Lost and Found
Title: Lost and Found
Author: Weebeanie
Fandom: Star Trek (STXI)
Genre: Pre-slash
Rating: PG-13 (swearing)
Length: 741 words
Warnings: (Swearing)
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. No copyright infringement is intended. I am merely borrowing them, playing nicely and returning them in pristine condition.
"Have you lost your mind?"
And if there was ever a phrase that he needed to get printed or stitched on a sampler to hang on his wall this was it.
Welcome to Dr McCoy’s office. Have you lost your mind?
It was entirely appropriate for most crew injuries on The Enterprise.
But for once Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy’s customary demand was unusually cheerful. This whole crazy situation was just too fucking funny.
Captain James T Kirk slouched in his chair and rolled his eyes. “Of course I haven’t lo…” Jim bolted upright and gestured wildly. “I haven’t realised that my mind was affected too. You should lock me up for my… for the ship’s safety.”
“Be serious Jim.”
“This is serious. I’m obviously compromised. I should be removed from duty and placed on bed rest.”
Luckily years of friendship had provided Bones with (almost complete) immunity to the ‘Puppy Dog’ eyes. “Well sure. You can have the empty bed between Uhura and Scotty.”
Bones grinned at Jim’s shudder as they both pictured the infirmary where Uhura and Scott were recuperating along with Sulu and Chekov. At last check all were recovering steadily and cheerfully occupied. Nyota and Scotty were composing a tragic opera for Lyre and Bagpipe while Hiraku and Pavel had been busy writing an epic love poem.
Jim closed his eyes and counted to ten under his breath before trying his best ‘I am Captain, You will fear and obey me’ look. Yeah... That could still do with some work.
“Doctor McCoy. I’m appalled at your disregard for cross-infection. I’m obviously patient zero. I should totally be held in isolation. With no visitors!”
“I’m a Doctor Jim, not a bodyguard. If you want to hide out from your First Officer you’re gonna have to bunk in with everyone else.”
Jim neatly side stepped the issue of the pissed-off Vulcan currently stalking the decks of the ship. “Hey, I am the Captain, shouldn’t there be some perks?”
“Kid you dosed your senior crew with a love potion. I really don’t think you should be looking for any more perks at this point.”
Only Jim Kirk could wind up getting a love potion as a gift from a grateful planet. Thankfully the effects were more embarrassing than dangerous as it lacked an active aphrodisiac. Between them Jim and Bones had somehow managed to prevent Spock from perpetuating any bodily harm while he determinedly defended his captain’s virtue from a besotted crew.
Given a few hours they’d be back to normal. The tragic space opera ‘Tiberius’ and epic poem ‘Oh Captain, Our Captain!’ would be the only evidence left of their worshipful wooing of their Captain - apart from the security vids Bones had appropriated.
Bones hadn’t laughed til’ he cried like this in years so he was determined to enjoy the situation to the fullest. All of his patients were recovering. No-one was in any danger. Well no danger until they finally came to their senses and found out Jim had served them spiked wine.
Jim smirked weakly. “Oh come on, it’s not like it was deliberate.”
“Damn well better not have been. My tender feelings might be bruised that you left me out. How could you plan an orgy without inviting your best friend?”
That earned him a cocky grin. “Aw Bones, you know you’re my own true love. My unrequited passion has obviously driven me to madness. You need to take some responsibility!”
More responsibility... That's just what he needed. The job of keeping Jim alive, mostly intact and moderately stable was going to drive him to an early grave. Either that or he'd live forever. If he could survive life on The Enterprise nothing could kill him.
Still, he was looking forward to turning over some Jim-watching duties to Spock. That’s if either of them ever managed to make a move. They’d somehow managed to take being oblivious to previously unrecorded levels of stupid.
How the hell was it even possible for them to be pining for each other simultaneously?
Maybe Jim just needed some gentle encouragement from his best friend.
“Funny thing Jimmy, I thought your tastes ran more to pointy eared hobgoblins.”
Jim shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. There’s nothing going on between me and Spock. Maybe we should be talking about your mental health, Bones. You’re obviously imagining things.”
"You keep telling yourself that Jim. God knows, I'm the only sane one here."