feel as if him going to prison is what i deserve. i wish we werent in love with money, and drugs, so i could have him in my life. but we fucked up, and theres nothing i can do about it. hes gone, im alone, and more miserable then ever. i have to take it as this is the time for me to finish school and get my life on track, so that when he gets out, we can just begin our life together. i know i can spend the rest of my life with you, and enjoy every second of it. goddamn i love you so fucking much baby and i cant fucking wait to be wrapped up in your arms again.