I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN!!!
I havent posted to this journal in ages and ages. well 31 weeks exactly. strangely it seems more like 2 years since posting here. have had another well neglected journal. life has been to much responsibilty and too little profit. But that is just how things are now.
In other news I am off half way round the world again, and thinking of staying mostly gone for a long time. Resettling downunder if all goes well, as it seems to be. Well mostly have a place to stay and work.
Mostly just been working too much and not getting anywhere here. So now that I have a chance to make a change. A LONG awaited and painfully long time to do what I have wanted for so long, it seems like it is still a lost and pointless cause. But There must be more to things.
Nothing to hide here. But just too much to even try to put it all down. Have been living under a very very heavey weight. And god knows why so much social pressure, especially when things with myself have always been the clearest and simplest of all. Why so many people wish to meddle and stomp on my life, I do not know. It is sad and pointless towards me, I am a rock after all and the good stay strong.
Though I see the world changed forever around me devestatingly. I still am always cheered at the big changes globbaly and can still see the invisible threats of cause and effect reaching from even the small corners of my life towards the bigger issues and loves of the world. Yet still I wonder and dream of a day of finding what has fallen from my life such a long and short time ago. Long and painful. I fear thqt even my late efforts are too small. That respect, courage, and love are just not enough for this world. Yet they are all I have. My faith is tryed and my beliefs are none, but my love still carries me forward, even if the goal is already lost. My heart and myself is yet unchanged. I don't know, but events move forward.
blah blah blah rah rah rah... Heard from my ex-gf in Africa, and she wants me to meet her in Thailand in the spring, and perhaps she will join me in AU after that... Yet someone else holds my wonderings, i wonder I wonder, yet I think this world has done too much damage to our friendship, to our anything. I don't know where all these people in the world think they can ruin peoples relationships can tear friends apart. But no matter what, I will not stop remembering how I feel and what a kind simple man I am. And who the people who have listened are.
People are people, and everybody needs a little help.
eeney meenie miny moof.
In other news I am off half way round the world again, and thinking of staying mostly gone for a long time. Resettling downunder if all goes well, as it seems to be. Well mostly have a place to stay and work.
Mostly just been working too much and not getting anywhere here. So now that I have a chance to make a change. A LONG awaited and painfully long time to do what I have wanted for so long, it seems like it is still a lost and pointless cause. But There must be more to things.
Nothing to hide here. But just too much to even try to put it all down. Have been living under a very very heavey weight. And god knows why so much social pressure, especially when things with myself have always been the clearest and simplest of all. Why so many people wish to meddle and stomp on my life, I do not know. It is sad and pointless towards me, I am a rock after all and the good stay strong.
Though I see the world changed forever around me devestatingly. I still am always cheered at the big changes globbaly and can still see the invisible threats of cause and effect reaching from even the small corners of my life towards the bigger issues and loves of the world. Yet still I wonder and dream of a day of finding what has fallen from my life such a long and short time ago. Long and painful. I fear thqt even my late efforts are too small. That respect, courage, and love are just not enough for this world. Yet they are all I have. My faith is tryed and my beliefs are none, but my love still carries me forward, even if the goal is already lost. My heart and myself is yet unchanged. I don't know, but events move forward.
blah blah blah rah rah rah... Heard from my ex-gf in Africa, and she wants me to meet her in Thailand in the spring, and perhaps she will join me in AU after that... Yet someone else holds my wonderings, i wonder I wonder, yet I think this world has done too much damage to our friendship, to our anything. I don't know where all these people in the world think they can ruin peoples relationships can tear friends apart. But no matter what, I will not stop remembering how I feel and what a kind simple man I am. And who the people who have listened are.
People are people, and everybody needs a little help.
eeney meenie miny moof.