Fic: Burning Bright And Fading Away
Title: Burning Bright And Fading Away
Author: wecrashcopters
Pairing: Robert Downey Jr./Jude Law
Warnings: NC-17 with sexing and swears
Disclaimer: No money being made, copyright to whoever owns it, just for fun.
Summary: AU RDJude fic. There is no light in Jude's life, but when he meets Robert Downey, he wonders if he could be the one to change that.
To get the mood of this fic I recommend listening to Twilight by Roy Todd (or not). If you like, the youtube link is: www.youtube.com/watch
as the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts
oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms~
-Mumford & Sons, Winter Winds
Jude steps out onto the balcony from the blackness of the flat (the lights nonexistent due to non-payment of certain bills) and fumbles in his jeans pocket for the pack of cigarettes (his last) that are pressing insistently against his leg. He places one is his mouth and lights it. He inhales, letting the rush of warmth travel down his throat and set his chest on fire and looks out onto the city. He spies the fancy flats with their floor to ceiling walls of glass and wonders why people have to be rich to gain the lack of privacy. Or maybe it’s just because they want to be noticed.
~
He looks down from his mighty pedestal, knowing he is so high, yet feeling so low. He sees people swarming everywhere. They move along, in packs or on their own. They move; running, strolling, dragging their feet, hurriedly manoeuvring the many cobbled streets. To Jude, they are dancing. They are dancing and they don’t even know it.
To Jude they are prancing and parading, pirouetting and performing perfect pliés. They swirl gracefully through the warmth pouring from the bars, the light cascading downwards from the streetlamps, bathing everything in a fuzzy warm glow. They expertly tango in and around their love for each other, dipping into hugs and kisses before swirling back into the fray.
Jude has never mastered any of these moves. As everyone fell into time with one another, he was left sitting at the side trying to observe, trying to catch the rhythm, but he never could. He couldn’t fall in with the moves so he decided to avoid them altogether, keeping low in the shadows so his two left feet could never be noticed. If you can’t join them, then why try to join them at all.
It was sad how close Robert had come to changing this, for he had come so very, very close.
~
Even though being social wasn’t his strong point, Jude still forced himself to go out at least once every fortnight. It gets lonely being a single homosexual man in London, and even though he didn’t fit in with the flamboyance and flare that was destined to be found in any of the gay clubs he visited, it was still nice to be out, still nice to be close to the warmth and light that other people gave off, even if he couldn’t feel it himself.
Most jaded veterans of the city sat right up front in the bright lights of the bar, silently downing shots of vodka all night. Jude couldn’t ever have done that. Being up there, with people knocking you and laughing right next to your ear all night, no, he couldn’t deal with that, couldn’t have put himself that far in the open, made himself that noticeable. He preferred to take a small glass with a double shot of whiskey into the furthest and darkest corner of the club and slowly sip away at it for the night. He never made any efforts to talk to anyone and no-one ever tried to talk to him. Occasionally some stranger (though, to Jude, everyone was a stranger) had come up to him with a smile and an overly sweet and pompous looking drink in their hand, for him, they said. It only took one shot of his cold, dead eyes to stop them in their tracks and send them swerving onto the trail of some other inhabitants of the club.
~
Jude had been going to this club, ‘The Black Panther’, for nearly 2 years before he had ever seen or even heard of Robert Downey.
Basically, one night Robert just strolls into the club. He’s wearing black hi tops, charcoal jeans which cling tight to his legs and an open leather jacket with nothing underneath, perfectly showcasing the taught muscle of his stomach and chest. The sight of Robert causes Jude’s breath to catch in the back of his throat. It’s not simply Robert’s beauty, (but, oh fuck, is he beautiful), it’s how confident he is. He strode into the club like he owned it, sizing up everyone as he went, so sure of himself. He seems so strong and he has a light that glows more than anyone else’s, it’s hard for Jude to look at Robert because he’s fucking blinding him. And Jude wonders if Robert, who’s overflowing with energy, he wonders if his light could make up for the one that Jude seems to be lacking.
Jude could never have the courage to ever catch his eye so he settles with sitting in his corner and contentedly observing Robert from afar, so it’s a pretty huge surprise when Robert snakes his way over to Jude and drawls out “I’m sure I’ve seen you around before. You’re such a pretty boy, it’s a wonder nobody has asked you to dance.” in one perfect sentence. Jude looks at him wordlessly and Robert ends up persuading him to get more drunk than he has in a very long time.
~
They end up stumbling back to Jude’s flat, and though their drunk swagger will never even compare to the elegance of everyone else’s dance, Robert’s hand is still warm on Jude’s shoulder through his thin t-shirt and his torso providing strong contact as it sags into Jude’s own. It’s never going to compare, but it may still be enough.
They stumble blindly through the door of Jude’s crappy apartment, hands hurriedly untucking shirts from trousers in their rush for that glorious feeling of hand on skin. Leaving no time for foreplay Robert sheds Jude of his trousers and swiftly stuffs a hand down Jude’s boxers.
~
Jude cannot believe it, he cannot fucking believe that here he is with the beautiful radiant Robert Downey beneath him and that he is shagging his brains out.
To Jude’s delight Robert is just as exciting in bed, seemingly putting some well known porn stars to shame with his fierce bucking and deep growls. His fingers are firmly latched onto the covers of the bed and Jude drinks in the image of him here, this purely beautiful wanton mess that he has created of the man. Robert notices and flutters his eyelashes at Jude.
It is too much for both of them and they come, Jude grunting hard and Robert almost screaming. Jude looks down and Robert is glowing in his arms, the light shooting out of him and making Jude’s flat feel like a home instead of a house for the first time since he’s moved in. He finally wants to return to this place, if he’s returning to Robert.
~
Robert is gone in the morning and heartbroken isn’t even close to the unbearable lead weight that has suddenly appeared in Jude’s chest.
He is mad at Robert for a while. He is bloody furious and kicks his shitty little bedside cabinet over and stamps on it again and again until there is nothing left of it than bent nails and infinite splinters of cheap flimsy wood. He slams his fists into the already dented plasterboard of his walls and he cries. He sobs and sobs until he cannot feel anything but the damp of tears on his face and the pull of the seeming black hole inside his chest.
In the end though, he realises why Robert didn’t stay. He realises it’s because Robert couldn’t stay. Robert is free to dance his dance; he can’t be trapped or caged. He is a force, a feeling, that has to flow and move around everyone, sharing his light with them as he goes. If he stayed with just one person, that light would simply burn out.
~
Jude flicks the butt of the cigarette out over the balcony, watching as the tiny glowing embers fall deeper and deeper down into the night. It is the light as it falls further and further out of his life.
He breathes out a final sigh, the cold night air freezing it in a wisp of smoky white and turns his back on the city.
Author: wecrashcopters
Pairing: Robert Downey Jr./Jude Law
Warnings: NC-17 with sexing and swears
Disclaimer: No money being made, copyright to whoever owns it, just for fun.
Summary: AU RDJude fic. There is no light in Jude's life, but when he meets Robert Downey, he wonders if he could be the one to change that.
To get the mood of this fic I recommend listening to Twilight by Roy Todd (or not). If you like, the youtube link is: www.youtube.com/watch
as the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts
oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms~
-Mumford & Sons, Winter Winds
Jude steps out onto the balcony from the blackness of the flat (the lights nonexistent due to non-payment of certain bills) and fumbles in his jeans pocket for the pack of cigarettes (his last) that are pressing insistently against his leg. He places one is his mouth and lights it. He inhales, letting the rush of warmth travel down his throat and set his chest on fire and looks out onto the city. He spies the fancy flats with their floor to ceiling walls of glass and wonders why people have to be rich to gain the lack of privacy. Or maybe it’s just because they want to be noticed.
~
He looks down from his mighty pedestal, knowing he is so high, yet feeling so low. He sees people swarming everywhere. They move along, in packs or on their own. They move; running, strolling, dragging their feet, hurriedly manoeuvring the many cobbled streets. To Jude, they are dancing. They are dancing and they don’t even know it.
To Jude they are prancing and parading, pirouetting and performing perfect pliés. They swirl gracefully through the warmth pouring from the bars, the light cascading downwards from the streetlamps, bathing everything in a fuzzy warm glow. They expertly tango in and around their love for each other, dipping into hugs and kisses before swirling back into the fray.
Jude has never mastered any of these moves. As everyone fell into time with one another, he was left sitting at the side trying to observe, trying to catch the rhythm, but he never could. He couldn’t fall in with the moves so he decided to avoid them altogether, keeping low in the shadows so his two left feet could never be noticed. If you can’t join them, then why try to join them at all.
It was sad how close Robert had come to changing this, for he had come so very, very close.
~
Even though being social wasn’t his strong point, Jude still forced himself to go out at least once every fortnight. It gets lonely being a single homosexual man in London, and even though he didn’t fit in with the flamboyance and flare that was destined to be found in any of the gay clubs he visited, it was still nice to be out, still nice to be close to the warmth and light that other people gave off, even if he couldn’t feel it himself.
Most jaded veterans of the city sat right up front in the bright lights of the bar, silently downing shots of vodka all night. Jude couldn’t ever have done that. Being up there, with people knocking you and laughing right next to your ear all night, no, he couldn’t deal with that, couldn’t have put himself that far in the open, made himself that noticeable. He preferred to take a small glass with a double shot of whiskey into the furthest and darkest corner of the club and slowly sip away at it for the night. He never made any efforts to talk to anyone and no-one ever tried to talk to him. Occasionally some stranger (though, to Jude, everyone was a stranger) had come up to him with a smile and an overly sweet and pompous looking drink in their hand, for him, they said. It only took one shot of his cold, dead eyes to stop them in their tracks and send them swerving onto the trail of some other inhabitants of the club.
~
Jude had been going to this club, ‘The Black Panther’, for nearly 2 years before he had ever seen or even heard of Robert Downey.
Basically, one night Robert just strolls into the club. He’s wearing black hi tops, charcoal jeans which cling tight to his legs and an open leather jacket with nothing underneath, perfectly showcasing the taught muscle of his stomach and chest. The sight of Robert causes Jude’s breath to catch in the back of his throat. It’s not simply Robert’s beauty, (but, oh fuck, is he beautiful), it’s how confident he is. He strode into the club like he owned it, sizing up everyone as he went, so sure of himself. He seems so strong and he has a light that glows more than anyone else’s, it’s hard for Jude to look at Robert because he’s fucking blinding him. And Jude wonders if Robert, who’s overflowing with energy, he wonders if his light could make up for the one that Jude seems to be lacking.
Jude could never have the courage to ever catch his eye so he settles with sitting in his corner and contentedly observing Robert from afar, so it’s a pretty huge surprise when Robert snakes his way over to Jude and drawls out “I’m sure I’ve seen you around before. You’re such a pretty boy, it’s a wonder nobody has asked you to dance.” in one perfect sentence. Jude looks at him wordlessly and Robert ends up persuading him to get more drunk than he has in a very long time.
~
They end up stumbling back to Jude’s flat, and though their drunk swagger will never even compare to the elegance of everyone else’s dance, Robert’s hand is still warm on Jude’s shoulder through his thin t-shirt and his torso providing strong contact as it sags into Jude’s own. It’s never going to compare, but it may still be enough.
They stumble blindly through the door of Jude’s crappy apartment, hands hurriedly untucking shirts from trousers in their rush for that glorious feeling of hand on skin. Leaving no time for foreplay Robert sheds Jude of his trousers and swiftly stuffs a hand down Jude’s boxers.
~
Jude cannot believe it, he cannot fucking believe that here he is with the beautiful radiant Robert Downey beneath him and that he is shagging his brains out.
To Jude’s delight Robert is just as exciting in bed, seemingly putting some well known porn stars to shame with his fierce bucking and deep growls. His fingers are firmly latched onto the covers of the bed and Jude drinks in the image of him here, this purely beautiful wanton mess that he has created of the man. Robert notices and flutters his eyelashes at Jude.
It is too much for both of them and they come, Jude grunting hard and Robert almost screaming. Jude looks down and Robert is glowing in his arms, the light shooting out of him and making Jude’s flat feel like a home instead of a house for the first time since he’s moved in. He finally wants to return to this place, if he’s returning to Robert.
~
Robert is gone in the morning and heartbroken isn’t even close to the unbearable lead weight that has suddenly appeared in Jude’s chest.
He is mad at Robert for a while. He is bloody furious and kicks his shitty little bedside cabinet over and stamps on it again and again until there is nothing left of it than bent nails and infinite splinters of cheap flimsy wood. He slams his fists into the already dented plasterboard of his walls and he cries. He sobs and sobs until he cannot feel anything but the damp of tears on his face and the pull of the seeming black hole inside his chest.
In the end though, he realises why Robert didn’t stay. He realises it’s because Robert couldn’t stay. Robert is free to dance his dance; he can’t be trapped or caged. He is a force, a feeling, that has to flow and move around everyone, sharing his light with them as he goes. If he stayed with just one person, that light would simply burn out.
~
Jude flicks the butt of the cigarette out over the balcony, watching as the tiny glowing embers fall deeper and deeper down into the night. It is the light as it falls further and further out of his life.
He breathes out a final sigh, the cold night air freezing it in a wisp of smoky white and turns his back on the city.