Changing your MOH
I know that for various reasons a lot of people have lost bridesmaids (and friends) in the process of wedding planning, but has anyone lost their MOH?
I asked my friend Clarissa to be my MOH about a year ago (far before I had official plans to get married. I am still not officially engaged, but bf said to expect it in the next month). I have known her since my freshman year in high school, and we have been really great friends the whole time. We've never had any arguments at all.
She has always had an attitude, but it has generally been one of the things that I liked about her, as I am a pretty snarky person myself. Over the past few months, however, I feel like her mouth has gotten out of control. She know's it too.
She has been really depressed (She was diagnosed with lymphoma during our senior year, and even though she is now nearly 2 years cancer free, she still seems to be wrapped up in it) and has been extra high-maintainace. She frequently sends my IMs saying what a horrible friend she is, and I always console her and tell her it's not true. She seems to be having a nearly constant pity party, and it has been getting on my nerves. She also talks about herself and her problems nearly constantly.
The final straw(s) in this situation came when I was telling her that my FH and I were having a really hard time picking grad schools that we could both attend and that he seemed to be dragging his feet a little bit in the planning stages of things. At his point he and I had not yet decided whether we were going to get married next summer or after grad school (in about 3 years). Her response? "Well of course he is dragging his feet. Look at you. You are forcing him into marrying you. The only reason he's even considering it is because you've made him that that you'll leave if he doesn't" Then she said she had to go and we could talk more later. I was truly shocked. Here is someone who has absolutely no personal experiance with my FH, and she is telling me what he does and does not want? I told her this same thing later, and she sort of blew me off.
A few weeks later I IMed her to share with her that FH had officially asked my parents for permission to propose and my parents had said yes. I was really excited. The respone I got was "cool. awesome. great." that was it. I asked her what was wrong and she gave me a "oh, you know, I just hate my life and everything about it." Finished off with, as usual, "but don't worry about me. just worry about yourself. it's fine"
You can probably imagine my frustration. I understand that she has some depression, but everytime I talk to her about it I tell her to go see someone and she says that it won't help anyway. She is totally unwilling to fix anything in her own life, mostly because she doesn't think it's her. It's everyone else.
So the other day when she sent me a text about how she is so tried of putting everything she has into her friendships, I took the opportunity to tell her how I was feeling. I told her that I was upset that she didn't seem to have any interest in the good things that were going on in my life and that she had really hurt my feelings when she told me that Dan didn't really want to be with me (she had no idea that had offended me, even though I told her it did). Now, she refuses to talk to me.
I have asked my friend Kelsey (whom I have known just as long) to be my MOH. I have felt the whole time like it was really a toss up between the two of them, as they are both really good friends. I think Dan likes Kels better anyway. In the end, it hasn't been too big of a deal, I'm just sort of heartbroken about losing my MOH and a good friend. I really only have a few close girlfriends. My wedding party was going to be Kelsey, Clarissa, my brother's girfriend Heather and my Cousin Melanie. Now Kels is the only friend left.
.
How did you deal with it? I feel like the MOH should have been the strongest/closest/least likely to leave. But that didn't really happen....
I asked my friend Clarissa to be my MOH about a year ago (far before I had official plans to get married. I am still not officially engaged, but bf said to expect it in the next month). I have known her since my freshman year in high school, and we have been really great friends the whole time. We've never had any arguments at all.
She has always had an attitude, but it has generally been one of the things that I liked about her, as I am a pretty snarky person myself. Over the past few months, however, I feel like her mouth has gotten out of control. She know's it too.
She has been really depressed (She was diagnosed with lymphoma during our senior year, and even though she is now nearly 2 years cancer free, she still seems to be wrapped up in it) and has been extra high-maintainace. She frequently sends my IMs saying what a horrible friend she is, and I always console her and tell her it's not true. She seems to be having a nearly constant pity party, and it has been getting on my nerves. She also talks about herself and her problems nearly constantly.
The final straw(s) in this situation came when I was telling her that my FH and I were having a really hard time picking grad schools that we could both attend and that he seemed to be dragging his feet a little bit in the planning stages of things. At his point he and I had not yet decided whether we were going to get married next summer or after grad school (in about 3 years). Her response? "Well of course he is dragging his feet. Look at you. You are forcing him into marrying you. The only reason he's even considering it is because you've made him that that you'll leave if he doesn't" Then she said she had to go and we could talk more later. I was truly shocked. Here is someone who has absolutely no personal experiance with my FH, and she is telling me what he does and does not want? I told her this same thing later, and she sort of blew me off.
A few weeks later I IMed her to share with her that FH had officially asked my parents for permission to propose and my parents had said yes. I was really excited. The respone I got was "cool. awesome. great." that was it. I asked her what was wrong and she gave me a "oh, you know, I just hate my life and everything about it." Finished off with, as usual, "but don't worry about me. just worry about yourself. it's fine"
You can probably imagine my frustration. I understand that she has some depression, but everytime I talk to her about it I tell her to go see someone and she says that it won't help anyway. She is totally unwilling to fix anything in her own life, mostly because she doesn't think it's her. It's everyone else.
So the other day when she sent me a text about how she is so tried of putting everything she has into her friendships, I took the opportunity to tell her how I was feeling. I told her that I was upset that she didn't seem to have any interest in the good things that were going on in my life and that she had really hurt my feelings when she told me that Dan didn't really want to be with me (she had no idea that had offended me, even though I told her it did). Now, she refuses to talk to me.
I have asked my friend Kelsey (whom I have known just as long) to be my MOH. I have felt the whole time like it was really a toss up between the two of them, as they are both really good friends. I think Dan likes Kels better anyway. In the end, it hasn't been too big of a deal, I'm just sort of heartbroken about losing my MOH and a good friend. I really only have a few close girlfriends. My wedding party was going to be Kelsey, Clarissa, my brother's girfriend Heather and my Cousin Melanie. Now Kels is the only friend left.
.
How did you deal with it? I feel like the MOH should have been the strongest/closest/least likely to leave. But that didn't really happen....