Digital Oracles
Why do people act so crazy on the internet?
I’ve been wondering about this. Is it something about the environment itself, being immersed in text, that makes people hyper-sensitive and batshit insane, or are people you meet in the real world secretly like this on the inside the whole time? Dennis, that little kid who lives across the road and runs his own little dog-walking business. Deep down, all he wants to do is yell at you in capitals and tell you how fucking stupid you are for buying a Gamecube, which is actually, in case you didn’t know, a “Gay Cube”. Mr Reynolds, the mailman - always ready with a quip and a smile as he speeds past on his motorcycle every day. Really, though, if you’re a girl he just wants to engage in a group masturbation session with you, and if you’re a guy that’s okay, he’ll pretend to be the girl. Mrs Curtis, the nice old lady who works at the milkbar. Camwhore. Big time.
Is this true? When I get that feeling I’m the only person on the internet who’s heard of punctuation and who doesn’t want to look at llama porn, should I extend that to reality and come to the conclusion that I’m the only person without a speech impediment and who can be trusted to run an alpaca farm?
Should I nail a panel over the letterbox so Mr Reynolds can’t stuff in a sweaty wad of penis enlargement catalogues and home loan offers and envelopes that say “Dear Mr Gardner_dude_2006” in a friendly hand, but which actually contain anthrax?
Should I avert my eyes every time I go to buy a newspaper from Mrs Curtis, just in case she flops out a prune while she’s getting my change?
Should I punch little Dennis in the face?
The answer to all these questions is yes.
People have always been this way. The only difference is they don’t try to hide it when they’re anonymous. If we all walked around with masks the real world would be just like the internet, all the time.
Vote ‘Yes’ on Proposition 48.
I’ve been wondering about this. Is it something about the environment itself, being immersed in text, that makes people hyper-sensitive and batshit insane, or are people you meet in the real world secretly like this on the inside the whole time? Dennis, that little kid who lives across the road and runs his own little dog-walking business. Deep down, all he wants to do is yell at you in capitals and tell you how fucking stupid you are for buying a Gamecube, which is actually, in case you didn’t know, a “Gay Cube”. Mr Reynolds, the mailman - always ready with a quip and a smile as he speeds past on his motorcycle every day. Really, though, if you’re a girl he just wants to engage in a group masturbation session with you, and if you’re a guy that’s okay, he’ll pretend to be the girl. Mrs Curtis, the nice old lady who works at the milkbar. Camwhore. Big time.
Is this true? When I get that feeling I’m the only person on the internet who’s heard of punctuation and who doesn’t want to look at llama porn, should I extend that to reality and come to the conclusion that I’m the only person without a speech impediment and who can be trusted to run an alpaca farm?
Should I nail a panel over the letterbox so Mr Reynolds can’t stuff in a sweaty wad of penis enlargement catalogues and home loan offers and envelopes that say “Dear Mr Gardner_dude_2006” in a friendly hand, but which actually contain anthrax?
Should I avert my eyes every time I go to buy a newspaper from Mrs Curtis, just in case she flops out a prune while she’s getting my change?
Should I punch little Dennis in the face?
The answer to all these questions is yes.
People have always been this way. The only difference is they don’t try to hide it when they’re anonymous. If we all walked around with masks the real world would be just like the internet, all the time.
Vote ‘Yes’ on Proposition 48.