Plus one dillema
I am the maid of honor in a wedding that is taking place this August.
While admitting this may sound kind of shallow/ soap opera-y, when the bride was first engaged (over 2 years ago) I was dating someone. I was told, definitively, that I would have a plus one.
He and I broke up (a year ago) and the bride made the guest list at the same time. Unbeknownst to me, I was not given a plus one on that list.
I've now been dating someone else for 8 months. It is moderately serious. And I have no plus one because when the bride made the guest list, a year ago, I was single and she did not think it was necessary to give me a plus one.
I am kind of upset about this because I had thought, first of all, that the bridal party pretty much automatically receive plus ones (and I would have liked and used one even if I wasn't dating anyone, and would have brought my brother, since the only people I will know at the wedding are the bride and groom, one other bridesmaid, and the bride's mother), but also because I had thought she had told me I could have one... and because I think it is just kind of crazy/thoughtless to make a definite guest list a year and a half before a wedding is going to occur and base plus ones on this. Some other members of the bridal party do have plus ones because they had the good fortune not to be single when the guest list was made.
I do understand budget concerns and have offered to cover the cost of his being there, but she said no, she felt that would be 'wrong'. Also, it hasbnot been cheap for me to be in the wedding to begin with- while admitting my costs pale in comparison to hers, the dresses she picked are not cheap, I will need to travel to be there, and she is making us pay for our own flowers that shes selected in addition to the costs the bridesmaids normally bear. In addition, she has met my SO and knows him fairly well at this point.
Am I making way too big of a deal about this? Am I mistaken about general wedding etiquette?
Also, another question while I am ranting: her gift to the bridal party is going to be mani/pedis that will be paid for on the day of the wedding so that all of us will have mani/pedis for the wedding. Again, I am not sure I am up on wedding etiquette, but I feel like if the bride wants us to have mani/pedis, she should either tell us so and just have us pay for that ourselves or else pay for that in addition to another gift- it seems kind of selfish to give your bridesmaids a 'gift' so that they will look better for the wedding. Am I wrong about this too?
Thanks.
While admitting this may sound kind of shallow/ soap opera-y, when the bride was first engaged (over 2 years ago) I was dating someone. I was told, definitively, that I would have a plus one.
He and I broke up (a year ago) and the bride made the guest list at the same time. Unbeknownst to me, I was not given a plus one on that list.
I've now been dating someone else for 8 months. It is moderately serious. And I have no plus one because when the bride made the guest list, a year ago, I was single and she did not think it was necessary to give me a plus one.
I am kind of upset about this because I had thought, first of all, that the bridal party pretty much automatically receive plus ones (and I would have liked and used one even if I wasn't dating anyone, and would have brought my brother, since the only people I will know at the wedding are the bride and groom, one other bridesmaid, and the bride's mother), but also because I had thought she had told me I could have one... and because I think it is just kind of crazy/thoughtless to make a definite guest list a year and a half before a wedding is going to occur and base plus ones on this. Some other members of the bridal party do have plus ones because they had the good fortune not to be single when the guest list was made.
I do understand budget concerns and have offered to cover the cost of his being there, but she said no, she felt that would be 'wrong'. Also, it hasbnot been cheap for me to be in the wedding to begin with- while admitting my costs pale in comparison to hers, the dresses she picked are not cheap, I will need to travel to be there, and she is making us pay for our own flowers that shes selected in addition to the costs the bridesmaids normally bear. In addition, she has met my SO and knows him fairly well at this point.
Am I making way too big of a deal about this? Am I mistaken about general wedding etiquette?
Also, another question while I am ranting: her gift to the bridal party is going to be mani/pedis that will be paid for on the day of the wedding so that all of us will have mani/pedis for the wedding. Again, I am not sure I am up on wedding etiquette, but I feel like if the bride wants us to have mani/pedis, she should either tell us so and just have us pay for that ourselves or else pay for that in addition to another gift- it seems kind of selfish to give your bridesmaids a 'gift' so that they will look better for the wedding. Am I wrong about this too?
Thanks.