Warning: Im only human... proceed with caution
In the spirit of updates:
In the middle of Boston: no accent, lost without a map, and a self proclaimed pro at public transportation. Not sure which way is up from down, but working hard to figure out life with all of it's problems and successes... Dont look to me for answers, wisdom, or knowledge.. Look to me for examples of failures but attempts to stand again, and for courage to face another day in spite of the fact that I am such a messed up girl..
Im nothing more than a speck of dust that is here today and that is blown away with the winds of tomorrow. I exist as proof that something bigger lives and breathes and makes creations. My purpose is unknown and my destiny undiscovered.
All of those that really know my intimately say Ive changed.. Turned my back on everything I ever knew or believed. I say Ive found something I truly cherish. Many of u may turn away from me in light of this post, and if that's the case, I say goodbye with a heavy heart and with much regret that we will no longer be in touch. I wish u all the best of luck in life and may love never leave you without someone u can turn to or lean on.
That having been said, I am about to put my last 3 months into written words..something that seems so scary and akward... something that I know can serve as a reminder to how I felt at this exact moment in time... words... arent we all just slaves to words? Dont we all just play with words and try to hide ourselves beneath them and dance around them?
All my life I believed I would find someone to love. Someone that I could grow old with. Someone that I could cherish and be secure with. Someone I could look up to, admire, and be head over heals for. What happens when you meet this person and they are not what you had always imagined them to be? I say this not becuase this dream person has dark hair rather than blonde, or brown eyes instead of blue.. but becasue this person is a woman, not a man. I was always the person that didn't believe in same sex relationships.. not becasue I judged those that were invovled in them,but it was always agaisnt my beliefs and my "religion"... well, my heart has changed.. where this leaves me, im not exactly sure. I know I love this woman and cherish her so much. I know my love and passion for God has not changed and I still feel like He loves me. I feel like Im the same person, despite my decison to be with this woman. So many people tell me that I can't love her and love God, but I fail to agree with them...
Without going more into all of this, for my own hearts sake, and ur time sake, I will leave this entry with this thought:
If u looved me before, u should love me still. Im still the same person. I serve the same God, although many say this is impossible. I still share my same desires for the future and I still beleive in the power of love. I know it's hard to support someone and be there for them when they need you if u dont support their decisions, but more than anything, I need people to be there for me right now. This is the hardest thing Ive ever had to do, and Ive basically lost everyone in the process... My heart feels broken, but at the same time, Im so thankful for this new woman in my life. She is beautiful and smart, funny and honest.. she is everything I wanted... Im so very thankful.
To those of you that will read this and say goodbye to me... At least u know the truth and at least u know my heart. What u do with each of these is your own decision.
I love you all.
In the middle of Boston: no accent, lost without a map, and a self proclaimed pro at public transportation. Not sure which way is up from down, but working hard to figure out life with all of it's problems and successes... Dont look to me for answers, wisdom, or knowledge.. Look to me for examples of failures but attempts to stand again, and for courage to face another day in spite of the fact that I am such a messed up girl..
Im nothing more than a speck of dust that is here today and that is blown away with the winds of tomorrow. I exist as proof that something bigger lives and breathes and makes creations. My purpose is unknown and my destiny undiscovered.
All of those that really know my intimately say Ive changed.. Turned my back on everything I ever knew or believed. I say Ive found something I truly cherish. Many of u may turn away from me in light of this post, and if that's the case, I say goodbye with a heavy heart and with much regret that we will no longer be in touch. I wish u all the best of luck in life and may love never leave you without someone u can turn to or lean on.
That having been said, I am about to put my last 3 months into written words..something that seems so scary and akward... something that I know can serve as a reminder to how I felt at this exact moment in time... words... arent we all just slaves to words? Dont we all just play with words and try to hide ourselves beneath them and dance around them?
All my life I believed I would find someone to love. Someone that I could grow old with. Someone that I could cherish and be secure with. Someone I could look up to, admire, and be head over heals for. What happens when you meet this person and they are not what you had always imagined them to be? I say this not becuase this dream person has dark hair rather than blonde, or brown eyes instead of blue.. but becasue this person is a woman, not a man. I was always the person that didn't believe in same sex relationships.. not becasue I judged those that were invovled in them,but it was always agaisnt my beliefs and my "religion"... well, my heart has changed.. where this leaves me, im not exactly sure. I know I love this woman and cherish her so much. I know my love and passion for God has not changed and I still feel like He loves me. I feel like Im the same person, despite my decison to be with this woman. So many people tell me that I can't love her and love God, but I fail to agree with them...
Without going more into all of this, for my own hearts sake, and ur time sake, I will leave this entry with this thought:
If u looved me before, u should love me still. Im still the same person. I serve the same God, although many say this is impossible. I still share my same desires for the future and I still beleive in the power of love. I know it's hard to support someone and be there for them when they need you if u dont support their decisions, but more than anything, I need people to be there for me right now. This is the hardest thing Ive ever had to do, and Ive basically lost everyone in the process... My heart feels broken, but at the same time, Im so thankful for this new woman in my life. She is beautiful and smart, funny and honest.. she is everything I wanted... Im so very thankful.
To those of you that will read this and say goodbye to me... At least u know the truth and at least u know my heart. What u do with each of these is your own decision.
I love you all.