fannish ramblings and sherlock holmes crackfic
First things first: For some bizarre, inexplicable reason, I cannot unsee Ke$ha's "Your Love Is My Drug" as a Canada/America song, negl. It's just so...I don't even know. Listening to it certainly made RPing Matthew this morning more entertaining. ffff Matthew came to visit Alfred in NYC, and Alfred was waiting for him with the transportation people, and he made a sign that said 'My heart belongs to a Jones' alsjkfglhgjkhg so cute why so cute. Gah, I love my Alfred. :D
Canada totally sings this shit at the top of his lungs. WHAT YOU GOT BOY IS HARD TO FIND, I THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME, I'M ALL STRUNG OUT MY HEART IS FRIED, I JUST CAN'T GET YOU OFF MY MIND. BECAUSE YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUUUG. ... SO I GOT A QUESTION, DO YOU WANNA HAVE A SLUMBER PARTY IN MY BASEMENT?
Um, anyway... on to that Sherlock Holmes crackfic mentioned in the title of this post.
Okay, seriously, this was written ages ago when I was still active in the Holmes fandom, and it was probably the result of a ridiculous 2am conversation.
Title: The Lovesong of Dr. John Watson
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes
Pairing: Holmes/Watson
Summary: Watson professes his love for Holmes...in cracktastic rhyme!
Warnings: CRACK. Oh, and possible epic lulz. Some language.
Disclaimer: I don't own Sherlock Holmes; that's all Conan Doyle, js.
Notes: Whatever.
I WOULD LIKE TO EAT A MINCE PIE, CAUSE HOLMES IS LOOKIN MIGHTY FLY, IF THIS GOES ON I'LL NOT SURVIVE, I NEED HIS DICK IN ME TO THRIVE
YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND INDEED, IF YOU COULD NOT DESIRE FEED, WITH HOLMES SO NEAR AND YET SO FAR, SITTING IN THE FREIGHT TRAIN CAR
I'LL TAKE HIM OVER MY GOOD KNEE, GIVE HIM THE PUNISHMENT HE SEEKS, FOR BEING SUCH A ROYAL TEASE, NOT LETTING ME MY HUNGER EASE
AT LONG LAST ON HIS COCK I SIT, WONDERING HOW IT ALL FIT, I BITE MY TONGUE TO CHECK MY MOANS, HOW GLAD I AM SHERLOCK TO OWN
EACH DAY A BRAND NEW ESCAPADE, SORENESS IT HAS YET TO FADE, STILL MORE I WANT AND MORE WILL GET, TIL HOLMES IS ALL IN PASSION SPENT.
MY DESIRE I WILL SATE, THOUGH THE HOUR IT GROWS LATE, AND CASES ALL REMAIN UNSOLVED, FOR HOLMES AND I ARE SO INVOLVED, WE HAVEN'T TIME FOR OTHER THINGS, MY HEART WITHIN MY CHEST - IT SINGS! WHEN HOLMES INSIDE ME SO DOES PUSH, MY MIND TURNS PROMPTLY INTO MUSH.
LESTRADE HE WONDERS WHAT IS WRONG, WHY WE ARE ABSENT FOR SO LONG, HOLMES JUST SMILES IN THAT WAY, WHICH ALWAYS MAKES ME WANT TO SAY, PLEASE SHERLOCK DO IT ALL AGAIN, FROM YOUR LOVE I CAN'T ABSTAIN.
OFTEN I FEEL INSECURE, OF HIS LOVE I AM NOT SURE, AND SO I ASK HIM OVER TEA, DO YOU TRULY FANCY ME? AND HE SAYS - OF COURSE, THERE COULD BE NOTHING WORSE, THAN LOSING YOU MY DEAREST FRIEND, IT WOULD MY SOUL IN TWO HALVES REND
AND I AM THUS REASSURED, MY CONFUSION ALL BUT CURED, AND ONCE AGAIN HIM I DO WANT, YES OH YES - AS IS MY WONT, I SEDUCE HIM IN THE CARRIAGE, THINKING DAMN IT ALL, THIS BLOODY MARRIAGE! NOTHING COULD EVER REPLACE, MY REACTION TO HIS FACE, HIS VOICE, HIS HANDS, HIS DEVINE MEMBER, WHICH LIGHTS WITHIN ME THAT HOT EMBER
THE LIGHTS ARE DIMM'D AND WE'RE TOGETHER, DEAR GOD I HOPE THIS LASTS FOREVER, WHEN I AM IN HIS ARMS ENTWINED, NO BETTER LOVE I HOPE TO FIND, HE IS MY SOULMATE AND COMPLETION, OF BUILD AND STATURE TRULY GRECIAN
THE MORNING IT DAWNS BRIGHT AND COLD, I WAKE HIM UP WITH KISSES BOLD, FROM SLEEP PASSION IS QUICKLY WROUGHT, OUR JOINT NEED TO THE SURFACE BROUGHT
AT NOON WE HAVE LESTRADE TO MEET, I STUMBLE ON UNSTEADY FEET, REMEMBERING MY MORNING SPENT, IN TWO BY OUR LOVEMAKING BENT, MADE HARD UNDER HIS MINISTRATIONS, OH, SUCH EROTIC MACHINATIONS!
ONCE I AM CAUGHT BY THE INSPECTOR, REMOVING HOLMES'S CHEST PROTECTOR, [bullet proof vest y/y?] MY MOTIVES INNOCENT I SWEAR, YET WISH HOLMES FEWER CLOTHES WOULD WEAR
I HAVE FOR LONG YEARS KNOWN THE TRUTH: SINCE MEETING SHERLOCK IN MY YOUTH--MY CURIOSITY AROUSED--I ALSO DEEPER FEELINGS HOUSED
MY DENIAL AND SHAME LED, TO TAKING MARY IN HIS STEAD, BUT THE CHARADE COULD NOT GO ON, MY INSTINCTS I ACTED UPON
HOLMES RECEIVED ME WITH SURPRISE, AND HID HIS OWN LUST IN HIS EYES, WHEN MY OVERTURE WAS MADE, HIS APPREHENSIONS THEY DID FADE
MORE THAN HIS BODY I DID WANT, THOUGH HE DID CHARMINGLY FLAUNT, HIS GOODS BEFORE MY DAZZLED GAZE, AND MY LIBIDO HE AMAZED
OUR LOVE WE DID CONSUMMATE, THAT FIRST NIGHT WITH NO GREAT HASTE, AND I FELT A PROFOUND BLISS, WHEN FINALLY WE DID KISS
THE NEXT DAY I TRIED TO HIDE, THE EVIDENCE OF LAST NIGHT'S RIDE, BUT MRS. HUDSON'S SHARP EYES SAW, THAT MY COMPOSURE WAS QUITE FLAWED
FROM SCOTLAND YARD I HID THE FACT, THAT MY POKERFACE WAS CRACKED, WHEN WE WERE GIVEN A NEW CASE, I ENDEAVORED TO ERASE, THE SMILE FROM MY COUNTENANCE
LONDON'S FINEST COULD NOT SEE, THAT SHERLOCK HOLMES WAS SHAGGING ME, AND I REVELED IN MY LUCK, FOR OUR SECRET I HAD SNUCK
WE WERE SEATED IN THE HANSOM, AND HOLMES DID APPEAR QUITE HANDSOME, I SIMPLY COULD NOT RESIST, DRAWING HIM CLOSER BY THE WRIST, AND WHISPERING INTO HIS EAR, "YOU ARE THE ONE I HOLD MOST DEAR"
HE SMIRKED AT MY BESOTTED WORDS, AND SAID (OVER THE CHIRPING OF THE BIRDS), "DEAR ME, IT SEEMS WE HAVE ARRIVED, I DARESAY YOU FEEL QUITE DEPRIVED"
I COULD NEVER AGREE MORE, THE CASE WAS A TRIFLING BORE, HOLMES QUICKLY FOUND US A SOLUTION, WHICH BROUGHT SUSPECTS TO PROSECUTION
IN THE AFTERMATH HE SAID, "I HAVE SUCH MOODSWINGS IN MY HEAD," AND KISSED ME FULLY ON THE MOUTH, CAUSING REACTIONS DOWN SOUTH
ALL THIS EXCESS ADRENALINE, TOOK HIM BOXING IN THE RING, AND HE DEFEATED HIS OPPONENT, IN A SINGLE, GLORIOUS MOMENT
ALL HIS INJURIES I TREATED, IN A WAY THAT MADE HIM HEATED, ACROSS THE ROOM THUS FLEW OUR CLOTHES, (BUT WE HARDLY NEEDED THOSE)
HE EXPLAINED HIS CURRENT STATE, AS CAUSED BY MY DOCTORLY TRAITS, AND WITH TOUCHES HOT AS FIRE, HE KINDLED MY OWN DESIRE
I HELD THE ONE THAT I ADORE, AS I MAPPED LIKE AN EXPLORER, THE TERRAIN OF HOLMES'S SKIN, HIS CONTROL SOON WEARING THIN
HIS SCARS I TOUCHED AND CURVES CARESSED, I DO WHOLEHEARTEDLY CONFESS, I LOVED HIS FLESH AS IF IT WERE MY OWN, WITH REVERENCE AND CARING SHOWN.
AND THAT INTERMINABLE NIGHT, REMAINS AFFIXED IN MY MIND'S SIGHT, AS THE BEST MEMORY OF MY LIFE, DESPITE OUR DISCORD AND STRIFE
Canada totally sings this shit at the top of his lungs. WHAT YOU GOT BOY IS HARD TO FIND, I THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME, I'M ALL STRUNG OUT MY HEART IS FRIED, I JUST CAN'T GET YOU OFF MY MIND. BECAUSE YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUUUG. ... SO I GOT A QUESTION, DO YOU WANNA HAVE A SLUMBER PARTY IN MY BASEMENT?
Um, anyway... on to that Sherlock Holmes crackfic mentioned in the title of this post.
Okay, seriously, this was written ages ago when I was still active in the Holmes fandom, and it was probably the result of a ridiculous 2am conversation.
Title: The Lovesong of Dr. John Watson
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes
Pairing: Holmes/Watson
Summary: Watson professes his love for Holmes...in cracktastic rhyme!
Warnings: CRACK. Oh, and possible epic lulz. Some language.
Disclaimer: I don't own Sherlock Holmes; that's all Conan Doyle, js.
Notes: Whatever.
I WOULD LIKE TO EAT A MINCE PIE, CAUSE HOLMES IS LOOKIN MIGHTY FLY, IF THIS GOES ON I'LL NOT SURVIVE, I NEED HIS DICK IN ME TO THRIVE
YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND INDEED, IF YOU COULD NOT DESIRE FEED, WITH HOLMES SO NEAR AND YET SO FAR, SITTING IN THE FREIGHT TRAIN CAR
I'LL TAKE HIM OVER MY GOOD KNEE, GIVE HIM THE PUNISHMENT HE SEEKS, FOR BEING SUCH A ROYAL TEASE, NOT LETTING ME MY HUNGER EASE
AT LONG LAST ON HIS COCK I SIT, WONDERING HOW IT ALL FIT, I BITE MY TONGUE TO CHECK MY MOANS, HOW GLAD I AM SHERLOCK TO OWN
EACH DAY A BRAND NEW ESCAPADE, SORENESS IT HAS YET TO FADE, STILL MORE I WANT AND MORE WILL GET, TIL HOLMES IS ALL IN PASSION SPENT.
MY DESIRE I WILL SATE, THOUGH THE HOUR IT GROWS LATE, AND CASES ALL REMAIN UNSOLVED, FOR HOLMES AND I ARE SO INVOLVED, WE HAVEN'T TIME FOR OTHER THINGS, MY HEART WITHIN MY CHEST - IT SINGS! WHEN HOLMES INSIDE ME SO DOES PUSH, MY MIND TURNS PROMPTLY INTO MUSH.
LESTRADE HE WONDERS WHAT IS WRONG, WHY WE ARE ABSENT FOR SO LONG, HOLMES JUST SMILES IN THAT WAY, WHICH ALWAYS MAKES ME WANT TO SAY, PLEASE SHERLOCK DO IT ALL AGAIN, FROM YOUR LOVE I CAN'T ABSTAIN.
OFTEN I FEEL INSECURE, OF HIS LOVE I AM NOT SURE, AND SO I ASK HIM OVER TEA, DO YOU TRULY FANCY ME? AND HE SAYS - OF COURSE, THERE COULD BE NOTHING WORSE, THAN LOSING YOU MY DEAREST FRIEND, IT WOULD MY SOUL IN TWO HALVES REND
AND I AM THUS REASSURED, MY CONFUSION ALL BUT CURED, AND ONCE AGAIN HIM I DO WANT, YES OH YES - AS IS MY WONT, I SEDUCE HIM IN THE CARRIAGE, THINKING DAMN IT ALL, THIS BLOODY MARRIAGE! NOTHING COULD EVER REPLACE, MY REACTION TO HIS FACE, HIS VOICE, HIS HANDS, HIS DEVINE MEMBER, WHICH LIGHTS WITHIN ME THAT HOT EMBER
THE LIGHTS ARE DIMM'D AND WE'RE TOGETHER, DEAR GOD I HOPE THIS LASTS FOREVER, WHEN I AM IN HIS ARMS ENTWINED, NO BETTER LOVE I HOPE TO FIND, HE IS MY SOULMATE AND COMPLETION, OF BUILD AND STATURE TRULY GRECIAN
THE MORNING IT DAWNS BRIGHT AND COLD, I WAKE HIM UP WITH KISSES BOLD, FROM SLEEP PASSION IS QUICKLY WROUGHT, OUR JOINT NEED TO THE SURFACE BROUGHT
AT NOON WE HAVE LESTRADE TO MEET, I STUMBLE ON UNSTEADY FEET, REMEMBERING MY MORNING SPENT, IN TWO BY OUR LOVEMAKING BENT, MADE HARD UNDER HIS MINISTRATIONS, OH, SUCH EROTIC MACHINATIONS!
ONCE I AM CAUGHT BY THE INSPECTOR, REMOVING HOLMES'S CHEST PROTECTOR, [bullet proof vest y/y?] MY MOTIVES INNOCENT I SWEAR, YET WISH HOLMES FEWER CLOTHES WOULD WEAR
I HAVE FOR LONG YEARS KNOWN THE TRUTH: SINCE MEETING SHERLOCK IN MY YOUTH--MY CURIOSITY AROUSED--I ALSO DEEPER FEELINGS HOUSED
MY DENIAL AND SHAME LED, TO TAKING MARY IN HIS STEAD, BUT THE CHARADE COULD NOT GO ON, MY INSTINCTS I ACTED UPON
HOLMES RECEIVED ME WITH SURPRISE, AND HID HIS OWN LUST IN HIS EYES, WHEN MY OVERTURE WAS MADE, HIS APPREHENSIONS THEY DID FADE
MORE THAN HIS BODY I DID WANT, THOUGH HE DID CHARMINGLY FLAUNT, HIS GOODS BEFORE MY DAZZLED GAZE, AND MY LIBIDO HE AMAZED
OUR LOVE WE DID CONSUMMATE, THAT FIRST NIGHT WITH NO GREAT HASTE, AND I FELT A PROFOUND BLISS, WHEN FINALLY WE DID KISS
THE NEXT DAY I TRIED TO HIDE, THE EVIDENCE OF LAST NIGHT'S RIDE, BUT MRS. HUDSON'S SHARP EYES SAW, THAT MY COMPOSURE WAS QUITE FLAWED
FROM SCOTLAND YARD I HID THE FACT, THAT MY POKERFACE WAS CRACKED, WHEN WE WERE GIVEN A NEW CASE, I ENDEAVORED TO ERASE, THE SMILE FROM MY COUNTENANCE
LONDON'S FINEST COULD NOT SEE, THAT SHERLOCK HOLMES WAS SHAGGING ME, AND I REVELED IN MY LUCK, FOR OUR SECRET I HAD SNUCK
WE WERE SEATED IN THE HANSOM, AND HOLMES DID APPEAR QUITE HANDSOME, I SIMPLY COULD NOT RESIST, DRAWING HIM CLOSER BY THE WRIST, AND WHISPERING INTO HIS EAR, "YOU ARE THE ONE I HOLD MOST DEAR"
HE SMIRKED AT MY BESOTTED WORDS, AND SAID (OVER THE CHIRPING OF THE BIRDS), "DEAR ME, IT SEEMS WE HAVE ARRIVED, I DARESAY YOU FEEL QUITE DEPRIVED"
I COULD NEVER AGREE MORE, THE CASE WAS A TRIFLING BORE, HOLMES QUICKLY FOUND US A SOLUTION, WHICH BROUGHT SUSPECTS TO PROSECUTION
IN THE AFTERMATH HE SAID, "I HAVE SUCH MOODSWINGS IN MY HEAD," AND KISSED ME FULLY ON THE MOUTH, CAUSING REACTIONS DOWN SOUTH
ALL THIS EXCESS ADRENALINE, TOOK HIM BOXING IN THE RING, AND HE DEFEATED HIS OPPONENT, IN A SINGLE, GLORIOUS MOMENT
ALL HIS INJURIES I TREATED, IN A WAY THAT MADE HIM HEATED, ACROSS THE ROOM THUS FLEW OUR CLOTHES, (BUT WE HARDLY NEEDED THOSE)
HE EXPLAINED HIS CURRENT STATE, AS CAUSED BY MY DOCTORLY TRAITS, AND WITH TOUCHES HOT AS FIRE, HE KINDLED MY OWN DESIRE
I HELD THE ONE THAT I ADORE, AS I MAPPED LIKE AN EXPLORER, THE TERRAIN OF HOLMES'S SKIN, HIS CONTROL SOON WEARING THIN
HIS SCARS I TOUCHED AND CURVES CARESSED, I DO WHOLEHEARTEDLY CONFESS, I LOVED HIS FLESH AS IF IT WERE MY OWN, WITH REVERENCE AND CARING SHOWN.
AND THAT INTERMINABLE NIGHT, REMAINS AFFIXED IN MY MIND'S SIGHT, AS THE BEST MEMORY OF MY LIFE, DESPITE OUR DISCORD AND STRIFE