(no subject)

[wedley]

I invented a time machine yesterday. The construction was easy enough. You take two large mirrors and face them towards one another so that if you look directly at one you see yourself standing in an infinite hallway of reflection. Then you take any analogue clock and sit it in the hallway so that you have an infinite number of clocks on either side of you, the ones in front ticking backwards, the ones behind you ticking forwards. Now choose a direction, and look into the farthest stretches of the chronigmatic labyrinth you find yourself in, and compare it with the clock in front of you, as photons of light bounce back and forth around you, reverberating against glass and infinity. The tiniest clocks in the inscrutable and illusory distance away from you are not synched up with the original clock. Their difference from the original represents the distance the light is travelling. If you are looking at the reversed clocks, they actually appear ahead. If you are looking at the double-reversed (ie forwards) clocks, they appear behind. Pick a direction, keep your eyes focused on the distance of time your journey requires (as a rough guide, for each second in either direction you wish to travel, you will need to aim a further 150000 pseudo-kilometres into the distance), and leap forcefully into the boundless landscape beyond you, holding your breath against the vacuum of the aether, closing your eyes to protect you from the rush of blinding and enveloping darkness as space-time churns in your wake while you scream across the four-dimensional manifold, denser and more luminous than a quasar, a supernova burst of fiery energy slicing through reality’s quivering strings and blasting into the indeterminate quantum milieu beyond.

If you awake in a pile of broken glass it means you haven’t jumped hard enough.