(no subject)
I remember this one time, I got so sick that I couldn't eat anything without having my body deny me within twenty minutes. He got really mad at me that day, for some reason. I think it was that he was severely upset about Tejai trying to jump my bones while he'd been "gone," and him worrying that I'd accept the offer. Yeah, that was it. If I didn't respond fast enough, he'd text me again accusing me of things. All things considered now, it was hilarious. But my mother made me Ramen noodles that night for dinner, and I was so upset and afraid of my stomach that I cried a bunch and choked on the noodles and stopped eating after a few bites. After which I developed this miserable fear of getting sick again. But all that's fine and dandy and taken care of now and the last time I was sick enough to stay home from school he came over and sat with me, and got worried when the dog barked, and made Katie's friends be quiet <3. I don't really know where that came from, but it popped into my head this morning.
Anyway, I've been having these miserably messed up dreams, lately. They disturb me, leave me feeling tired and unsure when I wake up in the morning. Not nightmares, exactly. Just... dreams. Terrible ones. About men who feed other men to honey monsters that live in the sea. And women who head private in-board schools, with the secret wish to murder their students. They all start out good-willed; I met a few sailors who had deployed an enormous net that they taught me to stand on. And whenever they came across a half alive man stuck at the bottom of the sea, or perhaps stranded on an island swimming out to try and be saved, when those men tugged on the net, you felt it, and dragged them upward. But the dream went sour. Suddenly there were hundreds, upon hundreds of men being saved, all of them running from these things they called the honey monsters, that lived in the sea. And occasionally the captain of the ship, which had now become two ships linked together, would walk around the edges of the boat and knock men overboard, dooming them, to make room for newer passengers that needed saving. And I watched this whole thing, as a young man, following the captain around. I woke up feeling like I'd been drowning. My imagination's grabbed hold of me and is pressing me against the wall, begging with me for some sort of outlet.
What kind of outlet? There is no outlet. The wall is empty and has been for decades.
Anyway, I've been having these miserably messed up dreams, lately. They disturb me, leave me feeling tired and unsure when I wake up in the morning. Not nightmares, exactly. Just... dreams. Terrible ones. About men who feed other men to honey monsters that live in the sea. And women who head private in-board schools, with the secret wish to murder their students. They all start out good-willed; I met a few sailors who had deployed an enormous net that they taught me to stand on. And whenever they came across a half alive man stuck at the bottom of the sea, or perhaps stranded on an island swimming out to try and be saved, when those men tugged on the net, you felt it, and dragged them upward. But the dream went sour. Suddenly there were hundreds, upon hundreds of men being saved, all of them running from these things they called the honey monsters, that lived in the sea. And occasionally the captain of the ship, which had now become two ships linked together, would walk around the edges of the boat and knock men overboard, dooming them, to make room for newer passengers that needed saving. And I watched this whole thing, as a young man, following the captain around. I woke up feeling like I'd been drowning. My imagination's grabbed hold of me and is pressing me against the wall, begging with me for some sort of outlet.
What kind of outlet? There is no outlet. The wall is empty and has been for decades.