dont know what to say anymore--cont'd.
hey hey hey!
so the other day after our nice chat about my school habits.. I wrote this email the day after hoping that this would help clear things up a bit, but I unsent it because at this moment, it seems that I was still mad when I wrote it, because you were right, but it doesn't change the fact at what Im trying to say in this preceeding email. I hope that we can get past this. I didn't mean for it to sound so defensive.. but it is, and I'm glad. It's time that I start defending me and what I do. So, here it is..
April 27, 2005... ,
First of all, Im sorry that everytime you try to talk to me about whatever we talked about, I have to go..I don't like conflict, and so I avoid it if at all possible.
i know you are concerned about me and school. Dont you think that I've already thought about what could happen.. I have. I don't want you to worry about me..at all. I have to be honest with you, I am tired of you treating me like a little child. I know it comes from love, and that you just want me to be okay but I can't take this anymore. You aren't my parent.. I know you just want to know what is going on, and want me to be happy and safe, but I can take care of myself. Please please, stop. I just want to live my life and not have to be thinking about what you or anyone else is thinking or going to say about it afterwords. I am going to make mistakes, but you have to let me. If I sit around and worry about whatever else people are thinking about me, I would never do anything--just like I am now. I am so tired of people thinking that I am just some cute, do gooder. Im not. Honestly, I do things because I like attention, who doesn't, but I do things that I feel are safe.. I need to breakaway. I dont want to be someone Im not. Im sorry if I've at all upset you, or if I said something to make you feel like you don't want to be my friend anymore. This is part of the reason I didn't say much yesturday. I knew that if I said something then, I would regret it. And Im sorry if I have pushed you away from me, maybe it's God saying "branch out" I dont know... So Im sorry if I have offended, hurt, upset or done anything else to you. You are a good friend to me, and I don't want that to change, but I need something to change..I hope you understand what I am trying to say. I love you, and eventhough I don't say it, I do. I hope you know that.
so the other day after our nice chat about my school habits.. I wrote this email the day after hoping that this would help clear things up a bit, but I unsent it because at this moment, it seems that I was still mad when I wrote it, because you were right, but it doesn't change the fact at what Im trying to say in this preceeding email. I hope that we can get past this. I didn't mean for it to sound so defensive.. but it is, and I'm glad. It's time that I start defending me and what I do. So, here it is..
April 27, 2005... ,
First of all, Im sorry that everytime you try to talk to me about whatever we talked about, I have to go..I don't like conflict, and so I avoid it if at all possible.
i know you are concerned about me and school. Dont you think that I've already thought about what could happen.. I have. I don't want you to worry about me..at all. I have to be honest with you, I am tired of you treating me like a little child. I know it comes from love, and that you just want me to be okay but I can't take this anymore. You aren't my parent.. I know you just want to know what is going on, and want me to be happy and safe, but I can take care of myself. Please please, stop. I just want to live my life and not have to be thinking about what you or anyone else is thinking or going to say about it afterwords. I am going to make mistakes, but you have to let me. If I sit around and worry about whatever else people are thinking about me, I would never do anything--just like I am now. I am so tired of people thinking that I am just some cute, do gooder. Im not. Honestly, I do things because I like attention, who doesn't, but I do things that I feel are safe.. I need to breakaway. I dont want to be someone Im not. Im sorry if I've at all upset you, or if I said something to make you feel like you don't want to be my friend anymore. This is part of the reason I didn't say much yesturday. I knew that if I said something then, I would regret it. And Im sorry if I have pushed you away from me, maybe it's God saying "branch out" I dont know... So Im sorry if I have offended, hurt, upset or done anything else to you. You are a good friend to me, and I don't want that to change, but I need something to change..I hope you understand what I am trying to say. I love you, and eventhough I don't say it, I do. I hope you know that.