Last Night.

[wecaughtonfire]

 Last night was rough.
Paranoia hit me, quite out of the blue, when I turned off my lights. The darkness was overwhelming, and suddenly the usually comfortable atmosphere had me afraid to move. I was scared. Like a little girl, all over again, I thought the monsters in my closet might get me. So I put on Up, which calmed my nerves, and I told myself

Comments

[neuronic]

Darling, I know how you feel. The paranoia, laying there with your heart pounding, trying to count sheep. I had such a hard time going to bed for months, I read all this scary shit on the internet, and I just kept imagining it worse in my head, hands reaching up from under the bed to tug me down. Shadows outside my window. I couldn't sleep with the light on because it'd make it easier for them to find me, and I couldn't turn it off because I didn't want to be in the dark.

If I felt depressed, I had no problem sleeping. I wanted whatever it was to come and get me.

What helped me in the end was reading Thoreau's A Light in the Woods. Somehow it made me realize that humans are part of the natural, and the supernatural. There is no reason why anything would want to come and kill you, you are another animal, like a cat, like a bird. You're a part of nature and part of the balance. There are much worst things to fear, real things like wars, other humans.

Also, I don't know how relevant you think dream interpretation may be, but I think nightmares are your brain's pessimistic way of working through some persistent problem. Dreams about teeth are very common; they can represent our worries about how the world sees us. Spiders are 'alien' creatures, outsiders. You spitting them out might be a desire to get rid of that part of yourself.