Quotes from Steven Wright
Steven Wright, he's the guy who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
Here are some more:
- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Here are some more:
- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.