How do you tell them?
Okay, I know I already posted once today, but this is something I've been wondering about since my fiance and I made the decision to do a real elopement.
How do you tell your family, friends, etc. that you've eloped?
Now, we have some family that will be totally supportive. Others will be very surprised, and maybe a little hurt. I sincerely hope no one would be outright angry.
The goal is to truly keep this elopement a secret, and for our families to not even know we've left the country. We have one person we've agreed to tell, who will be our emergency contact if anything should happen, but that's it. (The reason is that we figure if we tell them we're running off to Greece, they will assume we're eloping thus destroying the purpose for doing it in secret. They already probably suspect we're planning to get married. We don't want to tip them off.)
I assume just calling the immediate family and telling them over the phone (we don't live near any of them to do it in person)? What about friends and more distant relatives? Formal wedding announcements?
For those who eloped - how did you tell everyone afterwards, and what were the reactions? How did you deal with any bad reactions you might have gotten? (Or if you haven't eloped yet, but plan to - what is YOUR plan?)
Edit::
I'm going to add this message as an edit to the original post, and then reply with it as well (so everyone who already commented can see it).
I spent a lot of time reading everyone's comments, and I appreciate all of your concerns. Unfortunately, what I am about to say next probably won't make me very popular in this community.
My FH and I are really bothered by the sense of entitlement people develop in regard to weddings. So many sisters/brothers believe they are entitled to be bridesmaids/groomsman? Many parents believe they are entitled to give commentary on everything from the dress, to music choice, to church, to guest list, etc. I can understand wanting a little input as a parent if you're paying for the whole deal, but I think you and I both know that some parents take it too far (maybe not from personal experience, but I'm sure you've all seen others here dealing with it). We are paying for this ourselves. We're mid-twenties adults with careers and our own life. We already live together. We've known each other more than a decade. And this marriage is about us - not anyone else. It's our life, and we do not believe any family or friends are "entitled" to be there, be involved, or have input in how we choose to start that marriage. That may sound cold or unfeeling, but it really isn't meant to be. We love our families and friends, but we believe our marriage is about us. We'll be the only ones in it, after all.
This has nothing to do with being close or distant (emotionally) from family or friends. I'm actually very very close to my father. This is simply about how we view our wedding/marriage. We happen to think it is something deeply personal. I know it isn't the commonly held view - and all power to those who believe the wedding and celebration of marriage to be a family affair. I can understand why people have the desire to do a wedding in a traditional sense. It just isn't for us. I honestly believe that any family and friends who will be upset about us eloping would be JUST as upset if we did a wedding with everyone invited, because it still wouldn't be traditional and we'd still feel the way we do about that entitlement business. So if that's the case, why NOT have it just be the two of us, in one of the most romantic places in the entire world, and avoid all of that? If they are upset when we get back, well, I see that as their problem. Because if they really love us, then they would want us to do what makes us happy, and THIS is what makes us happy. I know some of them would have wanted to be there, but if they know us at all, then they will realize it wasn't some personal dig at them.
Since we're not into the whole traditional wedding thing, and our family and friends are spread out across an entire coast line, a reception just isn't something we care to do either. We have decided to tell our parents we're going on vacation out of the country, per the recommendations here. We will also call them and tell them we got married, but not until we get back, and probably send pictures and/or cards to everyone else to announce the marriage.
So again, thanks for the feedback and concerns, but the elopement is still on as planned. ;)
How do you tell your family, friends, etc. that you've eloped?
Now, we have some family that will be totally supportive. Others will be very surprised, and maybe a little hurt. I sincerely hope no one would be outright angry.
The goal is to truly keep this elopement a secret, and for our families to not even know we've left the country. We have one person we've agreed to tell, who will be our emergency contact if anything should happen, but that's it. (The reason is that we figure if we tell them we're running off to Greece, they will assume we're eloping thus destroying the purpose for doing it in secret. They already probably suspect we're planning to get married. We don't want to tip them off.)
I assume just calling the immediate family and telling them over the phone (we don't live near any of them to do it in person)? What about friends and more distant relatives? Formal wedding announcements?
For those who eloped - how did you tell everyone afterwards, and what were the reactions? How did you deal with any bad reactions you might have gotten? (Or if you haven't eloped yet, but plan to - what is YOUR plan?)
Edit::
I'm going to add this message as an edit to the original post, and then reply with it as well (so everyone who already commented can see it).
I spent a lot of time reading everyone's comments, and I appreciate all of your concerns. Unfortunately, what I am about to say next probably won't make me very popular in this community.
My FH and I are really bothered by the sense of entitlement people develop in regard to weddings. So many sisters/brothers believe they are entitled to be bridesmaids/groomsman? Many parents believe they are entitled to give commentary on everything from the dress, to music choice, to church, to guest list, etc. I can understand wanting a little input as a parent if you're paying for the whole deal, but I think you and I both know that some parents take it too far (maybe not from personal experience, but I'm sure you've all seen others here dealing with it). We are paying for this ourselves. We're mid-twenties adults with careers and our own life. We already live together. We've known each other more than a decade. And this marriage is about us - not anyone else. It's our life, and we do not believe any family or friends are "entitled" to be there, be involved, or have input in how we choose to start that marriage. That may sound cold or unfeeling, but it really isn't meant to be. We love our families and friends, but we believe our marriage is about us. We'll be the only ones in it, after all.
This has nothing to do with being close or distant (emotionally) from family or friends. I'm actually very very close to my father. This is simply about how we view our wedding/marriage. We happen to think it is something deeply personal. I know it isn't the commonly held view - and all power to those who believe the wedding and celebration of marriage to be a family affair. I can understand why people have the desire to do a wedding in a traditional sense. It just isn't for us. I honestly believe that any family and friends who will be upset about us eloping would be JUST as upset if we did a wedding with everyone invited, because it still wouldn't be traditional and we'd still feel the way we do about that entitlement business. So if that's the case, why NOT have it just be the two of us, in one of the most romantic places in the entire world, and avoid all of that? If they are upset when we get back, well, I see that as their problem. Because if they really love us, then they would want us to do what makes us happy, and THIS is what makes us happy. I know some of them would have wanted to be there, but if they know us at all, then they will realize it wasn't some personal dig at them.
Since we're not into the whole traditional wedding thing, and our family and friends are spread out across an entire coast line, a reception just isn't something we care to do either. We have decided to tell our parents we're going on vacation out of the country, per the recommendations here. We will also call them and tell them we got married, but not until we get back, and probably send pictures and/or cards to everyone else to announce the marriage.
So again, thanks for the feedback and concerns, but the elopement is still on as planned. ;)