Wedding Party Problems?
Copied from a post on the Knot message boards:
PSA: Wedding Party members are people too
That's right. They're people, supposedly your friends and family, and they're human beings. Here are some things to remember:
1. Relationships change. If you're getting married in 2007, don't ask people to be in the wedding party in 2005. People and relationships change and you can't UNask someone just because life happens and you grew apart. You opened your mouth and asked them, now learn to shut it.
2. Wedding party members are people with various colorings and body styles. You don't get to dress them in tangerine orange ties or neon fuschia dresses because it's your wedding. You don't get to request they dress like Klingons complete with forehead ridge or require they wear something inappropriate for their age or body style. Yes, a friend would probably wear it if they really loved you. If you really loved them, you'd never ask.
3. Wedding party members are not part of some elaborate matching game. They're people that love you and have chosen to take on sometimes considerable expense and trouble to stand with you and say "I'm there for you in your marriage". Do not add or subtract people just to match the numbers on both sides. If the people you're choosing are to fill spots because you want even sides, then you're just filling roles in your stage production. You're no friend. I hope they see that soon.
4. Not only do wedding party numbers not need to match, but wedding party members don't need to wear matching clothing. If someone is allergic to your chosen fabric, then give them a break. If someone is in the military or public service (police, fire, ems) and want to wear their uniform, then shut up about it. Their pride in public service trumps your want for them to be in a tux or BM dress. Their dress uniform is the most appropriate choice for a formal occasion, believe it or not.
5. Wedding party members are friends and that means male and female. Don't disrespect your opposite sex friend by not asking him/her to stand on your side. This isn't the Jets and the Sharks, girls against boys or us against them. It's about friendship. Refer back to #2 if you want your opposite sex wedding party member to wear something out of the ordinary.
6. Wedding party members are probably adults. Believe it or not, they dressed themselves for years without your help. Have you gotten their input about the clothing they have to rent or purchase and then wear for hours on end just for you? If not, you should. Getting input doesn't mean you're required to incorporate every single request, but you should try to accommodate these people you supposedly care about.
7. Your fiance/fiancee's wedding party members are NOT your's. Providing your to-be-spouse chooses clothing that is appropriate for the wedding, you get no final say in what they wear. Give your input and then back off.
8. Wedding party members have lives outside of your wedding. If you make a reasonable request of them and they don't follow through, then there are problems. But don't get pissy at them because they don't respond with enthusiasm to every weekly/monthly email/newsletter or return your "we just picked favor ribbon" phone call immediately or with bubbly happiness. They care about you. You care about the wedding. These are NOT the same things.
9. Wedding party gifts are not about helping the WP remember your wedding. They'll do that if you give them a cutting board and a paring knife. If they actually WANT a cutting board and paring knife, they'll remember you and your wedding even more. Try buying gifts that aren't about your wedding and are about your personal relationship with this person. If the gift receiver is practical, then buy practical. If they're whimisical, then buy whimsical. If this is "just too much work" then don't have a wedding party because it's pretty obvious you don't give a crap about them, just them fulfilling your stage production wedding.
10. Wedding party members may not agree with your choices and they may not even like them. They may talk about their own wedding... past, present or future and how your choices compare to their own. That doesn't mean they don't like you OR that they're trying to make this all about them. The wedding isn't all about them. News flash, it's not all about you either. It's about coming together as a group and celebrating a happy event.
You may not agree with me on these points, but remember them while planning.
PSA: Wedding Party members are people too
That's right. They're people, supposedly your friends and family, and they're human beings. Here are some things to remember:
1. Relationships change. If you're getting married in 2007, don't ask people to be in the wedding party in 2005. People and relationships change and you can't UNask someone just because life happens and you grew apart. You opened your mouth and asked them, now learn to shut it.
2. Wedding party members are people with various colorings and body styles. You don't get to dress them in tangerine orange ties or neon fuschia dresses because it's your wedding. You don't get to request they dress like Klingons complete with forehead ridge or require they wear something inappropriate for their age or body style. Yes, a friend would probably wear it if they really loved you. If you really loved them, you'd never ask.
3. Wedding party members are not part of some elaborate matching game. They're people that love you and have chosen to take on sometimes considerable expense and trouble to stand with you and say "I'm there for you in your marriage". Do not add or subtract people just to match the numbers on both sides. If the people you're choosing are to fill spots because you want even sides, then you're just filling roles in your stage production. You're no friend. I hope they see that soon.
4. Not only do wedding party numbers not need to match, but wedding party members don't need to wear matching clothing. If someone is allergic to your chosen fabric, then give them a break. If someone is in the military or public service (police, fire, ems) and want to wear their uniform, then shut up about it. Their pride in public service trumps your want for them to be in a tux or BM dress. Their dress uniform is the most appropriate choice for a formal occasion, believe it or not.
5. Wedding party members are friends and that means male and female. Don't disrespect your opposite sex friend by not asking him/her to stand on your side. This isn't the Jets and the Sharks, girls against boys or us against them. It's about friendship. Refer back to #2 if you want your opposite sex wedding party member to wear something out of the ordinary.
6. Wedding party members are probably adults. Believe it or not, they dressed themselves for years without your help. Have you gotten their input about the clothing they have to rent or purchase and then wear for hours on end just for you? If not, you should. Getting input doesn't mean you're required to incorporate every single request, but you should try to accommodate these people you supposedly care about.
7. Your fiance/fiancee's wedding party members are NOT your's. Providing your to-be-spouse chooses clothing that is appropriate for the wedding, you get no final say in what they wear. Give your input and then back off.
8. Wedding party members have lives outside of your wedding. If you make a reasonable request of them and they don't follow through, then there are problems. But don't get pissy at them because they don't respond with enthusiasm to every weekly/monthly email/newsletter or return your "we just picked favor ribbon" phone call immediately or with bubbly happiness. They care about you. You care about the wedding. These are NOT the same things.
9. Wedding party gifts are not about helping the WP remember your wedding. They'll do that if you give them a cutting board and a paring knife. If they actually WANT a cutting board and paring knife, they'll remember you and your wedding even more. Try buying gifts that aren't about your wedding and are about your personal relationship with this person. If the gift receiver is practical, then buy practical. If they're whimisical, then buy whimsical. If this is "just too much work" then don't have a wedding party because it's pretty obvious you don't give a crap about them, just them fulfilling your stage production wedding.
10. Wedding party members may not agree with your choices and they may not even like them. They may talk about their own wedding... past, present or future and how your choices compare to their own. That doesn't mean they don't like you OR that they're trying to make this all about them. The wedding isn't all about them. News flash, it's not all about you either. It's about coming together as a group and celebrating a happy event.
You may not agree with me on these points, but remember them while planning.