que ricardo
So, what do you do when someone you BARELY KNOW asks you to be their godparent?
A little background. Ricardo is a student in one of my 9th grade classes. He also happens to live in my neighborhood. One day the husband and I were taking a walk around the neighborhood, and he saw us and invited us to his house. We thought, sure, we'll be nice and meet the kid's parents. So we go. It's a little awkward because his parents don't speak English. But it's fine. We drink some Pepsi and eat some pig skins disguised as Cheetos.
And then things get a little weird. He comes over to our house to hang out. He gives us a bunch of Nintendo 64 emulator games and some other pirated PC games. He plays on the computer, plays guitar with Anderson, does not seem to understand numerous overt attempts to get him to leave, such as me saying "it's getting late" or me walking him to the door. He stays for hours.
He starts calling all the time, trying to get us to come over to his house or asking if he can come over to our house. We make excuses, some of them real, others not. I mean, I don't want to be mean to the kid AT ALL. But at the same time, I feel weird hanging out with a student. We don't have anything in common. And usually in the afternoon when we get home from work, we just want to relax and not have to awkwardly entertain a 14-year-old. Then another time he comes by with his mom and dad in their car. They ask if we want to go with them to the supermarket or something, and when we say no, Ricardo asks if he can stay with us while his parents go. His mom is standing right there, and I don't want to be rude, so I say yes. Another awkward couple of hours.
Then one day the doorbell wakes me up from a nap. The husband has headphones on, so he can't hear, and I poke at him to go answer it, since I'm not really dressed. But he doesn't want to because it's probably Ricardo. So we don't answer it. The doorbell rings for TWENTY MINUTES, no joke, before the kid gets the hint and leaves. I know for sure that it was him because he said he came by when I saw him at school the next day.
So it's a really awkward situation, with this kid calling and trying to hang out with us all the time, and I feel really guilty because I don't want to be mean, but I also don't want him coming over all the time.
Then on Friday, AT SCHOOL, he tells me that his baptism is coming up, and he wants to know if Anderson and I would be his godparents. I am shocked into almost not knowing what to say. This seems SO BIZARRE since I feel like I barely know the kid. I tell him I'm not Catholic, but he says it doesn't matter. I tell him we're not going to be in Honduras for very long (which apparently he didn't know), and he says that doesn't matter, we can keep in touch by email and I can give him our phone number in the States. Oh joy. I tell him, shouldn't it be someone from his family? But every reason I come up with, he has a response for. So finally I just say that I'll talk to my husband about it, because I'm weirded out but still don't want to hurt the kid's feelings by just turning him down. I hoped to have a chance to talk to one of the other teachers to ask if this was normal and what the hell I should do. But we had a staff meeting and I didn't get to.
I thought I'd have at least until Monday before I had to tell Ricardo, but on Saturday he came by with his mom to ask what we had decided about the baptism. This was one of the most uncomfortable conversations I have ever had!! I told him that we are leaving in December and he should probably ask someone who will be here, but he didn't want to. I stressed again that we're not Catholic. I told him we're not even Christian, but he said it didn't matter as long as we were married by a church. We had a Baha'i wedding, but I don't think he understood that that's not Christian. And he certainly didn't translate that part to his mom. I told him that I thought it was weird since he was my student, but he said no, we would be like friends, blah blah blah....His mom is standing there encouraging me to do it the whole time. It was SO apparent that I didn't want to do it and that I was uncomfortable with it. We would have to go to his church with our IDs and sign up and then go to some meeting and then go to the kid's baptism, and then keep in touch with him for the rest of our lives. I mean, I don't know that much about Catholicism, but I feel like a godparent is a pretty serious thing, and I wouldn't want to make that committment unless it was someone I was very close to and actually thought of as a friend or as a son or daughter. Not some kid that I barely know and will probably never see again after December.
I finally just told him no, that I wasn't comfortable with it. Then instead of giving up like a normal person, Ricardo asks if I would just do it as a favor to him. He said they need someone to do it so he can be baptised. He asks me to do it as a birthday gift to him ("since you didn't get me anything for my birthday," as though I should have). I continue to tell him no, I can't, and FINALLY he goes away, mainly because his mother made him.
So...what the hell? What does one do in a situation like this? I feel bad because I know I've hurt the kid's feelings, but I also feel completely weirded out and uncomfortable. I don't know why he doesn't take hints. I don't know why he feels like we have some sort of close relationship that doesn't actually exist.
But hey, at least I've got another funny foreign country story to tell! :)
A little background. Ricardo is a student in one of my 9th grade classes. He also happens to live in my neighborhood. One day the husband and I were taking a walk around the neighborhood, and he saw us and invited us to his house. We thought, sure, we'll be nice and meet the kid's parents. So we go. It's a little awkward because his parents don't speak English. But it's fine. We drink some Pepsi and eat some pig skins disguised as Cheetos.
And then things get a little weird. He comes over to our house to hang out. He gives us a bunch of Nintendo 64 emulator games and some other pirated PC games. He plays on the computer, plays guitar with Anderson, does not seem to understand numerous overt attempts to get him to leave, such as me saying "it's getting late" or me walking him to the door. He stays for hours.
He starts calling all the time, trying to get us to come over to his house or asking if he can come over to our house. We make excuses, some of them real, others not. I mean, I don't want to be mean to the kid AT ALL. But at the same time, I feel weird hanging out with a student. We don't have anything in common. And usually in the afternoon when we get home from work, we just want to relax and not have to awkwardly entertain a 14-year-old. Then another time he comes by with his mom and dad in their car. They ask if we want to go with them to the supermarket or something, and when we say no, Ricardo asks if he can stay with us while his parents go. His mom is standing right there, and I don't want to be rude, so I say yes. Another awkward couple of hours.
Then one day the doorbell wakes me up from a nap. The husband has headphones on, so he can't hear, and I poke at him to go answer it, since I'm not really dressed. But he doesn't want to because it's probably Ricardo. So we don't answer it. The doorbell rings for TWENTY MINUTES, no joke, before the kid gets the hint and leaves. I know for sure that it was him because he said he came by when I saw him at school the next day.
So it's a really awkward situation, with this kid calling and trying to hang out with us all the time, and I feel really guilty because I don't want to be mean, but I also don't want him coming over all the time.
Then on Friday, AT SCHOOL, he tells me that his baptism is coming up, and he wants to know if Anderson and I would be his godparents. I am shocked into almost not knowing what to say. This seems SO BIZARRE since I feel like I barely know the kid. I tell him I'm not Catholic, but he says it doesn't matter. I tell him we're not going to be in Honduras for very long (which apparently he didn't know), and he says that doesn't matter, we can keep in touch by email and I can give him our phone number in the States. Oh joy. I tell him, shouldn't it be someone from his family? But every reason I come up with, he has a response for. So finally I just say that I'll talk to my husband about it, because I'm weirded out but still don't want to hurt the kid's feelings by just turning him down. I hoped to have a chance to talk to one of the other teachers to ask if this was normal and what the hell I should do. But we had a staff meeting and I didn't get to.
I thought I'd have at least until Monday before I had to tell Ricardo, but on Saturday he came by with his mom to ask what we had decided about the baptism. This was one of the most uncomfortable conversations I have ever had!! I told him that we are leaving in December and he should probably ask someone who will be here, but he didn't want to. I stressed again that we're not Catholic. I told him we're not even Christian, but he said it didn't matter as long as we were married by a church. We had a Baha'i wedding, but I don't think he understood that that's not Christian. And he certainly didn't translate that part to his mom. I told him that I thought it was weird since he was my student, but he said no, we would be like friends, blah blah blah....His mom is standing there encouraging me to do it the whole time. It was SO apparent that I didn't want to do it and that I was uncomfortable with it. We would have to go to his church with our IDs and sign up and then go to some meeting and then go to the kid's baptism, and then keep in touch with him for the rest of our lives. I mean, I don't know that much about Catholicism, but I feel like a godparent is a pretty serious thing, and I wouldn't want to make that committment unless it was someone I was very close to and actually thought of as a friend or as a son or daughter. Not some kid that I barely know and will probably never see again after December.
I finally just told him no, that I wasn't comfortable with it. Then instead of giving up like a normal person, Ricardo asks if I would just do it as a favor to him. He said they need someone to do it so he can be baptised. He asks me to do it as a birthday gift to him ("since you didn't get me anything for my birthday," as though I should have). I continue to tell him no, I can't, and FINALLY he goes away, mainly because his mother made him.
So...what the hell? What does one do in a situation like this? I feel bad because I know I've hurt the kid's feelings, but I also feel completely weirded out and uncomfortable. I don't know why he doesn't take hints. I don't know why he feels like we have some sort of close relationship that doesn't actually exist.
But hey, at least I've got another funny foreign country story to tell! :)