sigh...falling into another state of loneliness and depression...great...
Today was going ok...home alone, as usual...looking for something to eat, found something...decided to read a few things, which brought back terrible memories and made me realize that Im a terrible friend, person, human, etc. This week was good, until today...where I decided to delve into the past, and stir up bad memories...how stupid of me! WHY?!?!?! Why does life have to pull you back under after letting you breath, just a little? Sigh...this is just another depressing, pointless entry which noone will care to read or think upon. Its just me rambling on how depressing things can be in an instant. I feel so selfish and cold, so empty and black inside. Why do I have to such a bitch to ppl, especially those that I like being around? I dont mean to be, maybe its a defense mechanism... hurt them before they hurt me? sigh...I dont know...this is making things worse...grr....Im so fucked up right now....god damn feelings and moods, always changing... for once, I enjoyed being happy...and then comes along a fucking bump in the damn road, and I get a flat tire. sigh...I feel like crying, even that would be considered "EMO", fuck that shit! But, I cant even do that...I have no tears to cry...Im uncapable of properly showing how I feel...:( Im just sorry for everything that Ive ever done...I need a bloody drink...and I dont even drink... sigh...hmmm...pills...neh...not today...I have too much to do right now. meow...I think Im gonna go...theres nothing else to say, like it really matters... I just want to apologize for my existence, and for being a fucking burden to everyone I know...Im sorry if I stop talking to you or cut you completely out of my life...I am just used to being alone...dont be offended, Im just a fucking moron for doing such ignorant things...I apologize for everything and anything that I have done and will do unintentionally...(dammit, I cant kill myself...I made a damn promise...sigh...)... Im just sorry...